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Something scary happened today. I don't really know how to handle thereafter

I had been looking for a room within my area in Scotland for months until I came across a girl, who is a friend of my friend, offered me a room in a house she is renting. I accepted & moved in after careful consideration.

She told me she had a rare condition that would occasionally give her so much pain that she would have to shower with hot water for soothing.

When I woke up around 8 AM I heard her showering since the bathroom with the tub & shower is located right next to my bedroom. I wasn't aware & returned to sleep for another 2 hours.

When I woke up again I noticed the frequency of the running water didn't change at all, but I thought she was simply washing up I went to a cafe for a tea while starting to have a foreboding.

I returned afterwards since I didn't find it normal. I knocked on the bathroom's door no response. I broke in since it wasn't locked she was unconscious.

I called her multiple times before I dialled 999 in a state of panic. She luckily woke up & we discussed the matter in the living room. Some of her responses make me worry further:

"I am not precious. You don't need to care about me."

"If you are uncomfortable, you can give me 28 days' notice..."

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Reply 1
I won't do so because of the following reasons:

1.) Housing shortage is horribly serious in the area.

2.) If she is left alone & it happens again, how to guarantee the worst-case scenario wouldn't happen?

3.) Legally, there's no duty of care, but I'd definitely not leave someone alone for having any long-term conditions.

Did I do anything "wrong" by breaking into the bathroom under the said circumstances?
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous #1
I had been looking for a room within my area in Scotland for months until I came across a girl, who is a friend of my friend, offered me a room in a house she is renting. I accepted & moved in after careful consideration.

She told me she had a rare condition that would occasionally give her so much pain that she would have to shower with hot water for soothing.

When I woke up around 8 AM I heard her showering since the bathroom with the tub & shower is located right next to my bedroom. I wasn't aware & returned to sleep for another 2 hours.

When I woke up again I noticed the frequency of the running water didn't change at all, but I thought she was simply washing up I went to a Café for a tea while starting to have a foreboding.

I returned afterwards since I didn't find it normal. I knocked on the bathroom's door no response. I broke in since it wasn't locked she was unconscious.

I called her multiple times before I dialled 999 in a state of panic. She luckily woke up & we discussed the matter in the living room. Some of her responses make me worry further:

"I am not precious. You don't need to care about me."

"If you are uncomfortable, you can give me 28 days' notice..."

I feel your conversation has been left unresolved. Questions that come to mind are:

Do you often fall unconscious? Is it a problem or is it just one of those things? In other words, next time shall I just turn the shower off and leave you to it?

If you do fall unconscious and I am aware of it, what should I do?

etc etc


She needs to recognise that there is an emotional cost to living with her and set your expectations accordingly. That surely is only fair no?
what kind of condition does she have? I mean a specific name of the condition. based on what you're saying, she says like someone with depression or something similar, in which case she shouldn't be living alone. I don't mean you should be her nanny, but in general a person speaking like this should be monitored or something
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous #2
what kind of condition does she have? I mean a specific name of the condition. based on what you're saying, she says like someone with depression or something similar, in which case she shouldn't be living alone. I don't mean you should be her nanny, but in general a person speaking like this should be monitored or something

It's a rare genetic disease that causes systemic symptoms & kind of incurable. I feel pity for her.
Original post by Anonymous #1
It's a rare genetic disease that causes systemic symptoms & kind of incurable. I feel pity for her.

I guess Ehlers Danlos then. Well, I am asking because people with Ehlers Danols often have POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) which makes them faint, especially when it's hot, so faiting in the bathroom is relatively common for such individuals, but it's also dangerous for them. However, people with such conditions are also prone to depression/apathy/suicidal attempts (there are studies showing this is interlinked somehow) and if they have depression in addition th EDS, they should be treated for depression/whatever mental health issues they have. I know people with EDS and they normally don't speak like this unless they are depressed/dealing with mental health issues. She needs to see the councellor asap and probably get medicated.
Original post by Picnicl
Regardless of her physical condition, she is mentally not 100% as it is not normal for her to think that her falling unconscious isn't going to cause you concern. Conversely, she will never truly care about your wellbeing. Get out of there as soon as you can. If she needs any assistance to live safely, it is the responsibility of people who'd get paid for it or any interested family members.

Assuming she has EDS and POTS, it's very likely she faints too often and is somehow used to that. So for her it might be not a big deal, but for others seeing this is very scary. OP, as I said you are not her nanny, so you are not responsible for her, and since it makes you scared, I also suggest moving out if you can. However, please talk to her, and advise her getting medicated/seeing the therapist, because she sounds like she needs some help. In addition, I think this situation is a bit crazy because EDS&POTS patients who faint should NOT be living alone. I am not sure why she isn't living with some family member/someone who would take care of her in needed...
Reply 7
Original post by Picnicl
Regardless of her physical condition, she is mentally not 100% as it is not normal for her to think that her falling unconscious isn't going to cause you concern. Conversely, she will never truly care about your wellbeing. Get out of there as soon as you can. If she needs any assistance to live safely, it is the responsibility of people who'd get paid for it or any interested family members.

"I'd do the same [break into the bathroom to see what has happened ] if this happened to you."

Her parents are doctors. My friend vouched for her before I made up my mind to stay with her, so I'm not sure if it's okay to give her a benefit of doubt, at least for the meantime.
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous #2
Assuming she has EDS and POTS, it's very likely she faints too often and is somehow used to that. So for her it might be not a big deal, but for others seeing this is very scary. OP, as I said you are not her nanny, so you are not responsible for her, and since it makes you scared, I also suggest moving out if you can. However, please talk to her, and advise her getting medicated/seeing the therapist, because she sounds like she needs some help. In addition, I think this situation is a bit crazy because EDS&POTS patients who faint should NOT be living alone. I am not sure why she isn't living with some family member/someone who would take care of her in needed...


Sadly, her family members are based in another country. I was told she used to live with a few housemates successively who all moved out, but all of them were very positive about her. It doesn't seem to be directly related to her condition, though I do hope they didn't move out because of any prejudices against disabled individuals.
Reply 9
Suspect she fainted this morning again. Her bedroom's lights were on, door half-open and phone alarm sounded for 2 hours before they were turned off and shut.

Did knock a bit, pushed her door open and looked around inside didn't seem to obviously see any human. Though possible that she fainted on the inner side of her bed.

Didn't hear anyone walking by before those were turned off and shut, so it's likely she had been in her bedroom.
She's presented this very oddly. By not warning you beforehand, so that a) it wasnt a shock and b) you knew what to do.

Her reaction afterwards is... off kilter too.

Personally I wouldn't be comfortable living there. I'd give her the 28 days notice.
Reply 11
Original post by Admit-One
She's presented this very oddly. By not warning you beforehand, so that a) it wasnt a shock and b) you knew what to do.

Her reaction afterwards is... off kilter too.

Personally I wouldn't be comfortable living there. I'd give her the 28 days notice.

What would be the worst that could happen?
Original post by Anonymous
What would be the worst that could happen?

Worst that could happen staying or giving notice?
Reply 13
Original post by Admit-One
Worst that could happen staying or giving notice?

Staying...
Original post by Anonymous #1
Staying...

Then worst case she faints and either knocks her head or otherwise lands awkwardly and asphyxiates herself and you find her dead somewhere.

More likely it just keeps happening and stresses you out. It’s not a responsibility you knew about or presumably would wanted to take on.
Reply 15
Original post by Admit-One
Then worst case she faints and either knocks her head or otherwise lands awkwardly and asphyxiates herself and you find her dead somewhere.

More likely it just keeps happening and stresses you out. It’s not a responsibility you knew about or presumably would wanted to take on.

......
Reply 16
Original post by Anonymous #1
I had been looking for a room within my area in Scotland for months until I came across a girl, who is a friend of my friend, offered me a room in a house she is renting. I accepted & moved in after careful consideration.

She told me she had a rare condition that would occasionally give her so much pain that she would have to shower with hot water for soothing.

When I woke up around 8 AM I heard her showering since the bathroom with the tub & shower is located right next to my bedroom. I wasn't aware & returned to sleep for another 2 hours.

When I woke up again I noticed the frequency of the running water didn't change at all, but I thought she was simply washing up I went to a cafe for a tea while starting to have a foreboding.

I returned afterwards since I didn't find it normal. I knocked on the bathroom's door no response. I broke in since it wasn't locked she was unconscious.

I called her multiple times before I dialled 999 in a state of panic. She luckily woke up & we discussed the matter in the living room. Some of her responses make me worry further:

"I am not precious. You don't need to care about me."

"If you are uncomfortable, you can give me 28 days' notice..."

How did you break in if it was unlocked?
Reply 17
Original post by Grady2401
How did you break in if it was unlocked?

I thought it was locked and it wasn't when I was able to open it directly. It wasn't until she woke up from unconsciousness when she told me there were no locks for most of the doors in the house.
Reply 18
With all the answers here I feel so lucky to have such amazing housemates.

I have something strange going on with me too, no diagnosis yet, but all I know is that I can faint out of the blue. I asked my male housemates to look after me when I shower and stuff. They are amazing and helping a lot.
I'm kind of shocked people aren't ready to help and support a housemate.
Reply 19
Original post by Kathy89
With all the answers here I feel so lucky to have such amazing housemates.

I have something strange going on with me too, no diagnosis yet, but all I know is that I can faint out of the blue. I asked my male housemates to look after me when I shower and stuff. They are amazing and helping a lot.
I'm kind of shocked people aren't ready to help and support a housemate.

See Admit-One's response.

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