Bf said he’d leave me if I got pregnant

I guess most guys are like this if they really do not want a child but yeah my bf said if we got pregnant he’d leave me. I guess it’s because I’d keep the child but my other friend said her bf said the same. Is this normal? We’re 18 and we both definitely do not want to be parents at this age but hypothetically.

Reply 1

MariaSampaio

9

Hunny....drop his behind and leave him in the dust.... like u can do better xx

Reply 2

anosmianAcrimony

20

It sounds like you have different intentions for if you get pregnant - you would want to keep it, and he wouldn’t want to. That seems like a basically irreconcilable difference. At that point, the responsible thing for him to do is not to leave you when you get pregnant, but to leave you now, ensuring that he does not get you pregnant. If he’s not going to do that - if he’s going to stay with you and put you both at risk of ending up in that awful situation - then you should think very carefully about whether you want to be with him.

Reply 3

Kerzen

17

This reminds me of another thread on TSR not that long ago.

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=95157433&highlight=pregnant

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 4

MariaSampaio

9

Original post by anosmianAcrimony

It sounds like you have different intentions for if you get pregnant - you would want to keep it, and he wouldn’t want to. That seems like a basically irreconcilable difference. At that point, the responsible thing for him to do is not to leave you when you get pregnant, but to leave you now, ensuring that he does not get you pregnant. If he’s not going to do that - if he’s going to stay with you and put you both at risk of ending up in that awful situation - then you should think very carefully about whether you want to be with him.

THIS!!! Leave him bc he already proved that hes not interested in having ur back when u need him. To take responsibility when u bith mess up....also double up on contraception, pill and condoms, do not take chances with him

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

I mean, not everyone wants kids, sometimes EVER. I am one of these. You should have an honest conversation about your goals, and if he doesn’t want kids, break up with him because you don’t have the same goals in life long term. This isn’t something you can compromise on, you can’t have half a child, and it doesn’t make him bad or evil or anything.

Reply 6

Kovalensky

14

Original post by Anonymous

I mean, not everyone wants kids, sometimes EVER. I am one of these. You should have an honest conversation about your goals, and if he doesn’t want kids, break up with him because you don’t have the same goals in life long term. This isn’t something you can compromise on, you can’t have half a child, and it doesn’t make him bad or evil or anything.

If his attitude is ''if you get pregnant with me while we're in a relationship, I'm gonna leave you'' he is a jerk. Many people do not want kids but if you're in a heterosexual relationship at this age, the chance that it will happen even if you're cautious, exists. So if you can't handle that, don't get into relationships with members of the opposite sex. If she wants to keep it, it's her choice, you can't force her to have an abortion.

Similar with STIs and so on. When you're sexually active, you assume that kind of risk and have to face the consequences if you're unlucky.

Reply 7

JaseyB

15

Original post by Anonymous

I guess most guys are like this if they really do not want a child but yeah my bf said if we got pregnant he’d leave me. I guess it’s because I’d keep the child but my other friend said her bf said the same. Is this normal? We’re 18 and we both definitely do not want to be parents at this age but hypothetically.

It's understandable at that age, however if he isn't willing to take responsibility then perhaps you should tell him it would be good idea to refrain from sex (with anyone) until he is willing to take responsibility for his actions/mistakes.

Reply 8

anosmianAcrimony

20

Original post by Kerzen

This reminds me of another thread on TSR not that long ago.

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=95157433&highlight=pregnant

Yup - sadly there’s a wealth of guys with this kind of attitude. I’m sure if you searched back through the TSR Relationship forum’s history you’d unearth thousands of them >.>

Reply 9

anosmianAcrimony

20

Original post by JaseyB

It's understandable at that age, however if he isn't willing to take responsibility then perhaps you should tell him it would be good idea to refrain from sex (with anyone) until he is willing to take responsibility for his actions/mistakes.

Or at the very least, find someone who would have an abortion if it happened to happen! That way at least everyone would want the same thing.

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

Original post by Kovalensky

If his attitude is ''if you get pregnant with me while we're in a relationship, I'm gonna leave you'' he is a jerk. Many people do not want kids but if you're in a heterosexual relationship at this age, the chance that it will happen even if you're cautious, exists. So if you can't handle that, don't get into relationships with members of the opposite sex. If she wants to keep it, it's her choice, you can't force her to have an abortion.

Similar with STIs and so on. When you're sexually active, you assume that kind of risk and have to face the consequences if you're unlucky.

Hence I said to have a conversation about it. I’m a female so I’d just have an abortion but I feel sorry for the guys who get baby trapped and think they should have a way out, just like females have the option to abort. Not quite sure why you’re lecturing me, I’m older and have had enough sex and my experiences with STIs to know these things, but my opinion remains the same, and sex shouldn’t be all taboo and ‘don’t have it until you’re ready to have kids’, because not everyone wants to have kids. What’s needed is a conversation, not celibacy.

Reply 11

ThatOldGuy

19

Original post by Anonymous

I guess most guys are like this if they really do not want a child but yeah my bf said if we got pregnant he’d leave me. I guess it’s because I’d keep the child but my other friend said her bf said the same. Is this normal? We’re 18 and we both definitely do not want to be parents at this age but hypothetically.

It means you shouldn't be having sex with him. Because sex can lead to pregnancy and pregnancy leads to babies.

Reply 12

Anonymous #3

I mean... how many 18 year old guys want a child? How many 18 year old girls want a child?

The number of 18 year olds in relationships so serious they'd have a child together is very small. Hence, I'd say the vast majority of people would agree with your boyfriend, in reality. Maybe some of them would be susceptible to emotional blackmail if you literally just went ahead and popped out the baby then said 'look I need help now help me', but plenty wouldn't either - I don't think that's abnormal.

Reply 13

StriderHort

21

If his attitude is WE have sex but YOU get pregnant, yeah get them lumped.

Reply 14

bones-mccoy

19

If your boyfriend is so against having a child, to the point where he'd leave you if you got pregnant, he should be abstaining from sex. The fact that he would place the blame completely on you when he would play just as big a part is disgraceful. Men (or in this case, men who act like children) who can't take responsibility for their actions need to keep their **** in their pants.

Reply 15

StriderHort

21

Original post by bones-mccoy

If your boyfriend is so against having a child, to the point where he'd leave you if you got pregnant, he should be abstaining from sex. The fact that he would place the blame completely on you when he would play just as big a part is disgraceful. Men (or in this case, men who act like children) who can't take responsibility for their actions need to keep their **** in their pants.

It's an oldie, but don't stuff baby batter into the baby oven if you don't want a baby. You can't make anything else in there.

Reply 16

Reue

20

He should get the snip, problem solved.

Reply 17

Anonymous #3

Original post by bones-mccoy

If your boyfriend is so against having a child, to the point where he'd leave you if you got pregnant, he should be abstaining from sex.

Original post by Reue

He should get the snip, problem solved.

I mean, those are effective solutions that is true.

But more practical for the 18 year old guy here: Leave her and find someone who wouldn't force him into fatherhood should an accident happen.

Reply 18

bones-mccoy

19

Original post by Anonymous

I mean, those are effective solutions that is true.

But more practical for the 18 year old guy here: Leave her and find someone who wouldn't force him into fatherhood should an accident happen.

Well yeah, most 18 year olds aren't going to stop having sex for those reasons but they also need to realise that pregnancy is always going to be a potential consequence of sex. People seem to forget that no contraception is 100% effective - a friend of mine used contraception every single time and still ended up pregnant.

I just think if you're going to run away the minute you have to take responsibility for your actions then you shouldn't be engaging in those actions in the first place. No one's saying he should stay with the mother should pregnancy occur but to essentially ditch the relationship, and put the blame solely on the mother, because he doesn't want the child that he helped create is pretty awful.