Boyfriend slept with an escort

My boyfriend had sex with an escort before we started dating. He said that he was in a really dark place and was not thinking properly. I get it but it keeps bothering me. What should i do?

If it's a dealbreaker for you; then, leave him. No need staying if you feel like your trust in him or perception of him is ruined. Although, I genuinely don't understand why this would be a dealbreaker. If it's an issue of questioning if you're enough or better than her, that's something you'll have to work on personally. You need to remind yourself that he is with you and no one else.

It's in his past and a mistake a lot of humans, both male and female, have made. You are his present. Focus on that and your future together. Everyone has a past. Nobody comes into a relationship without regrets. The way I see it, he trusts you enough now to share the embarrassing memories from before with you. He's aware it was a distasteful decision, and I don't think his past with an escort service means he'll cheat. I would be a lot more concerned if my partner confessed to cheating on his ex. Now, that's a huge red flag.

thank you. maybe its the fact that he was a virgin before and wanted to experience what it is like and also undergoing severe depression, plus he also said that he does not like the idea of hooking up casually with random women which is why this felt like the only way he could get comfort and maybe a way to deal with his depression.

Ohhh, that explains things a lot better now. Bless him. I hope he's in a better place now. Depression can indeed make people do things they normally wouldn't. At my worst points, I considered everything I never would including drinking or going to clubs to pick up someone. I'm practically asexual btw yet I was so willing to try that just to feel 'happy'. Never did but the thought was there. So, I can't even judge him. He trusts you, a whole freaking lot, to tell you that. I don't think I'll ever tell my partner about my struggles.

I hope you're both able to work through this and come out stronger. Seeing as it was his first time, I can see why it would give you the ick. That's a lot to process, speaking from an ethical stance. But do try to see things from his side. It'll make it easier to understand him.

I used to be an escort out of necessity at the time. Plenty of men do it, people you wouldn't expect. As long as he's not doing it whilst he is with you. Alot of men I saw had depression, and basically just needed some affection and someone to listen.

were some of your clients, men that were virgins or on a very long dryspell, had little sexual experience?

Maybe one or two were little experienced but to be honest, usually no. Most are either married (these are clients I'd automatically not trust) or businessmen. Alot are single but preferred the hassle of not having a girl following them around after. I did have a client who had divorced and needed comfort and a woman's touch. Then his young son died of cancer and he needed that even more. Alot of people just assume escorts are dirty, but sometimes we help people.

I used to be an escort out of necessity at the time. Plenty of men do it, people you wouldn't expect. As long as he's not doing it whilst he is with you. Alot of men I saw had depression, and basically just needed some affection and someone to listen.

are you based in the USA or outside the USA? just asking, since paying for sex, escorts or sex workers, is illegal in almost all the USA, except for certain parts of Nevada. I'm currently searching for one, ya i figure a lot of guys like to pay for sex because they don't want to deal with the burden or drama of courtship, seduction, etc., Do escorts allow sexual foreplay with their clients before intercourse?

I'm in England where sex work is perfectly legal. An escort should allow you to do as agreed for whatever length of time you paid for. But then again I know someone who paid £300 for an hour with a girl in London, who made him leave after 11 minutes. The way I'd Normally do it is, nice conversation, the act itself and then another nice chat. I had been paid just for conversation quite a few times.

My boyfriend had sex with an escort before we started dating. He said that he was in a really dark place and was not thinking properly. I get it but it keeps bothering me. What should i do?

My boyfriend had sex with an escort before we started dating. He said that he was in a really dark place and was not thinking properly. I get it but it keeps bothering me. What should i do?

That’s actually nothing! My boyfriend has sex with other girls in front of me and I don’t mind

Hi there,

I think, first of all, there's no "right" or "wrong" way of responding to your boyfriend doing this - how you feel is valid. If you feel okay about it, then great, it needn't ruin your relationship if it's working out. On the flip side, if it's bothering you, you're allowed to be bothered by it or upset by it. I think the context of his situation with the escort before he dated you should be considered, so you might want to talk to him more about it, and I think everyone would have their own very personal opinion and feelings about this situation.

When I was younger (18 to mid twenties) I would have been appalled at a boyfriend having had a dalliance with an escort. Now I'm older I understand much more that there are huge grey areas in sex work and the things we do to cope and get by and how mental health and loneliness and desire for connection can make people do things they wouldn't usually do. To be honest, from what you have outlined, I imagine him paying for an escort had only a small amount to do with wanting sex.

We're living in an era of 'only fans', free and easy access to pornography, legalised prostitution in places like Amsterdam where it's marketed as a tourist experience and articles on "how to make money from a side hustle" telling women how to sell their underwear or shoes online to make some money. Sex work is becoming a casualised part of gig economy and I wouldn't be surprised if nearly everyone experiences it in some way through their lives either as a worker, or customer. I think regardless of this, how you feel about it, is very personal and very individual and that is okay. You don't need to be judgemental, sure, but you can still feel uncomfortable and have your own boundaries!

For me, someone having slept with an escort before dating me wouldn't be a deal breaker. I thought I had to be a "cool girl" in relationships in the past and my boyfriend would go to strip clubs and talk to girls and strippers and get lap dances and I was basically told it "was no big deal and wasn't cheating" - I only realised years later that THAT was actually my boundary and made me feel awful and uncomfortable. It was very little about the sex worker aspect but more about the fact that he would be talking to women and spending time on nights out flirting with them (whether or not they were strippers or just a girl in a bar - to be honest, the non-strippers bothered me more!) - he was someone who always said he'd "never pay for sex" and I still believe that today but he was the type of person who would go to strip clubs frequently when in a relationship, pay for lapdances, talk to other girls and flirt with them and tell me how I should feel about it. I later found out he was on Tinder and other apps and cheated on me a significant number of times with people I knew and when he was on holiday.

The biggest advice I could give. Don't judge someone just based on having a past involved with sex work. Take the whole person into context, who they were then and who they are now - and how they treat YOU now. Most of all, listen to your own mind and your own feelings - don't let anyone else tell you how you should feel and what is and isn't okay. Always make time to check in with yourself and don't let anyone gaslight you (that means people on this forum, your friends, your family or your partner!) YOU are the only one who truly knows what is right for you. There is no wrong answer for how you deal with this.