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How to look at peoples eyes

I've been told it's normal to look at peoples faces when talking, thinking about it it makes sense as I see people's faces pointed towards me. But I've never been taught as a child to look at people so I never really thought about it.

I've had issues where people seem to be distant from me and I could never figure out why, I have finally got to the bottom of it and it's apparently because I don't look at people. Which i don't really understand as I am still talking and trying to be nice, what difference does it make?

If I try apparently I'm staring? I don't understand. How do you look at a person, where do you look? How does this make things better
Reply 1
I lip read so I look at their lips
Reply 2
Original post by black tea
I lip read so I look at their lips

Does this improve your ability to make freinds - apart from the fact it's what you use for conversation. Because I'm told people are put off being freinds with me being I don't ever look at them
Reply 3
I usually do this quite automatically but tried to figure out what I do and I kinda look at one eye and switch between left and right sometimes, and whenever I'm thinking about something or about to start speaking I look away for a second
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
Does this improve your ability to make freinds - apart from the fact it's what you use for conversation. Because I'm told people are put off being freinds with me being I don't ever look at them


I don't really try to make friends, if I'm honest. But when I was younger, people used to point out to me that I was either staring or not making eye contact, and looking at their lips has eliminated that issues for me.
(edited 10 months ago)
Reply 5
Original post by black tea
I don't really try to make friends, if I'm honest. But when I was younger, people used to point out to me that I was either staring or not making eye contact, and looking at their lips has eliminated that issues for me.


I'll be giving this a try thank you so much
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
I'll be giving this a try thank you so much


Good luck.
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
I've been told it's normal to look at peoples faces when talking, thinking about it it makes sense as I see people's faces pointed towards me. But I've never been taught as a child to look at people so I never really thought about it.

I've had issues where people seem to be distant from me and I could never figure out why, I have finally got to the bottom of it and it's apparently because I don't look at people. Which i don't really understand as I am still talking and trying to be nice, what difference does it make?

If I try apparently I'm staring? I don't understand. How do you look at a person, where do you look? How does this make things better

Well you can spend 4 or 5 second bursts of eye contact before breaking off your gaze for a few seconds and then returning

I must admit, I find it awkward as hell to spend extended periods making eye contact as well and so I normally just break on/off as above. So you are both making eye contact and not if that makes sense!
Reply 8
Original post by Zürich
Well you can spend 4 or 5 second bursts of eye contact before breaking off your gaze for a few seconds and then returning

I must admit, I find it awkward as hell to spend extended periods making eye contact as well and so I normally just break on/off as above. So you are both making eye contact and not if that makes sense!


That sounds really intimidating. Any ideas on how to practice?
Practice it.

It's important to note that you don't want to keep your gaze upon their eyes for too long as this will diminish the sense of confidence you're trying to exude and leave the other person feeling slightly uncomfortable. Instead, avert your gaze every so often but only for a split second. This applies when you're listening to the other person and when you're the one doing the talking.
Reply 10
Original post by Anonymous
That sounds really intimidating. Any ideas on how to practice?


Built it up.

Half a second is better than no seconds eye contact. Pick your moments, generally at the end of long sentences is a good and natural point to lock gaze for a bit
In general, I find that the way a conversation starts is how it goes generally. So if youre making pleasant eye contact at start will be like that but if you dont make eye contact and then half way through start it feels weird
Reply 11
distribute short moments of eye contact through the convo, maybe you could be sure to make eye contact when you ask them questions? depending on what you talk about, it keeps a connection with the person you're talking to because you'll seem interested in what they have to say. hope this helps
I had the same problem too, I can make eye-contact with people, but I also can't. It just got progressively worse as I got older.
Original post by Anonymous
I've been told it's normal to look at peoples faces when talking, thinking about it it makes sense as I see people's faces pointed towards me. But I've never been taught as a child to look at people so I never really thought about it.

I've had issues where people seem to be distant from me and I could never figure out why, I have finally got to the bottom of it and it's apparently because I don't look at people. Which i don't really understand as I am still talking and trying to be nice, what difference does it make?

If I try apparently I'm staring? I don't understand. How do you look at a person, where do you look? How does this make things better

When you dont look at someone, you ca appear to be disconnected or disinterest - even though you are talking to them and being nice, they may not feel understood, heard or they feel like they dont have a genuine connection with you because you are not full acknowledging them.

I used to never look at peoples faces when i spoke or they did, i found it awkward and uncomfortable but now i do. Just look into their eyes and act how you normally. You mentioned you stare at them - you dont have to look at them like ur gonna kill them. Just relax and blink - if you cant hold it for long periods, then just look for a couple of seconds and look away and look back quickly. Just keep doing that.
Original post by Anonymous
I've been told it's normal to look at peoples faces when talking, thinking about it it makes sense as I see people's faces pointed towards me. But I've never been taught as a child to look at people so I never really thought about it.

I've had issues where people seem to be distant from me and I could never figure out why, I have finally got to the bottom of it and it's apparently because I don't look at people. Which i don't really understand as I am still talking and trying to be nice, what difference does it make?

If I try apparently I'm staring? I don't understand. How do you look at a person, where do you look? How does this make things better


I physically cannot make eye contact and most of the time i don't try to make it look like i am because i end up focusing on that more than what people are saying. i lip read in most situations so i am generally looking at their face. a little trick for when i want to look like i am making eye contact is looking between someone's eyes. most people can't tell you're not looking them in the eyes.

some people feel like a lack of eye contact is rude or means you're not paying attention. but most importantly id say do what you're comfortable with cause lots of people feel differently about this kind of thing.
I might look at the person's eyes while feeling love for them
That way, I won't be perceived as cold :smile:
I never do it as it makes me really uncomfortable. I try to look at their nose/in between their nose instead :smile:
just look at their eyes their eyes and do one of those smiles where you close your eyes while nodding then look somewhere else then repaeat


Original post by Anonymous
I've been told it's normal to look at peoples faces when talking, thinking about it it makes sense as I see people's faces pointed towards me. But I've never been taught as a child to look at people so I never really thought about it.

I've had issues where people seem to be distant from me and I could never figure out why, I have finally got to the bottom of it and it's apparently because I don't look at people. Which i don't really understand as I am still talking and trying to be nice, what difference does it make?

If I try apparently I'm staring? I don't understand. How do you look at a person, where do you look? How does this make things better

but if you want to make them uncomfortable look at their forehead or their hair
(edited 9 months ago)

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