This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

My boyfriend's making me miserable

Ok, so I've been with my boyfriend for just under a year and a half, and at the start things were great but ever since our relationship has constantly been up and down. A lot of the time he never wants to see me, uses pathetic excuses, for example tonight he promised me he'd see me, and then he decided to go fishing instead. I love him, but sometimes I really wonder if he loves me. He's taken me on holiday and bought me nice things in the time we've been together, but he just doesn't seem that interested sometimes. He NEVER tells me I'm beautiful or says I look nice, even though I always make an effort to look good for him. He's never really had a serious relationship before me even though he's four years older than me (I'm 18 and he's 22), and sometimes he gets so moody for no reason I never know what's wrong with him. I don't know what to do because at the minute I'm only seeing him at the weekend even though he lives 15 mins away from me. Like last week, I only saw him on friday night, he fobbed me off for fishing on saturday and went out with his mate on sunday. And all this week I haven't seen him. Surely after a year and a bit he should be seeing more of me than this? I don't know what to do, I've changed my uni plans around him because I didn't want to leave him and now I just feel like it's a waste as he never acts like he cares about me. What do I do? I've tried talking to him, he doesn't listen.

Reply 1

kersme

7

He doesn't seem worth the trouble. Ditch him.

Reply 2

Sver

He's bitter with u about something probably. COMMUNICATION! .. its wht a bf and gf do..

Reply 3

chloe_abbey

It sounds to me like he's distancing himself before breaking up with you. Im sorry it must really hurt to have him neglect you but you deserve someone who wants to be around you.

Reply 4

Nutta!

10

You are 18 SERIOUSLY PEOPLE

Reply 5

writergirl

11

hannahlou27

Ok, so I've been with my boyfriend for just under a year and a half, and at the start things were great but ever since our relationship has constantly been up and down. A lot of the time he never wants to see me, uses pathetic excuses, for example tonight he promised me he'd see me, and then he decided to go fishing instead. I love him, but sometimes I really wonder if he loves me. He's taken me on holiday and bought me nice things in the time we've been together, but he just doesn't seem that interested sometimes. He NEVER tells me I'm beautiful or says I look nice, even though I always make an effort to look good for him. He's never really had a serious relationship before me even though he's four years older than me (I'm 18 and he's 22), and sometimes he gets so moody for no reason I never know what's wrong with him. I don't know what to do because at the minute I'm only seeing him at the weekend even though he lives 15 mins away from me. Like last week, I only saw him on friday night, he fobbed me off for fishing on saturday and went out with his mate on sunday. And all this week I haven't seen him. Surely after a year and a bit he should be seeing more of me than this? I don't know what to do, I've changed my uni plans around him because I didn't want to leave him and now I just feel like it's a waste as he never acts like he cares about me. What do I do? I've tried talking to him, he doesn't listen.

Even though he's bought you gifts and taken you on holiday it sounds like you'd trade that in just for him telling you you're beautiful. It seems he's comfortable buying you things but not talking about you or talking to you passionately. No one on here can tell you why he's like this, he might just like having space from the relationship and thats why he goes off on fishing where he can enjoy being his own person, when in a relationship there's always someone else there and it can be hard to breathe. He's not immature op because he's 22 and so he should know his own mind and isn't behaving like this out of spite or pettiness. Talk to him and tell him it upsets you how he blows your dates off, the same happened with my friend and she told him she felt second best to his golf and now he's making more of an effort.
Remember though OP, he might not be doing this to upset you, and he might not be aware of it, he might not tell you you're beautiful because he knows you are and might think that being with you shows he thinks you're beautiful, and after all he's not a mind reader so you might have to give him some pushing. If you really are miserable still after you've spoken to him then i think you already know and fear what you have to do :frown:

Reply 6

Georgiahoneybee

1

Oh dear, sounds like you are well and truly over the "honeymoon phase"!
You need to ask yourself, if he doesn't change, do you want to stay in this relationship? How long do you want to wait for him to change?
My first reaction when reading that was obviously, talk to him. But you say you've done that and he doesn't listen which then makes me think- why do you want to be with someone who doesn't listen to your opinions and want to discuss how to improve your relationship? How do you talk to him? I ask because I know if I want to discuss something with my boyfriend and I go in all guns blazing, he gets defensive and angry and nothing gets through. However if I discuss something calmly and not let it get out of hand and turn into a fight it makes such a difference. I know its hard not to get emotional and upset but it will help.
You've also got to think, why doesn't he want to spend time with you? I know that sounds like a harsh question, but the answer isn't always what you think. Not all couples are the same, some like to be together 24/7 and some prefer more of their own/mates company. the problem is when a 24/7 person goes out with an own time person. But you need to strike a balance, and that balance isn't there. Then again if he just isn't into the relationship anymore, he needs to tell you.
As I see it, your options are: a) Do nothing, let it carry on as it is b) Dump him because he doesn't treat you well c) Talk to him and lay down an ultimatum- he changes or your out (although I urge you to only say this if you mean it because empty threats will not help) d) Talk to him calmly and see if the situation changes.... ok thats all the options I can think of, but just remember you do deserve better than this. Good luck!

Reply 7

Mango24

14

hannahlou27

Ok, so I've been with my boyfriend for just under a year and a half, and at the start things were great but ever since our relationship has constantly been up and down. A lot of the time he never wants to see me, uses pathetic excuses, for example tonight he promised me he'd see me, and then he decided to go fishing instead. I love him, but sometimes I really wonder if he loves me. He's taken me on holiday and bought me nice things in the time we've been together, but he just doesn't seem that interested sometimes. He NEVER tells me I'm beautiful or says I look nice, even though I always make an effort to look good for him. He's never really had a serious relationship before me even though he's four years older than me (I'm 18 and he's 22), and sometimes he gets so moody for no reason I never know what's wrong with him. I don't know what to do because at the minute I'm only seeing him at the weekend even though he lives 15 mins away from me. Like last week, I only saw him on friday night, he fobbed me off for fishing on saturday and went out with his mate on sunday. And all this week I haven't seen him. Surely after a year and a bit he should be seeing more of me than this? I don't know what to do, I've changed my uni plans around him because I didn't want to leave him and now I just feel like it's a waste as he never acts like he cares about me. What do I do? I've tried talking to him, he doesn't listen.

My ex was like this, after months of trying to save our relationship I thought to myself 'Why am I the only one trying?' Sorry OP but it just seems like he's not interested in you anymore. This was probably the case with my ex too, he just never seemed to care and never complimented me on anything. Looking back if anything he used to put me down. I pulled the plug about two weeks ago now, even though It hurt ALOT for the first few days, time is a great healer. I'm not telling you you should break up with your boyfriend, I'm just stressing the fact you should step back and ask yourself 'Why are we in a relationship'. If he makes you feel miserable like my ex did, to me that is a clear indicator that you need to re-evaluate your relationship.

Reply 8

Raindrop87

Give him the silent treatment. If that doesn't work ditch him, not worth the tears x

Reply 9

thatrollingstone

10

Seems like he doesn't give a ****, I would move on and find a better bloke.

Reply 10

Meenapixi

9

read "hes just not that into you"...it WILL change your world and give you the confidence to dump that loser....I like to refer to it as "The Bible"...seriously read it, it'll make you slap yourself, laugh at yourself and move on to find a man that really loves you. :smile:

Reply 11

Sami2412

writergirl

Even though he's bought you gifts and taken you on holiday it sounds like you'd trade that in just for him telling you you're beautiful. It seems he's comfortable buying you things but not talking about you or talking to you passionately. No one on here can tell you why he's like this, he might just like having space from the relationship and thats why he goes off on fishing where he can enjoy being his own person, when in a relationship there's always someone else there and it can be hard to breathe. He's not immature op because he's 22 and so he should know his own mind and isn't behaving like this out of spite or pettiness. Talk to him and tell him it upsets you how he blows your dates off, the same happened with my friend and she told him she felt second best to his golf and now he's making more of an effort.
Remember though OP, he might not be doing this to upset you, and he might not be aware of it, he might not tell you you're beautiful because he knows you are and might think that being with you shows he thinks you're beautiful, and after all he's not a mind reader so you might have to give him some pushing. If you really are miserable still after you've spoken to him then i think you already know and fear what you have to do :frown:

OP THIS is very very good advice. Rep for you love :smile:

Reply 12

ArikJ

Seems like people have overanalyised this, if your miserable as you said, theres really no point in being with him is there? Sounds like you know your answer tbh and just need validation.

Reply 13

ttx

13

writergirl

He's not immature op because he's 22 and so he should know his own mind and isn't behaving like this out of spite or pettiness.

Yes. Because at the age of 22 everyone stops being immature and are emotionally incapable of behaving out of spite and pettiness.

Reply 14

Raindrop87

I'm nearly 22 and am not that mature in all honesty. I still get really excited about cows and sheep.

Reply 15

zoee

You could play him at his own game in a sense.. Next time HE wants to see you, tell him you cant cos your seeing your mates or going out with them or something.. He probably doesnt realise hes doing it.. Guys arent as deep as girls in some respects.. They sometimes just dont know that all a girl wants sometimes is to hear she is beautiful and that they love them but they are just words.. Actions mean more and it sounds as though you two need to communicate a bit more.. If he really doesnt listen and if he doesnt seem bothered then maybe hes not worth it?? As other people have said, he probably needs a bit of a nudge in the right direction sometimes.. As a girl i know how much we want guys to know exactly what we want when we want it etc but they are human, theyre not mind-readers!!!! Also, if he's been with you for a year and a half, surely that shows that he does want to be with you?! Hope this helps :smile:

Reply 16

Sophistress

I don't even need to read beyond the thread title. If you are miserable in your relationship, then end it. Complete no brainer. A relationship should enrich your life, not cause you stress and upset.

Reply 17

MR.PINK

11

Dump His Punk A'SS

Lets Puff Up Some Chronic

Reply 18

harlar

Meenapixi

read "hes just not that into you"...it WILL change your world and give you the confidence to dump that loser....I like to refer to it as "The Bible"...seriously read it, it'll make you slap yourself, laugh at yourself and move on to find a man that really loves you. :smile:

That's a really good idea - book's an eye opener, even if you're really cynical towards any kind of dating advice (like me).

To be honest I think your question has been answered quite a few times. I think you should have a serious, adult talk with him about it, and if he doesn't buck up his ideas, then it's pretty obvious how he feels about you. Your boyfriend just isn't supposed to make you feel like this.

Also...

Raindrop87

I'm nearly 22 and am not that mature in all honesty. I still get really excited about cows and sheep.