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Gf said when she gets depressed she will be cold and snappy with me, she has hurt me watch

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    My gf said when she get's depressed she will be cold and snappy with me and is scared she will hurt me, she has, should i wait or is this over?

    Ok so me and my gf have been together for 2 months now, first month was amazing so happy right, 2nd month rocky, she suffers from severe depresion, if you met her you would never think she had it, she is a very outgoing and active person who seems like she has an extremely fun life, and she does but deep down she is very depressed. She has even tried to take her own life twice in the past, takes mediciation for it etc.

    She tells me how i'm her best friend, how she couldn't have got through the last couple months without me being there for her and how she appreicates how much i understand and i care. I mean i've always tried to be there for her, when she's down I've told her to put all her stress on me and i'll take it, told her she can talk to me because she never talks to people about it, i'm about the only person she's been able to open up to about it.

    About a month ago she told me her depression comes in waves and it can last for weeks, she told me when it comes she can become really cold distant and snappy with me and she doesn't want to hurt me but that's how she gets, I told her i love and i'll always be there for here. Anyway fast forward a couple weeks we have had exams so she's been quite stressed and this is precisely what's happening, she's very cold never picks up calls or replies to texts, puts me down quite a lot, calls me stupid and dumb at times, is never happy with me everything i do these days is wrong, i try and talk to her comfort her but she doesn't want to be near me, the other night she didn't even want to cuddle me, it's like i was a stranger in her bed.

    It's kind of like bi polar tendencies i mean she was telling me how she loved me after like a month of us seeing eachother, she told all her family friends, so it's feels like she wanted this but now it's like she doesn't even want to know me. What do i do, should i stay and ride it out till after exams, talk to her? I have a feeling she's going to dump me any moment tbh. What should i do?
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    Give her space. If she needs you she'll tell you. It's good that you're making an effort to understand her mental health
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    Or when she is being nasty tell her to calm down and that you understand her problems and that she doesnt have to be this way because she does not actually think of you that way.

    Just let her know that it is only because of depression she is doing it and should stop.

    People with depression need help, support and comfort someone will be there.

    Let her know you will but the nastiness needs to stop. If she tries to stop being this way she CAN change (not as in clear from depression but just not as hostile to you).
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    Give her space. If she needs you she'll tell you. It's good that you're making an effort to understand her mental health
    How do you mean give her space, well i usually message her everyday but recently she hasn't even been replying, should i stop all of that and wait for her to contact me?

    I will see her this week when i do i plan to have a chat about our relationship anyway i feel like i'm losing her anyway so i'm just going to tell her that ask her how she's feeling etc and get it over with because i can't deal with this limbo crap does she feel this, does she feel that kinda stuff.
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    The stress of exams might have caused the depression by itself, at least wait to see how she is after exams before making any decisions
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    (Original post by Stevo F)
    The stress of exams might have caused the depression by itself, at least wait to see how she is after exams before making any decisions
    U reckon i'm pretty sure i'm getting dumped after exams tho, should i just wait for that to happen exams finish this week anyway, i'll see her over the weekend with how things are going things will def not go back to normal i can just imagine if i don't say anything her being super distant when uni resumes and this feeling just dragging out for longer. I think once exams finish and i see her i'll just ask her how she feels, she will probably say everything i think she's feeling and we'll break up, can't really see her saying she wants to still be with me with how she's acting, seems like she wants to get out, sucks like a bxtch tho haha because i felt like i was a good bf cared for her did everything for her, maybe if i was an dxck that cheated and never cared i would feel a bit better because i could be like ok she left because i'm a dxck who cheated maybe next time i will treat a female better, but with her i don't think i did anything that wrong so it sucks to see someone just discard of you like that but ah well, you live and you learn i guess.
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    She's obviously using you; she seems to be conscious of her behaviour towards you, yet doesn't make any attempt to prevent it. There are parts of bad behaviour tied to mental illness, and then there are parts tied to conscious premeditated decisions (suggested by her warning you about it). It seems she is trying to take advantage of the former to get away with the latter. Does she have severe depression or bipolar disorder? They're not remotely similar, and surely her medication should reflect that.

    You really haven't been with her that long, and it wouldn't be surprising if she consciously made an effort to be nice in the spur of the moment due to the excitement involved in a new relationship; and rather than warning you about "phases", she warned you about her real, everyday self. The bottom line is: do you think you deserve better?
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    Leave her mate, she is an anchor. You have only been together for two months which is way too soon to look after someone who has depression. Maybe if you were together for 3 yrs I would understand.

    Worse comes to worse, you're still her best friend and if she still wants to talk let her know you are still there.
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    (Original post by Flying Cookie)
    She's obviously using you; she seems to be conscious of her behaviour towards you, yet doesn't make any attempt to prevent it. There are parts of bad behaviour tied to mental illness, and then there are parts tied to conscious premeditated decisions (suggested by her warning you about it). It seems she is trying to take advantage of the former to get away with the latter. Does she have severe depression or bipolar disorder? They're not remotely similar, and surely her medication should reflect that.

    You really haven't been with her that long, and it wouldn't be surprising if she consciously made an effort to be nice in the spur of the moment due to the excitement involved in a new relationship; and rather than warning you about "phases", she warned you about her real, everyday self. The bottom line is: do you think you deserve better?
    What do you mean she didn't warn me about "phases".

    Yeah tbh it's weird because her last ex was controlling and violent, he told her when to speak, how to dress, used to shout at her in public make her cry etc. He used to hit her and was very manipulative, with him though she seemed to put in like 10 times the amount of effort she put in with me though, i mean she used to pay for romantic get aways with him at lavish hotels, buy him things etc, maybe she was constantly trying to please him because he was so angry all the time and hard to please. Whereas with me i'm the complete opposite i'm not controlling or anything like that so maybe because of that she feels like she doesn't have to put any effort in and can use me and walk all over me.

    Thing is i reckon i'm just a rebound, i mean she was gunna marry her ex she only left him after months of him being violent etc but before she was going to marry him next year, i think with me she seemed to break up with him then within days she latched onto me, inviting me places messaging me all the time, i mean within like a week after she broke up with her boyfriend she was in my bed and we was sleeping together and it wasn't even me doing all this it was her making all of the moves etc, so i reckon maybe she was depressed down or whatever after her break up used me to make her feel better for a month and now she's just better back on her feet and bored of the relationship so wants to be single again haha man i really have been played for a fool her lol.
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    (Original post by loloway)
    Leave her mate, she is an anchor. You have only been together for two months which is way too soon to look after someone who has depression. Maybe if you were together for 3 yrs I would understand.

    Worse comes to worse, you're still her best friend and if she still wants to talk let her know you are still there.
    Thanks for the advice do you reckon we should still remain friends, tbh what's happening sucks but i plan to just talk to her when i see her, i'm pretty sure she's going to validate everything i'm feeling and we'll break up but i was going to say to her we can still stay friends and i care about her so regardless of what's happened if she needs anything i'm still here and we can just be friends.

    That's what i want to do because tbh i don't really want to do the whole hate eachother, arch enemies thing i mean she has been pretty bad to me recently but i don't think she even realises she's doing it, she hasn't cheated or anything so there's no reason for me to hate her tbh so i think we should just remain friends. Or should i completely cut her of and go no contact, what do you think?
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    (Original post by Lifestyle93)
    What do you mean she didn't warn me about "phases".

    Yeah tbh it's weird because her last ex was controlling and violent, he told her when to speak, how to dress, used to shout at her in public make her cry etc. He used to hit her and was very manipulative, with him though she seemed to put in like 10 times the amount of effort she put in with me though, i mean she used to pay for romantic get aways with him at lavish hotels, buy him things etc, maybe she was constantly trying to please him because he was so angry all the time and hard to please. Whereas with me i'm the complete opposite i'm not controlling or anything like that so maybe because of that she feels like she doesn't have to put any effort in and can use me and walk all over me.

    Thing is i reckon i'm just a rebound, i mean she was gunna marry her ex she only left him after months of him being violent etc but before she was going to marry him next year, i think with me she seemed to break up with him then within days she latched onto me, inviting me places messaging me all the time, i mean within like a week after she broke up with her boyfriend she was in my bed and we was sleeping together and it wasn't even me doing all this it was her making all of the moves etc, so i reckon maybe she was depressed down or whatever after her break up used me to make her feel better for a month and now she's just better back on her feet and bored of the relationship so wants to be single again haha man i really have been played for a fool her lol.
    I mean she called them "phases" of being nasty, when really she knows she'll keep treating you badly, and just wanted to make it seem like you could cling on to the future possibility that she will be nice again.

    By your description, you are definitely a rebound, and her behaviour is definitely predominantly conscious and not due to mental illness. After her past relationship, she should need a serious recovery period and healing by herself, not drag you in to clean up the mess.

    End this madness now. You will thank yourself for it immediately, after you realise how much worse she will get in reaction to your breaking up with her. You will look back on it as a hard lesson, and a lucky escape, seeing as people in a similar situation would have only wised up years or even decades later.

    All the best, be strong and fair to yourself!
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    You are a great bf 👏 👍 👏 👍
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    I've been in a similar position. I tried to stick with it, but it got worse and worse until I decided she simply wasn't in a position to support a relationship.

    I think you should keep in mind that relationships are a two-way thing - one person can't support it on their own. If her depression gets in the way of her meeting you half-way, I think you should consider whether this relationship is really viable.
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    (Original post by Flying Cookie)
    She's obviously using you; she seems to be conscious of her behaviour towards you, yet doesn't make any attempt to prevent it. There are parts of bad behaviour tied to mental illness, and then there are parts tied to conscious premeditated decisions (suggested by her warning you about it). It seems she is trying to take advantage of the former to get away with the latter. Does she have severe depression or bipolar disorder? They're not remotely similar, and surely her medication should reflect that.

    You really haven't been with her that long, and it wouldn't be surprising if she consciously made an effort to be nice in the spur of the moment due to the excitement involved in a new relationship; and rather than warning you about "phases", she warned you about her real, everyday self. The bottom line is: do you think you deserve better?
    Finally an answer thats not simply some BS version of the "poor dear she cant help it, its the depression"

    She has depression, yeah great no worries that does not give her a blank cheque to say and act how she feels like. Yeah ok she can become withdrawn into herself, that does not give her the right to treat you badly

    (Original post by SiminaM)
    You are a great bf 👏 👍 👏 👍
    no hes a doormat, shes going to walk all over him, treat him as good or as bad as she feels like and he will keep coming back for more.

    OP you've been together TWO MONTHS. What are you doing here? Not only does girl have mental issues and then uses them to excuse her bahviour but apparently your a rebound as well. Yeah ok, she was in an abusive relationship? Does that give her the right to be abusive towards you (and make no mistake, belittling and emotional battering is abuse, the fact that your a man doesnt make a difference)

    And your taking it?

    Get the hell out of there OP, let her have her issues and her violent ex and you get on with your life
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    (Original post by Flying Cookie)
    She's obviously using you; she seems to be conscious of her behaviour towards you, yet doesn't make any attempt to prevent it. There are parts of bad behaviour tied to mental illness, and then there are parts tied to conscious premeditated decisions (suggested by her warning you about it). It seems she is trying to take advantage of the former to get away with the latter. Does she have severe depression or bipolar disorder? They're not remotely similar, and surely her medication should reflect that.

    You really haven't been with her that long, and it wouldn't be surprising if she consciously made an effort to be nice in the spur of the moment due to the excitement involved in a new relationship; and rather than warning you about "phases", she warned you about her real, everyday self. The bottom line is: do you think you deserve better?
    Fantastic.

    I bet you a tenner she won't be around when OP has a depressive episode.
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    inb4 if yew carnt handel meh @ mi worst, den u dnt deserf me @ mi b3st
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    (Original post by TooEasy123)
    inb4 if yew carnt handel meh @ mi worst, den u dnt deserf me @ mi b3st
    Has a guy every tried.quoting that? Would love to see the results.
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    Have you tried not dating her?
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    Red flag #1 (mental issues):

    she suffers from severe depresion
    Red flag #2 (refusing to take responsibility for her actions and blaming them on things she can’t control):

    she doesn't want to hurt me but that's how she gets
    Red flag #3 (no respect for you):
    she's very cold never picks up calls or replies to texts, puts me down quite a lot, calls me stupid and dumb at times
    Red flag #4 (past history of being attracted to abusive and domineering partners):
    Yeah tbh it's weird because her last ex was controlling and violent, he told her when to speak, how to dress, used to shout at her in public make her cry etc. He used to hit her and was very manipulative, with him though she seemed to put in like 10 times the amount of effort she put in with me though,
    You need to run, not walk, away from this relationship, there is a 100% probability she is going to cheat on you during one of these ‘depressive episodes’ and blame it on her illness. It will probably be with her ex (she sounds like she is looking for someone like him, who won't put up with her bull****, and she treats you like crap because you tolerate it), but it could just be with any random guy because she obviously has no respect for you whatsoever.
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    she has been honest with you about what to expect now you need to decide if it is something you can handle or not...it is okay if it is too much for you to cope with, you can also talk to her and try and set boundaries about what it is and isn't okay for her to do (e.g. she has to send one text reply saying she's not feeling up to talking, or she can ignore texts but has to stop saying nasty things to you)
 
 
 
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