Got rejected, still feeling crap about it

This girl obviously doesn't fancy you, but she does like the attention and she is using you a bit by keeping you interested.

When girls fancy a guy they don't turn down his advances, girls are only able to play these type of games where they control the situation, if its a guy they don't really fancy....when they fancy him they are too nervous wondering if he does/doesn't like them, to be able to control the situation.

As for her saying that you are 'inspiring' after a few dates, that should ring warning bells that this girl is full of bull, I mean who says that!

I would just back off and write her out of your life now, don't be constantly texting/using other forms of e-communication with her, it's a waste of your time.

By the way OP, how tall are you? Once we know this we will be able to layout for you the best course of action for the future.

Nothing says rebellious maverick badboy quite like bowling shoes..

Ah well. Guess you are right.

I guess I shall accept defeat gracefully.

God, such a shame.

But to answer your question yeah, she did say that, had a few girls say that to me actually. The last one I actually did kiss.

Yeah I think the reason why she said that, was because I did show her amazing times on our date(s), was fun, confident, creative, and pretty energetic. Plus I do have a lot going for me in my own life outside of girls anyway.

But yeah, its best if I just get rid of her, if she interested, she would probs come back to me now that I have officially laid out my cards on the table.

You are so arrogant it's unreal.

Don't worry! Pleanty of fish in the sea, especially at your age! Of course, your feelings for her are probably still very strong but she isn't worth it anyway.

Just to let you guys know, we kissed on my birthday. We arranged a date for then, then I went for it.

Cool, hope it's heading somewhere.

Yeah, I really want to see her again, but she is playing a bit hard to get, even though she is texting me a lot

I think I need to give her a bit of time. I know she likes me, like she was saying things on the night like:

"The day after seeing you, I always feel such a high"
"I always feel so comfortable around you"
"I love the way you are fun and intelligent."
"You are so smooth. I love the way you don't pressurise me"

*sigh* - for a lack of a better word. Could probably play her, like I could have after kissing her, just ignored her. So easy. But I really dont want too.

When she said 'the day after seeing you, I always feel on such a high' you should have said ' imagine what you'd feel like the day after having sex with me '. Girls love quick witted responses that make them laugh.

She definitely wants you judging by those 4 statements so you are either

1) too scared to make a move
2) a homosexual in denial
3) not as interested as you are making out

Come on man, you're letting the team down. You got my support.

One step at a time bro, one step at a time.

...Rome wasn't built in a day.

I like to take my time with things, no rush. Incidently, she commented on that after we kissed:

"I like the way you take your time with things."

With that said. I think I am starting to regret not going for the same night lay. Cos I don't know if I will see her again.

Long story short, took a girl I know on 3 dates, decided to make a move on the final date,

she told me she wasnt ready to get into a relationship with me but told me I was a really awesome guy. I asked her if the problem was me, she told me it wasn't and not to take it personally.

But yeah, the rejection is still stinging me, lost a bit of confidence due to it. And I am finding it pretty tough to pick myself back up. I am popular, have a lot going for me, and we have had amazing times together, yet despite all of that she rejected my advances. But to protect myself I am ignoring her, cos I know I Am attracted, so if I spend time with her, it would be frustrating if I can't kiss her.

..

You're inexperienced with girls, aren't you? I can tell from reading your reply that you are. Let me explain why....



This is your first problem. You waited 3 DATES before you made any kind of move.

By waiting 3 dates before you establish any kind of sexual dynamic between the two of you, you are basically acting like her 'platonic' friend.

Then the problem arises when you try and shift the dynamic between you from 'platonic' to 'sexual'. Your move comes out of left field and seems creepy because you waited so long, and then of course the girl rejects you and gives the 'I'm not ready for a relationship/I just want to be friends' line.

What you should've done was 1) stated your intentions UPFRONT and told this girl that you are attracted to her and interested in getting to know her because you're looking for a lover and not just a friend, and 2) you should've kissed her on the FIRST date.

You always hear of this talk of 'let's go slow and not rush into anything'....but have you noticed that whenever people 'take it slow' and act cautious around each other, they always end up being 'just friends'.

Always establish RIGHT FROM THE START that you're looking for a sexual/romantic relationship with a girl, and not a platonic one. If they're not interested, cut them loose and move on BEFORE you waste time going on 'dates'.



Well, given you waited 3 dates before 'making a move', what did you expect really?

And I'm also willing to bet you didn't make it clear from the beginning what you were looking for. Did you tell her upfront that you thought she was attractive and state your intentions? Because a lot of girls will go on 'dates' with guys they don't even fancy, because they see him platonically and like to hang out with him. The guy, on the other hand, thinks he is 'getting somewhere' with her, but the girl knows full well she doesn't fancy him.

All this **** could be avoided if people were upfront about their intentions, and therefore 2 people could go their separate ways without wasting time going on 3 dates in order to find out if someone is sexually attracted to them.

I'll give you the example of what I'd have done in your situation. First of all, I'd have told the girl upfront that I found her attractive and I'd suggest getting together for a cup of coffee sometime in the next few weeks so we could get to know each other. I'd state my intentions honestly from the start and tell her I was looking for a lover and not just a friend. I'd also tell her not to waste her time with me if she isn't interested.

So basically, by coming to meet me for coffee, she'd be telling me she had some form of attraction there.

Then I'd get to know her during the coffee date and see if we were compatible. If she was what I was looking for great, if not I'd tell her straight so we could go our separate ways and not waste each others' time. After the coffee date, we'd go for a walk and hold hands (this establishes some touching before the kiss). I've found that if a girl lets you hold hands with her after a coffee date, you can stop and kiss her anytime and she will reciprocate.

I'd never have waited 3 dates to get a kiss. If a girl refused to kiss me on the first date, I'd tell her not to waste my time and I'd be on my phone calling up another girl.

Actually, if I haven't had sex with a girl after 3 dates, she's out. I don't see the point in wasting that amount of time pursuing a girl. My attitude is that if a girl doesn't want to kiss me on the first date, and if she doesn't want to have sex with me after 3 dates, then she isn't interested in me, or she's playing games with me, in which case I let her go and don't pursue her again. I let them chase me after that (sometimes they wonder why you don't call, then ironically that makes them want you more).

So yeah, I think you wasted time with this girl. She may've lost interest because you beat around the bush too much, or she may simply have not been interested in you sexually from the start, in which case you wasted time going on 3 dates with her.



It's all part of the learning curve, my friend. I used to do things like this in the past....you live and learn.

You sound like a decent guy, you just need to build your confidence back up and get more experienced with girls. My advice is to approach a few more girls and this time state your intentions clearly from the start, take them for coffee and get to know them, go for the kiss on the first date and you should start getting girls sexually/romantically attracted to you if you do that.

Good luck.

I've never met ANY successful guy, or person in actual fact, who hasn't been rejected and who hasn't failed many times. Get it in your head that it's just all a learning experience. Man up and get out there. More birds out there than you can count.