Is it weird to want to wait until marriage to have sex?
Scroll to see replies
I'd only have pre-marital sex if I know for sure that I'm going to end up marrying this person. If not, I'd wait.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi so basically just what the title says, I'm a bit worried that I'll be unable to have a serious relationship because a lot of guys don't want to wait so long for sex :/ so is it weird? Should I just give up on it?
Don't give it up, it is what makes you special and rare. That alone is important. Don't follow the crowd and wait until you are ready. Integrity is hard to find and you have it, so value it and keep it.
Original post by Hydeman
I don't, and even if I did, I would not claim my sentiment to be evidence for an objective sexual morality as you are attempting to do. I've no reason to think that there's anything objectively reprehensible about intimacy/sex (and I'll take it that your answer to the question about kissing is that you don't think it acceptable) before marriage or with more than one person, so long as all parties are consenting.
I'm happy to defend my position on merit -- I'm not the one speculating about what the other believes 'deep down', so I can hardly be accused of peddling received wisdom.
What consequences are you referring to that would justify bringing back shame as a method of enforcing the morality of the few onto the many? There have been instances where it was justified to do so, but I don't see how premarital sex can be argued to be on the same level as those instances.
You seem to be labouring under the misconception that premarital sex = one night stands, necessarily, which ignores the great many people in committed relationships who either are not yet married or don't intend to marry at all and who do take their relationships and feelings seriously.
What frustrates me most about those who argue against premarital sex is the false dichotomy they usually draw between wanting to have and enjoy sex and being interested in a serious relationship. You don't seem able to accept that sex can be and is an integral part of a relationship for most people. Quite simply, one's willingness to have sex before marriage is not a litmus test of whether they are inclined to commitment or not -- that you need a written, legally-binding guarantee before you kiss/have sex with someone you're in a committed relationship with implies some trust issues, I think.
I don't in fact know this to be the case and therefore decline to accept that it is. In fact, I'm quite the traditionalist in many respects myself, so I do think it slightly unfair that you're trying to dismiss my view as a product of my gender.
I'm happy to defend my position on merit -- I'm not the one speculating about what the other believes 'deep down', so I can hardly be accused of peddling received wisdom.
What consequences are you referring to that would justify bringing back shame as a method of enforcing the morality of the few onto the many? There have been instances where it was justified to do so, but I don't see how premarital sex can be argued to be on the same level as those instances.
You seem to be labouring under the misconception that premarital sex = one night stands, necessarily, which ignores the great many people in committed relationships who either are not yet married or don't intend to marry at all and who do take their relationships and feelings seriously.
What frustrates me most about those who argue against premarital sex is the false dichotomy they usually draw between wanting to have and enjoy sex and being interested in a serious relationship. You don't seem able to accept that sex can be and is an integral part of a relationship for most people. Quite simply, one's willingness to have sex before marriage is not a litmus test of whether they are inclined to commitment or not -- that you need a written, legally-binding guarantee before you kiss/have sex with someone you're in a committed relationship with implies some trust issues, I think.
I don't in fact know this to be the case and therefore decline to accept that it is. In fact, I'm quite the traditionalist in many respects myself, so I do think it slightly unfair that you're trying to dismiss my view as a product of my gender.
As much I respect your views, I just hope you look at it logically and rationally with most cases and what the consequences can be. Then give your honest opinion. I really do not understand how you think it is ok to just have relationships with many people and not commit to one at all. Down the line you will be left torn apart unless you really don't give a dam about your life or to have one person with you. If that is the case all good for you as this is not relevant to you then.
I am not saying this just for sake of my opinion, because if that was the case tbh i would be the first in a relationship before marriage. But I look at it in a logic and most valuable manner.
I have seen many girls torn apart due relationships that like for a month or 2 and then break up and then another starts. As I havse seen them lose interest in relationships with time and they feel that they have felt soo attached to the person that they even hate themselves as it did not turn out right after months of being together.
Now for me it is important to choose carefully and someone who will from start accept commitment to you. Anf if you see the person and does not work out then fine...move on but the intimacy and worse sex can leave one torn apart as they will most likely not able to move on as they will become attached to the person.
Now that is for a girl most of the time...i am not sure about a guy as maybe most guys dont come into a relationship even thinking about commitment etc as serious as most girls.
My point is relationships should not be used to have sex and intimacy with another and then leave them the next minute. With kissing i am sorry but thag is intimacy and so will lead to another most probably one day or another.
Look at reality. I hope i have not upset you or offended. This is not my aim. I just like to get this thinking across although i have not properly lol bit oh well
Original post by SubZero~
I'd only have pre-marital sex if I know for sure that I'm going to end up marrying this person. If not, I'd wait.
Great
this is what i mean. Although i am totally against pre marital sex. And that even for that person one should wait until marriage actually happens. @Hydeman
i don't think it's "weird", it's your choice, but i personally wouldn't wait: i think you shouldn't be afraid of being hurt, because love doesn't have to last foreverto be 'true love'. i read a good article about this (true love) just this morning, here's the link: http://www.thebookoflife.org/why-true-love-doesnt-have-to-last-forever/
Original post by Sophhhowa
I'm Catholic so therefore against sex before marriage. After all when u get married you are saying u want to be with that person forever so why would you ahve sec before marriage and be willing to make a baby with someone you are not willing to stay with?
Have you heard of contraception? Oh wait, I forgot Catholics are against it
Original post by Anonymous
Hi so basically just what the title says, I'm a bit worried that I'll be unable to have a serious relationship because a lot of guys don't want to wait so long for sex :/ so is it weird? Should I just give up on it?
It's not weird at all, it's entirely your choice when you decide to be sexually active. If you really do feel that you want to wait until marriage and that is a vital part of your morals/beliefs or just emotions then that's completely okay, and any guy you're with should respect that completely or else they're not worth your time
don't let anyone pressure you into sex - bowing to pressure is not consent. However, feel free to enjoy it safely if you're ready to and able to consent, as there is nothing wrong with this either you do not /lose/ anything when you have sex for the first time - 'losing your virginity' does not mean you're any less of a person after or have anything missing that you had before. It is entirely down to personal choice and belief.(edited 7 years ago)
Don't concern yourself with what is weird.
Concern yourself with what you want out of life.
Concern yourself with what you want out of life.
Your decision. Do what you want to do regardless of opinions of others.
You want to stay a Virgin. Go for it
You want to have sex with many partners. Go for it.
Your body your choice
Posted from TSR Mobile
You want to stay a Virgin. Go for it
You want to have sex with many partners. Go for it.
Your body your choice
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Hi so basically just what the title says, I'm a bit worried that I'll be unable to have a serious relationship because a lot of guys don't want to wait so long for sex :/ so is it weird? Should I just give up on it?
Its your choice and you have every right to that choice.
I wouldnt do it and i wouldnt date someone who did feel tjhat way
People have already said what I think.
But tbh, I wouldn't want to be abysmal in bed. Women are very difficult to please sexually. It takes experience and multiple partners to really gauge what to do. It's not a one size fits all solution, one woman likes what another woman would hate, you have to be able to adapt so sure you might make your gf come but apply the same tekkers to other women and it might not work. I wouldn't want my first time with my wife to be awkward, uncomfortable with no sense of rhythm or timing and just having a complete lack of understanding of anatomy would just be frustrating to both parties, it would kill the intimacy and romance and defeat the entire purpose.
But tbh, I wouldn't want to be abysmal in bed. Women are very difficult to please sexually. It takes experience and multiple partners to really gauge what to do. It's not a one size fits all solution, one woman likes what another woman would hate, you have to be able to adapt so sure you might make your gf come but apply the same tekkers to other women and it might not work. I wouldn't want my first time with my wife to be awkward, uncomfortable with no sense of rhythm or timing and just having a complete lack of understanding of anatomy would just be frustrating to both parties, it would kill the intimacy and romance and defeat the entire purpose.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by UB2 Representin
No its what everyone should be doing not only through volition but as a actual legal requirement. Your personal pleasures are ultimately totally irrelevant, you are here to serve and submit to allah, family and community in that order.
what is it about your little sky fairy and being a total kill joy?
Original post by silverbolt
what is it about your little sky fairy and being a total kill joy?
Public Dawah is not joyless. Instant gratification is ugly in the extreme. Bear in mind its westerners that think a 30 min ceremony in an office constitutes a stylish and prosperous start to married life.
I am 18, I am have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we haven't had sex and want to wait until marriage for these reasons:
1. Sex only works if it is for the other person,rather than each person going into it for their own benefit. If both people goin for themselves, both will seek their own pleasure and go away disappointed.If both seek to serve and pleasure one another they will be able to fulfiltheir desires and any pleasure for themselves will be a bonus. Before marriage,sex cannot be entirely for the other person, because before marriage, sex islikely to be driven by lust, because lust will not wait. Love will wait, andyou can only know that the love between you and your partner and the ultimateact of that love (sex) is driven by love, not lust, if you make it wait. Thatis why I am waiting. Because I want to starve all of the lust out of myrelationship with my partner until only love remains, and sex driven by love isthe only sex that is fulfilling. Sex driven by lust satisfies momentarily, butthen it will only want more. Lust has no destination, and will never fully besatisfied. Therefore, you cannot give someone sex if it isbefore marriage- you can only take it from them and they can only take it fromyou.
1. Sex only works if it is for the other person,rather than each person going into it for their own benefit. If both people goin for themselves, both will seek their own pleasure and go away disappointed.If both seek to serve and pleasure one another they will be able to fulfiltheir desires and any pleasure for themselves will be a bonus. Before marriage,sex cannot be entirely for the other person, because before marriage, sex islikely to be driven by lust, because lust will not wait. Love will wait, andyou can only know that the love between you and your partner and the ultimateact of that love (sex) is driven by love, not lust, if you make it wait. Thatis why I am waiting. Because I want to starve all of the lust out of myrelationship with my partner until only love remains, and sex driven by love isthe only sex that is fulfilling. Sex driven by lust satisfies momentarily, butthen it will only want more. Lust has no destination, and will never fully besatisfied. Therefore, you cannot give someone sex if it isbefore marriage- you can only take it from them and they can only take it fromyou.
Additionally, my other reasons are
Waiting for sex grows your self-respect, and yourrespect for your person,
The honour with which you eventually receive thegift of sex.By waiting, you practise depriving yourself ofwhat you want now (sex) , so that you can have what you want most (the best sex(in marriage)), which increases your self-control.1
If you wait until marriage to have sex, contraceptionis never an issue, and there is never an unwanted pregnancy, because you arehaving sex when you are ready for it to fulfil its purpose, when, like thefather son and holy spirit exploded with love and had to make something to love(us), two people explode with love and want to make something out of the loveto show the love, to bless with the love. In evolutionary terms, sex isfunctional it is an action with an outcome. If (stats x%) are usingcontraception to stop this outcome, surely there is some kind of distortion inthe very thesis of sex, and how separated sexual intercourse has become, fromsexual reproduction. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against contraception, I thinkcontraception is a convenient tool in the context of family planning, howeverin the same way that the bulimic tendency to stop the natural process ofdigestion by eating (action) and inhibiting the outcome (digestion) by purging andthis triggers the recognition of a problem in our minds, the selectiveinhibition of contraception, where we stop the natural process of reproductionby having sex (action) and inhibiting the outcome, surely, similarly, there isa problem. This thesis brings forth the belief that a couple should only havesex if and when they are ready to have a child, and in the same way, only usecontraception after this point. If you’re contemplating having sex with yourpartner, ask yourself: Am I ready to have a baby? If not- Don’t have sex. Evenwith contraception there is a 3% chance of conception. If so- Go ahead- have sex.
Waiting for sex grows your self-respect, and yourrespect for your person,
The honour with which you eventually receive thegift of sex.By waiting, you practise depriving yourself ofwhat you want now (sex) , so that you can have what you want most (the best sex(in marriage)), which increases your self-control.1
If you wait until marriage to have sex, contraceptionis never an issue, and there is never an unwanted pregnancy, because you arehaving sex when you are ready for it to fulfil its purpose, when, like thefather son and holy spirit exploded with love and had to make something to love(us), two people explode with love and want to make something out of the loveto show the love, to bless with the love. In evolutionary terms, sex isfunctional it is an action with an outcome. If (stats x%) are usingcontraception to stop this outcome, surely there is some kind of distortion inthe very thesis of sex, and how separated sexual intercourse has become, fromsexual reproduction. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against contraception, I thinkcontraception is a convenient tool in the context of family planning, howeverin the same way that the bulimic tendency to stop the natural process ofdigestion by eating (action) and inhibiting the outcome (digestion) by purging andthis triggers the recognition of a problem in our minds, the selectiveinhibition of contraception, where we stop the natural process of reproductionby having sex (action) and inhibiting the outcome, surely, similarly, there isa problem. This thesis brings forth the belief that a couple should only havesex if and when they are ready to have a child, and in the same way, only usecontraception after this point. If you’re contemplating having sex with yourpartner, ask yourself: Am I ready to have a baby? If not- Don’t have sex. Evenwith contraception there is a 3% chance of conception. If so- Go ahead- have sex.
also:
We don’t want to open our presents beforeChristmas. We don’t even want to tare of a corner, or shake them or feel them.We want to wait patiently until Christmas and know that whatever we open inthat time, it will be perfect, because we understand it in the context of theperson we have grown to love so dearly. The vulnerability involved in sex can only bejustified in marriage, and before marriage it is more often destructive thananything else. 3. When you wait for sex, you don’t get bored ofthe little things. In fact, the little things, like holding hands, a peck onthe cheek, become more significant and special, and this is sustained intomarriage. If you jump straight to sex before marriage, it is often the onlyaffection that is understood as a true expression and that is ‘enough’. If youwait until marriage to have sex, within marriage, sex is very significant andthe little things are massive too.
We don’t want to open our presents beforeChristmas. We don’t even want to tare of a corner, or shake them or feel them.We want to wait patiently until Christmas and know that whatever we open inthat time, it will be perfect, because we understand it in the context of theperson we have grown to love so dearly. The vulnerability involved in sex can only bejustified in marriage, and before marriage it is more often destructive thananything else. 3. When you wait for sex, you don’t get bored ofthe little things. In fact, the little things, like holding hands, a peck onthe cheek, become more significant and special, and this is sustained intomarriage. If you jump straight to sex before marriage, it is often the onlyaffection that is understood as a true expression and that is ‘enough’. If youwait until marriage to have sex, within marriage, sex is very significant andthe little things are massive too.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- How far into a relationship do you usually ask about virginity?
- At what age do you first have sex?
- Is it weird to be 23 and single?
- Virginity
- Who am I supposed to date/marry?
- 22 year old male virgin, can tinder be used to hook up on nights out?
- Questions for the honest men real answers-anyone and all answering appreciated!
- do u regret losing ur virginity
- Watching porn because I "can't" have a girlfriend?
- does casual relationship imply sexual?
- Husband has never been physically intimate with me
- What's your age and body count?
- Boyfriend all of a sudde wants to get married after I started making a lot of money?
- Does body count matter ?
- Relationships
- Advice please brothers and sisters (muslim)
- Masturbating - is it okay?
- sex for the first time?
- Modern dating
- I'm 19 and i have urge to lose my virginity. What advice can you give me as a male
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
