Boyfriend doesn’t want me going to uni
My boyfriend said he doesn’t want me going to uni as no relationships last through uni and i won’t have enough time for the relationship. He said he is going to get me to uni then leave me but if he does that then I will to heartbroken to carry on with it so will quit. He has suggested I do open uni for whcih I am considering but I just don’t want to lose him. He says he doesn’t want it to be long distance and he’s scared of losing me
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Do not let your boyfriend influence your decision to go to uni. If your relationship doesn't last, so be it.
Original post by Vapordave
Do not let your boyfriend influence your decision to go to uni. If your relationship doesn't last, so be it.
Agreed!!
Original post by Vapordave
Do not let your boyfriend influence your decision to go to uni. If your relationship doesn't last, so be it.
When ever I bring up uni he goes in a mood with me. Shouldn’t I do what’s best for both of us?
Original post by Anonymous
When ever I bring up uni he goes in a mood with me. Shouldn’t I do what’s best for both of us?
You should do what is best for you
Original post by HomelyInaccuracy
You should do what is best for you
He’s saying I’m not thinking about him and the decisions in the relationship should be made by both of us
Original post by Anonymous
He’s saying I’m not thinking about him and the decisions in the relationship should be made by both of us
You guys are not married it shouldn’t be
Original post by Anonymous
When ever I bring up uni he goes in a mood with me. Shouldn’t I do what’s best for both of us?
You're what, 17/18? Your future is vastly more important than someone who may not stay in your life forever.
If he was your husband and you had children, it would be a different situation. But he is not.
If he keeps pressuring you about it you should just break up.
Original post by Anonymous
He’s saying I’m not thinking about him and the decisions in the relationship should be made by both of us
He has not got your best future interests in mind.Go and get your degree.All you are saying is my boyfriend thinks/wants this.What do you want?He sounds controliing too btw.
Original post by Vapordave
You're what, 17/18? Your future is vastly more important than someone who may not stay in your life forever.
If he was your husband and you had children, it would be a different situation. But he is not.
If he keeps pressuring you about it you should just break up.
If he was your husband and you had children, it would be a different situation. But he is not.
If he keeps pressuring you about it you should just break up.
Agreed!!
It’s your life so you do what YOU WANT TO DO. If he’s not happy with your life choices then dump him. Period. I’m aware you’ll be sad when you break up but you’ll be a lot sadder if you don’t accomplish your ambitions regardless of whether that’s to do with university or not
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend said he doesn’t want me going to uni as no relationships last through uni and i won’t have enough time for the relationship. He said he is going to get me to uni then leave me but if he does that then I will to heartbroken to carry on with it so will quit. He has suggested I do open uni for whcih I am considering but I just don’t want to lose him. He says he doesn’t want it to be long distance and he’s scared of losing me
Go to University. He should want the best for you and the best for you will be going to University.
When would you be starting and which subject would you like to read?
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend said he doesn’t want me going to uni as no relationships last through uni and i won’t have enough time for the relationship. He said he is going to get me to uni then leave me but if he does that then I will to heartbroken to carry on with it so will quit. He has suggested I do open uni for whcih I am considering but I just don’t want to lose him. He says he doesn’t want it to be long distance and he’s scared of losing me
Do you think your boyfriend is worth the rest of your career, he doesn't want you doing well. I suggest you just leave him.... It will hurt at first emotionally and physically but you'll be ok
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend said he doesn’t want me going to uni as no relationships last through uni and i won’t have enough time for the relationship. He said he is going to get me to uni then leave me but if he does that then I will to heartbroken to carry on with it so will quit. He has suggested I do open uni for whcih I am considering but I just don’t want to lose him. He says he doesn’t want it to be long distance and he’s scared of losing me
Never let a man dictate what you do especially when it comes to your future! Go to uni and get your education girl. If its meant to be it will be! all the best.
He seems toxic and manipulative. You should probably dump him regardless of whether or not you go to uni.
your boyfriend wants you to take an action that would likely be in the best interests of you both staying together?
Awful, controlling, manipulative, toxic... not really.
Ask any couple who've been together for long enough and they will tell you that there are many many points where we have to put the survival of a relationship over our own personal goals. This is a constant problem throughout most peoples relationships. Do I do what is best for me, or best for us? They aren't always the same.
Kiddies on TSR who have never had a long-term relationships don't really understand this. They are idealistic and believe that if it's meant to be its meant to be. That has never been true. Relationships that survive, survive because of continued effort, sacrifice and hard-working. Not just doing what you want, when you want, and presuming that its possible to find a relationship that perfectly fits around your plans/whims.
That means always asking 'what do I want most at the moment?' If the answer to that is your relationship. Then obviously you shouldn't go to a university far away, because the vast vast majority of relationships fail under those circumstances. If your priority is 'actually, my education and personal future plans are more important' then yes you should go.
But it's not selfish or controlling for you and your boyfriend to come up with different answers. If your answer is that your personal goals are more important - that's fine. If his is that the relationship is more important, that's fine as well. It sucks for him, because he's going to get his heart broken, but his wish to put the relationship above personal goals isn't selfish (as long as he is holding himself to the same standards) its actually the mature way to live. Your young though, you can't expect 17-20 year olds to prioritise relationships in the same way that 30 year olds do.
So in short - your not wrong to want to go and peruse your own goals. But neither is he for wanting to prioritise the future of the relationship, and wanting a partner that will do the same. The dream where you can have a relationship where both parties can do anything they want, and never have to compromise their own plans or desires for the relationship doesn't exist. It sucks, and its going to be painful for you both, but that's life. Eventually when your ready you will be in a relationship that you want to prioritise above all else, and your attitude will be different. Until then, its perfectly ok to do what you want and peruse your own plans.
Your relationship is gone though. Until your ready to put a relationship first, you will be screwed either way when these situations happen. If you go, you'll not make it. If you stay, you'll resent him, and break up eventually.
That's life for your relationships.
Awful, controlling, manipulative, toxic... not really.
Ask any couple who've been together for long enough and they will tell you that there are many many points where we have to put the survival of a relationship over our own personal goals. This is a constant problem throughout most peoples relationships. Do I do what is best for me, or best for us? They aren't always the same.
Kiddies on TSR who have never had a long-term relationships don't really understand this. They are idealistic and believe that if it's meant to be its meant to be. That has never been true. Relationships that survive, survive because of continued effort, sacrifice and hard-working. Not just doing what you want, when you want, and presuming that its possible to find a relationship that perfectly fits around your plans/whims.
That means always asking 'what do I want most at the moment?' If the answer to that is your relationship. Then obviously you shouldn't go to a university far away, because the vast vast majority of relationships fail under those circumstances. If your priority is 'actually, my education and personal future plans are more important' then yes you should go.
But it's not selfish or controlling for you and your boyfriend to come up with different answers. If your answer is that your personal goals are more important - that's fine. If his is that the relationship is more important, that's fine as well. It sucks for him, because he's going to get his heart broken, but his wish to put the relationship above personal goals isn't selfish (as long as he is holding himself to the same standards) its actually the mature way to live. Your young though, you can't expect 17-20 year olds to prioritise relationships in the same way that 30 year olds do.
So in short - your not wrong to want to go and peruse your own goals. But neither is he for wanting to prioritise the future of the relationship, and wanting a partner that will do the same. The dream where you can have a relationship where both parties can do anything they want, and never have to compromise their own plans or desires for the relationship doesn't exist. It sucks, and its going to be painful for you both, but that's life. Eventually when your ready you will be in a relationship that you want to prioritise above all else, and your attitude will be different. Until then, its perfectly ok to do what you want and peruse your own plans.
Your relationship is gone though. Until your ready to put a relationship first, you will be screwed either way when these situations happen. If you go, you'll not make it. If you stay, you'll resent him, and break up eventually.
That's life for your relationships.
(edited 3 years ago)
@fallen_acorns that was nice! U describe it well!
The reality is that when girl leaves for uni, dude is scared coz he rightly knows it's the end of the rel. This story gets repeated a million times and now with a lot more girls in college than guys, it's most typical for the dude to be left lamenting in his hs town.
The reality is that when girl leaves for uni, dude is scared coz he rightly knows it's the end of the rel. This story gets repeated a million times and now with a lot more girls in college than guys, it's most typical for the dude to be left lamenting in his hs town.
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