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normal not to have any contact for 3 days in LDR?

klopppp

2

Is it normal not to have any contact for 3 days in a long distance relationship?
Thanks

Reply 1

chickenman

15

No

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Reply 2

Anonymous #1

I feel for you, im in a LDR now. Funny enough, been reading about communication and LDR. Been with my bf nearly 3 years, he moved a few hundred miles away to start an access course. We've done LDR before, long story, and it was HARD. The hardest part for me was my boyfriends insensitivity to appreciate the importance of communication to keep us strong. Even if he wasn't a big communicator, a nice little text would brighten my day to know he's thinking of me. Im pretty laid back, i dont have to hear from him every few hours - but at least one text is not much to ask. A phone call every day would be ideal and i think should be the case to keep things strong, but, every other day is acceptable - literally. I mean, if we can speak to our mates pretty much every day by text, why not the person we love?

For eg. I spoke to my boyfriend last night, and all was good. He said hed phone me today.So come 1pm i was like, 'i'll send him a txt to know i am thinking of him' (hes moved into a new houseshare and doesnt know anyone yet). No reply come 8 hours later. So i ring him (i never usually ring him), he answers and says hes on his way to his best friend's girlfriend's flat to chill out/go the pub (his best friend and his gfriend live together - his best friend was away this weekend with uni mates). So naturally im like, oh, you ignore my text, but go out of your way to answer your best mate's gfriend txt and arrange a night out/in?

If he had SIMPLY just replied to my text - even if it were a few hours later, not never, i doubt i would have been as highly strung as i was on the phone.

How long have you been together and why are you LDR?

Reply 3

ElChapo

18

If you think its a problem, why don't you make contact, why does the other person have to initiate?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by ElChapo

If you think its a problem, why don't you make contact, why does the other person have to initiate?

That's probably a fair point, maybe she/he doesn't want to appear needy so gives them the control....effectively, to call her.

I don't call my boyfriend 99% of the time, because 1. i mostly never get through to him 2 he might be in the middle of something. So, if i give him that control/decision, he is calling me because hes ready and wants to speak to me. That's quite a nice feeling.

Reply 5

ZÃ¼rich

20

Depends on the people tbh. In most cases it's strange but I know of very stable and happy couples who live in different countries who regularly go a week without so much as a text.

Reply 6

0le

21

I don't think LDR can work without a great deal of communication. If you haven't communicated for three days, you should contact the person and discuss it.

Reply 7

MelanieDickson

4

I like five minutes away from my boyfriend and we sometimes go the best part of a week without contact. :mute:

Seriously, you guys have lives and stuff, right? It's normal, chill.

Reply 8

klopppp

OP

2

Thank you for all the helpful replies - please carry on posting!

Reply 9

Lord Frieza

13

Original post by MelanieDickson

I like five minutes away from my boyfriend and we sometimes go the best part of a week without contact. :mute:

Seriously, you guys have lives and stuff, right? It's normal, chill.

.. A week, really?

Reply 10

lizlaz350

16

I'm in an LDR and I speak to my boyfriend every day. It's just what we've always done and if we suddenly cut down now then it'd seem like something was wrong. I personally would find it strange not to talk to him every day because it's so easy to get in contact with people nowadays what with mobile phones and the internet so it's not that hard just to send one quick text or tweet or facebook message or whatever even if you're busy.

However, not everyone is comfortable having relationships like that. I know someone who said she didn't like 'clingy' relationships and she was happy not to talk to her boyfriend for a few days at a time. It was only when it became a few weeks and she hadn't heard from him that it became a problem.

I suppose it's just up to the two of you to agree on the level of contact that you're both happy with. If you're used to talking every day and suddenly it stops then yes, that's probably a bit weird but I don't know your relationship. Also, don't be afraid to be the one to text first. If you want to talk to someone then just do, there's no need to have silly rules about contact or to be ashamed of wanting to talk to the person you're in a relationship with.

Reply 11

Quilt

13

Personally don't find that normal at all! I'm in a LDR, and we text several times a day while at college on lunch etc, and then Skype or text when we get home. I wouldn't go a day, let alone 3 without speaking to my boyfriend at all really.. There may be days where there is less contact, but never none.

Perhaps ask if there is anything wrong?

Reply 12

klopppp

OP

2

Thanks for all of the replies so far - is it normal for contact to become slightly less frequent as the relationship progresses?

Reply 13

peasandqueues

7

Yes definitely. Maybe because the relationship is stable, you're not so worried of losing them unexpectedly or you don't have to impress them anymore.

When my boyfriend and I first got together he used to text several times a day and spend nearly all day every day together apart from the 3 or 4 hours a day we had separate lessons. Now he often ignores my facebook messages and barely texts when we're apart (3 years on) :rolleyes:

Reply 14

bobdidies

8

I don't think its particularly normal, but that shouldn't matter really its only your relationship that matters not other peoples :smile:

. Is it common in your relationship? If you usually speak everyday and suddenly have had no contact in three days that would be more worrying than if it was always like that. Have you tried contacting him/her? If one person if being ignored that would be worse than simply no contact. However if you haven't contacted them I would suggest you do rather than just waiting. Also long distance relationships are hard and I tend to find that the more contact the easier it is to deal with.

Reply 15

heart/

5

Original post by klopppp

Is it normal not to have any contact for 3 days in a long distance relationship?
Thanks

It depends what is normal in your relationship? e.g. do you ever not speak for a day or two? then in that case 3 isnt a huge deal

Reply 16

Stray_talk

15

Original post by Anonymous

That's probably a fair point, maybe she/he doesn't want to appear needy so gives them the control....effectively, to call her.

I don't call my boyfriend 99% of the time, because 1. i mostly never get through to him 2 he might be in the middle of something. So, if i give him that control/decision, he is calling me because hes ready and wants to speak to me. That's quite a nice feeling.

I do think that's a little silly. If you want to contact your other half, why shouldn't you? (\Within reason of course) Regardless of if they're busy or whatever. Phone calls can leave voice messages or there is always a text. I just find the "oh I'll let them have control" a bit stupid, as if they're someone who perhaps isn't so thoughtful, you end up feeling crap. Sometimes it is down to you. "He didn't contact me at all for ages. Oh no, I didn't contact him either." .... :eyebrow:

And in answer to the OP, personally I'd say 3 days is not normal, unless you knew about it beforehand.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 17

ilex_noemi

11

Personally I would find it strange, I like being in contact everyday, even if it is just a handful of texts or a 5 min phone call, just something small to know that they are thinking of me :smile:

It does depend on the person, that is just who I am but many people can go a while not talking to each other with no worries.

If you aren't feeling ok about it then have a chat with him and tell him that.