3rd year, but no friends and struggling.

I am now in my third (and final) year at university, and I still have not made any real friends. I get along well with other people in my course, but they already have their own separate friendship groups. I want to try to be more sociable although I'm not sure where to start - I don't want to throw myself straight into the deep end (I'm not much of a clubbing person). I feel as though I may come across a weird and/or needing if I ask people to hang out. I could really do with some advice, because I'm feeling really lonely and, pretty much, an outcast.

I am now in my third (and final) year at university, and I still have not made any real friends. I get along well with other people in my course, but they already have their own separate friendship groups. I want to try to be more sociable although I'm not sure where to start - I don't want to throw myself straight into the deep end (I'm not much of a clubbing person). I feel as though I may come across a weird and/or needing if I ask people to hang out. I could really do with some advice, because I'm feeling really lonely and, pretty much, an outcast.

Hi there,

I'm Will, a Placement Year Media Production student at Bournemouth University.
I completely understand how you feel, I went into my 2nd year without having any true friends, just people I knew of and said the odd hello to and I'm not a clubbing person myself either. What I found changed that though was joining a society or club that really interested me, that way you are meeting others with similar interests.
For me, I joined our student radio station and from the crossover between shows and talk to other people during a small mixer/networking event, I made some great friends.

I know it's easier said than done but sometimes taking that risk or as you say "throwing yourself straight into the deep end" can work out in your favour. And you don't have to go clubbing at all, if they are your true friends they will respect that.

I hope this helps

Hi @anonymous #1

I'm sorry that you're feeling that way. It can definitely be hard to socialise sometimes, especially when you're not into things that other people would do as typical social activities. Try not too be hard on yourself. Instead try to build on connections you've already made with people at your university or on your courses. From my experience, I made alot of acquaintances with the people on my course but I actually only made one very real connection, someone who I'm still friends with after graudating a year ago. If you can at this point, you can get invovled in socieities so you can try to make friendships there. Try suggessting forming study groups with people you might speak to and things may organically develop from there. And honestly, be yourself, don't try too hard to fit in- you will make the right connections with people you can vibe with, not from just being lonely, but people you can hopefully call your friends after graduating.

Lastly, try not to isolate, if you can get involved in groups, being in social settings you are comfortable with, try to stay in contact with people.

Almasi Samuels
Ravensbourne University Graduate
Marketing, Communications & Content Intern

I am now in my third (and final) year at university, and I still have not made any real friends. I get along well with other people in my course, but they already have their own separate friendship groups. I want to try to be more sociable although I'm not sure where to start - I don't want to throw myself straight into the deep end (I'm not much of a clubbing person). I feel as though I may come across a weird and/or needing if I ask people to hang out. I could really do with some advice, because I'm feeling really lonely and, pretty much, an outcast.

Hey!

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling really lonely, I think it's natural to feel upset about this because you always hear people say you meet your friends for life at uni, but that's just not the case for everyone and that's absolutely fine. Some people don't meet their life long friends until the final year, until after graduating, until their in the workplace - friends come into our lives at different stages. I know when I was a student I was very shy and anxious, and preferred to focus on my studies rather than going out and making friends. I'm not a clubbing person either. I know there was always different types of events on at uni though so I'm sure it'll be same for you, events where you don't go out or drink, just something more relaxed and lets you have better conversation with new people. There's clubs and societies so that way you're around people who share a similar interest to you, therefore making conversation that bit easier! (for me, small talk is always easier when it's about something I love, like TV shows or books haha, I could talk for hours about that). You could also look into becoming a student ambassador or getting involved in volunteering work as ways to meet new people.

Small interactions could be complimenting someone's outfit, asking how their getting on with their work, if they have any tv show recommendations, following coursemates on social media and reacting to their story or liking their photos when they upload - you'll come across really friendly and approachable and hopefully it will make someone start up a conversation with you.

Good luck with your final year

Becky

I am now in my third (and final) year at university, and I still have not made any real friends. I get along well with other people in my course, but they already have their own separate friendship groups. I want to try to be more sociable although I'm not sure where to start - I don't want to throw myself straight into the deep end (I'm not much of a clubbing person). I feel as though I may come across a weird and/or needing if I ask people to hang out. I could really do with some advice, because I'm feeling really lonely and, pretty much, an outcast.

Hi Anon,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Making friends can be tough, especially in third year when it seems like everyone has established groups and you don't do the things that a lot of people seem to be doing.

Friendship groups at university tend to change quite a bit, so I wouldn't worry too much. I'm not a clubbing person either, but I still managed to find like-minded people! It will just take some time and effort, but it is definitely worth it to be around people you are comfortable with.

I personally have met a lot of great people through being a student ambassador and volunteering. If it's for a cause you are passionate about you'll definitely be able to find like-minded people! Joining a sport or society might be another fun way to make friends, and it might feel more comfortable and natural than approaching someone in your class that you may not have something in common with. Talking to people on your course is also an option - you could discuss modules, dissertations and graduation plans, which could then ease you in to talking about things you might have in common!

I understand the feeling, but you're definitely not coming across as weird or needing. It takes some confidence to put yourself out there and try to make friends, and I'm usually really relieved when someone asks me!

Best of luck
Isabella

I am now in my third (and final) year at university, and I still have not made any real friends. I get along well with other people in my course, but they already have their own separate friendship groups. I want to try to be more sociable although I'm not sure where to start - I don't want to throw myself straight into the deep end (I'm not much of a clubbing person). I feel as though I may come across a weird and/or needing if I ask people to hang out. I could really do with some advice, because I'm feeling really lonely and, pretty much, an outcast.

Hi!! I am just like you. Not into clubbing, I don't drink, I find it hard sometimes to socialise due to being autistic and just genreally a bit of a nervous person.
I really reccomend finding a niche, it doesn't have to fit you perfectly (but would be amazing if you do have something) and join a club that fullfills that. It does not need to be university centred, there is a world outside! and sometimes I find becoming friends that might not have the same timetable/life as you can be refreshing. Things like gardening clubs, book clubs, voulnteering, get religous or spooky or whatever! I really hope you find someone close. I truly believe we all can find people we love (as in platonically) and I believe you will find that. Good Luck out there xx

I am now in my third (and final) year at university, and I still have not made any real friends. I get along well with other people in my course, but they already have their own separate friendship groups. I want to try to be more sociable although I'm not sure where to start - I don't want to throw myself straight into the deep end (I'm not much of a clubbing person). I feel as though I may come across a weird and/or needing if I ask people to hang out. I could really do with some advice, because I'm feeling really lonely and, pretty much, an outcast.

Hiya,

I am so sorry to hear that you’re feeling like an outcast, no one should ever feel like that! Some people find it easier to make friends and are more confident in pushing their way into friendship groups but it’s never too late to make friends!

You said you get on well with people in your class, which is a great start. I know it feels a bit scary but I would suggest asking them to hang out! Just ask, do you fancy grabbing a drink, coffee or food (whatever you prefer) after class? It’s a good way to start socialising with people outside of the uni environment. Don’t worry that you don’t like clubbing, lots of people don’t!

I would also suggest looking into any of the social clubs that your university offers? This is a great way to meet people who already have similar interests.

Although I haven’t had this experience at uni, I did have this experience when I moved to the UK when I was 18. I found it very difficult to make friends and felt that everyone already had their own friendship groups. I realised, it’s not that people don’t want you to be there they just don’t realise that you’re being left behind. I decided to start pushing myself in asking people to hang out or if they was people were talking about things they were planning, asking if I could join. I did feel the same as you when I first started doing this but no one thought I was being weird or needy and was more than happy for me to join! I’m sure you’ll find the same if you find the confidence to do this.

I would also like to add, if you are struggling with lonely feelings then definitely reach out to the well-being team at your university. Don’t suffer in silence!

I hope everything works out for you and good luck moving forward

Sophie (ARU)

I am now in my third (and final) year at university, and I still have not made any real friends. I get along well with other people in my course, but they already have their own separate friendship groups. I want to try to be more sociable although I'm not sure where to start - I don't want to throw myself straight into the deep end (I'm not much of a clubbing person). I feel as though I may come across a weird and/or needing if I ask people to hang out. I could really do with some advice, because I'm feeling really lonely and, pretty much, an outcast.

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way.
Have you thought about joining a club or society? Already having that common ground can be really helpful and it's a guaranteed way to make friends. Another way I made friends was to become a Student Ambassador, I get paid to do assignments for the uni and also get to hang out with fellow students.

I am now in my third (and final) year at university, and I still have not made any real friends. I get along well with other people in my course, but they already have their own separate friendship groups. I want to try to be more sociable although I'm not sure where to start - I don't want to throw myself straight into the deep end (I'm not much of a clubbing person). I feel as though I may come across a weird and/or needing if I ask people to hang out. I could really do with some advice, because I'm feeling really lonely and, pretty much, an outcast.

I am now in my third (and final) year at university, and I still have not made any real friends. I get along well with other people in my course, but they already have their own separate friendship groups. I want to try to be more sociable although I'm not sure where to start - I don't want to throw myself straight into the deep end (I'm not much of a clubbing person). I feel as though I may come across a weird and/or needing if I ask people to hang out. I could really do with some advice, because I'm feeling really lonely and, pretty much, an outcast.

Hi there! I'm sorry you're feeling like this but things will get better!

Making friends can be really difficult but I think that clubs and societies are a great place to start as they will have loads of people who share similar interests to you!

I know it's so much easier said than done but sometimes you have to put yourself out there a little!

I hope this helps,

Rebecca, UCLan