I feel like I'm being punished for having a boyfriend at uni

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Insanespana

If all you want to do is insult me and tell me how boring I am can you just leave this thread alone please. It's horrible being mean to me like that, I do have feelings you know, all I'm asking is for some people to understand.

Hiya. I'm in quite a similar situation. It's sad that people are giving you a hard time with this - it's not helping or being very understanding. I'm in a serious relationship too. Luckily it's more popular to go out in the week here and 2 of my female flatmates also have boyfriends. I sometimes see my boyfriend every other weekend but it's very difficult and we are trying to make it more often now. I go home one weekend he comes up the next kind of thing. I do think you should make an effort to go out during the week sometimes, I know it's not the same but if people can see you're trying they willl have more time for you I think. I would go with living in halls again if I were you and try to make a fresh start with people. Join some societies with them etc. It's also helpful to talk to people in the similar situation and see how it's working for them. It's obvious that your boyfriend is your life and I can identify with that. If u wanna chat I don't mind - nice to chat to someone feeling similar. xxx

Reply 121

FadedJade

I agree with most of the people on this thread, you are way too dependent on your boyfriend. You really should consider taking the advice and seeing him every other weekend or so to give you time to make good friends at uni.

When I first went to uni I was already in a longterm relationship that became an LDR, at first I was like you, while I didn't go home every weekend I didn't really go out because I was miserable and missed him. I also didn't get on with the people on my corridor very well, I just couldn't relate to them. Then I realised I was completely wasting my time being at uni, gave myself a kick up the bum and started having fun. I dont go out all the time getting wasted, but i go out every week or so and have a laugh with my friends and often go to the bar for a quiet drink and a chat. If anything he kept telling me to go out more as he knew it would cheer me up - it was important not to be reliant on him.

I now see my fiancé much more regularly as he's graduated but it doesnt stop me going out and having fun any less. It's only at the end of my second year that i actually made decent friends that i clicked with, and now im having so much fun and am happier. Next year I'll be living with my fiancé with doing a Masters at a different uni. He has already said that he will come out occasionally but I have to go out on my own most of the time to make sure i have good friends and have a life without him - he wants this because he wants what is best for me. I'm surprised your boyfriend isnt encouraging you to do the same.

You need to understand that there is more to life than your boyfriend.

Reply 122

Anonymous #1

Love to hear what the boyfriend thinks in all of this. Maybe he might think you're too possessive?

Sounds to me like seeing your boyfriend every weekend is a bit of a safety net for you as you don't get on with your flatmates, and rather than being really desperate every weekend to see him, you go and see him to get away from your flatmates as you find it hard to stand on your own two feet without him??

This seems to be more of an issue with girls than guys. Can't imagine many guys would travel to see their gf every week though i don't speak for everyone!

Don't you want your own space and time without your boyfriend once in a while? Sounds like you have the rose-tinted glasses on that paint a pretty picture of you with your boyfriend, whereas you really seem without much substance of a group of friends to socialise with. Creating your social life around your boyfriend is never a good way to go.

Reply 123

beccaarr

It is possible to go home every weekend and still have a social life and friends. My mate has been going home every weekend for work and to see her boyfriend (no ex, but thats to do with other matters) and she's never had a problem when it came to having a social life. Even though she broke up with him, she still goes home for work. And still manages to keep up with everyone and enjoy herself.

On the other hand, one of my best mates from home came here too. She very rarely spends time with anyone, rarely comes out, goes home alot to see her boyfriend, or he comes down here for stupid amounts of time (first time he visited, he was here 2 weeks). She can't stand it here because she knows no-one. I tried my hardest to help her settle in and have fun but she was having none of it, her boyfriend came first out of everyone. Baring in mind I've known this girl since we were 6 and have always been best friends. All my friends here didn't want her living with us because she never made the effort with them.
She's dropping out after this year now.

See my point?

Reply 124

tayalouise

Out of sight, out of mind

You prioritise your boyfriend, so why would they prioritise you when thinking of who to live with
In their eyes, you made you choice that you don't want to spend time with them