Girlfriend had rape flashback nightmare and has stopped being intimate?

First few weeks of our relationship we had no problem with intimacy. However, one night she had a flashback in a nightmare and we haven't been intimate since. Not even passionate kissing...everything else with the relationship is amazing and I'm very happy and she says the same, but she admits it's set her back and the wall has gone up again with regards to intimacy after that.

I just don't know how to go about the whole intimacy topic now or how to move forward, at this moment in time it feels like we won't ever be intimate again.

Reply 1

AnnaBananana

Universities Forum Helper

19

Is she getting any help or counselling for this?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by AnnaBananana

Is she getting any help or counselling for this?

We’ve got the ball rolling for counselling this week. 2-4 weeks turnaround and she’s been put on different anxiety tablets so far.

Reply 3

AnnaBananana

Universities Forum Helper

19

Original post by Anonymous

We’ve got the ball rolling for counselling this week. 2-4 weeks turnaround and she’s been put on different anxiety tablets so far.

She will just need time, love, and patience. If you can give her the space she needs and she feels secure and confident that you’re there for her, then in the long run your relationship will be stronger. Only you can know if you’re able to do this. If you’ve had a good sex life previously then there’s a good chance that this will come back once she gets her head around things but nothing is ever guaranteed

Reply 4

lara147

16

Original post by Anonymous

First few weeks of our relationship we had no problem with intimacy. However, one night she had a flashback in a nightmare and we haven't been intimate since. Not even passionate kissing...everything else with the relationship is amazing and I'm very happy and she says the same, but she admits it's set her back and the wall has gone up again with regards to intimacy after that.

I just don't know how to go about the whole intimacy topic now or how to move forward, at this moment in time it feels like we won't ever be intimate again.

I think you should focus on trying to be there for her and making her feel comfortable. Trauma isn't easy and sometimes she might not understand her own feelings. I think you should be considerate and supportive and she'll appreciate that and it will help your relationship in the long run especially if she's able to talk to you about this freely.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Ciel.

you need to stop being a selfish prick, for once. she might need a break from sex. it could take several weeks or several months. trauma is a very complex thing. don't pressure her

Completely unnecessary comment without knowing context, I've been extremely supportive and she's even thanked me for it. I'm purely asking here what the best approach is as I've never been in this situation before and want the best way forward for us as a couple.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by lara147

I think you should focus on trying to be there for her and making her feel comfortable. Trauma isn't easy and sometimes she might not understand her own feelings. I think you should be considerate and supportive and she'll appreciate that and it will help your relationship in the long run especially if she's able to talk to you about this freely.

Thanks, I think as we spend a lot of time together I'm finding it tricky how we've gone from being frequently intimate to nothing in the flick of a switch. Understand it's just a patience thing and she said she's extremely happy with every other aspect of the relationship, so we will see.

Reply 7

username1339858_

16

You will have to view sex as a complete beginner again, like you first did when you got in a relationship. Give her space and time, and when you do start being intimate take it slow and be sure she is with you the whole way. Whenever she feels the uncomfortable stop. You'll have to look at it a bit similar to exposure therapy. Reassure her. Be there for her rn, rn she does not want to have sex and that is okay. Don't make it a hoohah or a big thing. Allow it.

Reply 8

Ciel.

21

Original post by headieone

He's a selfish prick because he's asking for advice on how to improve his relationship? Get a life mate honestly

improve his relationship? all he cares about is sex. he doesn't give a **** about her trauma. "ooh, not even passionate kissing, poor meeee"

Reply 9

Ciel.

21

Original post by headieone

That's literally not even what he's saying lmao. Being intimate is a normal part of every relationship and obviously he gives a **** about her trauma that's why he's on here asking for advice... please don't come on tsr to give advice on a subject you know absolutely nothing about, try finding a significant other first :smile:

how do you know? are you him, is that why you're being such a good little white knight?
i do know a lot about the subject, darling. and i'm in a relationship, lol, so save it.

Reply 10

Ciel.

21

Original post by headieone

"how do you know" because I have the basic cognitive functioning? something you don't seem to have so that's quite understandable. Calling me darling and typing in all lowercase isn't making your point any stronger, sorry to break it to you.

and i can read between the lines, and i know exactly what the point of this thread is.i know tons of trash guys like him.
"typing in all lowercass isn't making my point any stronger"? are you having a laugh? that's your best argument? god, you're hilarious.

Reply 11

Ciel.

21

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah because your relationship is such a shining beacon for what relationships should look like.

i know. it's perfect :smile:

Reply 12

Anonymous #2

Original post by Ciel.

i know. it's perfect :smile:

"i can't tell who's crazier, me or my bf"
"bf slapped me in front out our neighbour last night and i'm so embarrassed"
"neighbour called the police on us"
"i want to leave my boyfriend and our pets"

OP, asking for help is the right thing to do. This is an extremely traumatic incident and things may not get back to how you are used to in a while, but your support will mean everything.

Reply 13

Ramipril

18

Original post by Ciel.

how do you know? are you him, is that why you're being such a good little white knight?
i do know a lot about the subject, darling. and i'm in a relationship, lol, so save it.

Somebody is having a mare today.

Reply 14

Ciel.

21

Original post by Anonymous

"i can't tell who's crazier, me or my bf"
"bf slapped me in front out our neighbour last night and i'm so embarrassed"
"neighbour called the police on us"
"i want to leave my boyfriend and our pets"

OP, asking for help is the right thing to do. This is an extremely traumatic incident and things may not get back to how you are used to in a while, but your support will mean everything.

i can be a little dramatic sometimes and our relationship is very intense 😂 but he'd never try to pressure me into sex, after a sexual assault. he's nothing like the op.