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starting to get annoyed with my mother
anon or delete
I'm starting to get really peeved with my mum. I'm a second year student but, for various reasons, live at home. My mum doesn't have a degree, never went to polytechnic and has no equivalent qualifications of any kind and yet talks about my degree like it's a walk in the park. When i working up to a deadline she's always going off on one telling me a should have been doing the washing/ ironing/ hoovering etc because I've been 'sat at home all day' and if I tell her I was working she always comes out with some sarcastic comment.
And she tries to police me pretty much with emotional blackmail - the night before my exam a couple of says ago I was up working (I work better late at night, don't know why) and she said she was really tired - she then said "I'm not going to bed until you do". She'd been telling em to go to bed for over an hour - and I feel like a small child with a bedtime. So I snapped at her telling her that all my friends who were taking the exam were still up because they didn't need policing - and then she went to bed and wouldn't speak to me the next morning
We never seem to be able to have intelligent discussion either - we were just chatting and managed somehow to get onto the topic of 'making an honest woman' out of a girl if you get them pregnant of your a guy. She says if two people are having a baby they should get married, regardelss of the circumstances, or they're feeling or how she got pregnant or anything (unless she as raped obv). And so I said my view point and she said she didn't want to argue, to which i replied that weren't arguing i was just trying to understand her viewpoint
then she got all spazzy with me because she just wanted to watch television - and I almost feel like I'm living with people who don't understand me or where I'm coming from at all. I enjoy discussion and debate - I like to talk about controversial issues, but this doesn't seem to be possible, especially not when pre-recorded and easily-pausable American idol is on
I don't really know why I'm posting probably just venting - but if anyone has any suggestions on how to make my mother understand my life they're welcome.
I'm starting to get really peeved with my mum. I'm a second year student but, for various reasons, live at home. My mum doesn't have a degree, never went to polytechnic and has no equivalent qualifications of any kind and yet talks about my degree like it's a walk in the park. When i working up to a deadline she's always going off on one telling me a should have been doing the washing/ ironing/ hoovering etc because I've been 'sat at home all day' and if I tell her I was working she always comes out with some sarcastic comment.
And she tries to police me pretty much with emotional blackmail - the night before my exam a couple of says ago I was up working (I work better late at night, don't know why) and she said she was really tired - she then said "I'm not going to bed until you do". She'd been telling em to go to bed for over an hour - and I feel like a small child with a bedtime. So I snapped at her telling her that all my friends who were taking the exam were still up because they didn't need policing - and then she went to bed and wouldn't speak to me the next morning
We never seem to be able to have intelligent discussion either - we were just chatting and managed somehow to get onto the topic of 'making an honest woman' out of a girl if you get them pregnant of your a guy. She says if two people are having a baby they should get married, regardelss of the circumstances, or they're feeling or how she got pregnant or anything (unless she as raped obv). And so I said my view point and she said she didn't want to argue, to which i replied that weren't arguing i was just trying to understand her viewpoint
then she got all spazzy with me because she just wanted to watch television - and I almost feel like I'm living with people who don't understand me or where I'm coming from at all. I enjoy discussion and debate - I like to talk about controversial issues, but this doesn't seem to be possible, especially not when pre-recorded and easily-pausable American idol is on
I don't really know why I'm posting probably just venting - but if anyone has any suggestions on how to make my mother understand my life they're welcome.
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Which degree are you doing?
Law
Either talk to her about how your feeling make sure you dont get worked up.. state how shes treating you like a child etc.
If she changes well done, Is she dosen't move out.
If you cant move out try to avoid her like got to the library a mates or something to study.
If she changes well done, Is she dosen't move out.
If you cant move out try to avoid her like got to the library a mates or something to study.
I'd guess she's jealous that you're doing a difficult, worthwhile degree which leads to very good career prospects in future life while she seems relatively uneducated. In this day and age people without a degree are looked down upon. She may be venting her frustration of not having a degree onto you.
Orrrr she might just not value education.
Orrrr she might just not value education.
I'm sorry. I would be quite peeved as well, if I was in your situation. I empathise with you about the latter portion, i.e. not having an opportunity to discuss/debate issues, and hope you manage to work this out.
tell her straight..woman i dont like your behaviour and you're hindering me from progressing at uni..
Unfortunately, I think a lot of people (including me) have parents like your mother. Try not to resent her for it. In terms of needing some kind intellectual stimulation, there is always the internet, even TSR, although of course it isn't the same as having another human being to express your thoughts to and receive some kind of decent feedback.
I know what you mean though - especially about the conversations-whilst-watching-awful-television bit. Mine will often say some opinion of hers (usually a parroting of whatever has just been said on the television) and if I dare to say my own and gently point out the flaws she goes up in arms before I can finish. She has had very little education too, and I think certain people just don't enjoy discussion, or assume that because you disagree you don't like the person who said the contrary, which isn't the case at all. If you could sip tea with her, nod enthusiastically and agree with the things she says every now and again, perhaps she will feel more positively about your relationship, and leave you be in the long run.
I know what you mean though - especially about the conversations-whilst-watching-awful-television bit. Mine will often say some opinion of hers (usually a parroting of whatever has just been said on the television) and if I dare to say my own and gently point out the flaws she goes up in arms before I can finish. She has had very little education too, and I think certain people just don't enjoy discussion, or assume that because you disagree you don't like the person who said the contrary, which isn't the case at all. If you could sip tea with her, nod enthusiastically and agree with the things she says every now and again, perhaps she will feel more positively about your relationship, and leave you be in the long run.
It's quite difficult to escape at times - uni is 2 buses and a train away also costing about £20 a day to get to so i can't really just go to the library. I could go to a local one but they're not open when she's usually having a go at me. I've tried to talk to her but she's just turns into a petulant child and says "fine, I won't get involved, just do what you like but I don't want to hear about it" so essentially unless i'm living my life her way she's not interested - it's so frustrating and even upsetting at times. I just wished she appreciated that when I'm working I'm actually working because she just seems to think that I'm lazing around
I agree that she's probably feeling jealous that you're young and getting an opputunity for a great education and career and in turn life. I know my mother feels that way and she is utterly bitter and horrible to me when i come back from uni, I even had to come back early from my Christmas break cause life at home was so bad, so i really do sympathise.
At this point the only thing that I can think of to suggest is (if you can't move out) to spend more time in the library. You'd probably get more work done without disruptions and have less arguments and as a result feel less stressed.
I just read your post that you can't get to the library easily...maybe you could get her more involved with your work? Maybe sit down and show her some of it to see what she thinks and make her realise that this isn't just a breeze...
At this point the only thing that I can think of to suggest is (if you can't move out) to spend more time in the library. You'd probably get more work done without disruptions and have less arguments and as a result feel less stressed.
I just read your post that you can't get to the library easily...maybe you could get her more involved with your work? Maybe sit down and show her some of it to see what she thinks and make her realise that this isn't just a breeze...
Try to find a job. If you get one - move out asap. On a tight budget, you can pay rent, bills and food quite easily with a part time job + full time summer saving sessions.
Uni isn't just about the degree, it's the start of your life as an adult, and you can't do that whilst being treated like a child. I'd very rarely recommend living at home through Uni... and definitely not if your parents can't start treating you like an adult / equal. Whether or not you can contribute equally to the food / house running bills is irrelevant here... it's time to act like, and be treated as, an adult and if you're not getting that, it's not really a workable living situation.
Uni isn't just about the degree, it's the start of your life as an adult, and you can't do that whilst being treated like a child. I'd very rarely recommend living at home through Uni... and definitely not if your parents can't start treating you like an adult / equal. Whether or not you can contribute equally to the food / house running bills is irrelevant here... it's time to act like, and be treated as, an adult and if you're not getting that, it's not really a workable living situation.
Anonymous
It's quite difficult to escape at times - uni is 2 buses and a train away also costing about £20 a day to get to so i can't really just go to the library. I could go to a local one but they're not open when she's usually having a go at me. I've tried to talk to her but she's just turns into a petulant child and says "fine, I won't get involved, just do what you like but I don't want to hear about it" so essentially unless i'm living my life her way she's not interested - it's so frustrating and even upsetting at times. I just wished she appreciated that when I'm working I'm actually working because she just seems to think that I'm lazing around
Why cant you live in halls? or find some some friends you can rent a flat out together?
I cant move out. It's complicated. My boyfriend lives with us - and we'd both have to move out, but we can't afford it. I have a job and it barely covers my travel expenses to uni. But If I moved closer to uni then if my temporarily laid off boyfriend gets his job back it's too far to travel back (right now we live in between my uni and his job). I can't afford £400 a month travel costs plus rent plus bills plus food even with a part time job. So moving out really isn't an option because my boyfriends job isn't secure enough if he got laid off again we'd be straight back in with my parents and that's if they'd have us
I think part of the problem may be that my brother has moved back in. After spending 3 years at uni he's got no degree, no nothing because he didn't do any work in his last year and very little in second. Problem is he buried his head in the sand and for weeks and weeks wouldn't speak to my parents because he said he was writing his dissertation (which he never actually started). So now I think my mum just assumes I'm not doing anything when i say I'm working
I think part of the problem may be that my brother has moved back in. After spending 3 years at uni he's got no degree, no nothing because he didn't do any work in his last year and very little in second. Problem is he buried his head in the sand and for weeks and weeks wouldn't speak to my parents because he said he was writing his dissertation (which he never actually started). So now I think my mum just assumes I'm not doing anything when i say I'm working
Psycho_Biatch
Why cant you live in halls? or find some some friends you can rent a flat out together?
Bhumbauze
Now I'm really confused. You could rent and live on £20 a day
see post above
EskimoJo
Does your Uni have 24hour opening for libraries during exam time?
Til 2am. But my last train back is at around 9pm and my exams are finished now
Anonymous
I cant move out. It's complicated. My boyfriend lives with us - and we'd both have to move out, but we can't afford it. I have a job and it barely covers my travel expenses to uni. But If I moved closer to uni then if my temporarily laid off boyfriend gets his job back it's too far to travel back (right now we live in between my uni and his job). I can't afford £400 a month travel costs plus rent plus bills plus food even with a part time job. So moving out really isn't an option because my boyfriends job isn't secure enough if he got laid off again we'd be straight back in with my parents and that's if they'd have us
I think part of the problem may be that my brother has moved back in. After spending 3 years at uni he's got no degree, no nothing because he didn't do any work in his last year and very little in second. Problem is he buried his head in the sand and for weeks and weeks wouldn't speak to my parents because he said he was writing his dissertation (which he never actually started). So now I think my mum just assumes I'm not doing anything when i say I'm working
I think part of the problem may be that my brother has moved back in. After spending 3 years at uni he's got no degree, no nothing because he didn't do any work in his last year and very little in second. Problem is he buried his head in the sand and for weeks and weeks wouldn't speak to my parents because he said he was writing his dissertation (which he never actually started). So now I think my mum just assumes I'm not doing anything when i say I'm working
Explain that you are not your brother.
Can't your boyfriend go live with his own parents?
EskimoJo
Explain that you are not your brother.
Can't your boyfriend go live with his own parents?
Can't your boyfriend go live with his own parents?
300 miles away? not really. His life's here now, job, friends etc. besides going long distance isn't what either or us want
Anonymous
I cant move out. It's complicated. My boyfriend lives with us - and we'd both have to move out, but we can't afford it. I have a job and it barely covers my travel expenses to uni. But If I moved closer to uni then if my temporarily laid off boyfriend gets his job back it's too far to travel back (right now we live in between my uni and his job). I can't afford £400 a month travel costs plus rent plus bills plus food even with a part time job. So moving out really isn't an option because my boyfriends job isn't secure enough if he got laid off again we'd be straight back in with my parents and that's if they'd have us
I think part of the problem may be that my brother has moved back in. After spending 3 years at uni he's got no degree, no nothing because he didn't do any work in his last year and very little in second. Problem is he buried his head in the sand and for weeks and weeks wouldn't speak to my parents because he said he was writing his dissertation (which he never actually started). So now I think my mum just assumes I'm not doing anything when i say I'm working
I think part of the problem may be that my brother has moved back in. After spending 3 years at uni he's got no degree, no nothing because he didn't do any work in his last year and very little in second. Problem is he buried his head in the sand and for weeks and weeks wouldn't speak to my parents because he said he was writing his dissertation (which he never actually started). So now I think my mum just assumes I'm not doing anything when i say I'm working
That makes more sense. Now we know the root of the problem.
If you can't move out then all you can do is try to pursuade you mother that your not like your brother - but surely by seeing all the hard work you do that should be enough reassurance that you not a dropout like you brother only going to Uni just for the social life!
What uni was your brother at? and what uni are you at?
Just try and remain on good term with your mother, work hard, graduate and then get a good job and move out with your fella.
Best of luck
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