Boyfriend doesn't seem to think my orgasm is important...

That's easy for him to say, since he always gets off No, you're not being unreasonable!



Next time he does this, slap him Orrr... bring it up with him again at that point. When you're actually in bed together and upset don't just let it fester; he can't read your mind. Actually tell him at that moment and it might make him realise how important it is to you.

Also, do you use condoms? They're not the nicest things but that could help him last longer as well. If you already use them, then try performance enhancing ones.

Thanks, no we don't. We stopped using them after a few months. Now you mention it, I never noticed as big a problem in the first months of our relationship and I think he definitely lasted longer - considerably longer - with a condom.

Yeah, I suppose I'm going to have to say something "in the moment". I've tried the biggest hints I can and being nice but it isn't working. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but there is a bit of me that thinks he is being a bit obtuse on purpose, so I think I'm going to have to be more forthright with him

He sounds completely selfish

He isn't selfish in other ways - he cooks me gorgeous food, brings me tea in the morning - he just doesn't place as high a value on sex as me. That said, it's all very well saying the orgasm doesn't matter and it's all about the affection if you are the one who always HAS an orgasm.

That is why I don't understand it - he never listens to me in bed, and yet he isn't selfish out of it.

He's sounds like a boring **** in bed who doesn't give a crap about you.

Next time you guys have sex, stop about 3-4 minutes, before he's come. If he complains you can tell him that's how you always feel. Then tell him to **** off.

I can't understand why he doesn't see my orgasm as a priority - he always gets one - and would like some advice on what more I can do/say.

Have up considered masturbating infront of each other? It may not seem like the best solution to your problem, but it is a chance for him to see how you like to be touched, and it may make him realise that you need to satisfy yourself because he isn't satisfying you.

My problem is that he can't last during intercourse, and if I don't orgasm during intercourse he doesn't bother to touch me afterwards or even ask if I'm satisfied.

Just wondering if I'm being unreasonable, or if this is my boyfriend's problem.

I orgasm most easily through intercourse. Unfortunately, my boyfriend tends to orgasm very quickly during intercourse - about 3-6 mins I'd say and not more, sometimes less. I CAN orgasm in this time, by "helping myself" along and by only having sex in one position in which it is easy for me to achieve orgasm. It is rare he outlasts me by even seconds, he normally comes immediately I do, and about 1 time in 4, it is before me, in which case I don't orgasm at all.

With my ex I had a fulfilling sex life, we'd have intercourse in various positions over a longer period of time, giving more build up for me, and he communicated with me a lot so he got the positioning exactly right. If I didn't orgasm, he'd offer to bring me off in other ways as many times as I liked.

With my current boyfriend, it is just a rush for me to achieve orgasm as fast as possible, so that I actually manage to orgasm before or at the same time as him. I find this frustrating, because it puts a pressure on me, and means we can't experiment with positions etc.

When he reaches orgasm before me, he never asks me if I am ok, if I am satisfied or if there is anything he can do for me. He just gives me a hug and gets out of bed, leaving me frustrated and feeling hurt, like he doesn't care about my pleasure.

I was feeling unhappy and frustrated so I talked to him. I told him that sometimes, when we have sex, especially in other positions than my sure-fire one, I feel frustrated when I don't orgasm. I said that sometimes I am happy for it to be about him, but a lot of other times I'm left sexually frustrated. I let him off the hook by saying I knew it was sometimes before work, and he didn't have time to bring me off when I hadn't come, but that I'd like it if he asked me if I was satisfied because sometimes I was frustrated.

He said to me that "sex is more about the journey than the destination" to which I replied that having an orgasm was very important to me. I said I would like chance to experiment with how other positions felt with him, but I'd need longer to orgasm in that case, and that I avoided them because having an orgasm is very important to me. I really stressed that point.

We had sex the next two days after this conversation. The first time, he pulled me into a position he wanted, in which he knows I can't come. He came, I didn't, and even after all the talking we'd done, he never even asked if I was ok and if he could do anything more for me. The next time we had sex, again he came first and he didn't say a word to me, didn't comment on the fact that I'd got just to the edge before he'd come. He jsut gave me a hug and was affectionate. I made a joke about having to 'finish myself off' and he just laughed like I was being really funny.

I can't understand why he doesn't see my orgasm as a priority - he always gets one - and would like some advice on what more I can do/say.

BTW, don't suggest I just orgasm before intercourse. I hate this, and it makes intercourse uncomfortable for me and takes ALL the pleasure out of it.

Plus, we've tried 'going again' after a while. Even 3-4 hours after sex, he often still can't get an erection. He just isn't one of those guys who is up for a (slightly desensitised) repeat performance.

What can I do?