Guys never want to be just friends
I started uni a few weeks ago with the intention of trying to make some male friends. I attended an all-girls school, so I've always been curious what it'd be like to be buddies with dudes. However, all of the dudes who I've met - par, maybe 1 guy - seem to take my friendliness as a sign that I'm looking to hook up. I'm not even doing anything overtly affectionate; asking them how their day was, slapping them lightly on the shoulder as a joke, small hugs when saying goodbye, things that I do very normally with all of my gal friends - but for some reason, all the dudes seem to take it the wrong way? I'm even regretting trying this in the first place. There was one guy who seemed really friendly and chill at first, but now all he ever does is send me winky emojis and subtle-flirt. Another dude is escalating things WAY out of my boundaries and getting uncomfortably physical. Is it even possible to just be friends with guys?
Scroll to see replies
A) Find a guy who isn't attracted to you (or has too many better options
B) Find a guy with a gf (may have to deal with a jelaous gf / drama, and he still may end up fancying you)
C) Keep trying but switch up your approach -- for example find a subtle way of letting them know you're talking to / interested in someone else.
D) Just tell them. No really. Make a joke out of their advances and let them know your not interested. Majority of guys who get flirty (make advances) won't be offended, so your friendship will progress once you've done that
B) Find a guy with a gf (may have to deal with a jelaous gf / drama, and he still may end up fancying you)
C) Keep trying but switch up your approach -- for example find a subtle way of letting them know you're talking to / interested in someone else.
D) Just tell them. No really. Make a joke out of their advances and let them know your not interested. Majority of guys who get flirty (make advances) won't be offended, so your friendship will progress once you've done that
(edited 5 years ago)
Look ugly
Original post by Anonymous
I started uni a few weeks ago with the intention of trying to make some male friends. I attended an all-girls school, so I've always been curious what it'd be like to be buddies with dudes. However, all of the dudes who I've met - par, maybe 1 guy - seem to take my friendliness as a sign that I'm looking to hook up. I'm not even doing anything overtly affectionate; asking them how their day was, slapping them lightly on the shoulder as a joke, small hugs when saying goodbye, things that I do very normally with all of my gal friends - but for some reason, all the dudes seem to take it the wrong way? I'm even regretting trying this in the first place. There was one guy who seemed really friendly and chill at first, but now all he ever does is send me winky emojis and subtle-flirt. Another dude is escalating things WAY out of my boundaries and getting uncomfortably physical. Is it even possible to just be friends with guys?
What you're describing here is making them think you're interested. Dial it back a bit.
Maybe you could look for gay guys to befriend? Coz it sounds like all the guys you talk to find you attractive and can't resist your friendliness. Or you could look for guys from different cultures? You may not be someone's "type" if they're from a different country so that could be worth a shot.
This last one is a bit tricky. You could become friends with an already established couple. Like, if the guy is already in a happy relationship then he won't and (shouldn't) see you as a potential new love interest, but again this has the potential to go sour, so you'd have to be careful.
Best way to go about it I suppose, is to put yourself in as many different environments as you can. Make friends with people from different societies and clubs. The more you expose yourself to different types of people, the more likely you are to find guys who don't think of you that way.
This last one is a bit tricky. You could become friends with an already established couple. Like, if the guy is already in a happy relationship then he won't and (shouldn't) see you as a potential new love interest, but again this has the potential to go sour, so you'd have to be careful.
Best way to go about it I suppose, is to put yourself in as many different environments as you can. Make friends with people from different societies and clubs. The more you expose yourself to different types of people, the more likely you are to find guys who don't think of you that way.
Don't worry about it too much.
When you get a boyfriend they will back off.
Tell these guys straight up (inparticular the one getting over physical) that you will report sexual harassment to the University authorities. Whilst also making it obvious you're happy to have them as platonic friends - if they don't step over clearly defined boundaries.
Yes it is possible to be platonic friends with some, possibly even most guys. With some you can't. As with them it's "girlfriend or not interested". Which is more their loss than yours.
My sister had more male friends than female ones at Uni. But then she also had a boyfriend from the middle of the first year - who she went on to marry after graduation.
You've gotten off to a good start by being outgoing and friendly. Please carry on that way. And don't let the idiotic, immature, unacceptable behaviour of any guys deter you from getting to know and make friends with as many fellow students as you can.
When you get a boyfriend they will back off.
Tell these guys straight up (inparticular the one getting over physical) that you will report sexual harassment to the University authorities. Whilst also making it obvious you're happy to have them as platonic friends - if they don't step over clearly defined boundaries.
Yes it is possible to be platonic friends with some, possibly even most guys. With some you can't. As with them it's "girlfriend or not interested". Which is more their loss than yours.
My sister had more male friends than female ones at Uni. But then she also had a boyfriend from the middle of the first year - who she went on to marry after graduation.
You've gotten off to a good start by being outgoing and friendly. Please carry on that way. And don't let the idiotic, immature, unacceptable behaviour of any guys deter you from getting to know and make friends with as many fellow students as you can.
You need to find guys who share an interest with you, maybe join some societies?
I doubt any guy would not try and pursue a girl who they think they might have a chance with, it's in our biology to f*ck as many women as we can. Also, it would help a lot if you made your intentions clear to them and set some boundaries.
I doubt any guy would not try and pursue a girl who they think they might have a chance with, it's in our biology to f*ck as many women as we can. Also, it would help a lot if you made your intentions clear to them and set some boundaries.
It's tricky to aim to make male friends as a woman - many are simply not interested in platonic friendships from the off. For better or worse. I'm nearly 30 and don't have that many female friends. Most are partners of close male friends.
You need to be very very direct about your intentions. If anyone is offended by that, their loss.
You need to be very very direct about your intentions. If anyone is offended by that, their loss.
(edited 5 years ago)
Yeah knock off the touchy-feely stuff, that's not how guys make friends, assuming the guys we're talking about here are young and generally immature, they will take pats/hugs as a come on and assume you also want to be touched, and likely get confiused or angry about it.
Original post by Anonymous
I started uni a few weeks ago with the intention of trying to make some male friends. I attended an all-girls school, so I've always been curious what it'd be like to be buddies with dudes. However, all of the dudes who I've met - par, maybe 1 guy - seem to take my friendliness as a sign that I'm looking to hook up. I'm not even doing anything overtly affectionate; asking them how their day was, slapping them lightly on the shoulder as a joke, small hugs when saying goodbye, things that I do very normally with all of my gal friends - but for some reason, all the dudes seem to take it the wrong way? I'm even regretting trying this in the first place. There was one guy who seemed really friendly and chill at first, but now all he ever does is send me winky emojis and subtle-flirt. Another dude is escalating things WAY out of my boundaries and getting uncomfortably physical. Is it even possible to just be friends with guys?
how attractive are you?
ngl, if you're 7+ there's like an 80% chance I will eventually start to fancy a girl if we become friends.
Original post by ANM775
how attractive are you?
ngl, if you're 7+ there's like an 80% chance I will eventually start to fancy a girl if we become friends.
ngl, if you're 7+ there's like an 80% chance I will eventually start to fancy a girl if we become friends.
I reckon over a 90% chance for me if a lass is 7+. After all, half of it is enjoying spending time together.
If a girl is 7+ but not pleasant to be around, we won't become friends.
Original post by Anonymous
I started uni a few weeks ago with the intention of trying to make some male friends. I attended an all-girls school, so I've always been curious what it'd be like to be buddies with dudes. However, all of the dudes who I've met - par, maybe 1 guy - seem to take my friendliness as a sign that I'm looking to hook up. I'm not even doing anything overtly affectionate; asking them how their day was, slapping them lightly on the shoulder as a joke, small hugs when saying goodbye, things that I do very normally with all of my gal friends - but for some reason, all the dudes seem to take it the wrong way? I'm even regretting trying this in the first place. There was one guy who seemed really friendly and chill at first, but now all he ever does is send me winky emojis and subtle-flirt. Another dude is escalating things WAY out of my boundaries and getting uncomfortably physical. Is it even possible to just be friends with guys?
Making friends with people happens naturally. For example talking and being friendly to the people you always seeing on a daily basis anyway, becoming acquainted with them and gradually getting to know them as friends, meeting up with people in groups etc. without it making much of a difference whether they are male or female.
It sounds like you’re making a conscious effort to specifically meet guys, and being more friendly towards them than would otherwise be natural in the situation. That’s always going to come across as if you’re looking for something else.
Also, “things that you do normally with your gal friends” are not going to be appropriate with guys. Most guys don’t even do that stuff amongst each other, let alone in a situation where it could be misinterpreted.
Original post by Anonymous
I started uni a few weeks ago with the intention of trying to make some male friends. I attended an all-girls school, so I've always been curious what it'd be like to be buddies with dudes. However, all of the dudes who I've met - par, maybe 1 guy - seem to take my friendliness as a sign that I'm looking to hook up. I'm not even doing anything overtly affectionate; asking them how their day was, slapping them lightly on the shoulder as a joke, small hugs when saying goodbye, things that I do very normally with all of my gal friends - but for some reason, all the dudes seem to take it the wrong way? I'm even regretting trying this in the first place. There was one guy who seemed really friendly and chill at first, but now all he ever does is send me winky emojis and subtle-flirt. Another dude is escalating things WAY out of my boundaries and getting uncomfortably physical. Is it even possible to just be friends with guys?
Males who are facing affection for the first time. They're easily confused.
Also generally we want to ****. If you're friends with a member of the opposite sex for long enough, you end up doing something kinky.
I had lots of guy mates when I was younger (to be fair, I still do now). Having said that, I was too ugly to be seen in any other way, so I think that helped, lol.
Original post by Anonymous
I started uni a few weeks ago with the intention of trying to make some male friends. I attended an all-girls school, so I've always been curious what it'd be like to be buddies with dudes. However, all of the dudes who I've met - par, maybe 1 guy - seem to take my friendliness as a sign that I'm looking to hook up. I'm not even doing anything overtly affectionate; asking them how their day was, slapping them lightly on the shoulder as a joke, small hugs when saying goodbye, things that I do very normally with all of my gal friends - but for some reason, all the dudes seem to take it the wrong way? I'm even regretting trying this in the first place. There was one guy who seemed really friendly and chill at first, but now all he ever does is send me winky emojis and subtle-flirt. Another dude is escalating things WAY out of my boundaries and getting uncomfortably physical. Is it even possible to just be friends with guys?
I would say don’t treat guy friends the way you would gal friends. Friendships between girls are typically a lot more intimate. I’d also say straight up tell them you’re interested in that sort of relationship. It’ll make things bitter for a bit, but it’ll be a lot easier to handle than the situation this seems to be unravelling into.
Original post by Anonymous
I started uni a few weeks ago with the intention of trying to make some male friends. I attended an all-girls school, so I've always been curious what it'd be like to be buddies with dudes. However, all of the dudes who I've met - par, maybe 1 guy - seem to take my friendliness as a sign that I'm looking to hook up. I'm not even doing anything overtly affectionate; asking them how their day was, slapping them lightly on the shoulder as a joke, small hugs when saying goodbye, things that I do very normally with all of my gal friends - but for some reason, all the dudes seem to take it the wrong way? I'm even regretting trying this in the first place. There was one guy who seemed really friendly and chill at first, but now all he ever does is send me winky emojis and subtle-flirt. Another dude is escalating things WAY out of my boundaries and getting uncomfortably physical. Is it even possible to just be friends with guys?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA
Original post by Anonymous
I started uni a few weeks ago with the intention of trying to make some male friends. I attended an all-girls school, so I've always been curious what it'd be like to be buddies with dudes. However, all of the dudes who I've met - par, maybe 1 guy - seem to take my friendliness as a sign that I'm looking to hook up. I'm not even doing anything overtly affectionate; asking them how their day was, slapping them lightly on the shoulder as a joke, small hugs when saying goodbye, things that I do very normally with all of my gal friends - but for some reason, all the dudes seem to take it the wrong way? I'm even regretting trying this in the first place. There was one guy who seemed really friendly and chill at first, but now all he ever does is send me winky emojis and subtle-flirt. Another dude is escalating things WAY out of my boundaries and getting uncomfortably physical. Is it even possible to just be friends with guys?
if you barely know em and you're jumping into physical contact you could be giving off signs that way.
find a gay guy!
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- online crush
- Will my friend forget me?
- Why did this guy not tell his friends off, or tell me off during his live?
- Would you guys act this way towards your female friends?
- Relationship HELP!
- why are men really complicated to understand?
- Why do people make fuss and are jealous of others in a relationship
- Possessiveness
- i dont understand this guy
- how to tell my mum about my boyfriend???
- Tell me about your crush!
- Failing to find a boyfriend or have any romantic experience
- What is wrong with me
- Friend in Haram Relationship!
- What do I do from here?
- Does he like me?
- Does he like me?
- guy I'm talking to keeps asking for nudes
- guy won't respond but is on social media
- I feel guilty
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
