Why is my boyfriend obsessed with his female friend?
Been together for almost 3 years, relationship is pretty serious. I love him very much.
He has this friend he's known since childhood who he is very close to, and who I thought he must sort of see as a sister type. But...I've seen pictures of her and she's very attractive. Like an 8/10 at least (haven't met yet because she was studying abroad and only just moved home). He said he's always helped her through difficult times and she's done the same for him.
But - she texts him and emails him a lot. He replies to these emails and they are HUGE essays that they send to each other. Beyond what is normal imo. Recently, she blew up at him when he cancelled coming to meet her because he was spending time with me. In response to this, my BF grovelled for her forgiveness and apologised for treating her badly!! He always sends tons of kisses and love to her as well, which I know he does not do with other friends.
And yet he swears up and down that he sees her as a friend only, that she's like family. Thoughts?
He has this friend he's known since childhood who he is very close to, and who I thought he must sort of see as a sister type. But...I've seen pictures of her and she's very attractive. Like an 8/10 at least (haven't met yet because she was studying abroad and only just moved home). He said he's always helped her through difficult times and she's done the same for him.
But - she texts him and emails him a lot. He replies to these emails and they are HUGE essays that they send to each other. Beyond what is normal imo. Recently, she blew up at him when he cancelled coming to meet her because he was spending time with me. In response to this, my BF grovelled for her forgiveness and apologised for treating her badly!! He always sends tons of kisses and love to her as well, which I know he does not do with other friends.
And yet he swears up and down that he sees her as a friend only, that she's like family. Thoughts?
Scroll to see replies
Sucks. But you have to trust him and take his word for it. Let him know that it annoys you maybe? 
That will be a hard conversation but it has to happen otherwise your worries will only get stronger and stronger.
That will be a hard conversation but it has to happen otherwise your worries will only get stronger and stronger.
It does seem a bit ott for mere friendship, but if they have always acted like this then it's a little bit more acceptable. Just talk to him calmly and rationally and explain why you feel the way you do, and see what he has to say. Then you can decide what to do from there.
Friend he knows since childhood, vs someone he loves for 3 years. Weighing that up, I doubt he sees this friend as anything more than a friend... and doesn't see anything wrong in being really close to her... since well, they've known and been friends since CHILDHOOD.
Nothing wrong in it imo... it's just the way things are with some really close friends. It seems like it just happens to be the case that they are different genders.
If it really bothers you that much, speak to him about it... but I'd hate to be him if you demand that he changes his behaviour - I mean, he did tell you about her, and he preferred to be with you than meet her (which goes to show how you are more important to him than his childhood friend...) but you can't take that for advantage and completely dominate his life.
Nothing wrong in it imo... it's just the way things are with some really close friends. It seems like it just happens to be the case that they are different genders.
If it really bothers you that much, speak to him about it... but I'd hate to be him if you demand that he changes his behaviour - I mean, he did tell you about her, and he preferred to be with you than meet her (which goes to show how you are more important to him than his childhood friend...) but you can't take that for advantage and completely dominate his life.
i have a friend like this and some people find it strange
i spend out on her i bought her a lot of jewellery over the past few years
a gold rope necklace that cost £465 it was a full ounce of 10ct gold
admittedly our age gap is 3 years but i plan to really splash out for her 18th as we will have been friends for 9 years by then and i plan to buy a pair of diamond and gold ear studs for just under £2,000
i spend out on her i bought her a lot of jewellery over the past few years
a gold rope necklace that cost £465 it was a full ounce of 10ct gold
admittedly our age gap is 3 years but i plan to really splash out for her 18th as we will have been friends for 9 years by then and i plan to buy a pair of diamond and gold ear studs for just under £2,000
Original post by Anonymous
And yet he swears up and down that he sees her as a friend only, that she's like family. Thoughts?
Wow well at first I thought he was cheating on you but if he says he isn't then that definitely complicates things. People literally never lie about that sort of thing so I suppose just make her your maid of honour?? Three years is plenty of time to marry someone IMO, especially when there is a 0% chance they're cheating on you (as in this case).
Original post by jamesthehustler
i have a friend like this and some people find it strange
i spend out on her i bought her a lot of jewellery over the past few years
a gold rope necklace that cost £465 it was a full ounce of 10ct gold
admittedly our age gap is 3 years but i plan to really splash out for her 18th as we will have been friends for 9 years by then and i plan to buy a pair of diamond and gold ear studs for just under £2,000
i spend out on her i bought her a lot of jewellery over the past few years
a gold rope necklace that cost £465 it was a full ounce of 10ct gold
admittedly our age gap is 3 years but i plan to really splash out for her 18th as we will have been friends for 9 years by then and i plan to buy a pair of diamond and gold ear studs for just under £2,000
These made up posts about your financial situation are a lot less impressive when you are grooming an actual child.
Original post by SmashConcept
Wow well at first I thought he was cheating on you but if he says he isn't then that definitely complicates things. People literally never lie about that sort of thing so I suppose just make her your maid of honour?? Three years is plenty of time to marry someone IMO, especially when there is a 0% chance they're cheating on you (as in this case).
I almost thought you were being serious for a second
Original post by SmashConcept
Wow well at first I thought he was cheating on you but if he says he isn't then that definitely complicates things. People literally never lie about that sort of thing so I suppose just make her your maid of honour?? Three years is plenty of time to marry someone IMO, especially when there is a 0% chance they're cheating on you (as in this case).
The one thing that concerns me is that he said he would "make it up to her" and she said he can make it up to her by coming over to see her in her new place. He responded that he would love to. Is it just me or does she have other intentions/is he being really naive??
Original post by darkred
I almost thought you were being serious for a second
I'm getting so good at these fakeout posts.
Original post by Anonymous
The one thing that concerns me is that he said he would "make it up to her" and she said he can make it up to her by coming over to see her in her new place. He responded that he would love to. Is it just me or does she have other intentions/is he being really naive??
Well as I said it's just a really tough dilemma. On one hand, that's a massive, blatant red flag and one of the main things they do together (besides loads of sex) is probably laugh for only just now realising something is up. On the other hand he says she's just a friend so that's strong evidence that nothing will happen.
OP it's called emotional cheating. Even if it's not physical he's emotionally involved with her.
He's your bf. He should be relying on you for emotional connection. He cares way too much about her, and it's kinda disrespectful to you that he puts so much time and energy into that relationship. Imagine if you had a very close guy friend who you talked to everyday, who demanded your time and attention, wouldnt your bf get angry?
You should tell him it makes you uncomfortable, and don't let him write you off with the 'she's like a sister' bull****, because it's not a brother-sister relationship they have. Tell him to decrease contact with her, and if he won't then it shows who he really cares about.
Don't ask him to cut off contact completely, cos then he'll just say you're trying to control him.
He's your bf. He should be relying on you for emotional connection. He cares way too much about her, and it's kinda disrespectful to you that he puts so much time and energy into that relationship. Imagine if you had a very close guy friend who you talked to everyday, who demanded your time and attention, wouldnt your bf get angry?
You should tell him it makes you uncomfortable, and don't let him write you off with the 'she's like a sister' bull****, because it's not a brother-sister relationship they have. Tell him to decrease contact with her, and if he won't then it shows who he really cares about.
Don't ask him to cut off contact completely, cos then he'll just say you're trying to control him.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by SmashConcept
These made up posts about your financial situation are a lot less impressive when you are grooming an actual child.
we are friends through our mothers they went to school together 30 years ago shes spends out on me she bought me a £600 breitling colt
Original post by jamesthehustler
i have a friend like this and some people find it strange
i spend out on her i bought her a lot of jewellery over the past few years
a gold rope necklace that cost £465 it was a full ounce of 10ct gold
admittedly our age gap is 3 years but i plan to really splash out for her 18th as we will have been friends for 9 years by then and i plan to buy a pair of diamond and gold ear studs for just under £2,000
i spend out on her i bought her a lot of jewellery over the past few years
a gold rope necklace that cost £465 it was a full ounce of 10ct gold
admittedly our age gap is 3 years but i plan to really splash out for her 18th as we will have been friends for 9 years by then and i plan to buy a pair of diamond and gold ear studs for just under £2,000
Do you feel better now after having lied on the Internet?
Original post by jamesthehustler
i have a friend like this and some people find it strange
i spend out on her i bought her a lot of jewellery over the past few years
a gold rope necklace that cost £465 it was a full ounce of 10ct gold
admittedly our age gap is 3 years but i plan to really splash out for her 18th as we will have been friends for 9 years by then and i plan to buy a pair of diamond and gold ear studs for just under £2,000
i spend out on her i bought her a lot of jewellery over the past few years
a gold rope necklace that cost £465 it was a full ounce of 10ct gold
admittedly our age gap is 3 years but i plan to really splash out for her 18th as we will have been friends for 9 years by then and i plan to buy a pair of diamond and gold ear studs for just under £2,000
lol can we be friends
Original post by jamesthehustler
we are friends through our mothers they went to school together 30 years ago shes spends out on me she bought me a £600 breitling colt
If she's 17 now, and you've spent money on her "over the years" (ie more than one) then you have absolutely been grooming a child. And if that really child spent £600 of her imaginary money on some piece of jewellery that absolutely nobody on this forum apart from you cares about, then guess what: you still groomed the **** out of her.
Original post by darkred
because it's not a brother-sister relationship they have.
>just imagined my sister going off on me for not hanging out one time and demanding I "make it up to her"
>laughed
>felt kinda sick
Original post by SmashConcept
>just imagined my sister going off on me for not hanging out one time and demanding I "make it up to her"
>laughed
>felt kinda sick
>just imagined my sister going off on me for not hanging out one time and demanding I "make it up to her"
>laughed
>felt kinda sick
yeah a sister wouldnt get mad at you for not hanging out especially if it was because you were doing something with your gf, that's just weird
Original post by darkred
yeah a sister wouldnt get mad at you for not hanging out especially if it was because you were doing something with your gf, that's just weird
Actually I haven't seen my sister for a couple of days but her BF's car has been parked outside the house in that time.
I'm thinking of smashing it up because like most normal brother-sister relationships, ours involves being madly jealous of each other's partners.
Original post by SmashConcept
Actually I haven't seen my sister for a couple of days but her BF's car has been parked outside the house in that time.
I'm thinking of smashing it up because like most normal brother-sister relationships, ours involves being madly jealous of each other's partners.
I'm thinking of smashing it up because like most normal brother-sister relationships, ours involves being madly jealous of each other's partners.
#justsiblingthings
She's quite clearly jealous. I've had (now ex) friends complain and make a big deal out of me cancelling things too. I do remember a friend cancelling something. I had to phone him about something. He then said "I'm sorry about cancelling Wednesday. But these things happen".
There's nothing wrong imo with sending each other long emails and texts. I do that to my friend fairly often. Usually because I need advice on something. His respnses are usually fairly detailed.
There's nothing wrong imo with sending each other long emails and texts. I do that to my friend fairly often. Usually because I need advice on something. His respnses are usually fairly detailed.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Sending own nudes obsession
- Insecurity
- He likes me but his gf?
- Lack of male attention in yr13
- Foot fetish
- Gf broke up with me - should I fly over?
- Feel betrayed by bf
- Is this cheating?
- I don’t have many friend?
- Sex drive differences - early 20s
- Can i have a guy friend if i have a bf?
- Red flag
- Bf is online at 2.30 am
- My bf not being ok with me going to my friend invitation because there will be boys
- i want a boyfriend
- Would you guys act this way towards your female friends?
- My (21F)best friend’s (22F) boyfriend (23F) keeps trying to be close with me
- Boyfriend kissed by another girl
- Can an obsessive guy be faithful?
- A guy I like who has a girl best friend.
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
