getting back with an ex?

is it ever a good idea? i was with somebody for 3 years and we had a few problems but the main reason i ended it was justIi felt different.Ii don't really know why but I just wasn't in love with him we have not been apart that long and he convinced me to see him. I then was considering getting back together after i saw him but i'm really not sure.
how do you think you can tell that you may want to be back with somebody for the right reasons not just it's easy, comfortable and you like being in a relationship. Or genuine 'absence makes the hard grow fonder'. Any ideas of tell tale signs that could swing me either way? don't really have long to think because i feel to bad stringing him along for long. So just giving myself more time isn't much of an option.
Also what's the pro's of singledom and playing the field?
any thoughts?? thank yoooou

If you're both up for it then you can always give it a go? Especially if you're not part of each other's lives anyway, so it's not like you'll lose anything if it doesn't work out again. You just need to make sure you've thought about what you did wrong before, and that there are no feelings of rejection or animosity left, best to start with a clean slate.

erm well personally i have a rule of never go back. but thats because its never normally the same (dependant on the circumstances you split up on)

try going on a date with him, see how you feel (i.e. are you having a good time) ultimatly your just gonna have to ask the question; is this the person i want to be with, spec if your 3 years in.

try making a pros and cons list.

if there are more pros than cons your probably onto a winner. realistically though, regardless what anyone says, your the one biteing the bullet not us!

good luck

this is true and i agree with in part but going through the break up thing again and hurting him again a few weeks later because went into for the wrong reasons is what i have to loose

Okay well imagine yourself with him, is that a nice thought? Can you picture him at the end of the aisle on your wedding day?
Nobody can ever know these things for sure, it'd be the same with any relationship you start, whether it be old or new: there's always a large possibility for sadness and hurt. You just have to decide whether the potential gain is greater than the potential pain. Only you can make that decision.

sorry i can't be of more help. realistically though what ever we tell you can only be from similar circumstances, doesn't mean youll get the same results .

the main question i can put to you is, are you happy more than 50% of the time?

Never get back into dirty bath water!

your right just wish there was a magic list or set of things that i could tick to give me the answer. but i guess its down to gut feeling. kinda looking for answers that cant be given i guess. thanks for the suggestions

I think that if you really genuinely wanted him back you'd know. You wouldn't be unsure. It's inevitable that you'll still feel something for him if you went out for that long. I think that if you got back together, it could seem fresh and exciting at first, but after a bit (and not long) you'd go back to that feeling of indifference.
Have some space from him and see other people. That way you'll be able to work out whether it is specifically him you want or just a relationship.

Hiya, I was with my ex for just under 5 years and I broke up with him a few months ago and still see him now, as friends and such because we know eachother so well and still get on great. I miss him so much sometimes, but fact is, I needed to make the decision whether I was actually going to marry the guy or break up with him. Don't get me wrong, it hurts and it would be so easy to just get back with him, we lived together, my family loved him, we got on great and he was such a top bloke but at the end of the day, I didn't love him anymore and I didn't want to drag it on and end up hurting him more in the long run. It takes a long time after a long relationship to establish yourself as a single person but I think I'm getting there now and even if there are times when I look back and think "what if..." I've made my decision now, and am looking forward to a future where I can make my own choices in life best of luck with everything.

apart from the living together part it sounds really similar to my situation so many positives but maybe just not the spark (cheesy but can't think of another way to put it lol) hard not to go for the easy option sometimes. I'm leaning more to the idea that i want to love him more than i actually do. because i was ok before i saw him
just one thing though, doesn't the 'what if?' thing drive you mad?

Yeah, I nearly used the word 'spark' too haha. I know, but it is the easy option and in a couple of months you dont want to think "god, i've done the wrong thing", and end up hurting the guy all over again because you've changed your mind. Thats exactly what I thought, I so wanted to feel the same as I used to, but you can't make yourself feel something that you don't and its more cruel to pretend that you do, because they deserve to be happy just as much as you do, and if if you're not happy in the relationship, they know that too, even if they're not saying so because they don't want the relationship to end.

The 'what if' thing does drive me mad sometimes. What if I dont find anyone else? What if he marries someone else and I realise I still love him?...you could go on forever thinking these things but is that really a reason to stay with someone? Because you cant picture your life without them? No. Trust me, in a few months you will start to feel different. Your young, youve got your whole life ahead of you and you can use this experience as a learning curve. Don't let it get you down Hope I helped chick.