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How to convince her that sleeping around isn't cool?!

She had sex at 15. She had few one night stands and doesn't regret any that, apparently coz she was single. We had sex the night we went out for drinks as a date. She then got drunk on holiday and cheated on me with a complete stranger who she met on the same day. She was sorry for cheating on me, but said she doesn't trust herself anymore, so she can't promise she won't do the same again. I broke up with her, but I care about her and we are friends.

How can I convince her that the path she's chosen isn't right. How can I convince her that sleeping around is not cool at all. It's actually a low point in her life, and it's not about "YOLO" or "having fun when you can". Her behaviour has cost her a relationship with me.

I don't want her back and she knows that. But I want to make sure she's happy, safe and cared. I feel like she's really vulnerable and gets like this when she gets drunk.

Could people give any suggestions to this question, without asking me to "forget about her and move on"

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Reply 1

Tiger Rag

I assume she's aware of STDs and all that?

Reply 2

ahha

Original post by OU Student

I assume she's aware of STDs and all that?

Yeah she knows that, and it's just like saying "no smoking" to someone who knows smoking kills. I really want to convince her somehow that sleeping around isn't cool at all, just don't know how :frown:

Reply 3

squealia

I dont think you telling her will do anything. Its just a matter of time before she gets bored of meaningless sex and realizes there is more too it than that.

Reply 4

FiniteMr

I don't see anything wrong with it. Sex is good. Don't try to control her sexuality.

(This has been misunderstood. I'm not saying cheating is good, and in a relationship it's obviously not, but this girl is now single and perfectly free to sleep around if she chooses.)

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 5

ddaappoo

maybe she is happy lol

Reply 6

Tiger Rag

I think you have to let her from her own mistakes.

Reply 7

ipoop

Original post by Hypocrism

I don't see anything wrong with it. Sex is good. Don't try to control her sexuality.

This, a thousands times this!

Who are you to tell her what she should do with her sexual life. As long as she is consenting every time and has sex safely, what business is it of yours?

I think you should get off your high horse and let her be.

Posted from TSR Mobile

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 8

Treeroy

There's nothing wrong with sleeping around, and her sex life is none of your business anyway. Leave her be.

Reply 9

John Stuart Mill

Original post by OU Student

I assume she's aware of STDs and all that?

why do people say this like every person in the world has an STD

Reply 10

lucaf

send her a picture of the symptoms of some STD's, that'll put her off :tongue:

Reply 11

Pedd

If she enjoys 'sleeping around', then fair do's must be given. It's her body and she should be the one who decides what pleasure it should feel and how (consent and legality allowing). :tongue:

This "path" does have negatives like being unable to hold down relationships as well (see your experience), but that's something that only she can weigh up.

Reply 12

93jm

let her do what she wants

Reply 13

amb3r

let her sleep around, if she makes mistakes then she makes mistakes and she can learn from them but there's no harm in sleeping around as long as she's safe about it

Reply 14

thoyub

I think it's in girls DNA to sleep around, you can't convince her if that's the case. The vast majority of girls anyway, there are girls who say they "don't" sleep around...

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 15

Emaemmaemily

Original post by thoyub

I think it's in girls DNA to sleep around, you can't convince her if that's the case.

Nice generalisation there.

I have never understood sleeping around myself, it's not something that appeals to me. But if it's something she enjoys then it's up to her what she does with her life. You can't force an issue like this, and it's wrong to try.
She will learn from her experiences, and may one day decide she's had enough of it on her own terms.

Reply 16

pessimist

In all honesty, although you are in the right for caring about her and wanting to help her, it's her choice. You can't tell her what she can and can't do and even if you did, it would probably make no difference whatsoever and may cost you your friendship.

Reply 17

MickIAC

If she won't listen, it's her fault. She's the one who could end up with an STD, she's the one who can get pregnant without the father, she's the one who can be used. Although she's your friend, you can't do much. She will hopefully learn if any of those things happen to her.

Reply 18

thoyub

Original post by Emaemmaemily

I mentioned there are a few who apparently don't. Ideally I wouldn't have any problem with people sleeping around but I do believe it becomes a problem when it becomes too widespread. When there is no variety anymore for example.

Reply 19

MissDavies

Has it occured to you that she doesn't just sleep around because she thinks it's 'cool' but that she might actually just enjoy sex? It's nice that you care about her and everything, but if she's single now then she can do what she wants.