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Boyfriend doesn't pay attention to me in bed.

Hi all,

I'm really not sure what to do.

My boyfriend of 5 months is really lovely and amazing but when it comes to the bedroom he really sort of lacks....

Sometimes when he's really in the mood I'll do stuff for him but then i won't get anything out of it because he's no longer in the mood. We tried remedying this by him doing stuff to me first but its always half a**ed and never quite good. Almost like its a race to finish so he can move on and it leaves me feeling pressured.

The quickest way for me to finish is through oral but despite going down on him all the time he never does on me.

I understand some people find it too disgusting and so i'm not holding out for that but i just wish other stuff wasn't so rushed.

Sometimes we'll skip a few days but we recently skipped 2 and then i did stuff for him for another 2 and so i went 4 days in total without, i'm not saying i'm sex crazed and its important but it makes me sad when i see him get stuff and i have to go without.

I'm just not sure whether to bring it up that I feel ignored sexually or that he could try a little less harder because it really pressures me :/

Reply 1

Amy06

I would definitely discuss with him how you feel as with all relationships you get back what you give and if he's not willing to put that much in then i'm sorry but that's not cool.

Reply 2

unprinted

Sex does not have to be equally satisfying to everyone involved all the time. Plenty of people have a 'my turn, your turn' approach where one person will do something with the expectation that they're going to be the one primarily getting pleasure another time.

But that needs the turn taking to be roughly equal, and this isn't, is it?

So what you want to find is a way of ensuring that it becomes closer to that. Doing it informally or via a record keeping system ('Oh, you're out of BJ tokens - you better earn some more by going down on me more often!') or... are all options.

Otherwise, you'll find yourself wondering why you're in a sexual relationship with him.

Reply 3

Dunnig Kruger

Tell him (if you haven't already) that you want him to give you multiple orgasms or a strong orgasm. Then tell him what he needs to do to make it happen.
You can tell him this down the pub. Over supper. Whatever.

If he doesn't do his best to do what you want sexually within your next 2 sessions. Drop him.

Sexual incompatibility is a total 100% deal breaker when it comes to longer term relationships.
You won't even need to tell him why you've dropped him, as you'll already have effectively told him why.

I personally think it's unnatural / perverted / unloving / uncaring for a man not to go down on his lover on a regular basis and not to do it in a way where every effort is made to give her maximum pleasure.