This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- help with best friend
- Going back to uni after the Christmas holidays
- It’s been 2 years and I’m still in love with him and can’t get over him
- uni best friends
- falling inlove again after rejection
- accommodation question
- My friend is telling me to break up with my boyfriend, it's messing with my head
- [M20] I only fall in love with people who are close friends first. What should I do?
- Would you like a girl who is a friend of your best friend?
- Need some advice about a gift for my friend.
- feel unsure :/
- Whats your favourite pet?
- Having a best friend of the opposite sex
- Friendship Dilemma - Holidays
- i hate my best friend but love our friendship.
- Are you going to uni in september in 2023?
- Masters degree at friends university
- Moving from England to Scotland - HELP
- relationship advice.. (18 year old and 24)
- Giving a letter as a secret admirer?
In love with my Best Friend.
I met him in October, but we'd talked for about a month before that. We met when we started uni. We saw each other a few times a week, and at the end of october, my best friend thought it would be for the best to tell him I liked him. All of us really drunk, I became so embarrassed I walked off. He (apparently) told her that he really liked me too, but didn't want to ruin things incase I didn't feel the same. Anyway, that night led to us being very close and cuddly, but no kisses. Since that night, we've not discussed any feelings for each other.. Just become closer. I can trust him with everything, he's the only boy I am comfortable with holding hands and falling asleep on and generally being super cuddly with.
We always joke around, and he's said he wants to marry me one day, for lots of silly jokey reasons. And I think its probably because of this, that he does stuff like.. The other night, we were at the beach together, and he wrote [his initials] + [my initials] in the sand.
The one thing we don't talk about, is any romantic involvement with anyone else. My uni life has been a little.. "spoilt" perhaps, because I'm not too interested in making any effort to meet boys "in that way" because I'm holding out on the fact he might feel something for me. He never tells me about any girls, and so I actually don't know if he has been with any at all since he's been at uni but hes a very good looking boy so... (He does tell me about his ex though etc).
I was just wondering if anyone could give me any advice. I've tried for the past 3 months to tell him how much I've fallen for him, but I fail everytime. I am so scared that if I told him how I felt,and he didnt feel the same, he might be a bit awkward and stop being so cuddly with me incase he thought it was giving me mixed signals. But, on the other hand, I hate that he doesn't know. What kind of thing can I do to help suggest it a bit more to him how much I'm in love with him!? Or to even watch out for to figure out his true feelings towards me? And, if that all fails, whats the best way to make myself un-fall for him!?
Sorry for the repetitiveness of this kind of thread. I needed to write it somewhere because its been there for so long and i have noone to talk to about it...
We always joke around, and he's said he wants to marry me one day, for lots of silly jokey reasons. And I think its probably because of this, that he does stuff like.. The other night, we were at the beach together, and he wrote [his initials] + [my initials] in the sand.
The one thing we don't talk about, is any romantic involvement with anyone else. My uni life has been a little.. "spoilt" perhaps, because I'm not too interested in making any effort to meet boys "in that way" because I'm holding out on the fact he might feel something for me. He never tells me about any girls, and so I actually don't know if he has been with any at all since he's been at uni but hes a very good looking boy so... (He does tell me about his ex though etc).
I was just wondering if anyone could give me any advice. I've tried for the past 3 months to tell him how much I've fallen for him, but I fail everytime. I am so scared that if I told him how I felt,and he didnt feel the same, he might be a bit awkward and stop being so cuddly with me incase he thought it was giving me mixed signals. But, on the other hand, I hate that he doesn't know. What kind of thing can I do to help suggest it a bit more to him how much I'm in love with him!? Or to even watch out for to figure out his true feelings towards me? And, if that all fails, whats the best way to make myself un-fall for him!?
Sorry for the repetitiveness of this kind of thread. I needed to write it somewhere because its been there for so long and i have noone to talk to about it...
Scroll to see replies
Seems to be going well then.
Don't get into a theme of things whereby you are constantly seeing him and nothing happens, because that will just lead to no expectations.
I would get him out on your own somewhere, like the cinema, concert, something so just the two of you can be alone. Just be yourself without being too clingy, and ask him in a discrete manner how he thinks things are between you and him. If its positve, then obviously it's just up to you to make the next step.
Some guys (inc myself), just never ask out girls. Don't know why, but just don't. Feel uncomfortable, and without being funny, they have always asked me! By now, I think you've proved the point that you aren't 'desperate', and you actually enjoy his company. It looks promising on a nice relationship scale.
Don't get into a theme of things whereby you are constantly seeing him and nothing happens, because that will just lead to no expectations.
I would get him out on your own somewhere, like the cinema, concert, something so just the two of you can be alone. Just be yourself without being too clingy, and ask him in a discrete manner how he thinks things are between you and him. If its positve, then obviously it's just up to you to make the next step.
Some guys (inc myself), just never ask out girls. Don't know why, but just don't. Feel uncomfortable, and without being funny, they have always asked me! By now, I think you've proved the point that you aren't 'desperate', and you actually enjoy his company. It looks promising on a nice relationship scale.
The closeness and cuddlyness is quite an intense sign and it does imply that he feels something for you. If he isn't like that with anybody else then he probably does like you, and what he's apparently told your friend concurs with that one.
I am guessing that because he's a good looker, you are afraid that he is 'out of your league' and not willing to push the question and ask anything. The thing is, if he doesn't genuinely feel something for you, then he is being a bit out of order being so cuddly and close with you because its bound to lead you on. I can't give you any tips for things to "look for" to suggest that he might like you because if he is already so touchy-feely with you that should say everything.
I know it is always a risk coming forwards with your feelings because if it goes wrong it can cock everything up but in the circumstances where two people have already become so close I would generally advise going for it because the chances are good. If you want to wait and see, then thats understandable, but make sure you are waiting for the right reasons and if you don't do anything and he gets with someone else in a few months time, you won't be beating yourself up with regret.
I am guessing that because he's a good looker, you are afraid that he is 'out of your league' and not willing to push the question and ask anything. The thing is, if he doesn't genuinely feel something for you, then he is being a bit out of order being so cuddly and close with you because its bound to lead you on. I can't give you any tips for things to "look for" to suggest that he might like you because if he is already so touchy-feely with you that should say everything.
I know it is always a risk coming forwards with your feelings because if it goes wrong it can cock everything up but in the circumstances where two people have already become so close I would generally advise going for it because the chances are good. If you want to wait and see, then thats understandable, but make sure you are waiting for the right reasons and if you don't do anything and he gets with someone else in a few months time, you won't be beating yourself up with regret.
^ True. Although I can feel cuddly with a girl, but don't wish to kiss her incase it gives her the wrong impression (obviously).
I feel like the cuddling is a way of avoiding kissing and at the same time working out how I feel for her. But doing it for that period of time is a positive sign. So I would go for it
I feel like the cuddling is a way of avoiding kissing and at the same time working out how I feel for her. But doing it for that period of time is a positive sign. So I would go for it
Regretting not doing anythingi s what scares me! We constantly do things just us. Infact, its weird when other people are there. And because he doesn't live in the same place or isnt on the same course, we have seperate friends. I haven't seen how he is with other people, if he's just as cuddly. But.. I can't help but think (and ive almost convinced myself) that perhaps, he's just like he is and things are so intense, because he feels more confident now that I'm not interested, and so he doesn't have to not give signals? Ive only once managed to steer the conversation toward the topic of relationships (current rather than past) and he came out with a comment then about how you should "just go for things". So... If he felt anything for me, then he'd of done something by now, wouldn't he? How long is long enough with the closeness/cuddlyness, but no kissing or anything? I watched the film "just friends" with him and it only reinforced it - in my mind - that I've been put into the friend catagory and thats where I shall stay.
Maybe his "just go for things" was intended to elicit a move from YOU.
Maybe. But don't convince yourself of that.
The likeliness of him being really warm to you, is still a good sign.
If you were just a friend, cuddling just wouldn't happen. It would be more like a welcome cuddle. He allows you to sleep on him (which is so endearing), so unless he's gay, that's just plain polite and very gentlemenly.
He maybe confused himself. Sometimes a relationship will move things on, and feelings really do develop. They can't exactly flourish under a friendship. They remain static until progress is made.
Example: I didn't want my G/F at all and for the life of me never knew why I agreed to go out with her. Really nice girl and I did think about it, but I just never really thought about a proper relationship. When it did happen, I knew about it, and ended up really falling for her. Things had progressed
The likeliness of him being really warm to you, is still a good sign.
If you were just a friend, cuddling just wouldn't happen. It would be more like a welcome cuddle. He allows you to sleep on him (which is so endearing), so unless he's gay, that's just plain polite and very gentlemenly.
He maybe confused himself. Sometimes a relationship will move things on, and feelings really do develop. They can't exactly flourish under a friendship. They remain static until progress is made.
Example: I didn't want my G/F at all and for the life of me never knew why I agreed to go out with her. Really nice girl and I did think about it, but I just never really thought about a proper relationship. When it did happen, I knew about it, and ended up really falling for her. Things had progressed
that comment might have been a hint that he hoped you would pick up on
remember that he may be experiencing the same feelings and the same fears of rejection, he might not feel he could be cuddly with you any more if you'd said you only saw him as a "friend" and he might have convinced himself that at the moment because you haven't tried a move on him, you have filed him in the "friends" category and he's waiting around in the vain hope that you will develop feelings for him in the future!
As for how long is too long, it's something you just have to judge yourself on the way things are developing between you, you might just get a "cue" one time to go for something, however the unknown factor is when he might meet someone else who doesn't know him as well as you do and is more pro-active about "hunting" for him because she feels less to lose.
remember that he may be experiencing the same feelings and the same fears of rejection, he might not feel he could be cuddly with you any more if you'd said you only saw him as a "friend" and he might have convinced himself that at the moment because you haven't tried a move on him, you have filed him in the "friends" category and he's waiting around in the vain hope that you will develop feelings for him in the future!
As for how long is too long, it's something you just have to judge yourself on the way things are developing between you, you might just get a "cue" one time to go for something, however the unknown factor is when he might meet someone else who doesn't know him as well as you do and is more pro-active about "hunting" for him because she feels less to lose.
I really am very grateful for your replies. But how long would you stick around and wait for a girl to make a move? How long before you'd get "bored" and stop seeing her like that? Gay is something he's definately not, however he is quite... "feminine" at times!
How do you even think about bringing up a topic such as this with a person? I haven't got very much experience at all with relationships. I've never had one last more than a few weeks. I've never had to openly say "I like you" unless I was positive that the other person felt the same. I lack confidence, which is probably why I just try to convince myself he can't like me as anymore than a friend.
I miss him so much when I can't see him, and I can never see him enough.. :-(
How do you even think about bringing up a topic such as this with a person? I haven't got very much experience at all with relationships. I've never had one last more than a few weeks. I've never had to openly say "I like you" unless I was positive that the other person felt the same. I lack confidence, which is probably why I just try to convince myself he can't like me as anymore than a friend.
I miss him so much when I can't see him, and I can never see him enough.. :-(
"actioning it" might be one way but it is more of a risk if you get it wrong you can feel quite foolish. I tried to show someone my feelings one time by escalating it straight to a kiss and I got pushed (gently) away, and I felt really embarrased afterwards.
I always think it's the sort of conversation you can rehearse in your head when you're lying in bed or something, see what sounds and feels right....think of all the things you really want to say to him. It will feel therapeutic saying them even if the answer is no.
If you feel comfortable with each other then it shouldn't be awkward to bring up something like,
"you know I'm really glad I met you when I came to university and being friends with you has made the whole experience so much better. I really value all the time that you spend with me and I've learned a lot from you and spending time with you. I suppose it's pretty obvious I think you're an amazing guy and I really like you. I don't know how you feel about me but I would really like us to have something more than friendship, I trust you completely and I couldn't think of a more perfect boyfriend. I know that saying that is a risk that you might push me away but in the end I just felt that you were worth taking a risk for."
then wait and see what he says...
I always think it's the sort of conversation you can rehearse in your head when you're lying in bed or something, see what sounds and feels right....think of all the things you really want to say to him. It will feel therapeutic saying them even if the answer is no.
If you feel comfortable with each other then it shouldn't be awkward to bring up something like,
"you know I'm really glad I met you when I came to university and being friends with you has made the whole experience so much better. I really value all the time that you spend with me and I've learned a lot from you and spending time with you. I suppose it's pretty obvious I think you're an amazing guy and I really like you. I don't know how you feel about me but I would really like us to have something more than friendship, I trust you completely and I couldn't think of a more perfect boyfriend. I know that saying that is a risk that you might push me away but in the end I just felt that you were worth taking a risk for."
then wait and see what he says...
That sounds like the best option. But. (theres always a but!) Im tensing up at just the thought of telling him something like that! I think I'd probably cry before I got anywhere with that! Isn't there some kind of secret way where I can somehow get him to admit how he feels (whether its what I want to hear or not!) without me having to give away what I feel about him!? I even get scared about the hypothetical relationshippy "waht would you do if..." questions, incase he thinks that it might be me hinting.
And yes, I'm that pathetic I try soooo hard to hide from him how much I like him, that it could well come across to him as though I don't see him as any more than a friend.
hes so amazing and I really cant stop thinking about him
And yes, I'm that pathetic I try soooo hard to hide from him how much I like him, that it could well come across to him as though I don't see him as any more than a friend.
hes so amazing and I really cant stop thinking about him
I suggest you go to a good club, get nicely drunk and start dancing with each other. then just start dancing closer and closer, put a hand on his waste and look into his eyes, and there's any romantic potential it'll happen then and there.
--------------
oh, and this guy you're talking about, it's not me, is it?
--------------
oh, and this guy you're talking about, it's not me, is it?
Anonymous
And yes, I'm that pathetic I try soooo hard to hide from him how much I like him, that it could well come across to him as though I don't see him as any more than a friend.
hes so amazing and I really cant stop thinking about him
And yes, I'm that pathetic I try soooo hard to hide from him how much I like him, that it could well come across to him as though I don't see him as any more than a friend.
hes so amazing and I really cant stop thinking about him
it's scary that the feelings you're describing are pretty much the same as the ones i'm feeling about a very good friend of mine although i'm pretty sure i'm not 'in love' with him- or at least i hope i'm not! i hate having those feelings and i hate him for making me feel that way but what to do?! i'm just trying to keep my distance somehow and hoping that those feelings will pass...i don't want to tell him because i'm worried about it making things awkward between us- i'd hate myself if that happened
Just get drunk with him. It's the easiest solution.
Maybe in a cuddly moment you could give him a little kiss on the cheek, then pull slightly away and look in his eyes - if he seems awkward then maybe he is really just a friend but if he gives you a nice kiss on the lips, he probably feels the same.
I think it would work as it does look like he fancies you!
My first love was my best friend at the time, but we used to kiss on the lips all the time so it was sooo hard to tell how he felt!
I think it would work as it does look like he fancies you!
My first love was my best friend at the time, but we used to kiss on the lips all the time so it was sooo hard to tell how he felt!
Anonymous
I met him in October, but we'd talked for about a month before that. We met when we started uni. We saw each other a few times a week, and at the end of october, my best friend thought it would be for the best to tell him I liked him. All of us really drunk, I became so embarrassed I walked off. He (apparently) told her that he really liked me too, but didn't want to ruin things incase I didn't feel the same. Anyway, that night led to us being very close and cuddly, but no kisses. Since that night, we've not discussed any feelings for each other.. Just become closer. I can trust him with everything, he's the only boy I am comfortable with holding hands and falling asleep on and generally being super cuddly with.
We always joke around, and he's said he wants to marry me one day, for lots of silly jokey reasons. And I think its probably because of this, that he does stuff like.. The other night, we were at the beach together, and he wrote [his initials] + [my initials] in the sand.
The one thing we don't talk about, is any romantic involvement with anyone else. My uni life has been a little.. "spoilt" perhaps, because I'm not too interested in making any effort to meet boys "in that way" because I'm holding out on the fact he might feel something for me. He never tells me about any girls, and so I actually don't know if he has been with any at all since he's been at uni but hes a very good looking boy so... (He does tell me about his ex though etc).
I was just wondering if anyone could give me any advice. I've tried for the past 3 months to tell him how much I've fallen for him, but I fail everytime. I am so scared that if I told him how I felt,and he didnt feel the same, he might be a bit awkward and stop being so cuddly with me incase he thought it was giving me mixed signals. But, on the other hand, I hate that he doesn't know. What kind of thing can I do to help suggest it a bit more to him how much I'm in love with him!? Or to even watch out for to figure out his true feelings towards me? And, if that all fails, whats the best way to make myself un-fall for him!?
Sorry for the repetitiveness of this kind of thread. I needed to write it somewhere because its been there for so long and i have noone to talk to about it...
We always joke around, and he's said he wants to marry me one day, for lots of silly jokey reasons. And I think its probably because of this, that he does stuff like.. The other night, we were at the beach together, and he wrote [his initials] + [my initials] in the sand.
The one thing we don't talk about, is any romantic involvement with anyone else. My uni life has been a little.. "spoilt" perhaps, because I'm not too interested in making any effort to meet boys "in that way" because I'm holding out on the fact he might feel something for me. He never tells me about any girls, and so I actually don't know if he has been with any at all since he's been at uni but hes a very good looking boy so... (He does tell me about his ex though etc).
I was just wondering if anyone could give me any advice. I've tried for the past 3 months to tell him how much I've fallen for him, but I fail everytime. I am so scared that if I told him how I felt,and he didnt feel the same, he might be a bit awkward and stop being so cuddly with me incase he thought it was giving me mixed signals. But, on the other hand, I hate that he doesn't know. What kind of thing can I do to help suggest it a bit more to him how much I'm in love with him!? Or to even watch out for to figure out his true feelings towards me? And, if that all fails, whats the best way to make myself un-fall for him!?
Sorry for the repetitiveness of this kind of thread. I needed to write it somewhere because its been there for so long and i have noone to talk to about it...
Hey, i totally feel for you im in the same position but ive known the person involved 4 a large part of my life. I just feel so relaxed and safe around him but like you dont no if he feels the same and have stopped myself from going any further. I still havnt worked up the courage to go for it, but am going to have to soon as we will be moving to different parts of the country which will make it even harder. Ive run over what i would say so many times in my head but just cant bring myself to do it with fear of rejection and ruining a really good friendship. Hopefully one day soon i will manage it
Hope everything goes well between you and ur friend keep me posted on it mite give me the push i need!
You should be honest with him. My best friend is a guy and we have a similar friendsip to what you've described, except neither of us have feelings for the other, we are both in 'long term' relationships. Anyway, I think you should just tell him and see what he says, as hes your best friend so even if he doesn't feel the same way and sees you as a sister, you won't be loosing anything. If he doesn't fancy you, then the chances are he sees your relationship as a brother/sister one. With my friend, we are really close and I consider him a brother in every way bar blood. So maybe instead of trying to find out if he fancies you, you could try and work out if he sees you like a sister, then if he does you know its not going to go anywhere, and if he doesn't then it could probably become more than friendship.
Related discussions
- help with best friend
- Going back to uni after the Christmas holidays
- It’s been 2 years and I’m still in love with him and can’t get over him
- uni best friends
- falling inlove again after rejection
- accommodation question
- My friend is telling me to break up with my boyfriend, it's messing with my head
- [M20] I only fall in love with people who are close friends first. What should I do?
- Would you like a girl who is a friend of your best friend?
- Need some advice about a gift for my friend.
- feel unsure :/
- Whats your favourite pet?
- Having a best friend of the opposite sex
- Friendship Dilemma - Holidays
- i hate my best friend but love our friendship.
- Are you going to uni in september in 2023?
- Masters degree at friends university
- Moving from England to Scotland - HELP
- relationship advice.. (18 year old and 24)
- Giving a letter as a secret admirer?
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
