How to get over a girl you love?

I feel really awkward for bringing this to TSR, but I'm feeling pretty desperate.

I've basically loved this girl for the past 4 years. Even though we live miles apart, thinking about her makes me happy, even contemplating hypothetical ways we would spend our lives together. I'm way too shy to ask her out, and regret not doing so years ago. She's with someone now. But I feel depressed, and I want to move on, but I feel I'm stuck on this beautiful idea of her. This has turned into an obsession, and I have all these unresolved feelings, but I just wish I could move on. I feel I'm dealing with this completely on my own, and that there's nothing I can do about it. They say that time heals everything, but that's clearly rubbish. Has anyone been in this position, and if so could you advise me on what I should do?

Chris

I'm sorry, I can't help you here. I'm still hopelessly in love and obsessed with a girl whom I hadn't seen in almost eight years. You just have to get on with your life, because life doesn't stop for a lost love.

I've been in your shoes. It's horrible, I really feel for you

Want the truth? You might not like it but it's really the only way forward..

You're projecting a fantasy on her that has spiralled out of those first nice things you saw about her. Whether it's to fill some gap, or it makes you happy to imagine her and your life in such a way that you're convinced would be the 'answer' (to what..? that's the question).....only you really know.
Usually how we act and respond to others, especially in a romantic setting, is more of a reflection on something going on in our lives. I hope that makes sense, I'm having a bit of a crap day and struggling to express myself well, but your post made me want to try to reach out to you anyway. I was in the same spot for nearly 3 years and it was so horrible!
Hope you manage to figure it all out x

I find it hard to get on with my life unfortunately. I just hope I can love another girl more than I loved her.

It's hard, of course it is. But you have to work on building a balanced life for yourself focus on work/studies, enjoy yourself and take up sports and interesting hobbies, meet new people and make new friends. It's okay to hold onto love, as long as you make room for other things. You will meet another girl and you'll love her even more than the other one, as I did. It will happen one day, you'll have to be patient.

Thanks for the post. It feels good to know there are people who have been in similar situations.

Did you manage to love again? Because I'm finding it so difficult to fall for someone else. And I'm not sure about filling the void, as I said this has been going on for 4 years now, I feel even though I haven't spoken to her in a long time, that's shes become a part of who I am.

Even though I feel so sad, this part of me, which brings back all the memories we had together is one of the only happy things I have. I just can't go on living like this, it's awful.

I feel really awkward for bringing this to TSR, but I'm feeling pretty desperate.

I've basically loved this girl for the past 4 years. Even though we live miles apart, thinking about her makes me happy, even contemplating hypothetical ways we would spend our lives together. I'm way too shy to ask her out, and regret not doing so years ago. She's with someone now. But I feel depressed, and I want to move on, but I feel I'm stuck on this beautiful idea of her. This has turned into an obsession, and I have all these unresolved feelings, but I just wish I could move on. I feel I'm dealing with this completely on my own, and that there's nothing I can do about it. They say that time heals everything, but that's clearly rubbish. Has anyone been in this position, and if so could you advise me on what I should do?

Chris

OMG!! I have a similar conflict with this guy I like. Mind my current situation and your situation are well different, since yours sound more deep. I want to get over this person I like too. My way of doing this is to go confess. I'm gonna do it soon...possibly the next time I see him. This way if he rejects me (I've braced myself for this) I can get over him more quickly. I've had previous experience with one side love, which was more like your current one...and I got over that one by confessing too. Yes, the sad news is you will feel extremely sad about getting rejected (granted that they do reject you) BUT at least you don't have that weight on your shoulders anymore. Plus, after that you would know that you DID give it a shot and basically tried your best in this situation. I know she has a boyfriend now but did they recently get together? If so try confessing since they're only in their early stages. You still have time and it's never too late and personally confessing is the best way to heal this (Well for me at least).

If you don't like this idea then pick up a hobby which is not related to the girl and which you know you will enjoy and put all your passion for her into the hobby. If thoughts of her distracts you listen to hard core music with a lot of noise to divert any thoughts. This is what I did after my rejection. Although I did have that initial stages of listening to depressing song...but yeah I found this was a better solution to getting over him. So yeah try it if you feel like it, if not good luck!! I hope you get through this and find a girl that you deserve and love.

I did, yes.
I was exactly the same as you. I reached that place of 'can't go on living like this' and had to seek help as the low moods were affecting my studying.
Therapy helped me get to the bottom of it and made me realise a lot of the things I equated with 'love' and the types of relationships I was attracted to all had a root cause. That needed fixing. Only then did I start thinking differently and now when I 'love', it's very different and it's in a more healthy way, both for me and the other person.
You just have to do a bit of work to get out of this hole you're in atm, and be patient with yourself and the process

I think you should confess. I never told her, she probably knew, but our feelings were left unresolved. It's hell in purgatory not getting closure. This is one of the most valuable things that I've learned. I might confess to her, it's going to be so awkward though. But it's worth it if things change, because at least than I would have been honest with myself, and as someone else said, that I did the best I could do. There's no point in repressing what you want, you'll be much worse off for it, and at least you know you stand.

Exactly what I think!!! That's why I'm bracing myself for the rejection and gathering up the courage to confess too. I don't when I'm gonna see him next time either, so I'm waiting. And yes you should confess too and release the stress you're holding onto because of it!! And hey you will never know if she really knew for sure if you liked her or not until you confess. Maybe she was unsure but did have feelings for you, so therefore didn't have the courage to come up to you and discuss the topic. You will never know until you try! And good luck to both of us!!

I think you should confess. I never told her, she probably knew, but our feelings were left unresolved. It's hell in purgatory not getting closure. This is one of the most valuable things that I've learned. I might confess to her, it's going to be so awkward though. But it's worth it if things change, because at least than I would have been honest with myself, and as someone else said, that I did the best I could do. There's no point in repressing what you want, you'll be much worse off for it, and at least you know you stand.

I might confess to her,

She's with someone now.