Boyfriend dumped me cause of my past

Can someone please help me? I am not one who likes to talk about my past. I mean why would I? There are times he has asked me about it and i have only talled bits about it. I believe I have the right to not want to talk about something. Not because I'm worried about him knowing it, i just don't see what is so important about it. I made my peace with it, learned, and moved on. He has never asked about my virginity, but when we started dated I confided in him that he was my first and i was indeed a virgin. Now, i been with this man for 2 years and 5 months and he had recently went snooping through my facebook messages and stumbled across a message where it said that i lost my virginity to someone else. Instead, of talking to me about it he went off on his emotions and broke up with me. So, i went to go see him the next day to explain myself and explain that i never lost my virginity in high school. I simply lied about my virginity in high school because i wanted to fit in. I was childish and wanted to be seen as a

Reply 1

VaticanCameos

20

Firstly could you confront him about snooping in your messages? That seems like an invasion of privacy to me. Secondly, if you've tried to reason with him- explain the situation and he's still not communicating with you, maybe it's best to give him space? Then at the end of the day, if he's not willing to get over this then maybe you're better off without?

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Reply 2

DrSocSciences

19

Your behaviour is perfectly normal. His isn't. Although you were together for a fairly long time, it sounds much healthier to me to for you to regard this relationship as over. But you probably won't, as controlling dynamics usually perpetuate unhappiness.

Reply 3

Another

21

The title of this thread should read "It's taken me two and a half years, but I finally dodged a bullet"

Reply 4

BowlOfFruit

7

Whilst going through someone's messages is a breach of privacy, it is often the best way to find out exactly what's up with certain people (liars, cheaters etc). I wouldn't condone it but I have done it myself albeit rarely, and more out of curiosity than genuine distrust or jealousy/paranoia. I'm confused by the title though because if you were a Virgin then what past is there to talk about? Also everyone else dismissing this guys reaction are just ignoring the fact that, to him,this person just lied about her virginity, so what else could she have lied about (not saying this is the case, just what it may look like to him). You'll need to give him some time to realise you're being genuine, if he still acts this way then it's not worth it

Reply 5

username2393237

21

Original post by BowlOfFruit

Whilst going through someone's messages is a breach of privacy, it is often the best way to find out exactly what's up with certain people (liars, cheaters etc). I wouldn't condone it but I have done it myself albeit rarely, and more out of curiosity than genuine distrust or jealousy/paranoia. I'm confused by the title though because if you were a Virgin then what past is there to talk about? Also everyone else dismissing this guys reaction are just ignoring the fact that, to him,this person just lied about her virginity, so what else could she have lied about (not saying this is the case, just what it may look like to him). You'll need to give him some time to realise you're being genuine, if he still acts this way then it's not worth it

He went snooping and found an online post that wasn't true. Who'd thunk it? It's wrong wrong wrong and there is no justification. It shows a lack of trust. A relationship is over as soon as the trust is breached, regardless of what they find or don't find. Chances are someone will keep looking if they don't find anything the first time

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(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 6

BowlOfFruit

7

Original post by YaliaV

He went snooping and found an online post that wasn't true. Who'd thunk it? It's wrong wrong wrong and there is no justification. It shows a lack of trust. A relationship is over as soon as the trust is breached, regardless of what they find or don't find. Chances are someone will keep looking if they don't find anything the first time

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Again, I can't agree because personally I have done it and A. it wasn't for those reasons and B. my relationships have been long, lasting a long time after an incident of 'snooping', either me or them doing the 'snooping'. If you blindly trust anyone you're with because they act nice or w/e then to be fair you're just being foolish. You don't HAVE to read messages to trust someone, but it is one method of doing so

Reply 7

loveleest

21

Wow, men can be really insecure.

Reply 8

Another

21

Original post by BowlOfFruit

Whilst going through someone's messages is a breach of privacy, it is often the best way to find out exactly what's up with certain people (liars, cheaters etc). I wouldn't condone it but I have done it myself albeit rarely, and more out of curiosity than genuine distrust or jealousy/paranoia. I'm confused by the title though because if you were a Virgin then what past is there to talk about? Also everyone else dismissing this guys reaction are just ignoring the fact that, to him,this person just lied about her virginity, so what else could she have lied about (not saying this is the case, just what it may look like to him). You'll need to give him some time to realise you're being genuine, if he still acts this way then it's not worth it

If you find something slightly suspicious about someone you've been dating for two and a half years, it's time to use your big boy words and at least attempt a conversation with your other half. Not blow up. He didn't even seem to stay around for the words "I was in highschool and talking chit" to be uttered by the OP! Sounds like the kind of person who would break up with her over a rumour too.

Reply 9

BowlOfFruit

7

Original post by Another

If you find something slightly suspicious about someone you've been dating for two and a half years, it's time to use your big boy words and at least attempt a conversation with your other half. Not blow up. He didn't even seem to stay around for the words "I was in highschool and talking chit" to be uttered mby the OP! Sounds like the kind of person who would break up with her over a rumour too.

Oh don't get me wrong he is definitely handling everything very poorly, and acting childish to boot. I was just suggesting how he may be feeling because this thread was very much one-sided and there's always two sides to every story

You're weird lady.

In all honesty, he sounds like a total mug tbh. Why not just say to him straight up, "it was a highschool lie and if I did bang another guy before you, it was before I met you?". How can you even get pissed over that, no offence to you or your bf/ exbf

Boyfriend dumped me cause of my past

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