My little sister is changing for the worse

she's 19

I tried calm and non-judgemental. I tried to understand where she was coming from, told her I was here for her and offered her an allowance if she would put an effort into quitting. I got angry after she left the ciggies in my room, while she galavanted off to other parts of Europe with her friends, and with the way she reacted after she thought I had thrown them away.

She is studying but keeps ranting about how she doesn't want to be another drone with a depressing 9-5 job. From the sound of it, she wouldn't mind dropping out and becoming some sort of hippy. But if she drops out of uni, it will be at my mum's expense. She's reckless and impulsive, that's why I worry about her being around drugs. "In moderation" isn't in her vocabulary, she's all about living in the moment.

this.

Even if she 19 where it's less of your responsibility and in your power to do anything but still just as much of a care and concern. I could've sworn to myself when my little siblings were 4 like that I wouldn't care about them when they got older since they're older. But no I care about them even more

My question to OP:

Has she done this before or just starting now at this age?

She started this after she went to uni last September. Before that she was fine, a bit wild and rowdy but never took drugs.

Do you expect me to say "oh right, 19, guess it doesn't matter"?
Do you have siblings? If you do it seems kinda sociopathic to be so detached and insensitive to the OP caring about their siblings.

And yes OP's sister might not be 11 but an 11 yr old certainly can be like how the sister in the OP was described.

Sorry but the more you say the more I disagree with you! Just because your ideal world is different from hers does not mean you are more right than her! She will realise eventually that you need money to live! In 50 years time when she looks back at her life maybe she will be more happy she enjoyed her life more before she joined the masses with the 9-5 jobs! Plenty of people are happy enjoying themselves until they start their careers at 26+! She is only 19 ffs! She has ages! You are not her parents and if she drops out at your mums expense then that's your mum's decision whether to fund her or not, it's your mum's money not yours!

Again, for the last time, she is not you, she has her own mind, she makes her own decisions.

I expect you to say she's 19 so maybe she's old enough to start making her own decisions? unlike an 11 year old?

Sorry but the more you say the more I disagree with you! Just because your ideal world is different from hers does not mean you are more right than her! She will realise eventually that you need money to live! In 50 years time when she looks back at her life maybe she will be more happy she enjoyed her life more before she joined the masses with the 9-5 jobs! Plenty of people are happy enjoying themselves until they start their careers at 26+! She is only 19 ffs! She has ages! You are not her parents and if she drops out at your mums expense then that's your mum's decision whether to fund her or not, it's your mum's money not yours!

Again, for the last time, she is not you, she has her own mind, she makes her own decisions.

I already said that, but you missed it since you're too busy interrogating the OP when they need support for a pretty reasonable concern such as the well-being of a loved one.

I don't think you can get through to them. They're obviously heartless, and probably don't have siblings, so they can't possibly understand what its like to feel protective like the OP does.

My mum expressed her concerns to me that my sister will drop out and that it will be at her expense. You do not know how much this woman has been through with my dad and some of my other siblings, it's unfair to drop this on her as well. And even if my mum refused to fund her (which she probably wouldn't have the heart to do), I would feel obligated to take on the role, as I can't let her end up on the streets. So it's either at my mum's expense or it's at mine. But you refuse to acknowledge how selfish she is being, all in the name of "having fun".

She is already being fully supported financially, and that's OK because she is doing something with her life. If she decides to embark on the hippy lifestyle and we end up funding it then that's selfish, simple as.

Omg

She's 19. I want her to have fun and don't care about all the drinking and the partying but the drugs will ruin her life. If she was only smoking weed once in a while, it wouldn't matter. But she smokes it regularly and has admitted that she is sort of dependent on cigarettes now. How will she get out of the habit?

??

I really do understand your concern but there is nothing you can do other than talk to her and express your own opinion, which it sounds like you've already done and she hasn't agreed. Maybe my opinion is different because at the uni where I study, it is a top uni and a large number of people have a lifestyle like the one you are describing and I don't know anyone who got below a 2.1... (and many other unis are similar)... maybe it is different for other people. I am just trying to let you know the lifestyle you are describing does not = deadbeat with no prospects and it's up to her to direct her own life. If she was 26 and still living this way, THAT is the time to be concerned... 19 is young and having fun.

Maybe you should take a different approach and say to your sister that the partying is fine as long as she keeps up with her studies and she doesn't HAVE to go straight into the 9-5 job after uni and can take a few years for herself, but having a degree is a great thing to make sure she gets the freedom she seems to want. I assume she's in 1st year?

As for her expecting you to fund a hippy lifestyle with no uni then yes, I agree 100% that that is selfish, and unfortunately the onus is on you to NOT fund it.

you seem very passionate about this, when OP isn't doing much wrong, besides the enabling.

But I've had my say.

I just disagree when people try to control other people's life and try to make them follow the same path as them... I've had family disagree with every life decision I've made since school because it's not the "typical" life choice and I've turned out way more happy and fulfilled because of those decisions... OPs Sister just honestly sounds like most people I know in their 1st year so maybe that's why I don't find it so concerning

Plus I like to use exclamation marks

I see what you mean. It would be easier to just leave her be if she knew where she wanted to go in life and was passionate about her subject but it seems like she went to uni just because she had nothing else to do. She has so much potential and got all of her UCAS offers from really good unis last year because her personal statement/extracurriculars were so good, and I don't want to see her throw it all down the drain. The way she got so aggressive with me when she thought that I *might* have thrown a few cigarettes away after she disrespectfully left them in my room was totally uncharacteristic of her as well; we almost always get along great.

If I can be reassured that she will stay at uni and do her best, I would be a lot more laid-back. But all of this talk of dropping out makes me believe that the drugs are playing a major role.