The Student Room Group

My mum spent my money and is now giving me nothing and has trapped me at home

I'm currently in uni but I live at home. My parents took over £2,000 of my student finance, which is my only source of money, to pay for a car because our old car was basically gone.

That money was supposed to last me the summer.

I gave it to them under the promise that they would help me out financially over summer and at least give me a small allowance weekly.

They won't let me get a job (please don't ask why there's too much to unpack there).

Now, it's been a few months since the incident. Most of my remaining funds have depleted. I had around £700, and I made it last four months with a lot of difficulty.

After a lot of discussion, I managed to salvage a deal of £20 a week. Nothing else. However, my mum didn't give me anything for five weeks and I'm now hanging on to my last £40. She didn't stick to the promise and just complains about having to spend money on gas and electricity bills and how she spent £1,000 over a party and she doesn't feel like she can give me any money

I have three months until my next student finance comes. I don't have anyone else who would be willing to help me out in terms of money. I am very upset with my mum for treating me like this and have argued with her a lot about unfair it was for her to do this.

She told me I'm ungrateful, selfish, and cause more problems for the family.

I haven't left the house in over a month because it's been so hard to justify going out. The very few times I even did prior felt depressing because I had to just say no to everything I wanted to, eat or get. I literally ate the cheapest thing at McDonald's those times just to save onto my money. It really hit hard after watching my classmates' stories at fancy restaurants and holding expensive looking drinks, at parties, doing retail therapy, travelling, etc.

I haven't actually been on a proper holiday for years, and had really wanted to use this money to go on a dream vacation in Europe. I had waited all year excitedly for this.

My heart is really broken and I am overwhelmingly depressed and constantly have breakdowns and keep crying.

The only way I've been passing the time is reading old books I have, the internet, TV and that's it.

The situation got so bad I ended up failing my finals. The lack of money meant I could only afford transit to uni and then go straight back home, unlike everyone else who did whatever they wanted and socialised and went out. Suffering burnout, depression, and crippling self-loathing of my lifestyle made me unable to properly prepare and I failed. Since I got the results back my mum has only been making comments about it and talking about how I shouldn't be allowed to leave the house until I resit and pass them (two months later).

She says when I go out I spend over £200 and she can't afford that on a weekly basis. The reality is that if I even did go out once a week, the total spend wouldn't be more than £40, and that's really exaggerating. I don't see myself spending more than £20.

All my old friends moved to different cities and wasn't really able to make anyone stick at uni so I'm basically on my own the whole summer. Since I can't get a job, and have to study for my failed exam, and barely have any money left, things have been insanely tough on me.

I live in the most stupid neighbourhood where there is nothing so I can't even enjoy myself with a £1.65 bus ride to somewhere close by.

I really don't know what to do and I'm scared that this is going to be my entire summer.
Reply 1
You need to speak to student finance at Uni and ask for help from them.
Also consider leaving home and get a room that you can live in peace and study to get the right grades.
Student finance will have heard all of this before and know how to help you.
Hardest thing is reaching out so do it now before they shut for the summer
How awful. Your parents had no right to take money that it is your legal obligation to pay back. Unless they're willing to pay back the loan you received (with interest), then they've effectively stolen from you. And even that's a stretch.
Reply 3
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, your parents have wronged you and they really shouldn't have done that. In regards to your finances it'd be worth starting budgeting for your week, only spend money on necessary things and save your money whenever you can; it wouldn't be worth letting your parents know about whatever saving you do have left either. You mentioned you can't get a job for your own reasons, but it may be worth considering it, if you don't want to travel you can do something remotely or even start doing online tutoring. Unidays also has a lot of ideas for side hustles that might be useful.

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