I am not sure if I want to be friends with the people I live with anymore. Help!

A little bit of background. I have known these friends since high school and we have been living together for a few months now. A fair amount of time we have fun and a laugh together, which is great but, sometimes they can be incredibly judgemental and make me feel like I am always in the wrong even when I am not.

I had a bit of a breakdown last month and snapped at my friends as they kept nagging me about things in my private life and when I tried to apologise and explain why I was upset and angry, they kept talking to me like it was entirely my fault, even though I had explained to them that when I am in that state, it is best to back off and leave me alone.

They then proceeded to make the situation worse by not letting me calm down, blaming everything on me and making me even more miserable than I already was.

Once I had calmed down (following morning), I realised that my behaviour was out of order and I tried to apologise. I explained that I was going to get some more help with my mental health. They then proceeded to tell me that they planned to move out or that I had to leave. This made me incredibly upset and set the problems off again.

We managed to resolve our differences and I explained to them that sometimes their behaviour actually makes matters worse. They claim that they care about me and that they are really understanding and tolerant in regards to my mental health issues (which they have known about from the start) but it doesn't feel like they are. Sometimes, I feel like I don't belong in my own home and that I am an outsider. Those two are really close and have tonnes in common whereas I have no common interests with them.

One friend seems to only ever have an attitude problem with me, he never speaks to our other friend like he does to me and she seems to always take his side.

I wish that I could make them understand how they make me feel and get them to be a little more compassionate, the way that I am with them whenever they have problems going on, but I feel like I am fighting a losing battle.

I don't know what to do. I hate the way I am made to feel in my own home but I don't know if I should leave, especially as I am in my final term at university.

Can someone help me to understand what I can do?

Thanks.

Reply 1

username3693560

15

If I'm being brutally honest, it sounds like you're the one causing the issues, not them. I appreciate you struggle with mental health difficulties but you can't expect other people to understand that unless they have experienced it too. There's no point moving out now if it's your last term but you should see that you don't function well living with others and take that into consideration in the future, for your sake and others'.

Reply 2

choleCcarknif3r

22

Original post by Bedlam94

A little bit of background. I have known these friends since high school and we have been living together for a few months now. A fair amount of time we have fun and a laugh together, which is great but, sometimes they can be incredibly judgemental and make me feel like I am always in the wrong even when I am not.

I had a bit of a breakdown last month and snapped at my friends as they kept nagging me about things in my private life and when I tried to apologise and explain why I was upset and angry, they kept talking to me like it was entirely my fault, even though I had explained to them that when I am in that state, it is best to back off and leave me alone.

They then proceeded to make the situation worse by not letting me calm down, blaming everything on me and making me even more miserable than I already was.

Once I had calmed down (following morning), I realised that my behaviour was out of order and I tried to apologise. I explained that I was going to get some more help with my mental health. They then proceeded to tell me that they planned to move out or that I had to leave. This made me incredibly upset and set the problems off again.

We managed to resolve our differences and I explained to them that sometimes their behaviour actually makes matters worse. They claim that they care about me and that they are really understanding and tolerant in regards to my mental health issues (which they have known about from the start) but it doesn't feel like they are. Sometimes, I feel like I don't belong in my own home and that I am an outsider. Those two are really close and have tonnes in common whereas I have no common interests with them.

One friend seems to only ever have an attitude problem with me, he never speaks to our other friend like he does to me and she seems to always take his side.

I wish that I could make them understand how they make me feel and get them to be a little more compassionate, the way that I am with them whenever they have problems going on, but I feel like I am fighting a losing battle.

I don't know what to do. I hate the way I am made to feel in my own home but I don't know if I should leave, especially as I am in my final term at university.

Can someone help me to understand what I can do?

Thanks.

Before anything else happens, would it be possible to sit them all down one by one to talk about how you're feeling and what would help you in the future? Don't do it right after an argument, make sure everyone's calm. Don't do it with them all together either, otherwise you might feel a bit ganged up on. Don't try and place blame anyway, just explain that you're really struggling at the moment and if they notice you in such a state would they mind leaving you alone for a bit so you can chill out because you think it helps. Don't accuse them of making this worse when they do what they usually do because they'll get defensive, just say 'I think when I'm feeling x, y would really help and it would be really great if you could help me with that because I'm not doing great at the moment'. If they continue to be a bit rubbish, consider whether staying or leaving would be better for you and your studies. Absolutely don't drop out of uni or anything, but if you feel like moving wouldn't affect your studies then it may be worth seeing if someone might want to swap living arrangements with you or something. If you're struggling with your mental health at the moment, are you seeing anyone for that? If not, definitely get yourself to your GP for further support and talk to your university

Reply 3

bones-mccoy

19

I think moving out would only cause more stress, especially as you're in your final term and already have a lot going on work-wise. If you can stick it out for the next few months and concentrate on your work, you can get through it. Just stay civil with everyone and try not to get involved in any big blow ups. It can be really hard to live with someone with a mental illness, especially if you haven't gone through it yourself, maybe your housemates feel like they're treading on eggshells. Are you getting any help for your issues at the moment?

Reply 4

doodle_333

19

In your last uni term it's not worth the stress to move out. But perhaps you could think about what's causing or triggering these arguments or comments you don't like and try and stop it. It's very hard to live with soemone with mental health issues and people can't always just do what will make you happy - sometimes they will have to do or say something because it's important.

I am not sure if I want to be friends with the people I live with anymore. Help!

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