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Successfully getting back with an ex Watch

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    This is by far and large the busiest forum on TSR, so I'm sure you've all seen and replied to a thread like this many a time.

    Anyway, here is my predicament.

    My girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. She gave me reasons such as not wanting a boyfriend anymore and finally just 'being with her friends', because in September they all start at university. I also heard from a friend of mine that she had told people I was 'too nice'.

    It might be worthwhile saying that she asked me a couple of months before we broke up if I would be more forward in terms of sexual activities, aside of just normal intercourse. I did heed her advice and did do more things, but there were limited opportunities because of parents etc. I had to rely on the time when I picked her up from college and brought her to mine and made her lunch.

    Onwards...

    I tried to accept her decision, even if I didn't accept her reasons - I thought they were quite mundane and invalid.

    I had booked tickets months before we broke up to take her to see one of her favourite female singers but because of the awkwardness and one or two heated exchanges, she pulled out of going about 15 minutes before I was due to pick her up. This hurt like a kick in the balls, in fact she might as well have taken a big run up and booted me in the jewels. I was very angry, but decided to forgive and forget (almost immediately, because i'm soft) and so that was that.

    Apparently she had been told by 'someone' that I was refusing to speak to her which was... astounding to hear. Why would I be refusing to talk to the girl I was still in love with?

    Two weeks ago she got back from her holiday in Zante. This is where I totally lost it. She said she did not want to 'emotionally destroy me' but when pictures came up of her kissing over the week around 5 different boys (probably even more), well, she had done. How did she expect me to feel when she knew I was, and arguably still are, devoted to her? "I don't want a boyfriend because I just want to be with my friends yet I'll kiss as many other lads as my lips will take."

    I deleted her from Facebook and dumped all the things she made me expressing her love (only 3 months previously) for me on her doorstep.

    This is where my regret comes in. I completely overreacted. Completely.

    Now that was long-winded but there is no point omitting important details.

    Lets cut to the crack.

    I am so willing to express my deep regret and apologise for how I reacted and to forgive and forget to try and make it work again.

    BUT:

    How meaningful is an apology these days?
    Even if getting back together is an impossibility, is is possible to settle our differences and become friends again?
    Has anyone got back together with an ex and how did you go about doing it?
    And finally, did it last?


    Many thanks.
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    Also, it might be worth adding that really the only place I'll have a chance to see and speak to her is in a nightclub.
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    Apologies are meaningful, especially to women.

    It will probably be hard being friends as you still have feelings and hope, maybe wait til your feelings die down before trying to be proper friends.

    i got back together with an ex once and no it didn't last.

    I think you should move on tbh. Do you really want her back after seeing her kiss all those guys? and why do you feel like you need to give her a big apology? you havn't actually done anything wrong, if anything she has done worse than you by ditching you 15 minutes before you went to pick her up and being so insensitive to put pics up of her and other guys when she knew you can see it! i think you can find someone better for you. good luck
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    although that will probably work, i agree with blondyx, you deserve much better.
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    You didn't overreact. She treated you like crap and now you wanna apologise to her like you were in the wrong? No wonder she's not attracted to you. This is what being "too nice" means. If you have any self-respect forget about her, she's not good enough for you and in the future don't take crap from girls.
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    You sound like a really decent guy, you deserve better she obviously has moved on, so do the same. If you think you two can still be friends then try that, but tbh if seeing them pics made you angry/upset seeing her in a new relationship whilst being her friend will be so hard.

    Good luck!
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    If she's broken up with you, then she's entitled to kiss as many boys as she wants. You need to move on.
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    Lol at wanting to get back with her. You sod.
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    So you want to apologise for your (completely justified in my opinion) reaction to her behaviour which hurt you and went against everything she told you when you broke up? Come on, I know it's a hard time and you want her back, but if she thought you were "too nice" before, doing this will just cement that in her mind. It sounds like she's moved on I'm afraid, I suggest you do the same.
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    (Original post by DaneCook)
    Lol at wanting to get back with her. You sod.
    That's me. 20 years of being walked all over and not being taught how to be selfish as a kid.

    But I can't change :nope:
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    (Original post by riccoles)
    That's me. 20 years of being walked all over and not being taught how to be selfish as a kid.

    But I can't change :nope:
    Don't put yourself down.
    Its not good to be as selfish as a kid, its not about being selfish its about self respect, and you can change. Try and gain more confidence and respect for yourself
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    (Original post by riccoles)
    That's me. 20 years of being walked all over and not being taught how to be selfish as a kid.

    But I can't change :nope:
    It's not about not being selfish, IT's principle. You can't chase after something that treats you like dirt.
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    (Original post by riccoles)
    That's me. 20 years of being walked all over and not being taught how to be selfish as a kid.

    But I can't change :nope:
    You can change. It all comes down to how you value yourself, your self-respect. Just be badass- it's not too hard

    If you really want her back you'll need to completely change, but it doesn't seem worth it if you're both going to uni. Just learn from this experience and make sure in future relationships you're the one weilding the power from the beginning, not the other way around. In other words, you're the man in the relationship.This isn't about being an ********, just being in control of your emotions and not letting yourself be pushed around and manipulated, which it sounds like you were.
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    Unfortunately here we have another case that will wisen up soon and become a total *******. It's the way forward, trust me.
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    (Original post by whiplash)
    Unfortunately here we have another case that will wisen up soon and become a total *******. It's the way forward, trust me.
    hehe, at least I can still laugh.

    But in all seriousness, deep down I know you are all totally on the ball.
    I just don't want to believe it!

    I'd say the worst of how I've been feeling for months is coming to an end, which is good, and that is progress in terms of getting over her, right?
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    (Original post by riccoles)
    hehe, at least I can still laugh.

    But in all seriousness, deep down I know you are all totally on the ball.
    I just don't want to believe it!

    I'd say the worst of how I've been feeling for months is coming to an end, which is good, and that is progress in terms of getting over her, right?
    Don't become an ********!
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    (Original post by blondyx)
    Don't become an ********!
    I actually couldn't
    (:
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    (Original post by riccoles)
    This is by far and large the busiest forum on TSR, so I'm sure you've all seen and replied to a thread like this many a time.

    Anyway, here is my predicament.

    My girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. She gave me reasons such as not wanting a boyfriend anymore and finally just 'being with her friends', because in September they all start at university. I also heard from a friend of mine that she had told people I was 'too nice'.

    It might be worthwhile saying that she asked me a couple of months before we broke up if I would be more forward in terms of sexual activities, aside of just normal intercourse. I did heed her advice and did do more things, but there were limited opportunities because of parents etc. I had to rely on the time when I picked her up from college and brought her to mine and made her lunch.

    Onwards...

    I tried to accept her decision, even if I didn't accept her reasons - I thought they were quite mundane and invalid.

    I had booked tickets months before we broke up to take her to see one of her favourite female singers but because of the awkwardness and one or two heated exchanges, she pulled out of going about 15 minutes before I was due to pick her up. This hurt like a kick in the balls, in fact she might as well have taken a big run up and booted me in the jewels. I was very angry, but decided to forgive and forget (almost immediately, because i'm soft) and so that was that.

    Apparently she had been told by 'someone' that I was refusing to speak to her which was... astounding to hear. Why would I be refusing to talk to the girl I was still in love with?

    Two weeks ago she got back from her holiday in Zante. This is where I totally lost it. She said she did not want to 'emotionally destroy me' but when pictures came up of her kissing over the week around 5 different boys (probably even more), well, she had done. How did she expect me to feel when she knew I was, and arguably still are, devoted to her? "I don't want a boyfriend because I just want to be with my friends yet I'll kiss as many other lads as my lips will take."

    I deleted her from Facebook and dumped all the things she made me expressing her love (only 3 months previously) for me on her doorstep.

    This is where my regret comes in. I completely overreacted. Completely.

    Now that was long-winded but there is no point omitting important details.

    Lets cut to the crack.

    I am so willing to express my deep regret and apologise for how I reacted and to forgive and forget to try and make it work again.

    BUT:

    How meaningful is an apology these days?
    Even if getting back together is an impossibility, is is possible to settle our differences and become friends again?
    Has anyone got back together with an ex and how did you go about doing it?
    And finally, did it last?


    Many thanks.
    Trust me, as a guy speaking to another guy, she just isn't worth it! You can think of thousands of reasons why you want to be with her and how she was the one, but at the end of the day, she doesn't want to be with you and you just have to accept that! All the facts are there in the photos. If she still thought about you, she wouldn't do that and post in online for all to see

    I went through a similar situation, my ex used the 'i only want to be friends' reason (crappy explanation) .... Well i spent months trying to win her back and it really wasn't doing anything positive for myself and my studies. The hardest part is to finally let her go! I know there's lots of feelings that you have but i never said it was easy and obviously its not going to be an overnight thing ...

    Relationships have to work both ways (sadly in your case its probably you like her but she no longer likes you). Trying to force it (like i did) will just end up in missery for you!

    There's other girls out there in the world, girls who'll treat you well and love you as you love her :yep: Forget her, shes already made her mind up and concentrate on finding that one girl who'll make your life complete :woo:
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    (Original post by mlo90)
    Trust me, as a guy speaking to another guy, she just isn't worth it! You can think of thousands of reasons why you want to be with her and how she was the one, but at the end of the day, she doesn't want to be with you and you just have to accept that! All the facts are there in the photos. If she still thought about you, she wouldn't do that and post in online for all to see

    I went through a similar situation, my ex used the 'i only want to be friends' reason (crappy explanation) .... Well i spent months trying to win her back and it really wasn't doing anything positive for myself and my studies. The hardest part is to finally let her go! I know there's lots of feelings that you have but i never said it was easy and obviously its not going to be an overnight thing ...

    Relationships have to work both ways (sadly in your case its probably you like her but she no longer likes you). Trying to force it (like i did) will just end up in missery for you!

    There's other girls out there in the world, girls who'll treat you well and love you as you love her :yep: Forget her, shes already made her mind up and concentrate on finding that one girl who'll make your life complete :woo:
    Well I can relate to you in terms of studies, she broke up with me 3 weeks prior to my first second year exam. I hardly did ANY revision, and consequently only scrapped a 2:1.

    Its obviously clear to see she has made her mind up but I can't help but think what if this happens or what if this happens and causes her to change her mind. I guess being an optimist isn't always that ideal. And that isn't the way I should be thinking, and I really am trying so hard to heed everyones advice.

    Finding another girl as lovely as she was seems like such a operose task.

    Sigh :/
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    (Original post by riccoles)
    Well I can relate to you in terms of studies, she broke up with me 3 weeks prior to my first second year exam. I hardly did ANY revision, and consequently only scrapped a 2:1.

    Its obviously clear to see she has made her mind up but I can't help but think what if this happens or what if this happens and causes her to change her mind. I guess being an optimist isn't always that ideal. And that isn't the way I should be thinking, and I really am trying so hard to heed everyones advice.

    Finding another girl as lovely as she was seems like such a operose task.

    Sigh :/
    To get over her try and do the following and eventually you will be over her:
    Spend alot of time with friends
    Do things you enjoy
    Write a list of everything you don't like about her and why it wouldn't work (maybe look at it once a day)
    Flirt with girls
    Don't look at pictures of her
 
 
 
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