Why is my life always like this?

To give you a quick breakdown, I was always that girl who always got pick on for no apparent reason when I was in school. I wasn't the smart student nor was I the prettiest as well ( although I'm now be consider hot, weird!). With constant bullying at school and sexual harassment by boys I was a target and still to this day these things still affect me to be honest ( I'm literally afraid of guys I have never been in a proper relationship). I'm now in my second year of uni and I'm barely passing I started off so good but my emotions have gotten the best of me and wondering if I should continue with my studies. I always appear cheerful but I'm really dying inside I don't have anyone who's really there for me they're always taking things away from me because I'm weak and I can never say no. I so unhappy to point that sometimes I asked god what's my purpose in life if I can find I will pull through. I had a dream that I was dying (I was the only person in the dream to get shot in my neck at the airport) my final words were "why is it always me?" Why do I have such a bad luck? I remember begging God to allow me to live and when I woke up I was wondering why? Why do I want to live so bad when I'm so miserable (mind you I'm not sucidial or anything). I just want a few things in my life to workout for once and when I smile I'm truly happy and I'm not pretending. My father said to me once that whenever he always asked how is everything and how am I doing I would say that I'm fine and he would always he wish was always fine like me. My parents can be negative always talking about themselves and mother gossiping all the time if I was to tell them all of this they would only reassure me and that wouldn't make me any better. I'm lost and confuse I don't know what to do this is just my life but even when I try to improve it, it's always the same outcome.