Boyfriend called me slutty?

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Anonymous #8
#81
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#81
(Original post by Anonymous)
He's allowed to voice his opinion, if he wants to date people who beleive sex is only for people who are serious, that's his own opinion. He was horrible about it but he Is allowed to morally disagree. Again I agree he was horrible about what he said just saying he's allowed to disagree
Then he should break up with her instead of verbally abusing her, he’s an actual ****head. If someone does not have the same morals as you and they don’t affect you in any way, you don’t verbally attack them, you walk away and that’s what he should’ve done, he’s not obligated to stay in a relationship where he doesn’t agree on the littlest minor things than he shouldn’t be in one, simple.
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Anonymous #1
#82
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#82
(Original post by Wired_1800)
You are the best of us, mate.

In practice, there are some guys who would have done that and then gotten upset.
I only dated that guy because he reminded me of my bf. I was so lonely and miserable after he left. I also knew he was with someone and that broke me. For 4 years, I was broken hearted and then I don't know but I developed a slight crush on this guy who worked at a shop. This guy while smaller than my bf in frame, reminded me so much of him as he looked similar to him. He took interest in me and somehow I gave I as I was totally broken.
We later realised we were different and had different life paths but I saw my bf in him.

I told him this. Only then he calmed down. I also wrote it that every single guy I was drawn to after my bf left in 2018, was eerily similar looking to him.
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Wired_1800
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#83
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#83
(Original post by canyoustopthat)
Our conversations have gone way beyond “how many people have you slept with” actually, but again I’m not about to disclose that kind of conversation or info online.

Plenty of misogynists and abusers stick around - that doesn’t mean they care or that they’re good people with good intentions, or that what he did made sense.

Why are you so convinced that my boyfriend secretly thinks of me as a slut?Why are you so convinced every man thinks of their girlfriend as a slut on some level?Why do you (presumably) date women if you’re prepared to think so low of them at the nearest opportunity?Why do you want my own partner to hate me so badly?Why do you have such little faith in other men?No one is asking men to jump for joy over hearing intimate details, just don’t behave like a man child. Me & my partner have discussed attitudes like yours towards women many a time and how ridiculous they are, and how you never apply the same standards to yourself. Behaving like a petulant child over discovering your partners sex life isn’t normal or rational and you can’t blame outrageous actions on simply being a man.

oh, and if you believe men are innately wired to think women are sluts and are a moment away from descending into misogyny and rage fits, you lose all right to ever complain about women painting you all with the same brush or saying “all men are xyz”. You’re the one pushing the idea that you’re all inherently misogynistic.
You need to test your hypothesis. If you have already done that then kudos. If you haven't then that is up to you.

I am not convinced that your partner thinks of you in that way nor do i think men, in general, do that as well. I have to repeat again and again that the OP’s bf was OTT. My point was that his reaction would be consistent with how some men would react.

To the rest of your post, you have escalated this beyond the boundaries of this thread.
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Anonymous #1
#84
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#84
(Original post by canyoustopthat)
Ding ding ding!

They really are just infuriated by the idea of women enjoying sex and enthusiastically participating in it!

Imagine being enraged by the fact your partner had a healthy sex life before you!I would be so upset if I dated someone who told me that up until me they’d hated sex and never enjoyed it and found it miserable. Like, spare me the details unless I ask for them but I hope everyone who has a sex life is out there giving enthusiastic consent and enjoying themselves, and I hope to god the ladies aren’t out there having sex with men who view them as cheap sluts for enjoying it.

lol, I rarely come on TSR unless I need to ask something, but saw this question on the home page. I’m glad I commented on it and I hope OP leaves her boyfriend and pays no mind to the people telling her this is normal and means he cares.
I won't leave him. I saw him in the guy I dated. After 4 long years, I finally have him in my life. I can't. My emotional attachment is too strong for him.
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jwinoliver
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#85
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#85
(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend recently found out that I had a short term fling with a guy who worked at a nearby store. The fling was mostly sexual in nature and I did it as I was lonely and miserable. In those times, I found this guy and we started meeting up which ultimately led to intense sexual sessions as he was really into me....
You need to leave him. He invaded your privacy by reading your diary, and him becoming angry at you over this is ridiculously unfair. This is a MASSIVE red flag - please don't continue with this relationship.
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Anonymous #1
#86
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#86
(Original post by jwinoliver)
You need to leave him. He invaded your privacy by reading your diary, and him becoming angry at you over this is ridiculously unfair. This is a MASSIVE red flag - please don't continue with this relationship.
(Original post by Anonymous)
I won't leave him. I saw him in the guy I dated. After 4 long years, I finally have him in my life. I can't. My emotional attachment is too strong for him.
....
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Anonymous #8
#87
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#87
(Original post by Wired_1800)
You should create a thread to ask how guys would react to such a situation.
You do it, tf? I frankly don’t give a fūck about knowing how other guys would react to this situation. The guys shouldn’t be reading their significant others’ diaries behind their back anyway, and their significant others’ past sex life has nothing to do with them and is none of their business and they don’t have the right to know.
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Wired_1800
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#88
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#88
(Original post by Anonymous)
I only dated that guy because he reminded me of my bf. I was so lonely and miserable after he left. I also knew he was with someone and that broke me. For 4 years, I was broken hearted and then I don't know but I developed a slight crush on this guy who worked at a shop. This guy while smaller than my bf in frame, reminded me so much of him as he looked similar to him. He took interest in me and somehow I gave I as I was totally broken.
We later realised we were different and had different life paths but I saw my bf in him.

I told him this. Only then he calmed down. I also wrote it that every single guy I was drawn to after my bf left in 2018, was eerily similar looking to him.
Did your diary contain graphic details on your past experience?

My view would be that telling him that you chose other guys due to their closeness in appearance to him then that would have probably helped him to provide some context.
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Wired_1800
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#89
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#89
(Original post by Anonymous)
You do it, tf? I frankly don’t give a fūck about knowing how other guys would react to this situation. The guys shouldn’t be reading their significant others’ diaries behind their back anyway, and their significant others’ past sex life has nothing to do with them and is none of their business and they don’t have the right to know.
You should relax. No need to get active.
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canyoustopthat
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#90
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#90
(Original post by Anonymous)
He's allowed to voice his opinion, if he wants to date people who beleive sex is only for people who are serious, that's his own opinion. He was horrible about it but he Is allowed to morally disagree. Again I agree he was horrible about what he said just saying he's allowed to disagree
If he seriously believes that and it’s so important to him and a dealbreaker, he needs to express that before entering a relationship with someone. You can’t whip out a standard like that halfway through a relationship and then have a tantrum when you find out that person doesn’t live up to your standards that you hadn’t even discussed.

His morals do not give him a free pass to call her names or explode at her. You can have your own personal morals, but that does not put you in the position to degrade or belittle someone you’re supposed to care about.

I don’t do one nights stands or FWB, but I certainly don’t call those that do them cheap sluts and decide they’re morally repugnant and must be punished. Despite it being my personal standard for myself I manage not to push my beliefs onto other people and belittle them for it.
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Anonymous #1
#91
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#91
(Original post by Wired_1800)
Did your diary contain graphic details on your past experience?

My view would be that telling him that you chose other guys due to their closeness in appearance to him then that would have probably helped him to provide some context.
Yes two entries did but thsts all. But on every page, I mentioned my bf too. My first sentences always began with him and how this guy looked like him, how his hair looked like his, how the way he stared at me was like him.
It all went back to my bf
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Anonymous #8
#92
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#92
(Original post by Wired_1800)
You should relax. No need to get active.
I literally just replied to you. No need to feel attacked.
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jwinoliver
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#93
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#93
(Original post by Anonymous)
....
It's not worth it. He will abuse you. There are other, better people in the world. If you are so attached to him that you can't see the bad signs, you need to check yourself and ask for some help.
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Wired_1800
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#94
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#94
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes two entries did but thsts all. But on every page, I mentioned my bf too. My first sentences always began with him and how this guy looked like him, how his hair looked like his, how the way he stared at me was like him.
It all went back to my bf
Yes, even if it went back to your bf, the graphic contents about other guys would have probably triggered him.

My advice to you is to let him go because he probably does not see you in good light anymore. You may hold on for some months but, if he does not have a strong mental state, the thoughts might mess with his mind.
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canyoustopthat
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#95
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#95
(Original post by Wired_1800)
You need to test your hypothesis. If you have already done that then kudos. If you haven't then that is up to you.

I am not convinced that your partner thinks of you in that way nor do i think men, in general, do that as well. I have to repeat again and again that the OP’s bf was OTT. My point was that his reaction would be consistent with how some men would react.

To the rest of your post, you have escalated this beyond the boundaries of this thread.
Why would I go up to boyfriend and start randomly disclosing details from past sexual relationships I haven’t thought about in years while we’re not even having a conversation about sex just because some wee misogynist online is convinced by boyfriend will start screaming and giving me the silent treatment because he believes men think less of women once they know they’ve had sex?

Stop projecting your issues onto my relationship.
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Wired_1800
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#96
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#96
(Original post by Anonymous)
I literally just replied to you. No need to feel attacked.
I am Wired! I don't feel attacked.
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Anonymous #11
#97
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#97
1. Why would anyone go through your PERSONAL diary?
2. Why would YOU try and comfort HIM over an argument he created and then go insulting YOU
3. Having sex does not make you slutty, it’s called enjoying life.
4. Some men still believe the woman in their life right now should only know&enjoy&appreciate their d**k, like some kind of reward for being a good girl or smth.
5. If you were not cheating on him or anybody else, you had the right to have sex with whom you’ve liked. None of his business.
6. Jealousy is the destroyer of happy relationships.


The diary thing is really bad. Is he judging you for trying to get out of a bad mental state?
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Anonymous #1
#98
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#98
(Original post by Wired_1800)
Yes, even if it went back to your bf, the graphic contents about other guys would have probably triggered him.

My advice to you is to let him go because he probably does not see you in good light anymore. You may hold on for some months but, if he does not have a strong mental state, the thoughts might mess with his mind.
Noo I can't. He's fine now but is still upset that I was so lonely that I ended up doing this with another guy. Love and lust are different and he knows that himself. His previous relationship was also based on lust not love.
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Anonymous #1
#99
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#99
(Original post by Anonymous)
1. Why would anyone go through your PERSONAL diary?
2. Why would YOU try and comfort HIM over an argument he created and then go insulting YOU
3. Having sex does not make you slutty, it’s called enjoying life.
4. Some men still believe the woman in their life right now should only know&enjoy&appreciate their d**k, like some kind of reward for being a good girl or smth.
5. If you were not cheating on him or anybody else, you had the right to have sex with whom you’ve liked. None of his business.
6. Jealousy is the destroyer of happy relationships.


The diary thing is really bad. Is he judging you for trying to get out of a bad mental state?
The part that hurt him the most as he says is the fact that I got desperate for sex with a guy.
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Wired_1800
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#100
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#100
(Original post by canyoustopthat)
Why would I go up to boyfriend and start randomly disclosing details from past sexual relationships I haven’t thought about in years while we’re not even having a conversation about sex just because some wee misogynist online is convinced by boyfriend will start screaming and giving me the silent treatment because he believes men think less of women once they know they’ve had sex?

Stop projecting your issues onto my relationship.
Wow, you have now labelled me a misogynist. I firmly reject that mischaracterisation.

I think you are probably capable of bringing it up. Think of a plan to bring it up. It is up to you though. No pressure.
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