Bfs mother can't stand me.
Yeah so basically, I've been with my bf for over 2 years now and his mum is a complete cow about it. I'm 'not good enough' for her son, despite the fact I'm at a top 10 uni, have a nice little part time job, good group of friends and have hobbies both with and without my bf.
My rents have well paid jobs, I live in a nice area etc but I don't think I'm a snob about it. I went state school like most people, and I went to a grammar sixth form. I don't get what she can think I'm 'not good enough' about when my bf dropped out of school at 16 with about 2 GCSEs (he's done well since then tho, I think he was just a lazy sod tbh, he's pretty bright)
I really can't work out why she doesn't like me.
She didn't really raise her son, his grandmother on his dad's side did (his dad and aunties absolutely adore me, but his stepmum hates me despite the fact I've met her twice, wtf?) and she's (his mum), being nice here, a bit chavvy to say the least. She doesn't have a partner, they split up fairly recently, and I got on well with him too. I've always got on with exes parents, my exes mum still asks me round for tea sometimes, so I'd like to think I'm not that much of a bitch! but clearly she thinks I am.
Anyway, I need tactics of how to put up with it. I'd never badmouth her to my bf (although he badmouths her loads haha, its not my place to say anything) but how do I just get on with it and smile and pretend I don't care?
My rents have well paid jobs, I live in a nice area etc but I don't think I'm a snob about it. I went state school like most people, and I went to a grammar sixth form. I don't get what she can think I'm 'not good enough' about when my bf dropped out of school at 16 with about 2 GCSEs (he's done well since then tho, I think he was just a lazy sod tbh, he's pretty bright)
I really can't work out why she doesn't like me.
She didn't really raise her son, his grandmother on his dad's side did (his dad and aunties absolutely adore me, but his stepmum hates me despite the fact I've met her twice, wtf?) and she's (his mum), being nice here, a bit chavvy to say the least. She doesn't have a partner, they split up fairly recently, and I got on well with him too. I've always got on with exes parents, my exes mum still asks me round for tea sometimes, so I'd like to think I'm not that much of a bitch! but clearly she thinks I am.
Anyway, I need tactics of how to put up with it. I'd never badmouth her to my bf (although he badmouths her loads haha, its not my place to say anything) but how do I just get on with it and smile and pretend I don't care?
Presuming you and your boyfriend are both adults (since you're at university), why does it matter what she thinks? If she doesn't like you, it's tough titties for her because you're both consenting adults and you don't have an obligation to seek her approval. Just continue being nice and stay out of her hair if possible. Other than that, carry on doing what you're doing and ignore her.
Original post by jumpingjesusholycow
Presuming you and your boyfriend are both adults (since you're at university), why does it matter what she thinks? If she doesn't like you, it's tough titties for her because you're both consenting adults and you don't have an obligation to seek her approval. Just continue being nice and stay out of her hair if possible. Other than that, carry on doing what you're doing and ignore her.
I was doing that until recently when she got me uninvited from a family wedding because she 'didn't want to have to spend all day with me'. Seriously.
I guess you're right tho, I'm just not good with people disliking me, I've had very few people ever have a problem with me before and I don't know how to deal with it other than avoidance which I can't really do. I'm pathetic I guess
Original post by Anonymous
I was doing that until recently when she got me uninvited from a family wedding because she 'didn't want to have to spend all day with me'. Seriously.
I guess you're right tho, I'm just not good with people disliking me, I've had very few people ever have a problem with me before and I don't know how to deal with it other than avoidance which I can't really do. I'm pathetic I guess
I guess you're right tho, I'm just not good with people disliking me, I've had very few people ever have a problem with me before and I don't know how to deal with it other than avoidance which I can't really do. I'm pathetic I guess
Sounds like you dodged a boring wedding to me
Haha, reminds me of the chemistry between my first girlfriend and my Mum! My mum took quite a defensive attitude for some reason and though my ex tried, she just couldn't win my mum over. It probably wasn't as bad as your case, but still it wasn't great. I don't think she really liked me bringing my girlfriend home for dinner etc and I could sense the mood change! However, after a while she got used to it; it was probably her being a bit protective of her boy! With my second girlfriend, she was really cool and liked going shopping with her - they found out that they make good shopping buddies after an accidental outing when they had to find me a birthday present lol But yeah, it normally takes some time. Maybe talk to your bf about it in a polite way without going into too much detail. I'm sure he can have a quiet word with his mum just to make things easier for you. See if you can find some common ground on which to relate with her. There's got to be something. If all else fails, just reassure yourself that you don't have to spend everyday with her or see her on a regular basis!
Some women hope giving birth to a son gives them full control and complete unconditional love from a man for the first time in their lives. There are women who can never make romantic relationships work and their son becomes the important man in their lives. My sister was in a relationship with a man whose mother was unbelievable - she was actually jealous when my sister hugged him.
If there are obvious and concrete examples of her strongly disliking you, you can talk to her. Don't be harsh, just say that you feel like you've gotten off on the wrong foot and you are not sure why but that you care about her son and wish you could be friends.
If there are obvious and concrete examples of her strongly disliking you, you can talk to her. Don't be harsh, just say that you feel like you've gotten off on the wrong foot and you are not sure why but that you care about her son and wish you could be friends.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I was doing that until recently when she got me uninvited from a family wedding because she 'didn't want to have to spend all day with me'. Seriously.
I guess you're right tho, I'm just not good with people disliking me, I've had very few people ever have a problem with me before and I don't know how to deal with it other than avoidance which I can't really do. I'm pathetic I guess
I guess you're right tho, I'm just not good with people disliking me, I've had very few people ever have a problem with me before and I don't know how to deal with it other than avoidance which I can't really do. I'm pathetic I guess
It's a shame she did that, but there's no use getting bothered about it. She has the right to uninvite you from personal functions, though I'd say it's in your best interest not to demand entry anyway. Just ignore her and move on
Original post by aranexus
Sounds like you dodged a boring wedding to me
The last wedding I went to had an open bar - nothing boring about that.
kinda been in the same situation. His mother didnt like me from day 1- even though I was the intelligent 1 with jobs and going to a good Uni, and hes the lazy one with worse grades etc! It was always as if i wasnt good enough.
Then me and his mum had a huge row after about a year and a half and i didnt really have to see her much after that
Then me and his mum had a huge row after about a year and a half and i didnt really have to see her much after that
Original post by Millie228
Some women hope giving birth to a son gives them full control and complete unconditional love from a man for the first time in their lives. There are women who can never make romantic relationships work and their son becomes the important man in their lives. My sister was in a relationship with a man whose mother was unbelievable - she was actually jealous when my sister hugged him.
If there are obvious and concrete examples of her strongly disliking you, you can talk to her. Don't be harsh, just say that you feel like you've gotten off on the wrong foot and you are not sure why but that you care about her son and wish you could be friends.
If there are obvious and concrete examples of her strongly disliking you, you can talk to her. Don't be harsh, just say that you feel like you've gotten off on the wrong foot and you are not sure why but that you care about her son and wish you could be friends.
Yeah this sounds EXACTLY like her tbh.
My bosses MIL is the same, she'll invite her son up to visit for xmas but she won't invite his wife or the kids, wtf.
I think alot of mothers have the 'she will never be good enough for my son attitude' I think saying your not good enough is an excuse, i think shes jealous that her son clearly dotes on you and spends time with you when really she wants to be the only woman in his life. It doesnt sound like its you personally it sounds like any girlfriend he could have she wouldnt like
My mum is the same with guys I could bring home prince harry and he wouldnt be good enough becuase its a jealously thing she doesnt like that im growing up i donrt need her as much and i enjoy spending time with my boyfriend rather than her, or that somebody else has my love and attention not just her.
So id just keep doing what your doing be as nice to her as possible but dont care what she thinks your dating her son not her
My mum is the same with guys I could bring home prince harry and he wouldnt be good enough becuase its a jealously thing she doesnt like that im growing up i donrt need her as much and i enjoy spending time with my boyfriend rather than her, or that somebody else has my love and attention not just her.
So id just keep doing what your doing be as nice to her as possible but dont care what she thinks your dating her son not her
Seriously? The only way to be ok with it is not to care. At the end of the day, there will ALWAYS be people who will not like you for silly reasons. This includes family such as future parents in laws.
Don't waste time, effort and energy trying to "win her over" or anything of the sort. Just ensure that you are civil at all times, and stop worrying about whether she likes you or not.
Don't waste time, effort and energy trying to "win her over" or anything of the sort. Just ensure that you are civil at all times, and stop worrying about whether she likes you or not.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm at a top 10 uni, have a nice little part time job, good group of friends and have hobbies both with and without my bf.
My rents have well paid jobs, I live in a nice area etc but I don't think I'm a snob about it. I went state school like most people, and I went to a grammar sixth form. I don't get what she can think I'm 'not good enough' about when my bf dropped out of school at 16 with about 2 GCSEs (he's done well since then tho, I think he was just a lazy sod tbh, he's pretty bright)
I really can't work out why she doesn't like me.
She didn't really raise her son, his grandmother on his dad's side did (his dad and aunties absolutely adore me, but his stepmum hates me despite the fact I've met her twice, wtf?) and she's (his mum), being nice here, a bit chavvy to say the least.
My rents have well paid jobs, I live in a nice area etc but I don't think I'm a snob about it. I went state school like most people, and I went to a grammar sixth form. I don't get what she can think I'm 'not good enough' about when my bf dropped out of school at 16 with about 2 GCSEs (he's done well since then tho, I think he was just a lazy sod tbh, he's pretty bright)
I really can't work out why she doesn't like me.
She didn't really raise her son, his grandmother on his dad's side did (his dad and aunties absolutely adore me, but his stepmum hates me despite the fact I've met her twice, wtf?) and she's (his mum), being nice here, a bit chavvy to say the least.
Your worth is not based around the wealth of your background and your academic achievements. The fact that you (wrongly) place value in these things probably comes across to your boyfriend's mother. Looking to your achievements and circumstances to identify flaws is a sign of a weak character who lacks introspection. It is a person's attitude that makes or breaks them. It is far more likely that a mother wants her son's girlfriend to be kind and caring rather than academically able and from an affluent family. Your attitude towards his mother comes across as snobby and probably what has happened is that she has reacted distastefully to it and this has triggered a vicious circle of hostility between the two of you. I get that his mother might be unreasonable, but if you reflect on your behaviour you may find that this isn't as black and white as you thought.
It's probably not that she thinks you aren't good enough, it's more likely that she's judged you from the start! I'm not saying that in an arrogant way etc I'm speaking from personal experience - I had a boyfriend who was from an area with a worse reputation from me, didn't go to the same school/sixth form as me, I worked and had hobbies and he didn't etc, and his mum hated me until we sat down and had a conversation about why. She told me it was because she'd assumed I was "posh" and would look down on her! Ended up really good friends and I still speak to her a year after the relationship ended! Best thing you can is to make the most of a bad situation.... just be civil to her. If she doesn't like you in 2 and a half years, I hate to say it but it's unlikely she'll change her mind in a hurry.
Jesus if my parents ever behaved like that towards my boyfriend I'd be raging. I have a good judge of character and if they don't approve of who I choose to date then they can **** right off until they can behave with civility.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah so basically, I've been with my bf for over 2 years now and his mum is a complete cow about it. I'm 'not good enough' for her son, despite the fact I'm at a top 10 uni, have a nice little part time job, good group of friends and have hobbies both with and without my bf.
My rents have well paid jobs, I live in a nice area etc but I don't think I'm a snob about it. I went state school like most people, and I went to a grammar sixth form. I don't get what she can think I'm 'not good enough' about when my bf dropped out of school at 16 with about 2 GCSEs (he's done well since then tho, I think he was just a lazy sod tbh, he's pretty bright)
I really can't work out why she doesn't like me.
She didn't really raise her son, his grandmother on his dad's side did (his dad and aunties absolutely adore me, but his stepmum hates me despite the fact I've met her twice, wtf?) and she's (his mum), being nice here, a bit chavvy to say the least. She doesn't have a partner, they split up fairly recently, and I got on well with him too. I've always got on with exes parents, my exes mum still asks me round for tea sometimes, so I'd like to think I'm not that much of a bitch! but clearly she thinks I am.
Anyway, I need tactics of how to put up with it. I'd never badmouth her to my bf (although he badmouths her loads haha, its not my place to say anything) but how do I just get on with it and smile and pretend I don't care?
My rents have well paid jobs, I live in a nice area etc but I don't think I'm a snob about it. I went state school like most people, and I went to a grammar sixth form. I don't get what she can think I'm 'not good enough' about when my bf dropped out of school at 16 with about 2 GCSEs (he's done well since then tho, I think he was just a lazy sod tbh, he's pretty bright)
I really can't work out why she doesn't like me.
She didn't really raise her son, his grandmother on his dad's side did (his dad and aunties absolutely adore me, but his stepmum hates me despite the fact I've met her twice, wtf?) and she's (his mum), being nice here, a bit chavvy to say the least. She doesn't have a partner, they split up fairly recently, and I got on well with him too. I've always got on with exes parents, my exes mum still asks me round for tea sometimes, so I'd like to think I'm not that much of a bitch! but clearly she thinks I am.
Anyway, I need tactics of how to put up with it. I'd never badmouth her to my bf (although he badmouths her loads haha, its not my place to say anything) but how do I just get on with it and smile and pretend I don't care?
If your bf bad mouths his own mum, then I doubt he cares what she thinks about you. Alot of in-laws don't get on. The best you can do is just live with it. Avoid causing arguments or disagreements with her, just agree with everything she says! Ha
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Original post by Anonymous
Yeah so basically, I've been with my bf for over 2 years now and his mum is a complete cow about it. I'm 'not good enough' for her son, despite the fact I'm at a top 10 uni, have a nice little part time job, good group of friends and have hobbies both with and without my bf.
My rents have well paid jobs, I live in a nice area etc but I don't think I'm a snob about it. I went state school like most people, and I went to a grammar sixth form. I don't get what she can think I'm 'not good enough' about when my bf dropped out of school at 16 with about 2 GCSEs (he's done well since then tho, I think he was just a lazy sod tbh, he's pretty bright)
I really can't work out why she doesn't like me.
She didn't really raise her son, his grandmother on his dad's side did (his dad and aunties absolutely adore me, but his stepmum hates me despite the fact I've met her twice, wtf?) and she's (his mum), being nice here, a bit chavvy to say the least. She doesn't have a partner, they split up fairly recently, and I got on well with him too. I've always got on with exes parents, my exes mum still asks me round for tea sometimes, so I'd like to think I'm not that much of a bitch! but clearly she thinks I am.
Anyway, I need tactics of how to put up with it. I'd never badmouth her to my bf (although he badmouths her loads haha, its not my place to say anything) but how do I just get on with it and smile and pretend I don't care?
My rents have well paid jobs, I live in a nice area etc but I don't think I'm a snob about it. I went state school like most people, and I went to a grammar sixth form. I don't get what she can think I'm 'not good enough' about when my bf dropped out of school at 16 with about 2 GCSEs (he's done well since then tho, I think he was just a lazy sod tbh, he's pretty bright)
I really can't work out why she doesn't like me.
She didn't really raise her son, his grandmother on his dad's side did (his dad and aunties absolutely adore me, but his stepmum hates me despite the fact I've met her twice, wtf?) and she's (his mum), being nice here, a bit chavvy to say the least. She doesn't have a partner, they split up fairly recently, and I got on well with him too. I've always got on with exes parents, my exes mum still asks me round for tea sometimes, so I'd like to think I'm not that much of a bitch! but clearly she thinks I am.
Anyway, I need tactics of how to put up with it. I'd never badmouth her to my bf (although he badmouths her loads haha, its not my place to say anything) but how do I just get on with it and smile and pretend I don't care?
Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse
Your worth is not based around the wealth of your background and your academic achievements. The fact that you (wrongly) place value in these things probably comes across to your boyfriend's mother. Looking to your achievements and circumstances to identify flaws is a sign of a weak character who lacks introspection. It is a person's attitude that makes or breaks them. It is far more likely that a mother wants her son's girlfriend to be kind and caring rather than academically able and from an affluent family. Your attitude towards his mother comes across as snobby and probably what has happened is that she has reacted distastefully to it and this has triggered a vicious circle of hostility between the two of you. I get that his mother might be unreasonable, but if you reflect on your behaviour you may find that this isn't as black and white as you thought.
This.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah so basically, I've been with my bf for over 2 years now and his mum is a complete cow about it. I'm 'not good enough' for her son, despite the fact I'm at a top 10 uni, have a nice little part time job, good group of friends and have hobbies both with and without my bf.
My rents have well paid jobs, I live in a nice area etc but I don't think I'm a snob about it. I went state school like most people, and I went to a grammar sixth form. I don't get what she can think I'm 'not good enough' about when my bf dropped out of school at 16 with about 2 GCSEs (he's done well since then tho, I think he was just a lazy sod tbh, he's pretty bright)
I really can't work out why she doesn't like me.
She didn't really raise her son, his grandmother on his dad's side did (his dad and aunties absolutely adore me, but his stepmum hates me despite the fact I've met her twice, wtf?) and she's (his mum), being nice here, a bit chavvy to say the least. She doesn't have a partner, they split up fairly recently, and I got on well with him too. I've always got on with exes parents, my exes mum still asks me round for tea sometimes, so I'd like to think I'm not that much of a bitch! but clearly she thinks I am.
Anyway, I need tactics of how to put up with it. I'd never badmouth her to my bf (although he badmouths her loads haha, its not my place to say anything) but how do I just get on with it and smile and pretend I don't care?
My rents have well paid jobs, I live in a nice area etc but I don't think I'm a snob about it. I went state school like most people, and I went to a grammar sixth form. I don't get what she can think I'm 'not good enough' about when my bf dropped out of school at 16 with about 2 GCSEs (he's done well since then tho, I think he was just a lazy sod tbh, he's pretty bright)
I really can't work out why she doesn't like me.
She didn't really raise her son, his grandmother on his dad's side did (his dad and aunties absolutely adore me, but his stepmum hates me despite the fact I've met her twice, wtf?) and she's (his mum), being nice here, a bit chavvy to say the least. She doesn't have a partner, they split up fairly recently, and I got on well with him too. I've always got on with exes parents, my exes mum still asks me round for tea sometimes, so I'd like to think I'm not that much of a bitch! but clearly she thinks I am.
Anyway, I need tactics of how to put up with it. I'd never badmouth her to my bf (although he badmouths her loads haha, its not my place to say anything) but how do I just get on with it and smile and pretend I don't care?
Sounds like you've never really appreciated that sometimes people will just not like you despite your best efforts.
She is probably just a waste of skin cow who feels inferior to you?
I dunno, if you've made a fair effort to improve her opinion of you without success shrug it off and move on. You're dating him, not his mum.
Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse
Your worth is not based around the wealth of your background and your academic achievements. The fact that you (wrongly) place value in these things probably comes across to your boyfriend's mother. Looking to your achievements and circumstances to identify flaws is a sign of a weak character who lacks introspection. It is a person's attitude that makes or breaks them. It is far more likely that a mother wants her son's girlfriend to be kind and caring rather than academically able and from an affluent family. Your attitude towards his mother comes across as snobby and probably what has happened is that she has reacted distastefully to it and this has triggered a vicious circle of hostility between the two of you. I get that his mother might be unreasonable, but if you reflect on your behaviour you may find that this isn't as black and white as you thought.
Yeah, you don't have a clue what you're talking about. I was being polite about her, she basically spends every penny she can get her hands on on getting bladdered up the pub, at the age of 55. I've never been anything but polite and kind to her and my bf. I came back from uni when his grandmother that raised him died because he was in bits and his mum was nowhere to be seen, I've sat through countless funerals of people I've never met because my bf wanted a shoulder to cry on. My ex bfs mum still invites me around etc because I'm generally a nice person.
If you've got nothing better to do than be a bitch on tsr then I suggest you get a life tbh. Pretty pathetic.
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