Dating someone that is not over their ex.
Hi all.
I have been dating someone for the last month and we seem to really like eachother and get along really well. However he has admitted he still has feelings for ex. He also said he doesn't want her back and is not in contact with her and wants to be with me.
I don't know what to do. I really like him. On one hand I think I should carry on dating him and see how it goes as everyone gets over their ex eventually and finds happiness from someone else. At the same time I feel hurt and think it would be so much less complicated starting fresh with someone else.
Any advice? Is it a really bad idea to continue with him?
I have been dating someone for the last month and we seem to really like eachother and get along really well. However he has admitted he still has feelings for ex. He also said he doesn't want her back and is not in contact with her and wants to be with me.
I don't know what to do. I really like him. On one hand I think I should carry on dating him and see how it goes as everyone gets over their ex eventually and finds happiness from someone else. At the same time I feel hurt and think it would be so much less complicated starting fresh with someone else.
Any advice? Is it a really bad idea to continue with him?
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smash and dash. If you ever have an arguement he'l just end up crying and running off to his ex
Looking back at some of my past relationships, I wasn't really over some of my ex's entirely when I started dating the new person (was unaware), but the new relationship seemed to help me finish off getting over them quicker in the end.
But then I never told my new person as I wasn't aware myself.
Now that you know though, it'll likely make you paranoid and insecure so it may be best just to start over with someone who wont bring that kind of drama.
As a general rule of thumb, if you aren't over someone and you know it, you shouldn't really get into another relationship. It's not really fair on either party.
But then I never told my new person as I wasn't aware myself.
Now that you know though, it'll likely make you paranoid and insecure so it may be best just to start over with someone who wont bring that kind of drama.
As a general rule of thumb, if you aren't over someone and you know it, you shouldn't really get into another relationship. It's not really fair on either party.
A little more detail OP...how long was their relationship? How long since the breakup?
Original post by stargirl63
A little more detail OP...how long was their relationship? How long since the breakup?
They were together 8 months and been broken up nearly 2 months.
Original post by Anonymous
They were together 8 months and been broken up nearly 2 months.
I personally don't think that one month break up (before he started seeing you for the other month) is sufficient time to get over an 8 month relationship. So I can understand that he is thinking of his ex. At the same time, I tend to do that as well, because I don't seem to completely get over someone until I have someone else to focus my attention on.
My advice would be to keep seeing him, don't get too emotionally involved and don't make it official until you are sure (regardless of what he says), that he is over his ex.
In truth I don't think I've ever been able to get over an ex I loved until I found a love to surpass them. Despite this it has never caused me to, and I never would be unfaithful, and nor would I get into a relationship if I wasn't serious about it or willing to try to make it work.
Original post by popprincess
To me, the fact that he mentioned this to you raises warning bells as it shows he felt his feelings were significant enought to mention to you. If he felt he could get over her reasonably soon then he may not have felt it so necessary to tell you. Of course, he has been decent and honest in telling you and I am sure he intends to be faithful to you and shows sincerity. However, this is something you need to monitor. I wouldn't do anything rash just yet and wait for his feelings for her to subside. If you do not feel he is over her in 6 months time, then find someone else.
Yeah.. like he still loves her but doesn't want to be with her or anything. It is probably better for me to just not see him anymore, but I rarely get feelings for anyone and if he does genuinely like me and see's a future when he is over her than I would like to see it through.. though this may be very stupid. Do you think it would be a bad idea to still see him for another month or so and see how things develop?
I dated someone who wasn't over their ex and it was the worst decision I've made. She still had feelings for him too so was constantly getting involved with our relationship and criticising me to him. He ended up sleeping with her the same day we broke up which affected me emotionally for a long time afterwards. He was a complete scum bag so I know this wouldn't be true for all situations, but it does mean I'd never do the same again.
The fact that he has mentioned this to you isn't great. I'd avoid.
Original post by Amandablanks
The fact that he has mentioned this to you isn't great. I'd avoid.
Avoid because you think he might get together with her?
Original post by Anonymous
Avoid because you think he might get together with her?
Not necessarily. But it does leave the door open for him to potentially go back there and he might say 'oh well I did tell you'.
Original post by Amandablanks
Not necessarily. But it does leave the door open for him to potentially go back there and he might say 'oh well I did tell you'.
That is true :-( I was hopinh that if I carry on seeing him that he would get over, but so many people are saying avoid so I feel stupid.
Original post by Anonymous
That is true :-( I was hopinh that if I carry on seeing him that he would get over, but so many people are saying avoid so I feel stupid.
No need to feel stupid!His loss.
Imagine the scene. I have been chatting to a nice lady who has caught my eye. Being a man of some experience and refinement,my first thought is not how i can relieve her of her hosiery. No..i think it would be fun to spend some time together so i book a table at Luigis,a nice Italian restaurant where i hope the conversation will flow as freely and naturally as a classic Chianti.
Now the last thing i want to hear from her are stories and laments about her ex.
So no,if anyone keeps mentioning or even mentions once or twice their ex...drop them asap.
They are not over it,are being extremely boring and will no doubt cause you a lot of anguish.
Now the last thing i want to hear from her are stories and laments about her ex.
So no,if anyone keeps mentioning or even mentions once or twice their ex...drop them asap.
They are not over it,are being extremely boring and will no doubt cause you a lot of anguish.
If you weren't already with him I'd say DON'T DO IT. DON'T GO THERE.
But since you have, and you're happy, I think you just have to sort of ride it out now
Just don't ever be made to feel like you're the 'other girl' you should be his girl now (presuming you are female 
)
But since you have, and you're happy, I think you just have to sort of ride it out now
Just don't ever be made to feel like you're the 'other girl' you should be his girl now (presuming you are female )Original post by The Wild Youth
If you weren't already with him I'd say DON'T DO IT. DON'T GO THERE.
But since you have, and you're happy, I think you just have to sort of ride it out now Just don't ever be made to feel like you're the 'other girl' you should be his girl now (presuming you are female )
But since you have, and you're happy, I think you just have to sort of ride it out now
Just don't ever be made to feel like you're the 'other girl' you should be his girl now (presuming you are female )Not to go there because I am not first place in his heart or because you think he might not get over her or because you think he might get back with her?
Well we are not in a relationship, and been seeing him about 6 weeks, but we are not seeing other people. How long do I ride it out for? Like another month and if things haven't changed then ditch? :-/
Original post by Anonymous
Not to go there because I am not first place in his heart or because you think he might not get over her or because you think he might get back with her?
Well we are not in a relationship, and been seeing him about 6 weeks, but we are not seeing other people. How long do I ride it out for? Like another month and if things haven't changed then ditch? :-/
Well we are not in a relationship, and been seeing him about 6 weeks, but we are not seeing other people. How long do I ride it out for? Like another month and if things haven't changed then ditch? :-/
I would have said not to go there because it's not fair on you if he's thinking about someone else - you may feel like you can ignore that now because you like him and you're keeping it casual-ish at the moment but down the line it could surface as a real problem. Things have a habit of doing that. For example, I went into a relationship knowing that the guy had cheated for over a year on his previous girlfriend and thought it wasn't an issue but 6 months later and it was all we would argue about, it made me very insecure.
Don't put a sell-by date on the thing you have going for how long you should ride it out for, you just have to play it by ear a bit. You might be the one he needs to help him move on or he could just keep pining after his ex. Honesty and communication!
Just stay level headed and down to earth about it and you'll be okay
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