was it rape? and am scared i might get pregnant.
my boyfriend and i have only been together for a few weeks and he sometimes touches me in the lower region and i will say no or push his hand slightly. he will continue doing it but if i tell him to say no then he will get mad. but yesterday he asked me to meet him during class in a stairwell. i thought nothing of it, that he just wanted to talk or something but then he started kissing me and then kinda...yeah. i dont really remember much because my mind went somewhere else when it happened. but i had told him previously that i didnt want to go all the way. i didnt fight back though and im really ashamed because when it didnt hurt it kind of felt good. but i dont know what to do because i dont have access to any form of birth control or ecp and he didnt use protection. im scared to tell anyone though.
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Original post by Star_night
my boyfriend and i have only been together for a few weeks and he sometimes touches me in the lower region and i will say no or push his hand slightly. he will continue doing it but if i tell him to say no then he will get mad. but yesterday he asked me to meet him during class in a stairwell. i thought nothing of it, that he just wanted to talk or something but then he started kissing me and then kinda...yeah. i dont really remember much because my mind went somewhere else when it happened. but i had told him previously that i didnt want to go all the way. i didnt fight back though and im really ashamed because when it didnt hurt it kind of felt good. but i dont know what to do because i dont have access to any form of birth control or ecp and he didnt use protection. im scared to tell anyone though.
Yes, it was rape because you didn't consent. Does the school have CCTV in the stairwells? How old are you? How old is your boyfriend? You need to tell someone you trust, and you need to end it with your boyfriend. He is not a good person. Please go to the police and talk to someone, don't wash the clothes you were wearing, especially your underwear. Go to your GP or pharmacist and you can get support there. Don't just let this slide because he will do it to another girl if he gets away with doing it to you.
Original post by DrawTheLine
Yes, it was rape because you didn't consent. Does the school have CCTV in the stairwells? How old are you? How old is your boyfriend? You need to tell someone you trust, and you need to end it with your boyfriend. He is not a good person. Please go to the police and talk to someone, don't wash the clothes you were wearing, especially your underwear. Go to your GP or pharmacist and you can get support there. Don't just let this slide because he will do it to another girl if he gets away with doing it to you.
Rape is not simply whether there is lack of consent. There needs to be lack of consent as well as lack of reasonable belief that consent was given.
Original post by Notoriety
Rape is not simply whether there is lack of consent. There needs to be lack of consent as well as lack of reasonable belief that consent was given.
Okay.
Original post by DrawTheLine
Yes, it was rape because you didn't consent. Does the school have CCTV in the stairwells? How old are you? How old is your boyfriend? You need to tell someone you trust, and you need to end it with your boyfriend. He is not a good person. Please go to the police and talk to someone, don't wash the clothes you were wearing, especially your underwear. Go to your GP or pharmacist and you can get support there. Don't just let this slide because he will do it to another girl if he gets away with doing it to you.
no cameras. 14 and hes 15. when i told him i didnt want to go all the way he just keep saying okay and sh.
Original post by Star_night
no cameras. 14 and hes 15. when i told him i didnt want to go all the way he just keep saying okay and sh.
So yes he raped you. Please tell someone and go to the police. He will do this again to you and possibly to other girls too. For your sake and other's, tell someone.
Original post by DrawTheLine
So yes he raped you. Please tell someone and go to the police. He will do this again to you and possibly to other girls too. For your sake and other's, tell someone.
im scared but i'll try. thank you.
Original post by Star_night
im scared but i'll try. thank you.
I know it's scary but it is so important that you do this, because it won't go away or get better on its own.
Original post by Star_night
my boyfriend and i have only been together for a few weeks and he sometimes touches me in the lower region and i will say no or push his hand slightly. he will continue doing it but if i tell him to say no then he will get mad. but yesterday he asked me to meet him during class in a stairwell. i thought nothing of it, that he just wanted to talk or something but then he started kissing me and then kinda...yeah. i dont really remember much because my mind went somewhere else when it happened. but i had told him previously that i didnt want to go all the way. i didnt fight back though and im really ashamed because when it didnt hurt it kind of felt good. but i dont know what to do because i dont have access to any form of birth control or ecp and he didnt use protection. im scared to tell anyone though.
Hi
It sounds like you are at school. How old are you both?
In any event you need to speak to someone either Childline on 0800 1111 or rape crisis. It sounds like it was potentially rape as it looks like you didnt consent and he knew it. A jury would decide based on the evidence on whether he reasonably believed he had consent or not.
In any event its important you speak to someone now confidentially, so you can share your feelings and they can offer support. They wont judge you and they will give you advice on steps to take. It is confidential.
Here is some more information.
You will see there are the contact details for rape crisis as well as information to find your local sexual assault referral centre (SARC).
You can get advice there and they can help you make sense of the situations so you can decide what to do. SARC can also provide medical assistance plus help preserve evidence.
1. Do not wash or shower. It's important to preserve forensic evidence.Put any clothing including underwear in a bag or leave them there.
2. Contact your uni welfare support. They probably have a specialist emergency line or if in halls contact the warden. If at school you may have a school nurse or counsellor. If you dont trust them then use some of the other contacts where you can be anonymous and it is confidential.
3. If you dont wish to contact them, then contact Rape crisis so you can talk it through with them and decide what you want to do.
The number is.
Freephone 0808 802 9999
12 noon - 2.30pm and 7 - 9.30pm
https://rapecrisis.org.uk/
The advantage of speaking to counsellors first is you can talk it through first and feel more in control as you talk through your options and then involve the police. Its very important you dont blame yourself and that you get good advice.
4. You could also contact the police.
5. If you dont wish to use any of those then you can visit your local
Sexual Assault Referral Centres (SARCs) part of the NHS and they can inspect you plus give you some initial advice and support. Use the link to locate your closest one.
https://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Ra...tionSearch/364
6. Maybe get a friend round to be with you if you need the immediate support and you are sure of their ability to keep things confidential.
7. Hang in there and get busy talking to people. Its better to find out and get in contact with the right people and then you can feel more in control.
8. Write down everything you can about the sequence of events plus any info they might need to locate where this house and who the person was.
If you act quickly you can get the morning after pill from your GP or SARC. Please get support and talk it over with the people mentioned above.
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by Star_night
my boyfriend and i have only been together for a few weeks and he sometimes touches me in the lower region and i will say no or push his hand slightly. he will continue doing it but if i tell him to say no then he will get mad. but yesterday he asked me to meet him during class in a stairwell. i thought nothing of it, that he just wanted to talk or something but then he started kissing me and then kinda...yeah. i dont really remember much because my mind went somewhere else when it happened. but i had told him previously that i didnt want to go all the way. i didnt fight back though and im really ashamed because when it didnt hurt it kind of felt good. but i dont know what to do because i dont have access to any form of birth control or ecp and he didnt use protection. im scared to tell anyone though.
Yes it was rape. I suggest you dump his ass and report him to school or the police. Your school can also set you up with some counseling if you want.
I would also suggest you go to a pharmacy, your GP or a walk in clinic to get some emergency contraception. You don't have to give details of you don't want to.
If she's kissing him back and letting him continue, how is he meant to know she doesn't want it to go further in that moment?
if nothing came out of him then I doubt you'll be pregnant but again if it went in without your consent then it is rape even if you wanted it then changed your mind last minute that's still classed as rape. with my boyfriend we've been together for few months now and occasionally when we kiss he would touch my lower parts he asked if we could u know the next week online when he was drunk I didn't think much off it and passed it off by dodging the question. just be glad you wasnt on your period when he did that to you, again if it only was in for a split second and nothing came out of him into you I doubt you'd be pregnant. if you really like him still then stay with him but if you don't like what he's doing and will keep doing it against what you say then just try to leave him for the sake of yourself
Original post by Anonymous
If she's kissing him back and letting him continue, how is he meant to know she doesn't want it to go further in that moment?
A kiss isn’t consent.
Original post by Anonymous
If she's kissing him back and letting him continue, how is he meant to know she doesn't want it to go further in that moment?
It is difficult to tell sometimes, but she says she told him she didn't want to. That's a lack of consent.
Original post by Anonymous
If she's kissing him back and letting him continue, how is he meant to know she doesn't want it to go further in that moment?
Even if he did have a reasonable belief that consent was given, he would be committing an offence of sexual activity with a child (which is section 9 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003, by virtue of section 13). Children can still commit child-related sexual offences.
Original post by Anonymous
If she's kissing him back and letting him continue, how is he meant to know she doesn't want it to go further in that moment?
You mean all the no’s she said and the pushing him away suddenly don’t count because of a kiss which may or may not be returned?
As someone who has had “kisses” forced upon me, I can tell you it’s a lot easier to breathe if you “kiss back”. It’s not a sign of consent.
You need to enlighten yourself about responses to sexual attacks. She wasn’t “letting him” continue. This badgering had been going on for a while where her protests and physically removing him wasn’t making any difference. There are multiple survival modes including freeze/comply. It sounds like she dissociated.
Also. 14. Can’t consent
—
I didn’t see anyone specifically address this - physical arousal is normal in rape. It’s your body responding to stimulus as it was designed to do. This doesn’t mean you liked being raped or that you were really consenting. It’s an involuntary response like sneezing or laughing when being tickled. This is why should never confuse an erection with consent too
(edited 6 years ago)
The easiest way not to find yourself in this position is not to assume a) a girl is playing hard to get b) that your belief that she will eventually enjoy it overrides her saying she doesn’t want it now
I mean honestly don’t get why this has to be laid out. Girl says no, guy continues, girl says no again and pushes away, guy continues, girl feels powerless so stops trying to stop guy. Guy..this is consent right? No. And more no. It simply means you’ve succeeded in making a girl too scared to keep fighting 👏 bravo
I mean honestly don’t get why this has to be laid out. Girl says no, guy continues, girl says no again and pushes away, guy continues, girl feels powerless so stops trying to stop guy. Guy..this is consent right? No. And more no. It simply means you’ve succeeded in making a girl too scared to keep fighting 👏 bravo
Original post by Star_night
no cameras. 14 and hes 15. when i told him i didnt want to go all the way he just keep saying okay and sh.
Original post by Star_night
but i had told him previously that i didnt want to go all the way.
Sorry I had assumed when she said previously she meant on another occasion she said she wasn't ready. But then when she continued to kiss him in the stairwell he thought she was ready or just a bit nervous. But yeah if she was telling him mid interaction that she doesn't want to then that's not right.
Oh just to second what somebody else said because it's a very good point:
Physically enjoying it doesn't change anything. It's a natural response from you body, not you choosing to enjoy it. As they said, it's like laughing when somebody tickles you. You can absolutely hate being ticked but your body may still laugh which would usually indicate enjoying it.
And even if you did enjoy it, you could still want not to do it. I enjoy chocolate cake, but I wouldn't appreciate somebody force feeding it to me or pressuring me to eat it if I were on a diet.
It doesn't have to feel bad to be wrong. He had sex with you when you didn't want to. That was the bad thing and that's what makes it rape.
Physically enjoying it doesn't change anything. It's a natural response from you body, not you choosing to enjoy it. As they said, it's like laughing when somebody tickles you. You can absolutely hate being ticked but your body may still laugh which would usually indicate enjoying it.
And even if you did enjoy it, you could still want not to do it. I enjoy chocolate cake, but I wouldn't appreciate somebody force feeding it to me or pressuring me to eat it if I were on a diet.
It doesn't have to feel bad to be wrong. He had sex with you when you didn't want to. That was the bad thing and that's what makes it rape.
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