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Is he bored of me?

Hi, so, I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months.

Lately he has been acting really strange. He's very snappy, not very talkative and seems annoyed all the time. He called me today as he was going to stay at mine - he asked me what I was doing, and I said I was reading. He then replied "**** it I'll just go home then" which I was surprised at. He came round in the end but only stayed for an hour (he usually stays around mine Thursday nights as we have a lecture together Fri morning and it saves him commuting early).

He also asked me today where I see our relationship lasting till and he commented that he couldn't see us being together forever...I mean I don't really think that either because it's a long time but I get the feeling he was trying to get at something.

He can be really nice and normal to me one minute and next complains that I "never talk to him about anything." I think it also annoys him that I can be quite placid at times - admittedly I do have problems fully expressing my emotions and if I'm honest it's something that really gets me down... but I've always tried really hard with him. I just want him/us to be happy but I feel like I'm never enough for him. He keeps coming up with put downs and random insults that he says are jokes but it still hurts. E.g. He said to me on the weekend that he used to have sex 20 times a week but with me it's less because I'm "not as attractive" as his exes...(!?)

He is my first "serious" relationship, whereas he has had a lot of girlfriends in the past. I've never had a relationship before because of things that have happened I find it hard to trust people...and he makes this very difficult with his "jokes" about cheating on me after he goes out on a weekend. Even if they are jokes, they still stick in my mind. And I honestly have no idea what I've done to deserve it.

I hope it's just uni stress as the dissertation deadline is approaching. But he's made me feel so rubbish lately I can't help think that maybe he's doing it on purpose so that I'll break up with him, as he wouldn't want to be the 'bad guy' and do it to me (he said I'm the only "nice girl" he's gone out with...)

I don't know what to do, whether to talk to him (although I don't want to annoy him more!) or just leave it for a bit and see how it goes. I'm so confused!

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Oops, I meant *Wednesday nights and *Thurs Morning :redface:

Reply 2

Climbontoyourseahorse

His behaviour isn't on. Sure, it's likely that you and him won't last forever and I'm sure you realise that, but it's not something you say to your girlfriend. It's not fair that he keeps making these hints that he's doubting the relationship and doesn't see it going anywhere, but doesn't actually tell you where that leaves you. The comments about his exes are unacceptable -there is banter, and there is taking it too far, and this is the latter. He shouldn't be comparing you to his exes, especially in a negative way. Same for the cheating jokes. You could talk to him about it and explain how you feel (I know you find this hard, but if you feel this is the best option, try your best) or you could just finish with him. This relationship seems to be causing you quite a bit of unhappiness (understandably) and you are far better than that. You're a nice girl, but you will not be messed with and disrespected.
If anyone should be bored, it should be you with his crap behaviour.

Reply 3

Symph

Have you told him how these 'jokes' make you feel? It sounds like it's difficult for you to express that you're upset by what he's said but if it's really getting you down tell him to grow up and treat you like a girlfriend rather than someone he can pick on. Otherwise, if you let it carry on, he'll continue to think his behaviour is acceptable because you never say anything back.

Dissertation deadline is no excuse for his behaviour either, and I doubt you've done anything to deserve it. If he's been through that many relationships maybe he's finding it difficult to cope with having a girlfriend who treats him well? Some people do invent reasons to retaliate when someone is supportive towards them after having a previous bad experience. Perhaps he is worried about getting too attached to you, hence saying he couldn't see you together forever? A sort of, hurt you before you hurt him type thing.

Alternatively he might just be a douche. It really depends how much you want to be with him. If the majority of the time you feel bad rather than good, maybe rethink the relationship. Also, don't be afraid that you'll annoy him by talking. If he lashes out at you for trying to sort out the problems that you're having then it may tell you something.

Reply 4

Colour Me Pretty

He sounds like a complete prick. Why are you still with him!?

Reply 5

Ayshizzle

You know what, it probably will be uni stress. This is a crap time of year for most finalists, just try and talk to him about it. In a month or so when the hell's over you'll both have clearer minds and be able to work through whatever it is =)

Reply 6

Converse

Original post by Anonymous

Lately he has been acting really strange. He's very snappy, not very talkative and seems annoyed all the time. He called me today as he was going to stay at mine - he asked me what I was doing, and I said I was reading. He then replied "**** it I'll just go home then" which I was surprised at. He came round in the end but only stayed for an hour (he usually stays around mine Thursday nights as we have a lecture together Fri morning and it saves him commuting early).

It's Wednesday today. That's why he didn't stay over :smile:

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Converse

It's Wednesday today. That's why he didn't stay over :smile:

Yeah, just realised, I meant Thurs morning :redface:

Reply 8

Hanzing

Original post by Anonymous

He keeps coming up with put downs and random insults that he says are jokes but it still hurts. E.g. He said to me on the weekend that he used to have sex 20 times a week but with me it's less because I'm "not as attractive" as his exes...(!?)

and he makes this very difficult with his "jokes" about cheating on me after he goes out on a weekend. Even if they are jokes, they still stick in my mind. And I honestly have no idea what I've done to deserve it.

Seriously? I cant believe he says things like that. Its not ok that he's putting you down like that hun, you deserve better than that. Sure talk to him and tell him how its making you feel and see what happens, but if it doesnt get any better just walk away.. Jeez what a jerk.

Reply 9

AreYouDizzeeBlud_x

Original post by Anonymous

Lately he has been acting really strange. He's very snappy, not very talkative and seems annoyed all the time.

He can be really nice and normal to me one minute and next complains that I "never talk to him about anything."