Think I have feelings for my friend and I DO NOT WANT TO!

We are both 19 and live together in halls. Which makes it worse. we are quite close, he is one of my closest male friends at uni. I am 50% sure he does not feel anything for me. It would be so messy if anything were to happen. I don't want these feelings because I am starting to get jealous/upset whenever he does something that I interpret as liking one of my girl friends more than me/being more attracted to them. Strangers I don't care about. I feel our relationship changed recently as I think he may have guessed that I like him or something I don't know... but before he was very jokey with me, banterous and we would often playfight etc. but now it's none of that and it seems a bit like, awkward or wary to do anything like that. I really don't know :frown:

What can I do?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

bump

Reply 2

joker12345

19

Have you considered that maybe his behaviour changed because he developed feelings for you too?

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by joker12345

Have you considered that maybe his behaviour changed because he developed feelings for you too?

I have no idea, thought obviously crossed my mind but I don't think it matters as nothing can happen between us..

Reply 4

Studentus-anonymous

12

Honestly, if you're being driven to distraction by feelings for a friend, than why worry about 'the friendship' so much? because it's obvious you want him for some romance/sex rather than as a platonic buddy.

Unless you;re convicned you can get over your feelings, either walk away from the friendship or throw yourself on him and escalate.

Reply 5

Orthonym

To be honest, the feelings you have against anything happening should be outweighing your feelings towards him, resulting in you liking him less. What is it exactly that makes you not want anything to happen?

Reply 6

Dr. Django

12

I've never really understood the notion that you shouldn't go for someone (even if they like you) just because they're your friend and you're close to them.

Surely being in a relationship with someone who you are already close to can only be a good thing? I understand the whole "messy break up thing"...but they say when married your partner is like your best friend...

If you can establish he likes you then go for it

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Orthonym

To be honest, the feelings you have against anything happening should be outweighing your feelings towards him, resulting in you liking him less. What is it exactly that makes you not want anything to happen?

I think it would be very complicated concerning other people, I don't think he's the type to settle down yet either. Not that I even want to settle down but I know if anything happened obviously get proper feelings.

Reply 8

Orthonym

Original post by Anonymous

I think it would be very complicated concerning other people, I don't think he's the type to settle down yet either. Not that I even want to settle down but I know if anything happened obviously get proper feelings.

I see your dilemma. The way I'd deal with it is to really tone down any flirting. If he flirted with me I'd respond awkwardly or be jokily haughty/superior. I'd try to talk to him less and spend more time with other people. Hopefully that would be enough to make the feelings die down.

The only other option is to start something with him (unless one of your friends likes him or something?) and keep it decent in public so the people you're living with don't feel uncomfortable. Don't live with him next year, it makes relationships weird, and you shouldn't live with him anyway if you like him and can't have him. It's rare that anyone is truly ready to settle at this age, so in that aspect it shouldn't matter too much. If you're close, he is likely to develop feelings for you too if you start a relationship-type thing. It doesn't have to be really serious either, because we all know that people don't all find their life partner at this age, but relationships are still good learning experiences that can eventually be looked back on with fondness even if they don't end the best way.

Reply 9

username1221364

5

Original post by Anonymous

I think it would be very complicated concerning other people, I don't think he's the type to settle down yet either. Not that I even want to settle down but I know if anything happened obviously get proper feelings.

You don't even know if something would work out between you two. Don't stress even more by worrying about him not wanting to settle down.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Coffeetime

You don't even know if something would work out between you two. Don't stress even more by worrying about him not wanting to settle down.

Ok but I'm not even concerned by that because I know nothing will happen, I doubt he's interested anyway. I just don't want it to affect our friendship as I fear it already may have. I just want to stop feeling the jealousy really. It makes me really down.