I've been at Newcastle University for two days and I just feel so lonely.
I went out last night and tonight and both times I've come home early. I like clubbing, I go clubbing once a week at home (Liverpool) and I'm a confident and social person. My friends have said I could talk to a brick wall, and like multiple people said they wish they could just like start chatting to randomers like me.
But I just don't feel it here, one of my flatmates is lovely and I can see us spending a lot of time together. We've got similar music tastes and like she seems like my type of person but I've not met anyone else. And everybody else seems like they've found their people, like they've slotted in. And even if they're not forever friends they've still got a group of mates.
I've spent most of today crying, I rang my mum saying I want to come back home and she said its too early which it is. Like its not even been 48hours but I just feel so awful and not like myself.
I never planned on Newcastle, my heart was set on Durham because it seemed so much more close knit and less party focused. I'm doubting if I loved clubbing or I loved clubbing with my friends.
And like the part of Liverpool I'm from is so close knit, I've always thought of it as a sinkhole that kinda traps people in. People don't leave, people stay friends with their school friends, if they do go to uni it wouldn't be alone. I thought I was being adventurous and independent but now I feel stupid. I miss my friends and family, I miss walking down the street and bumping into at least ten people.
I feel like I've been sold a lie, about freshers about going out and how easy making friends is because everyone's in the same boat but I missed the bit were we jumped ships.
My friends are all in other uni's with people they know. I'm in a group of 10 girls and 4 of them are in the same flat in Sheff. I can't work out if I've made a mistake or not.
I know it takes time, but I don't want it to take time. I need to find my people but that seems impossible with bad tunes on at a ridiculous volume while steaming pissed.