Too anxious to meet my friends

My friends and I are planning to meet outside sometime when it’s sunny and I’m extremely nervous. They've been asking me to come to the pub soon even though I keep telling them I’m not ready because they know my dad is at risk. Today, my friend told me that I need to come “very very soon” (they went last night and supposedly had a good time.) It’s made me even more anxious to meet them because I know the topic is going to come up. It sounds pathetic but I’ve been rehearsing what I’m going to say because I’m so nervous. I know what they’re like, they’re going to spend half the day trying to convince me to come out and I’m going to have to explain why I don’t feel ready yet for the millionth time. I feel like I might just start crying. Even worse, I might come across as rude/passive aggressive, which I really don’t want to do.

My anxiety has gotten a lot worse during lockdown. I feel like I don’t know how speak to people/function socially anymore. I keep imagining all of the most awkward scenarios possible - that I’ll say something stupid and my friends will laugh or I’ll say something mean and they’ll get upset. As boring as staying in the house is, I get an awful feeling in my chest when I think of going out. I’m well aware that I’ll have to start eventually but it’s a scary feeling when your only parent is at risk (my mum passed away.)

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

If your friends are truly good friends, they should understand how you’re feeling. If you don’t feel comfortable going out yet then don’t and try not to feel bad about it. Maybe there is something else you would feel comfortable doing like meeting them in a park or someone’s garden? When you feel a bit more comfortable with going out start smaller, meeting one friend outside and ease yourself into it at a speed you feel okay with. If you do decide to meet up, speak to them, tell them how you’re feeling and if you don’t like it, go home. I know it’s easier said than done but if you do you will feel sooooo much better. Try not to worry about saying the wrong thing to your friends, like I said if they truly are great friends they will understand how you are feeling.
I hope you feel better about it soon and I hope this helped in some way :smile:

Reply 2

Pathway

20

If your friends won't accept your concerns about your dad and your refusal to see them, then don't worry. That's their issue. They perhaps don't get how scary it is to have someone who is at risk in the household.

Are you getting any support for your anxiety?

Reply 3

username5093032

OP

13

Original post by Anonymous

If your friends are truly good friends, they should understand how you’re feeling. If you don’t feel comfortable going out yet then don’t and try not to feel bad about it. Maybe there is something else you would feel comfortable doing like meeting them in a park or someone’s garden? When you feel a bit more comfortable with going out start smaller, meeting one friend outside and ease yourself into it at a speed you feel okay with. If you do decide to meet up, speak to them, tell them how you’re feeling and if you don’t like it, go home. I know it’s easier said than done but if you do you will feel sooooo much better. Try not to worry about saying the wrong thing to your friends, like I said if they truly are great friends they will understand how you are feeling.
I hope you feel better about it soon and I hope this helped in some way :smile:

Thanks for your advice. They keep saying that they understand but then shortly after they’ll ask me out again - so it’s obvious that they don’t understand. But I’m meeting them in an open space so I won’t feel as anxious.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 4

username5093032

OP

13

Original post by Pathway

If your friends won't accept your concerns about your dad and your refusal to see them, then don't worry. That's their issue. They perhaps don't get how scary it is to have someone who is at risk in the household.

Are you getting any support for your anxiety?

Thanks for your advice. They keep saying they understand but then they’ll ask me out again, so I don’t think they truly get it. They don’t have at-risk family members so they don’t know what it feels like. And no, I’m not getting any support for my anxiety. I used to go to counselling but I stopped a while ago.

Reply 5

Pathway

20

Original post by camcole44

Thanks for your advice. They keep saying they understand but then they’ll ask me out again, so I don’t think they truly get it. They don’t have at-risk family members so they don’t know what it feels like. And no, I’m not getting any support for my anxiety. I used to go to counselling but I stopped a while ago.

It is difficult. When the rules were more stringent my brother didn't understand it (I'm in the shielding category). Some people just won't get it. But you have to do what you believe is right. If them asking you to hang out with them is causing you anxiety, then it's best to tell them.

I'd also encourage you to speak to your GP again about the anxiety and get some current support in place so you can manage better.

Too anxious to meet my friends

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