The Student Room Group

TRIGGER WARNING: What is your sexuality if you are dating someone who is trans?

Answer the question directly if you want to - or answer based on this scenario

- A cis-woman (X) is willing to date a transman who has undergone full gender affirming surgery and has taken hormones for years but is not willing to date a transman who hasn't undergone any steps to present as a man - she also dates cis-men and doesn't date cis-women.

X also doesn't care if the transman has a vagina
Reply 1
If one of you have a penis and the other a vagina, then you are heterosexual. If both of you have the same sex organs, then you are gay. If you don't care what sex organ your partner has then you're bi.

Doesn't matter how you dress it up it comes down to these three options.
Reply 2
Pansexual with a dealbreaker that all dates must always present as a man and visually conform to one of her preferred physical types.
Regardless of the date's biological sex or specific gender self-id status.
Reply 3
Original post by Guru Jason
If one of you have a penis and the other a vagina, then you are heterosexual. If both of you have the same sex organs, then you are gay. If you don't care what sex organ your partner has then you're bi.

Doesn't matter how you dress it up it comes down to these three options.


I thought that initially as well but what happens then if you are a cis guy but you're a dating a transman that has a vagina or vice versa?
Reply 4
Original post by n150
I thought that initially as well but what happens then if you are a cis guy but you're a dating a transman that has a vagina or vice versa?


You need to ignore terms like trans or cis when talking about sexual orientation asgender and sex are 2 different thing.

Refer back to the 3 previous options.
Reply 5
Original post by londonmyst
Pansexual with a dealbreaker that all dates must always present as a man and visually conform to one of her preferred physical types.
Regardless of the date's biological sex or specific gender self-id status.


To be fair I'm not too familiar with pan-sexuality but based on this scenario, this woman does not date other women at all (cis or trans women), so can she still be pansexual?
Reply 6
Original post by Guru Jason
You need to ignore terms like trans or cis when talking about sexual orientation asgender and sex are 2 different thing.

Refer back to the 3 previous options.

There are some people who make the distinction between cis and trans when talking about who they date, but I'm just using it to fully explore this.

This is where the confusion kind of lies: take someone like Buck Angel, he's a man but he still has a vagina, but with your options if another man who has a penis was to date him, he's heterosexual. You don't get the sense that something is off?
Reply 7
Original post by n150
There are some people who make the distinction between cis and trans when talking about who they date, but I'm just using it to fully explore this.

This is where the confusion kind of lies: take someone like Buck Angel, he's a man but he still has a vagina, but with your options if another man who has a penis was to date him, he's heterosexual. You don't get the sense that something is off?

A biological man does not have a vagina. You need to ignore gender when talking about sex. They are separate things.

Gender identify and sexual orientation are 2 separate issues.

There is no issue for a biological man identifying as a trans woman if they feel more comfortable doing this. But biologically I'd still recommend they get a prostate exam at age 40.
(edited 10 months ago)
Original post by n150
Answer the question directly if you want to - or answer based on this scenario

- A cis-woman (X) is willing to date a transman who has undergone full gender affirming surgery and has taken hormones for years but is not willing to date a transman who hasn't undergone any steps to present as a man - she also dates cis-men and doesn't date cis-women.

X also doesn't care if the transman has a vagina

I would consider X to be straight, provided this is how they self-identify.
Reply 9
it's called skoliosexuality.

you're welcome.

https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-skoliosexuality
Original post by n150
So in your opinion, the gender that your partner is physically presenting as, has zero relevance with your sexuality.

I don't know if you've seen a picture of Buck Angel, but just to be clear, you think that a man who is sexually attracted to a biological woman that has:
- removed her breasts completely
- grew full facial hair
- developed a similar frame to a biological man but still has a vagina

is completely straight? even if that person looks like Hugh Jackman?


yes because thats a man who likes a woman. thats literally the definition. the traits of why you find them are attractive are irrelevant.
(edited 10 months ago)
Reply 11
Women who date biological females that identifies as men, who also dates men.....sounds like a bisexual to me.
(edited 10 months ago)
Reply 12
Original post by Guru Jason
yes because thats a man who likes a woman. thats literally the definition. the traits of why you find them are attractive are irrelevant.

I get that that is the definition but the way things play out is a bit weird if I'm honest.

1) So let's say that I'm a match maker now and you tell me you're straight and you want to select from a group of women who are 5,10, white and have brown hair and I bring you a bunch of biological women that all have beards and chest hair and tell you that they are biological women...

- Do you actually size them up and see who's your type if any? or do you think WTF, this sample size makes no sense?

2) A woman tells you her type is someone who has breasts, a round bum, a higher hip to waist ratio, full lips and feminine features. What sexuality doesn't come to mind?
Reply 13
Original post by xox416
Women who date biological females that identifies men, who also dates men.....sounds like a bisexual to me.


But can you be bi if you do not find anyone attractive that appears to be female; she doesn't like the girly girls or the tomboys

In the scenario the woman dates biological females that identify as male but only if they appear as male - she doesn't date any woman who may or may not identify with the opposite sex and hasn't made any alterations to match the appearance of a man
Reply 14
Original post by n150
But can you be bi if you do not find anyone attractive that appears to be female; she doesn't like the girly girls or the tomboys

In the scenario the woman dates biological females that identify as male but only if they appear as male - she doesn't date any woman who may or may not identify with the opposite sex and hasn't made any alterations to match the appearance of a man

She clearly does like tomboys.
Reply 15
Original post by xox416
She clearly does like tomboys.


They still have tits and no facial hair - and I even doubt if most lesbians are interested in trans men.
This issue is more complicated to me but I guess no one else agrees :biggrin:
Original post by n150
To be fair I'm not too familiar with pan-sexuality but based on this scenario, this woman does not date other women at all (cis or trans women), so can she still be pansexual?

Yes.
She is willing to date those who are compatible with her dealbreaker that all dates must always present as a man and conform to her preferred physical types, regardless of their biological sex or gender self-id.
Original post by n150
They still have tits and no facial hair - and I even doubt if most lesbians are interested in trans men.
This issue is more complicated to me but I guess no one else agrees :biggrin:
You did ask for other people's thoughts on this, I wouldn't be too shocked to find they are different to your own on what is a very emotive topic.

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