Best friend now major loser, contacts me

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ninjacaty
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#1
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Hey there So, I had a best friend since kindergarden. We were friends from age 4 - 14, so 10 years.
We always had each other, other people came and went.
I moved at age 14 and although I wanted to stay in contact, he just cut off all communication. I tried to write with him for the next 2 - 3 years but he was distant so I let it be.
The last few years he contacted me in totally random intervals. Last time was August 2019, then a break for 1 year and now he contacted me again, saying the time with me was the best he ever had, he misses me, he wished we had stayed in contact. In the past, everybody said he was totally in love with me and honestly, I think it’s true. I also liked him later on but we were very young.
Now he’s 20, a teen dad (has a kid since 2017/18 with a girlfriend, has no job, didn’t finish school and is kind of a loser tbh). Tells me he wants to move in with girlfriend and kid.

And I’m just wondering wtf. Why the hell is he contacting me. We had another best friend since 2008, but he has no contact with her anymore (although she didn’t move). And since I moved in 2014, 6 years have passed. What the hell is this even normal?
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becausethenight
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He's the only one who knows why he's contacted you - it does seem a bit out of the blue.

You can just ignore it, or tell him politely that you're not interested in getting back in touch?
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999tigger
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(Original post by ninjacaty)
Hey there So, I had a best friend since kindergarden. We were friends from age 4 - 14, so 10 years.
We always had each other, other people came and went.
I moved at age 14 and although I wanted to stay in contact, he just cut off all communication. I tried to write with him for the next 2 - 3 years but he was distant so I let it be.
The last few years he contacted me in totally random intervals. Last time was August 2019, then a break for 1 year and now he contacted me again, saying the time with me was the best he ever had, he misses me, he wished we had stayed in contact. In the past, everybody said he was totally in love with me and honestly, I think it’s true. I also liked him later on but we were very young.
Now he’s 20, a teen dad (has a kid since 2017/18 with a girlfriend, has no job, didn’t finish school and is kind of a loser tbh). Tells me he wants to move in with girlfriend and kid.

And I’m just wondering wtf. Why the hell is he contacting me. We had another best friend since 2008, but he has no contact with her anymore (although she didn’t move). And since I moved in 2014, 6 years have passed. What the hell is this even normal?
Is it worth the effort to dwell on or try and make sense of? People have sketchy memories. Be friends, dont be friends , keep him at arms length, you decide. Just dont waste time on it.
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ninjacaty
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(Original post by 999tigger)
Is it worth the effort to dwell on or try and make sense of? People have sketchy memories. Be friends, dont be friends , keep him at arms length, you decide. Just dont waste time on it.
True. I have to admit that I’m really disappointed because he was really different in the past (wanted to study, so something with his life) and yes, I was kind of ‚in love‘ with him and never since had a relationship that was quite as deep. So it kind of hurts that he contacts me, practically telling me he misses me and can’t stop thinking about it (literally these words), although he has a girlfriend and a kid now. I mean, what kind of person does that. It’s disgusting.
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vix.xvi
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just be nice to him
thats it...dont dwell abt it too much i doubt it means muchc
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LightLucifer
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(Original post by ninjacaty)
Hey there So, I had a best friend since kindergarden. We were friends from age 4 - 14, so 10 years.
We always had each other, other people came and went.
I moved at age 14 and although I wanted to stay in contact, he just cut off all communication. I tried to write with him for the next 2 - 3 years but he was distant so I let it be.
The last few years he contacted me in totally random intervals. Last time was August 2019, then a break for 1 year and now he contacted me again, saying the time with me was the best he ever had, he misses me, he wished we had stayed in contact. In the past, everybody said he was totally in love with me and honestly, I think it’s true. I also liked him later on but we were very young.
Now he’s 20, a teen dad (has a kid since 2017/18 with a girlfriend, has no job, didn’t finish school and is kind of a loser tbh). Tells me he wants to move in with girlfriend and kid.

And I’m just wondering wtf. Why the hell is he contacting me. We had another best friend since 2008, but he has no contact with her anymore (although she didn’t move). And since I moved in 2014, 6 years have passed. What the hell is this even normal?
He contacted you because he isnt successful and has no chances of making new friends.
He might want to use you.

but if you get along, go ahead and resume the relationship.
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999tigger
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(Original post by ninjacaty)
True. I have to admit that I’m really disappointed because he was really different in the past (wanted to study, so something with his life) and yes, I was kind of ‚in love‘ with him and never since had a relationship that was quite as deep. So it kind of hurts that he contacts me, practically telling me he misses me and can’t stop thinking about it (literally these words), although he has a girlfriend and a kid now. I mean, what kind of person does that. It’s disgusting.
I think you are being a bit harsh and unkind on him.

Sometimes in life you will find people are weak and have failings, being mean to them isnt always the way.
He has lost his way, if he was ever a friend then maybe just wish him well but not for you.

Call him a loser all you want but life has a way of biting you in the bum. Move on to your new life.
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FingersXedAgain
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Don’t assume he wants a romantic relationship but it’s a possibility. However, as his friend, you cannot be mad that he’s screwed up a little with life. You are both young and he might grow into something.

However, if he’s looking for a bit of fun based on some passer memories (aka a fling) then cut all contact and move on.
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ninjacaty
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(Original post by LightLucifer)
He contacted you because he isnt successful and has no chances of making new friends.
He might want to use you.

but if you get along, go ahead and resume the relationship.
I really don’t know what you mean by using me. I don’t have feelings for him anymore and academically speaking, we are on Totally different levels and interests. And we live far away from each other
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ninjacaty
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(Original post by 999tigger)
I think you are being a bit harsh and unkind on him.

Sometimes in life you will find people are weak and have failings, being mean to them isnt always the way.
He has lost his way, if he was ever a friend then maybe just wish him well but not for you.

Call him a loser all you want but life has a way of biting you in the bum. Move on to your new life.
I’m calling him a loser not because I’m mean but because he has a girlfriend that she should be speaking to instead of me. And, I wanted to stay in contact at the beginning and it’s kind of ironic atm.
Whatever, I’ll probably just have to forget it somehow and move on
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LightLucifer
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(Original post by ninjacaty)
I really don’t know what you mean by using me. I don’t have feelings for him anymore and academically speaking, we are on Totally different levels and interests. And we live far away from each other
using you financially, maybe academically or even sexually?
If you don't have feelings for him and do not have any common interests anymore

then it is up to you, do you want to be polite and communicate with him or do you want to cut him off ? It is entirely your decision.
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Gavin2016
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I would steer clear, if he's knocked up one girl then he could do easily do so with you and then move on again. He's responsibility should be with his girlfriend and child now, tell him that. Tell him you have no hard feelings and cut contact with him. You need a single unattached guy who is responsible not a guy who has nothing to lose in playing around and messing up others lives. He could still have a good life with his girlfriend and child but if he sees an easy out my guess is that he will take it, again and again.
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ninjacaty
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(Original post by Gavin2016)
I would steer clear, if he's knocked up one girl then he could do easily do so with you and then move on again. He's responsibility should be with his girlfriend and child now, tell him that. Tell him you have no hard feelings and cut contact with him. You need a single unattached guy who is responsible not a guy who has nothing to lose in playing around and messing up others lives. He could still have a good life with his girlfriend and child but if he sees an easy out my guess is that he will take it, again and again.
Well, duh. Obviously I don´t want anything to do with him romantically haha.
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FingersXedAgain
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I think it’s presumptuous that he’s even interested in you romantically. He might just want to talk to you because it reminds him of happier times. When you are young, everyone assumes male female relationships are romantic (at least for one party) but I have lots of male friends and literally none later became romantic. So it’s a big assumption that he wants you for more than some platonic company while he’s going through a tough time.
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