3 years and no friend group
Hey all, I've been reading through the site for a few days now and thought I might as well ask this here.
It's my third year here at uni, with two to go. But as the title says, I haven't had a friend group. I only had one friend I could hang out with, but he's left the uni now as his course has finished and now I have no one.
That isn't to say I'm a shut-in or anything. I'm social, I put myself out there, I'm part of a society I enjoy, I go to a social when I'm able, etc. I know so many people that I say hi half a dozen times whenever I leave the dorm.
But for some reason, I just have never been able to get a friend group and it's eating me up on the inside. Every day I see dozens and dozens of people hanging out together, going off to socials, etc. But other than the one friend I mentioned, I have never had anyone else I could go hang out with, or arrange to get some food, etc.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong, it feels like I'm doing everything right and it's still not working.
Sorry for the long post, I guess I'm just venting into the public sphere. If anyone has any insight they might want to share, I'd be more than happy to hear it.
Cheers all.
It's my third year here at uni, with two to go. But as the title says, I haven't had a friend group. I only had one friend I could hang out with, but he's left the uni now as his course has finished and now I have no one.
That isn't to say I'm a shut-in or anything. I'm social, I put myself out there, I'm part of a society I enjoy, I go to a social when I'm able, etc. I know so many people that I say hi half a dozen times whenever I leave the dorm.
But for some reason, I just have never been able to get a friend group and it's eating me up on the inside. Every day I see dozens and dozens of people hanging out together, going off to socials, etc. But other than the one friend I mentioned, I have never had anyone else I could go hang out with, or arrange to get some food, etc.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong, it feels like I'm doing everything right and it's still not working.
Sorry for the long post, I guess I'm just venting into the public sphere. If anyone has any insight they might want to share, I'd be more than happy to hear it.
Cheers all.
Original post by Anonymous
Hey all, I've been reading through the site for a few days now and thought I might as well ask this here.
It's my third year here at uni, with two to go. But as the title says, I haven't had a friend group. I only had one friend I could hang out with, but he's left the uni now as his course has finished and now I have no one.
That isn't to say I'm a shut-in or anything. I'm social, I put myself out there, I'm part of a society I enjoy, I go to a social when I'm able, etc. I know so many people that I say hi half a dozen times whenever I leave the dorm.
But for some reason, I just have never been able to get a friend group and it's eating me up on the inside. Every day I see dozens and dozens of people hanging out together, going off to socials, etc. But other than the one friend I mentioned, I have never had anyone else I could go hang out with, or arrange to get some food, etc.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong, it feels like I'm doing everything right and it's still not working.
Sorry for the long post, I guess I'm just venting into the public sphere. If anyone has any insight they might want to share, I'd be more than happy to hear it.
Cheers all.
It's my third year here at uni, with two to go. But as the title says, I haven't had a friend group. I only had one friend I could hang out with, but he's left the uni now as his course has finished and now I have no one.
That isn't to say I'm a shut-in or anything. I'm social, I put myself out there, I'm part of a society I enjoy, I go to a social when I'm able, etc. I know so many people that I say hi half a dozen times whenever I leave the dorm.
But for some reason, I just have never been able to get a friend group and it's eating me up on the inside. Every day I see dozens and dozens of people hanging out together, going off to socials, etc. But other than the one friend I mentioned, I have never had anyone else I could go hang out with, or arrange to get some food, etc.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong, it feels like I'm doing everything right and it's still not working.
Sorry for the long post, I guess I'm just venting into the public sphere. If anyone has any insight they might want to share, I'd be more than happy to hear it.
Cheers all.
Many of the large groups of friends can be ‘plastic friendships’ where their connection would disappear after uni or living together in one year. I personally would suggest finding 1 or 2 people to have a good connection and do things together.
Anon,
Like @Wired_1800 said, rather than focusing on finding a group of friends focus on finding individual people you can build a friendship with.
It's great if you have a group of friends who are all friends with each other and who you can hang out together with, but this is not always how it works : (
Sometimes by building a good friendship with one person, you are introduced to their group of friends and have more people to hang out with.
Sometimes by building a good friendship with one person, you build up a really good friendship with that person that has more depth than other friendships which can be as @Wired_1800 said 'plastic'.
So...
1) Stay in contact with the friend that has left. (You've built up a good friendship with them, don't let it go to waste!)
2) Try to be intentional with the people that you do know. Who do you want to be better friends with?
3) If you want to hang out with them/ get food together, be pro-active and ask!
4) Invest time in getting to know them outside of a group.
5) Reach out to them during the week.
Good friendships take time, but are worth it in the end!
All the best,
Oluwatosin – 2nd year student – University of Huddersfield
Like @Wired_1800 said, rather than focusing on finding a group of friends focus on finding individual people you can build a friendship with.
It's great if you have a group of friends who are all friends with each other and who you can hang out together with, but this is not always how it works : (
Sometimes by building a good friendship with one person, you are introduced to their group of friends and have more people to hang out with.
Sometimes by building a good friendship with one person, you build up a really good friendship with that person that has more depth than other friendships which can be as @Wired_1800 said 'plastic'.
So...
1) Stay in contact with the friend that has left. (You've built up a good friendship with them, don't let it go to waste!)
2) Try to be intentional with the people that you do know. Who do you want to be better friends with?
3) If you want to hang out with them/ get food together, be pro-active and ask!
4) Invest time in getting to know them outside of a group.
5) Reach out to them during the week.
Good friendships take time, but are worth it in the end!
All the best,
Oluwatosin – 2nd year student – University of Huddersfield
Original post by Anonymous
Hey all, I've been reading through the site for a few days now and thought I might as well ask this here.
It's my third year here at uni, with two to go. But as the title says, I haven't had a friend group. I only had one friend I could hang out with, but he's left the uni now as his course has finished and now I have no one.
That isn't to say I'm a shut-in or anything. I'm social, I put myself out there, I'm part of a society I enjoy, I go to a social when I'm able, etc. I know so many people that I say hi half a dozen times whenever I leave the dorm.
But for some reason, I just have never been able to get a friend group and it's eating me up on the inside. Every day I see dozens and dozens of people hanging out together, going off to socials, etc. But other than the one friend I mentioned, I have never had anyone else I could go hang out with, or arrange to get some food, etc.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong, it feels like I'm doing everything right and it's still not working.
Sorry for the long post, I guess I'm just venting into the public sphere. If anyone has any insight they might want to share, I'd be more than happy to hear it.
Cheers all.
It's my third year here at uni, with two to go. But as the title says, I haven't had a friend group. I only had one friend I could hang out with, but he's left the uni now as his course has finished and now I have no one.
That isn't to say I'm a shut-in or anything. I'm social, I put myself out there, I'm part of a society I enjoy, I go to a social when I'm able, etc. I know so many people that I say hi half a dozen times whenever I leave the dorm.
But for some reason, I just have never been able to get a friend group and it's eating me up on the inside. Every day I see dozens and dozens of people hanging out together, going off to socials, etc. But other than the one friend I mentioned, I have never had anyone else I could go hang out with, or arrange to get some food, etc.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong, it feels like I'm doing everything right and it's still not working.
Sorry for the long post, I guess I'm just venting into the public sphere. If anyone has any insight they might want to share, I'd be more than happy to hear it.
Cheers all.
Hey there,
I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. This is normal for a lot of university students. From my experience, meeting new people can be easy but meeting quality friends can be very hard. I feel like there is a huge expectation for us to meet tonnes of close friends and have these friends for the rest of our lives, but it can be so hard to find these people and it actually requires a lot of effort.
My advice would be:
- Speak to everyone as much as you can, that could be people on your course, or people in the societies. You never know who you are going to gel with, so just make an effort with anyone and everyone as this will broaden your opportunities.
- Attend everything! This could be socials or course events, anything like that, but again, this makes your opportunity of meeting new people so much bigger.
- Be pro-active with plans. Even if this person does not seem like your type of person, you may really get on once you start doing more things together! So try and make a lot of effort with plans if you can. Start by inviting a course friend out for a night-out or to the pub, and you could even ask them to come over before for pre-drinks. You could ask them to bring their flatmates or friends so there's more of a group of you to go out with. You never know, you could all really get on. Once you have these plans in place, make sure to make an effort with conversation and ask them questions about their course etc, as this could spark a good friendship.
- Keep in touch with people. Once you have established people who you could or do get on with, keep in regular contact with them. Ask them about their day, ask them when they are next free or when they are next going out. Then they may even invite you out if they have a night-out coming up. Keeping in regular contact also establishes a better friendship as your staying up-to-date with things happening in each eachothers lives.
Like what has already been said, friendship is about quality over quantity and many friendship groups which look ideal from the outside, may not actually be that close in reality. Try and focus on making a couple of closer friends, rather than a 'group' if you can.
I hope this helps.
Scarlet - Sheffield Hallam Student Ambassador.
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