No experience(with guys) going onto a dating app

So i am a 19 years old and i have no experience (not even holding hands) at all with guys as was very shy most of my life as i am an introvert . However over the last 4 years i have become more myself openly and i don't care so much what people think about me when being myself (within reason).
However i have been putting thought into putting myself out there into the dating world (as in a dating app) as want to be in a relationship (not just hooking up). However i am a bit conserned that if i do guys will be put off by the fact i have no expeience at all and they wouldn't want to go on a second date or eventually end up in a relationship.
I know it is not unheard of however all the people that i know and am surrounded by are in relationships or have had previous relationships/experience ...
Therefore was wondering if any guys could share there thoughts on this and if they were to go on a date with someone and they had no expeience at all would it put you off. Also if a girl was to say this and said they wouldn't want to kiss yet as they are not ready (as they don't know enough about you yet) would this be a turn off.
Sorry know this is probally sounds a bit stupid but would really help me out if you could answer this (also if it is any help would probably join Hindge) and everyone is wellcome to put any advide as all is appreciated.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

So i am a 19 years old and i have no experience (not even holding hands) at all with guys as was very shy most of my life as i am an introvert . However over the last 4 years i have become more myself openly and i don't care so much what people think about me when being myself (within reason).
However i have been putting thought into putting myself out there into the dating world (as in a dating app) as want to be in a relationship (not just hooking up). However i am a bit conserned that if i do guys will be put off by the fact i have no expeience at all and they wouldn't want to go on a second date or eventually end up in a relationship.
I know it is not unheard of however all the people that i know and am surrounded by are in relationships or have had previous relationships/experience ...
Therefore was wondering if any guys could share there thoughts on this and if they were to go on a date with someone and they had no expeience at all would it put you off. Also if a girl was to say this and said they wouldn't want to kiss yet as they are not ready (as they don't know enough about you yet) would this be a turn off.
Sorry know this is probally sounds a bit stupid but would really help me out if you could answer this (also if it is any help would probably join Hindge) and everyone is wellcome to put any advide as all is appreciated.

Tough 1 w the apps bc alot of guys r on their to have sex. Most ppl r looking for a hookup so don't be swayed so easily just bc u lack experience. I personally wouldn't mind lack of experience. I don't think it rlly matters and it probably won't for alot of guys. Some guys will either have a little more experience or be at the same level as u.

Reply 2

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

So i am a 19 years old and i have no experience (not even holding hands) at all with guys as was very shy most of my life as i am an introvert . However over the last 4 years i have become more myself openly and i don't care so much what people think about me when being myself (within reason).
However i have been putting thought into putting myself out there into the dating world (as in a dating app) as want to be in a relationship (not just hooking up). However i am a bit conserned that if i do guys will be put off by the fact i have no expeience at all and they wouldn't want to go on a second date or eventually end up in a relationship.
I know it is not unheard of however all the people that i know and am surrounded by are in relationships or have had previous relationships/experience ...
Therefore was wondering if any guys could share there thoughts on this and if they were to go on a date with someone and they had no expeience at all would it put you off. Also if a girl was to say this and said they wouldn't want to kiss yet as they are not ready (as they don't know enough about you yet) would this be a turn off.
Sorry know this is probally sounds a bit stupid but would really help me out if you could answer this (also if it is any help would probably join Hindge) and everyone is wellcome to put any advide as all is appreciated.

You will be fine since you're a 19 year old girl. Guys are not attracted to experience, they are attracted to your looks alone. Most of them are desperate, especially on Tinder, so don't be surprised if you get lots of matches and likes from guys. As long as you are a pretty girl with nice *** and ***** any guy will go out with you. It doesn't matter if you're introverted or extroverted, because guys generally have much lower standards than girls. MUCH lower standards, so actually, all of what you said is just in your head.

However, guys do want sex and have higher sex drives than women or at least they want a bit of cuddling and kissing, so it could be a turn off if you don't want to kiss, but that would also depend on the person you're dating and what their values are as well.

Reply 3

j25_8

19

Original post by Anonymous

Also if a girl was to say this and said they wouldn't want to kiss yet as they are not ready (as they don't know enough about you yet) would this be a turn off.

Im not gonna sugarcoat it - on a dating app you probably aren’t going to find someone willing to be this patient. Most of the people on there (male & female) want something and they will want it soon with I’d say upwards of 70% liklihood. Nothing’s really wrong w you but it’s just the norm on there. Never ever be hesitant to have standards tho. Better to not do something and be comfortable than force yourself to do it and not be - just be aware that some standards will come at a price.

Irl dating though? Your rate of success is gonna depend on where you look for people. Do your friends maybe know someone that you’re looking for? Do you do activities that you’ll be able to find your type at? The only reason I’m not saying something like hit a bar or a club with your friends is bc 1 it will be an uphill battle to find someone who will be willing to go at the same pace as you in a relationship in those places in particular and 2 by focussing on dating irl, you might find people you will be more likely to emotionally connect with by the virtue of having common interests, which you can bond over and use to talk about yourselves, which you can use to understand eachother better. Nobody goes to clubs, bars or tinder intending to do solely that though and if they do, they will be much more fast paced than you’re up for. Bottom line - you just need to think abt where you’re looking.

Reply 4

Surnia

20

I'd no experience of any kind with guys when I was 19; it was several years after that before anything happened. It's not uncommon as you've not long been of an age to even start dating seriously.

Everyone has to start somewhere, so everyone has a point where they go into a relationship with no experience; if you meet someone who's dated and who has forgotten what that's like, they aren't worth bothering about.

Excellent advice from@j25_8 👍

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

Tough 1 w the apps bc alot of guys r on their to have sex. Most ppl r looking for a hookup so don't be swayed so easily just bc u lack experience. I personally wouldn't mind lack of experience. I don't think it rlly matters and it probably won't for alot of guys. Some guys will either have a little more experience or be at the same level as u.

thank you this helps as i know i would have to filter through quite a few people on there but it puts it into perspective a bit more

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by j25_8

Im not gonna sugarcoat it - on a dating app you probably aren’t going to find someone willing to be this patient. Most of the people on there (male & female) want something and they will want it soon with I’d say upwards of 70% liklihood. Nothing’s really wrong w you but it’s just the norm on there. Never ever be hesitant to have standards tho. Better to not do something and be comfortable than force yourself to do it and not be - just be aware that some standards will come at a price.

Irl dating though? Your rate of success is gonna depend on where you look for people. Do your friends maybe know someone that you’re looking for? Do you do activities that you’ll be able to find your type at? The only reason I’m not saying something like hit a bar or a club with your friends is bc 1 it will be an uphill battle to find someone who will be willing to go at the same pace as you in a relationship in those places in particular and 2 by focussing on dating irl, you might find people you will be more likely to emotionally connect with by the virtue of having common interests, which you can bond over and use to talk about yourselves, which you can use to understand eachother better. Nobody goes to clubs, bars or tinder intending to do solely that though and if they do, they will be much more fast paced than you’re up for. Bottom line - you just need to think abt where you’re looking.

I have tryed asking friends however most of thern don't know anyone my type and i haven't found anyone at activitys i do but trust me i have tryed looking. I thought it was like that on dating apps and know that it is like that at bars and clubs however was not to sure hence i asked the question it just find it difficult to find people at my age feels like guys are hiding which i am sure they are not i'm just trying to find the place they are so thought a dating app would help.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Surnia

I'd no experience of any kind with guys when I was 19; it was several years after that before anything happened. It's not uncommon as you've not long been of an age to even start dating seriously.

Everyone has to start somewhere, so everyone has a point where they go into a relationship with no experience; if you meet someone who's dated and who has forgotten what that's like, they aren't worth bothering about.

Excellent advice from@j25_8 👍

thank you

Reply 8

Trinculo

21

Original post by Anonymous

So i am a 19 years old and i have no experience (not even holding hands) at all with guys as was very shy most of my life as i am an introvert . However over the last 4 years i have become more myself openly and i don't care so much what people think about me when being myself (within reason).
However i have been putting thought into putting myself out there into the dating world (as in a dating app) as want to be in a relationship (not just hooking up). However i am a bit conserned that if i do guys will be put off by the fact i have no expeience at all and they wouldn't want to go on a second date or eventually end up in a relationship.
I know it is not unheard of however all the people that i know and am surrounded by are in relationships or have had previous relationships/experience ...
Therefore was wondering if any guys could share there thoughts on this and if they were to go on a date with someone and they had no expeience at all would it put you off. Also if a girl was to say this and said they wouldn't want to kiss yet as they are not ready (as they don't know enough about you yet) would this be a turn off.
Sorry know this is probally sounds a bit stupid but would really help me out if you could answer this (also if it is any help would probably join Hindge) and everyone is wellcome to put any advide as all is appreciated.

If you're 19 and have no experience, then using an app is probably the worst idea ever.

You are literally better off going up to some dude you vaguely know and asking for a date. If he's single (or probably if he isn't) he is 90% certain to say yes. Or ask a friend to introduce you to pretty much *anyone* for a date. It really would be a reasonable idea to get some kind of experience before you go messing around with Tinder, Hinge or Bumble.

Reply 9

Zarek

21

Lack of experience is no issue and at 19 many people do not have a lot of experience. I would try to meet people in the real world, it’s much easier and better to judge if there’s any attraction. Dating apps are fine if you’re attractive and confident and much more favourable for girls but quite likely to be brutal. As to kissing, the first couple of dates are about a decision if you would like to do this.

Reply 10

Anonymous #4

Original post by Anonymous

Tough 1 w the apps bc alot of guys r on their to have sex. Most ppl r looking for a hookup so don't be swayed so easily just bc u lack experience. I personally wouldn't mind lack of experience. I don't think it rlly matters and it probably won't for alot of guys. Some guys will either have a little more experience or be at the same level as u.

This advice is true if they have abs in the profile pic they are probably a playboy that hook ups with girls like my ex was online. The ones who are better and nicer are the ones that have clothes on. That's how you can pick them out from who's good and bad

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

This advice is true if they have abs in the profile pic they are probably a playboy that hook ups with girls like my ex was online. The ones who are better and nicer are the ones that have clothes on. That's how you can pick them out from who's good and bad

Thats good to know , also sorry about the ex

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Zarek

Lack of experience is no issue and at 19 many people do not have a lot of experience. I would try to meet people in the real world, it’s much easier and better to judge if there’s any attraction. Dating apps are fine if you’re attractive and confident and much more favourable for girls but quite likely to be brutal. As to kissing, the first couple of dates are about a decision if you would like to do this.

My issue is that i don't tend to find that many people in the real world its like they are hideing (but probally not) i just can't seem to find anyone . and i am not the type of girl that has this really long list as i am more attracted to a persons personality

Reply 13

j25_8

19

Original post by Anonymous

I have tryed asking friends however most of thern don't know anyone my type and i haven't found anyone at activitys i do but trust me i have tryed looking. I thought it was like that on dating apps and know that it is like that at bars and clubs however was not to sure hence i asked the question it just find it difficult to find people at my age feels like guys are hiding which i am sure they are not i'm just trying to find the place they are so thought a dating app would help.

Don’t worry - you have a lot of options here

Something else to think about would be how conducive your activities are for dating. What do you do for fun? As in if you were bored and you asked your friends to go somewhere with you, where would you go? Theatre (not a cinema, but the place where you watch live performances)? Coffee shop? A restaurant? Library? These are pretty good places to start a conversation about something solely based on the place you both are at. People are more willing to strike up a chat than you’d think and even though I’ve been to those places and never approached, people have approached me and struck up some conversation and I was happy to talk back even if I was busy. One of the times this happened (at a library), I found myself in a fairly long relationship afterwards so it definitely works. How good would you say your conversational skills are? If they are good, it will be easier for you but us guys are simple anyway. If we like your company and we click, then we won’t let the conversation die lmao trust me. Chances are he will be very happy to talk to you if you just show you show you’re interested in getting to know him. Then if you want to you can exchange numbers. Then talk some more at home and see where it goes. This will be easier to advise you with if you are happy to tell us what your hobbies are

You can also try something new if you want and see what happens. Instead of what you do for fun, what do your friends do for fun? If most of the ppl around you have some experience with relationships, then if you’re friendly with them why not ask them how they met their past partners? If you’re really close, you could also ask them to come with you whenever you’re free or ask them if you can come along whenever they plan on going next. Even if they say they can’t come through or can’t bring you, you could always just bring someone else now that you know where you want to look. That way, you can hit the place and even if it doesn’t have anyone that you would click with there, it would still definitely be a good place to practice building bonds with people you don’t know which is a skill you will invariably need in dating. Hope this helps

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 14

Zarek

21

Original post by Anonymous

My issue is that i don't tend to find that many people in the real world its like they are hideing (but probally not) i just can't seem to find anyone . and i am not the type of girl that has this really long list as i am more attracted to a persons personality

Personally I didn’t find online dating any easier, the most it delivered was bad first dates where I wondered why I was there. Work, socialising, friends of friends and hobbies are more natural and do from time to time throw up opportunities. But I think it is better for girls, give it a go and see what you find

Reply 15

IOPerry

2

Lots of good advice in this thread. I agree with everything that's been said, except for Anon # 3. They are clearly an idiot.

Reply 16

NonIndigenous

20

Do stuff that you enjoy, and find other people that enjoy the same stuff, & hang out. That's the best way, and works much better for most people. Even for me, and I'm pretty bad at these things myself. I for example do bouldering, some martial arts and exercise classes. Very occasionally I'll hang out in a pub or club with some friends, but loud & crowded places aren't really my thing. I'm literally more likely to go to the library on a Friday evening instead. I did it yesterday.

Online dating is poor. It is often a shallow and superficial experience. Some dumb anonymous user above said that men are entirely driven by looks. So are many women, especially on dating apps. I've known a few that even openly admit it and say it is bad of them. Worse than that, some will even 'brag' about it, their excuse being that men do it too.

Nevermind what 'other people' do: you decide what you want, and what you should do to get there. Don't be tempted to use other people's low standards and dumb behaviors either as a role model or an excuse for your own.

I just generally think online dating is a pretty toxic experience. The whole online space, particularly in regards to dating and sex, has many aspects to it that disproportionately appeal to people with narcissistic and even psychopathic personality traits. By no means will those people form a majority on dating apps, but most people I've spoken with who've dated online for a longer period report having... disproportionately frequent 'awkward' experiences with 'weirdos', which I don't think is a coincidence at all:

•

You are judged almost entirely by your appearance. Narcissists like being judged on their appearance and it's why they often put so much effort into it, because their personality is sh*t and they know it. They also like judging others on their appearance (next point).

•

You can flick through 20 people in a minute just by glancing through their profile pictures.

•

You don't even have to make effort or get out of bed to do this, which would appeal to more 'lazy' (I'm lacking a better word at the moment) types.

•

You can lie on your profile to impress people, which is much easier to do online than if you had mutual friends or social circles in common.

•

You are effectively anonymous, and have no mutual friends or social circles in common, thus it is easier to out-run the consequences of any inappropriate behaviors or lies. For the same reason, it's also very easy to cheat on dating apps.

•

Like another user said, it is much more 'fast paced' (which I have overlooked in the past when posting replies like this one). Narcissists also tend to uncoincidentally take a very fast-paced approach to the initial stages of a relationship, but then they also get bored easily and move on. Attention span of a peanut.

I could probably list more but I think I've made my point. All these aspects of dating apps make them quite appealing to... certain 'types' of people which you would probably rather not meet. If you're inexperienced, then you probably will not know how to handle these kinds of people either. I know how to handle them though, so take it from me... it's better avoided in the first place if you can help it.

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by IOPerry

Lots of good advice in this thread. I agree with everything that's been said, except for Anon # 3. They are clearly an idiot.

As for that person i was going to reply to there comment with a snarky comment but thought i would not give them the pleasure of it .

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by NonIndigenous

Do stuff that you enjoy, and find other people that enjoy the same stuff, & hang out. That's the best way, and works much better for most people. Even for me, and I'm pretty bad at these things myself. I for example do bouldering, some martial arts and exercise classes. Very occasionally I'll hang out in a pub or club with some friends, but loud & crowded places aren't really my thing. I'm literally more likely to go to the library on a Friday evening instead. I did it yesterday.

Online dating is poor. It is often a shallow and superficial experience. Some dumb anonymous user above said that men are entirely driven by looks. So are many women, especially on dating apps. I've known a few that even openly admit it and say it is bad of them. Worse than that, some will even 'brag' about it, their excuse being that men do it too.

Nevermind what 'other people' do: you decide what you want, and what you should do to get there. Don't be tempted to use other people's low standards and dumb behaviors either as a role model or an excuse for your own.

I just generally think online dating is a pretty toxic experience. The whole online space, particularly in regards to dating and sex, has many aspects to it that disproportionately appeal to people with narcissistic and even psychopathic personality traits. By no means will those people form a majority on dating apps, but most people I've spoken with who've dated online for a longer period report having... disproportionately frequent 'awkward' experiences with 'weirdos', which I don't think is a coincidence at all:

•

You are judged almost entirely by your appearance. Narcissists like being judged on their appearance and it's why they often put so much effort into it, because their personality is sh*t and they know it. They also like judging others on their appearance (next point).

•

You can flick through 20 people in a minute just by glancing through their profile pictures.

•

You don't even have to make effort or get out of bed to do this, which would appeal to more 'lazy' (I'm lacking a better word at the moment) types.

•

You can lie on your profile to impress people, which is much easier to do online than if you had mutual friends or social circles in common.

•

You are effectively anonymous, and have no mutual friends or social circles in common, thus it is easier to out-run the consequences of any inappropriate behaviors or lies. For the same reason, it's also very easy to cheat on dating apps.

•

Like another user said, it is much more 'fast paced' (which I have overlooked in the past when posting replies like this one). Narcissists also tend to uncoincidentally take a very fast-paced approach to the initial stages of a relationship, but then they also get bored easily and move on. Attention span of a peanut.

I could probably list more but I think I've made my point. All these aspects of dating apps make them quite appealing to... certain 'types' of people which you would probably rather not meet. If you're inexperienced, then you probably will not know how to handle these kinds of people either. I know how to handle them though, so take it from me... it's better avoided in the first place if you can help it.

Thank you for this advice . I know there was going to be a fair proportion of narcissistic people on these apps but this puts it more perspective of the amount. Through everyones advides which i am very greatful for i think i am going to try and join some more societys which evolve around my occupations as at the moment i am only in one which is my degree society which is very dominated with females .

Reply 19

Anonymous #3

Original post by IOPerry

Lots of good advice in this thread. I agree with everything that's been said, except for Anon # 3. They are clearly an idiot.

There were some people who liked my post, so clearly I am not the one who thinks that. If you're a girl and you get no attention that means you're probably very shy and you're not putting yourself out there enough. Girls get a **** ton of attention online and in real life. If you join tinder, you'll get loads of likes and will be swarmed by guys. Guys are just as shallow as girls and only care about your face, b**** and a**. No one cares if you have experience or you don't, let's be honest. Lots of guys are desperate on these dating apps. Some will be high value, but most will take anything they can get. You say it's dumb, but then you also agree with what I say. You know that what I say it's true. It's funny how the 'NonIndigenous' user is saying I am dumb and then proceeds to agree with what I say. Both guys and girls are shallow on Tinder. Girls are looking for 6 foot dbags and guys are only looking at your bikinis and they never look at your bio, which is why they swipe right so often. Conclusion? Try not to use Tinder.

And if you don't want to kiss, have sex or have any kind of intimacy, then what's even the point in being in a relationship? Aren't you better off just being casual friends? If you don't feel comfortable being in a relationship, then don't be. Make some friends and then see where that goes. Some friendships do develop into relationships, but not always.

No experience(with guys) going onto a dating app

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