Girlfriend never wants sex
So, kind of girlfriend kind of not. Originally got together as friends with benefits maybe 4 months ago. I had said originally I wanted to be able to have sex with other people before we got together, and I wasn’t ready to get together yet. Before her I’d only had sex with one person, and she had sex with 6 beforehand. And I want to be able to have sex with a few more girls before i settle down.
So she agreed to that. For the first 2 months it was near constant sex. And then over the last 2 months she has changed to thinking of me as her boyfriend, made it exclusive without asking or having a conversation about it, and we’ve also nearly completely stopped having sex - maybe 3 times over the last 2 months. She has been over every night sleeping naked in my bed and never wants to do anything.
Sex is a big part of a relationship, and i don’t know how this could continue without it as I have a very high sex drive, and I’m made to feel bad any time I want to ****. She is also all over me and hinting at sex a lot but will just never do it, or do anything at all. I feel like it’s me that’s the problem, but she keeps saying she is really attracted to me and even said she doesn’t even think she could live without me.
On top of that, we can only really have sex for about 20 seconds now, as she says she hurts too much if we have sex for any longer
So she agreed to that. For the first 2 months it was near constant sex. And then over the last 2 months she has changed to thinking of me as her boyfriend, made it exclusive without asking or having a conversation about it, and we’ve also nearly completely stopped having sex - maybe 3 times over the last 2 months. She has been over every night sleeping naked in my bed and never wants to do anything.
Sex is a big part of a relationship, and i don’t know how this could continue without it as I have a very high sex drive, and I’m made to feel bad any time I want to ****. She is also all over me and hinting at sex a lot but will just never do it, or do anything at all. I feel like it’s me that’s the problem, but she keeps saying she is really attracted to me and even said she doesn’t even think she could live without me.
On top of that, we can only really have sex for about 20 seconds now, as she says she hurts too much if we have sex for any longer
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Sex is important to a relationship for some people but not for others. The first red flag was her making things "official" w/o your consent.
IMO "break up" with her and find someone you're more compatible with, or communicate these issues if you want to stay with her. It's really not that difficult, if you guys break up it gives you the opportunity to be with someone better and if you stay together then hopefully communicating will fix things. Don't overthink it, just do it and talk to her. Her saying she "can't live without you" is also a red flag, it's manipulative. Because then you're staying with her for her sake, but when she's ready to pull the plug, she will. The beginning of a relationship is a honeymoon phase, I got to a week of sex everyday with someone before it toned down to 3-4 times a week before 2-4 times a month. She's most likely just become more comfortable with you in all honesty, but talk to her to see if that's it.
Also, sex hurting is possible, no matter how much you're "used" to sex. Maybe she's not in the mood when you guys do have sex or aroused enough, in that case, lube would be a good investment.
(I sleep naked at night, relax on that one g
- that's 99.9% not an indicator that she wants to f**k)
IMO "break up" with her and find someone you're more compatible with, or communicate these issues if you want to stay with her. It's really not that difficult, if you guys break up it gives you the opportunity to be with someone better and if you stay together then hopefully communicating will fix things. Don't overthink it, just do it and talk to her. Her saying she "can't live without you" is also a red flag, it's manipulative. Because then you're staying with her for her sake, but when she's ready to pull the plug, she will. The beginning of a relationship is a honeymoon phase, I got to a week of sex everyday with someone before it toned down to 3-4 times a week before 2-4 times a month. She's most likely just become more comfortable with you in all honesty, but talk to her to see if that's it.
Also, sex hurting is possible, no matter how much you're "used" to sex. Maybe she's not in the mood when you guys do have sex or aroused enough, in that case, lube would be a good investment.
(I sleep naked at night, relax on that one g
- that's 99.9% not an indicator that she wants to f**k)This might not be relevant to the OP's situation, but you can't just say you're single if you're making love to someone. I mean, sex seems to make anyone no longer single or a virgin in the sense that no one will be that person's first after that person no longer makes love to the person one is with.
genuinely just talk to her, she may be confused about you two's relationship yk like you are?
if she's also feeling "hurt" during sex...maybe ask her how u can help ease it etc? Maybe she feels like you're not getting her?
so, I still say, legit just talk to her
if she's also feeling "hurt" during sex...maybe ask her how u can help ease it etc? Maybe she feels like you're not getting her?
so, I still say, legit just talk to her
This doesn't make much sense. The 2 of you used to have a lot of sex. She's naked in your bed most nights. She's all over you and hinting at sex. It only lasts for 20 seconds because it hurts her too much?
Did it hurt her when you first started having sex with her?
How long did sex last when you first had sex with her?
The only way I can make sense of this - from what you've told us - is that you are incompetent at making love with a woman.
And that you ram your penis into her when she is dry and when she isn't relaxed and properly turned on and properly naturally self lubricated.
How often do you engage in other sexual activities with her that don't involve your penis going in to her vagina?
If you have made a habit of making love with her in the most impatient, clumsy, selfish, uncaring, neanderthal kind of way then it is possible that she has come to associate sex with you as painful. And therefore she finds sex with you a turn off.
Whilst at the same time she has sexual needs that you aren't fulfilling.
This is all of course a guess on my part. Due to the limited info. We don't have your girlfriend's side of the story.
There's also another possibility that she's getting her sex elsewhere and currently prefers the sex with the other person. And that the pain is just an excuse from her. If your judgement is that she is in genuine pain, and that she doesn't have unexplained absences then you can pretty much discount this possibility.
Recommended solution to this is for the 2 of you to go to bed earlier. And for you to make love to her in a competent way. With your penis staying out of her vagina for your next love making session.
If you can't rebuild her trust in you via a series of competent love making sessions then the 2 of you should separate and find other sexual partners.
Above all, there should be no way that you want have sex with a woman when it's a win for you and a loss for her. Sex should always be win win.
Did it hurt her when you first started having sex with her?
How long did sex last when you first had sex with her?
The only way I can make sense of this - from what you've told us - is that you are incompetent at making love with a woman.
And that you ram your penis into her when she is dry and when she isn't relaxed and properly turned on and properly naturally self lubricated.
How often do you engage in other sexual activities with her that don't involve your penis going in to her vagina?
If you have made a habit of making love with her in the most impatient, clumsy, selfish, uncaring, neanderthal kind of way then it is possible that she has come to associate sex with you as painful. And therefore she finds sex with you a turn off.
Whilst at the same time she has sexual needs that you aren't fulfilling.
This is all of course a guess on my part. Due to the limited info. We don't have your girlfriend's side of the story.
There's also another possibility that she's getting her sex elsewhere and currently prefers the sex with the other person. And that the pain is just an excuse from her. If your judgement is that she is in genuine pain, and that she doesn't have unexplained absences then you can pretty much discount this possibility.
Recommended solution to this is for the 2 of you to go to bed earlier. And for you to make love to her in a competent way. With your penis staying out of her vagina for your next love making session.
If you can't rebuild her trust in you via a series of competent love making sessions then the 2 of you should separate and find other sexual partners.
Above all, there should be no way that you want have sex with a woman when it's a win for you and a loss for her. Sex should always be win win.
Original post by Anonymous
On top of that, we can only really have sex for about 20 seconds now, as she says she hurts too much if we have sex for any longer
The clue to why your gf has lost her desire to have sex with you is in your last line, "hurts too much"...
For some reason, your gf is not properly turned on before you penetrate her. Maybe you need to spend longer on foreplay to make sure she is properly in the mood as it takes women longer to get aroused than men. If sex stops literally being a pain for her, she will want to do it more often.
Just cheat her without her knowing, that way you can enjoy yourself and she doesn't have to get hurt.
I think the whole situation is a huge red flag.
Original post by harrysbar
The clue to why your gf has lost her desire to have sex with you is in your last line, "hurts too much"...
For some reason, your gf is not properly turned on before you penetrate her. Maybe you need to spend longer on foreplay to make sure she is properly in the mood as it takes women longer to get aroused than men. If sex stops literally being a pain for her, she will want to do it more often.
For some reason, your gf is not properly turned on before you penetrate her. Maybe you need to spend longer on foreplay to make sure she is properly in the mood as it takes women longer to get aroused than men. If sex stops literally being a pain for her, she will want to do it more often.
This is with 15-20 mins of me eating her out, plus fingering her plus lube. She says that she just isn’t turned on and it’s not to do with that
Time to split up
I spend about 15-20 mins eating her out, plus fingering plus lube. And when I say she doesn’t want sex, she doesn’t want anything at all. Always try to make sure she cums after we have sex.
I take steroids (I’m a competitive powerlifter) and when we first started having sex I was using a compound called nandrolone. It limited me from being able to get fully hard, and it seems since coming off of that, that has been when the pain started. And sex maybe lasted 10-15 mins at the start (few times of 0-2 mins because I hadn’t had sex in a year and a half before getting with her)
Does seem the possibility that she is getting it somewhere else
I take steroids (I’m a competitive powerlifter) and when we first started having sex I was using a compound called nandrolone. It limited me from being able to get fully hard, and it seems since coming off of that, that has been when the pain started. And sex maybe lasted 10-15 mins at the start (few times of 0-2 mins because I hadn’t had sex in a year and a half before getting with her)
Does seem the possibility that she is getting it somewhere else
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
This doesn't make much sense. The 2 of you used to have a lot of sex. She's naked in your bed most nights. She's all over you and hinting at sex. It only lasts for 20 seconds because it hurts her too much?
Did it hurt her when you first started having sex with her?
How long did sex last when you first had sex with her?
The only way I can make sense of this - from what you've told us - is that you are incompetent at making love with a woman.
And that you ram your penis into her when she is dry and when she isn't relaxed and properly turned on and properly naturally self lubricated.
How often do you engage in other sexual activities with her that don't involve your penis going in to her vagina?
If you have made a habit of making love with her in the most impatient, clumsy, selfish, uncaring, neanderthal kind of way then it is possible that she has come to associate sex with you as painful. And therefore she finds sex with you a turn off.
Whilst at the same time she has sexual needs that you aren't fulfilling.
This is all of course a guess on my part. Due to the limited info. We don't have your girlfriend's side of the story.
There's also another possibility that she's getting her sex elsewhere and currently prefers the sex with the other person. And that the pain is just an excuse from her. If your judgement is that she is in genuine pain, and that she doesn't have unexplained absences then you can pretty much discount this possibility.
Recommended solution to this is for the 2 of you to go to bed earlier. And for you to make love to her in a competent way. With your penis staying out of her vagina for your next love making session.
If you can't rebuild her trust in you via a series of competent love making sessions then the 2 of you should separate and find other sexual partners.
Above all, there should be no way that you want have sex with a woman when it's a win for you and a loss for her. Sex should always be win win.
Did it hurt her when you first started having sex with her?
How long did sex last when you first had sex with her?
The only way I can make sense of this - from what you've told us - is that you are incompetent at making love with a woman.
And that you ram your penis into her when she is dry and when she isn't relaxed and properly turned on and properly naturally self lubricated.
How often do you engage in other sexual activities with her that don't involve your penis going in to her vagina?
If you have made a habit of making love with her in the most impatient, clumsy, selfish, uncaring, neanderthal kind of way then it is possible that she has come to associate sex with you as painful. And therefore she finds sex with you a turn off.
Whilst at the same time she has sexual needs that you aren't fulfilling.
This is all of course a guess on my part. Due to the limited info. We don't have your girlfriend's side of the story.
There's also another possibility that she's getting her sex elsewhere and currently prefers the sex with the other person. And that the pain is just an excuse from her. If your judgement is that she is in genuine pain, and that she doesn't have unexplained absences then you can pretty much discount this possibility.
Recommended solution to this is for the 2 of you to go to bed earlier. And for you to make love to her in a competent way. With your penis staying out of her vagina for your next love making session.
If you can't rebuild her trust in you via a series of competent love making sessions then the 2 of you should separate and find other sexual partners.
Above all, there should be no way that you want have sex with a woman when it's a win for you and a loss for her. Sex should always be win win.
Original post by Elize W
IIf the reason You are not having sex is her experiencing pain during penetration she could see a doctor or You could have sex without penetration if You are both into it. There are so many ways to have fun... *daydreaming intensifies*
Many ways to have fun, but she doesn’t want anything, not just sex. That’s the weird part
Original post by Anonymous
I spend about 15-20 mins eating her out, plus fingering plus lube. And when I say she doesn’t want sex, she doesn’t want anything at all. Always try to make sure she cums after we have sex.
I take steroids (I’m a competitive powerlifter) and when we first started having sex I was using a compound called nandrolone. It limited me from being able to get fully hard, and it seems since coming off of that, that has been when the pain started. And sex maybe lasted 10-15 mins at the start (few times of 0-2 mins because I hadn’t had sex in a year and a half before getting with her)
Does seem the possibility that she is getting it somewhere else
I take steroids (I’m a competitive powerlifter) and when we first started having sex I was using a compound called nandrolone. It limited me from being able to get fully hard, and it seems since coming off of that, that has been when the pain started. And sex maybe lasted 10-15 mins at the start (few times of 0-2 mins because I hadn’t had sex in a year and a half before getting with her)
Does seem the possibility that she is getting it somewhere else
Yeah I reckon she is getting it elsewhere in that case
Original post by YaliaV123
I think the whole situation is a huge red flag.
Yeah that’s what I’m thinking
Original post by Anonymous
Just cheat her without her knowing, that way you can enjoy yourself and she doesn't have to get hurt.
Couldn’t bring myself to do that
Original post by Anonymous
This is with 15-20 mins of me eating her out, plus fingering her plus lube. She says that she just isn’t turned on and it’s not to do with that
That is a bit too much information tbh
Original post by Anonymous
I spend about 15-20 mins eating her out, plus fingering plus lube. And when I say she doesn’t want sex, she doesn’t want anything at all. Always try to make sure she cums after we have sex.
I take steroids (I’m a competitive powerlifter) and when we first started having sex I was using a compound called nandrolone. It limited me from being able to get fully hard, and it seems since coming off of that, that has been when the pain started. And sex maybe lasted 10-15 mins at the start (few times of 0-2 mins because I hadn’t had sex in a year and a half before getting with her)
Does seem the possibility that she is getting it somewhere else
I take steroids (I’m a competitive powerlifter) and when we first started having sex I was using a compound called nandrolone. It limited me from being able to get fully hard, and it seems since coming off of that, that has been when the pain started. And sex maybe lasted 10-15 mins at the start (few times of 0-2 mins because I hadn’t had sex in a year and a half before getting with her)
Does seem the possibility that she is getting it somewhere else
Thanks for the update. My first guess in my earlier post was totally wrong. Apologies for me getting it so completely wrong.
You're making love with her to a competent level.
That does leave the her getting sex elsewhere possibility. Although that does seem to be at odds with her being all over you and hinting at sex.
It's a mystery.
If I were in your s***s I'd try to have a very frank discussion about sex. With the aim of keeping the discussion emotionally positive. But that would require her being happy to discuss this intimate subject. Some women don't like talking about sex, whilst others are happy to do so.
I'd try to keep the discussion along the lines of "I'm OK. You're a great person that I care about a lot. Let's talk about the mechanics of sex and whether there's anything we can do at this stage to make it better... yada, yada, yada... 3 times in 2 months isn't really often enough is it?"
(edited 2 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Originally got together as friends with benefits maybe 4 months ago. I had said originally I wanted to be able to have sex with other people before we got together, and I wasn’t ready to get together yet.
This is where you messed up:
Original post by Anonymous
And then over the last 2 months she has changed to thinking of me as her boyfriend
And then over the last 2 months she has changed to thinking of me as her boyfriend
I say, go back to plan 1.
I’m having a very similar problem. It basically comes down to the more you commit the more her sex drive decreases. It just seems to be a fact of life and relationships. As you get closer there’s less mystery and tension and the woman just doesn’t get excited for it anymore despite feelings of “I love you so much” and “I’m still attracted to you”. Of course guys can lose interest for these same reasons but it seems like it’s more likely to happen on the woman’s end. The paradox of it is that if you hold off on committing and maybe even have other girls on the side then it’ll keep her attraction but as soon as you commit you lose that air of mystery and aloofness. There’s no challenge anymore, the stallion has been tamed. Now all she wants is cuddles and kisses. Basically everything but the sex. Oh and now you also have to have the dishes done and all that other crap that you didn’t have to worry about when you were single. Basically the system rewards guys who are players. When a man has an abundance of women in his life as sexual partners or potential sex partners it just oozes out of him and makes him attractive but when you commit you lose that quality. And your confidence slowly dies. Now you’re in a death spiral. A Chinese finger trap because your decreasing confidence make you even less attractive to her and lowering chances of sexual even further. Of course you can cheat in order to get your rocks off. This will feel good physically and ironically will likely lead to MORE sex with your gf because now you won’t be fawning over her for sex all the time (because you’re relaxed and carefree). She’ll have the space she needs to come to you. But cheating has it own list of obvious problems and I don’t advocate it or practice it. I’m just pointing it out. Btw I’m not saying you can just be a player. You can string a girl along for a bit but eventually she’ll get tired of it and leave. Plus, if you develop feelings for her you won’t want to string her along. It all about finding the balance and or the right partner. It’s a ****ed up game and it sucks. Such is life. Good luck.
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