Housemate's parent reported other flatmate's weed - help
Hi, my girlfriend lives with someone we both know and that persons dad reported their flatmates because he saw weed in the kitchen when dropping some stuff of. While I understand that my girlfriend has nothing to do with that particular situation, they've both been through a lot of disturbance with the people whose weed it was. The flatmates the weed belonged to have caused a lot of hassle with noise and untidiness in the kitchen area and so a lot of tension has built up between them. I don't want my girlfriend to dragged into this particular instance because 1. she has literally nothing to do with it and 2. i get that there would be social stigma surrounding the fact that they were reported. I myself wouldn't have reported the issue and I know for a fact that she wouldn't either as she's ignored it so far after putting up with this sort of thing since september. I'm just worried about her and how the others will react as this is a very recent issue and the people she lives with sound like they can be aggressive sometimes. I know I'm probably overthinking it but I was wondering if I could get a little reassurance or advice.
Hey, I've just popped this into a new thread for you as I think you'll get more replies this way 
Well, it looks like your gf's main concern is making sure she's not associated, so she needs to have a calm conversation with the flat mates father directly, sit him down and explain her part in this (well, lack of thereof). If he is doubtful she should offer to take a drug test to prove (she had nothing to hide anyway and even just offering clears her name)
She may want to save the friend also I assume. If the above interaction goes well, she'll hopefully have gained some trust off of the father. Next step would be to point out that calling the police (hopefully he hasn't already) will cause a scene. She needs to tell him that it will look badly on her and the daughter, and no one wants this.
A good idea would be to set up a meeting then with the weed rommate and the father, and get her to say she's sorry and that she will seek Councelling or something of thag nature. Hopefully if it's at all possible she can bring her parents too so it looks more proper. It's important to tell the weed girl to bring her parents and say this is because otherwise its deal with cops, so that she will comply; (it's her only way of getting out of trouble with the law) the parents will be disappointed enough (hopefully) and the father will fell like the girl is getting adequately punished (hopefully) and it will look better if she has parents present because it looks like a girl that just briefly went down a bad path, and if she says she'll seek help (talk groups, Councelling whatever) in front of her parents it won't look like she's just saying that.
However, failing this, makes sure the gf clears her own name first, the weed roommate was the stupid one to not put it away in a proper place, if she gets done it DEFINITELY should not be the GFs problem, the weed girl was the dumb one here.
She may want to save the friend also I assume. If the above interaction goes well, she'll hopefully have gained some trust off of the father. Next step would be to point out that calling the police (hopefully he hasn't already) will cause a scene. She needs to tell him that it will look badly on her and the daughter, and no one wants this.
A good idea would be to set up a meeting then with the weed rommate and the father, and get her to say she's sorry and that she will seek Councelling or something of thag nature. Hopefully if it's at all possible she can bring her parents too so it looks more proper. It's important to tell the weed girl to bring her parents and say this is because otherwise its deal with cops, so that she will comply; (it's her only way of getting out of trouble with the law) the parents will be disappointed enough (hopefully) and the father will fell like the girl is getting adequately punished (hopefully) and it will look better if she has parents present because it looks like a girl that just briefly went down a bad path, and if she says she'll seek help (talk groups, Councelling whatever) in front of her parents it won't look like she's just saying that.
However, failing this, makes sure the gf clears her own name first, the weed roommate was the stupid one to not put it away in a proper place, if she gets done it DEFINITELY should not be the GFs problem, the weed girl was the dumb one here.
Thank you, it’s very appreciated 😊
And thank you for the advice, as far as I’m aware there’s been no direct contact with the police so I’m not sure what extent they will be involved, if at all. The report was made to the accommodation security team who I presume removed the weed and now want to search the rooms of the flatmates (not my gf). I’ll let her know to make sure she’s not involved in anyway, I’m just concerned she may be targeted given the history of the flat. I understand my opinion is bias but she’s been on the recieving end of the weed flatmates living habits for so long. Whenever she says anything to them it’s thrown back in her face and I don’t want that to be the case with this as it has larger implications. I’ll let them know of what you’ve said though, thanks again for the advice 😊
Original post by OliverJohnson
And thank you for the advice, as far as I’m aware there’s been no direct contact with the police so I’m not sure what extent they will be involved, if at all. The report was made to the accommodation security team who I presume removed the weed and now want to search the rooms of the flatmates (not my gf). I’ll let her know to make sure she’s not involved in anyway, I’m just concerned she may be targeted given the history of the flat. I understand my opinion is bias but she’s been on the recieving end of the weed flatmates living habits for so long. Whenever she says anything to them it’s thrown back in her face and I don’t want that to be the case with this as it has larger implications. I’ll let them know of what you’ve said though, thanks again for the advice 😊
At my uni, it's pretty rare that they involve the police in matters of drugs, unless it's something serious or looks as though it's been use to supply rather than personal use. Security would be the ones to remove it, and then it's referred to the Dean of Students to deal with as per disciplinary process.
As others have said, if she's really not taken it, then it'll probably be fairly evident!
Original post by OliverJohnson
And thank you for the advice, as far as I’m aware there’s been no direct contact with the police so I’m not sure what extent they will be involved, if at all. The report was made to the accommodation security team who I presume removed the weed and now want to search the rooms of the flatmates (not my gf). I’ll let her know to make sure she’s not involved in anyway, I’m just concerned she may be targeted given the history of the flat. I understand my opinion is bias but she’s been on the recieving end of the weed flatmates living habits for so long. Whenever she says anything to them it’s thrown back in her face and I don’t want that to be the case with this as it has larger implications. I’ll let them know of what you’ve said though, thanks again for the advice 😊
It seems 2 me that your gf would be miles ahead without the weedhead in the flat with her. Particularly, if she aspires to a government or other job that will require a security clearance at some point. Best of luck to the both of you.
Based on my understanding of what you've said; I wouldn't worry too much about it, just be clear to your girlfriend to let you know if she becomes concerned about her flatmates behaviour towards her.
To be honest, it sounds like they are doing some pretty typical student sort of things (not to say all or even most students are like this, or to justify their behaviour), and not being very nice to live with, but that doesn't mean they are thoroughly bad people who would target her with threats or anything like that. Even if they are very annoyed, they're probably smart enough to realise that even the girl whose father made the report, let alone your girlfriend, had nothing to do with the actual report itself. And even if they didn't, after already being reported they're unlikely to want to go and make it worse by doing something that will make your girlfriend report them for something else.
I'd advise her to just stay calm, and not mention it and it will most likely blow over; if they do bring it up (whether that be directly or through snide comments) she could calmly say 'I'm sorry that the report was made but that was nothing to do with me (she can add 'or the other girl' if she wishes, as it was her dad not her), so please don't involve me/us in this.' or something similar.
To be honest, it sounds like they are doing some pretty typical student sort of things (not to say all or even most students are like this, or to justify their behaviour), and not being very nice to live with, but that doesn't mean they are thoroughly bad people who would target her with threats or anything like that. Even if they are very annoyed, they're probably smart enough to realise that even the girl whose father made the report, let alone your girlfriend, had nothing to do with the actual report itself. And even if they didn't, after already being reported they're unlikely to want to go and make it worse by doing something that will make your girlfriend report them for something else.
I'd advise her to just stay calm, and not mention it and it will most likely blow over; if they do bring it up (whether that be directly or through snide comments) she could calmly say 'I'm sorry that the report was made but that was nothing to do with me (she can add 'or the other girl' if she wishes, as it was her dad not her), so please don't involve me/us in this.' or something similar.
(edited 6 years ago)
Housemates dad is an interfering d***.
The point of living away from home is to cut the apron ties, learn to be self sufficient and how to deal with sometimes difficult situations with tact and diplomacy.
Young people do stupid things that they later regret. All the interference has done is to potentially alienate and isolate his daughter and cause her more consternation rather than reaching a mutually acceptable solution.
Better hope this does not escalate into a tit-for-tat war.
The point of living away from home is to cut the apron ties, learn to be self sufficient and how to deal with sometimes difficult situations with tact and diplomacy.
Young people do stupid things that they later regret. All the interference has done is to potentially alienate and isolate his daughter and cause her more consternation rather than reaching a mutually acceptable solution.
Better hope this does not escalate into a tit-for-tat war.
Original post by uberteknik
Housemates dad is an interfering d***.
The point of living away from home is to cut the apron ties, learn to be self sufficient and how to deal with sometimes difficult situations with tact and diplomacy.
Young people do stupid things that they later regret. All the interference has done is to potentially alienate and isolate his daughter and cause her more consternation rather than reaching a mutually acceptable solution.
Better hope this does not escalate into a tit-for-tat war.
The point of living away from home is to cut the apron ties, learn to be self sufficient and how to deal with sometimes difficult situations with tact and diplomacy.
Young people do stupid things that they later regret. All the interference has done is to potentially alienate and isolate his daughter and cause her more consternation rather than reaching a mutually acceptable solution.
Better hope this does not escalate into a tit-for-tat war.
Unfortunately, this 'dealing with sometimes difficult situations', could result in the daughter being denied government employment, security clearances, and being barred from ever being a solicitor or an elected official. This would adversely affect her 'earning power', and could result in her 'rents having to support her for the rest of her life. I can well understand the parent's reaction. If she were living on her own, and not in the same domicile as the pot-head, that is one thing, but she is NOT. Normally, when the 'rents retire, the children are self-sufficient, and able to 'help out' the 'rents if necessary. When they are barred from gainful employment that pays a decent amount, this no longer works. Right now, the fatality rate in the US due to drug overdoses (self administered) exceeds fatalities from firearms and motor vehicles. Both of the latter are about 10.3 per 100,000. 2/3 of the firearm deaths are suicides. The drug overdose rate is about 19.8 per 100,000. So the overdose death rate far exceeds the vehicle death rate plus the non-suicide gun death rate. Obviously, drugs are a major problem. I sympathize with the father. He should see about getting his daughter out of the shared living arrangement. Better for her to live by herself in a basement flat, than be exposed to what she is presently exposed to. Cheers.
Tell them to PUT IT AWAY next time.
Original post by Rabbit2
Unfortunately, this 'dealing with sometimes difficult situations', could result in the daughter being denied government employment, security clearances, and being barred from ever being a solicitor or an elected official. This would adversely affect her 'earning power', and could result in her 'rents having to support her for the rest of her life. I can well understand the parent's reaction. If she were living on her own, and not in the same domicile as the pot-head, that is one thing, but she is NOT. Normally, when the 'rents retire, the children are self-sufficient, and able to 'help out' the 'rents if necessary. When they are barred from gainful employment that pays a decent amount, this no longer works. Right now, the fatality rate in the US due to drug overdoses (self administered) exceeds fatalities from firearms and motor vehicles. Both of the latter are about 10.3 per 100,000. 2/3 of the firearm deaths are suicides. The drug overdose rate is about 19.8 per 100,000. So the overdose death rate far exceeds the vehicle death rate plus the non-suicide gun death rate. Obviously, drugs are a major problem. I sympathize with the father. He should see about getting his daughter out of the shared living arrangement. Better for her to live by herself in a basement flat, than be exposed to what she is presently exposed to. Cheers.
Lol.
Complete paranoid overreaction.
She has no drugs in her system, she does not have drugs in her possession, she does not deal in drugs, no money laundering traceable to her.
How will she ever get a criminal conviction to deny her work?
So it was reported and she must now live with potential consequences. Sleep with one eye open.
I'm of the opinion the dad was right. Personally the smell of it make me sick and I would hazard a guess that weed is against any tenancy agreement. I' get the flatmate with week evicted. If you gf did that then there would be no more problematic housemates.
Original post by uberteknik
Lol.
Complete paranoid overreaction.
She has no drugs in her system, she does not have drugs in her possession, she does not deal in drugs, no money laundering traceable to her.
How will she ever get a criminal conviction to deny her work?
So it was reported and she must now live with potential consequences. Sleep with one eye open.
Complete paranoid overreaction.
She has no drugs in her system, she does not have drugs in her possession, she does not deal in drugs, no money laundering traceable to her.
How will she ever get a criminal conviction to deny her work?
So it was reported and she must now live with potential consequences. Sleep with one eye open.
Oh yes???? I don't know what the procedure is on your side of the pond, but if you are 'present' when 'distributable' quantities of drugs are found - i believe in NYC that this amounts to something over 3 grams of Coke, you will be charged with possession with intent to distribute (along with everyone else present), unless one individual acknowledges ownership of the drugs. This means that if 3 strangers pick you up, because your car is broken down, and if they are stopped by police who find the drugs in the car, while they are taking you to a garage, you have an excellent chance of doing 12 to 15 years behind the bars. This is despite the fact that you are from another state, have a disabled car along the interstate with tags on it from your home state, and don't know any of these people.
The same goes if you are attending a party with a bunch of students. If the place is raded, and they find a 'distributable quantity' [amount varies with what it is], you can do 12 to 15 - even though you don't know anyone at the party. I never went to student parties whilst i was an undergraduate for that reason. Drugs were 'taking off' in 1968-69, and i didn't want to be 'nabbed'. Cheers.
Original post by Guru Jason
I'm of the opinion the dad was right. Personally the smell of it make me sick and I would hazard a guess that weed is against any tenancy agreement. I' get the flatmate with week evicted. If you gf did that then there would be no more problematic housemates.
lol at all of this tbh.
Original post by Wilfred Little
lol at all of this tbh.
what, the smell of it makes me want to vomit. i dont have anything against it per say, just dont do it within my general vacinity.
Original post by uberteknik
Lol.
Complete paranoid overreaction.
She has no drugs in her system, she does not have drugs in her possession, she does not deal in drugs, no money laundering traceable to her.
How will she ever get a criminal conviction to deny her work?
So it was reported and she must now live with potential consequences. Sleep with one eye open.
Complete paranoid overreaction.
She has no drugs in her system, she does not have drugs in her possession, she does not deal in drugs, no money laundering traceable to her.
How will she ever get a criminal conviction to deny her work?
So it was reported and she must now live with potential consequences. Sleep with one eye open.
No, i'ts NOT paranoid. For 15 yrs i used to work for the Fed Govt. One of my duties was 'getting people cleared' for classified work. According to state law in most states here, if you are PRESENT in a domicile [flat, house, etc] at the time of a drug bust, and if 'salable quantities' of a drug are found [In NYC that is as little as 3 grams i believe], you are charged with drug trafficking. This is true if you just stopped in to ask directions, are from another state and know none of the inhabitants. In NYC, you will draw 12 to 15 years for that. And this is not the 'Criminal Protection Service' like you have in the Uk. You SERVE 12 before being eligible for parole. Now i don't know what the deal is in the Uk (as far as being present when drugs are found), but that's the deal here. The 'field investigators' make their investigation, and turn in your file. Then, the individuals that are 'adjudicating' your case look over your file. I have seen quite a few people rejected for employment for 'casual' drug use. Call this anything you like, but it's permanent - there is no 'time-out' period. It's like a felony conviction. You might say: "Oh, i robbed that drug store ages ago. I should be able to own a gun now and vote!!" Nope. Lasts for a lifetime. Cheers.
Original post by Guru Jason
what, the smell of it makes me want to vomit. i dont have anything against it per say, just dont do it within my general vacinity.
Makes you want to vomit
The smell is not that bad and I don't even smoke, most people's cooking will smell far worse. The way people overreact to weed on here is cringe worthy.I think uberteknik makes a good point about this person's dad.
Original post by Rabbit2
No, i'ts NOT paranoid. For 15 yrs i used to work for the Fed Govt. One of my duties was 'getting people cleared' for classified work. According to state law in most states here, if you are PRESENT in a domicile [flat, house, etc] at the time of a drug bust, and if 'salable quantities' of a drug are found [In NYC that is as little as 3 grams i believe], you are charged with drug trafficking. This is true if you just stopped in to ask directions, are from another state and know none of the inhabitants. In NYC, you will draw 12 to 15 years for that. And this is not the 'Criminal Protection Service' like you have in the Uk. You SERVE 12 before being eligible for parole. Now i don't know what the deal is in the Uk (as far as being present when drugs are found), but that's the deal here. The 'field investigators' make their investigation, and turn in your file. Then, the individuals that are 'adjudicating' your case look over your file. I have seen quite a few people rejected for employment for 'casual' drug use. Call this anything you like, but it's permanent - there is no 'time-out' period. It's like a felony conviction. You might say: "Oh, i robbed that drug store ages ago. I should be able to own a gun now and vote!!" Nope. Lasts for a lifetime. Cheers.
I accept that may be the case for the U.S.
The situation with weed here in the U.K. is somewhat different. Provided the police officer is satisfied that the quantity of drugs found are less than a certain amount and deemed for personal use, then the person in possession would be given a verbal warning, perhaps a spot fine of £90 and their details recorded. That's as far as it goes. No criminal record that will show up on the standard Disclosure Barring Service checks.
This was discussed previously on TSR with peoples actual experience of being found in possession offered.
If the quantity found is above a threshold amount, along with cash, mobile phones etc. in a public space, then the officer may arrest the suspect for suspected dealing. It still does not mean the case will get to court though.
The police and Criminal Prosecution Service need to be convinced that a conviction would be secured if they progressed to court and doing so would be in the public interest.
Simply being in the same building shared by others who may or may not be personal users or even a dealer, will not be sufficient evidence to secure a conviction for that person. The police have a bit more latitude for judgement and a student halls of residence is the sort of place where kids will spliff for fun.
The U.K. statistic is 1 in 4 cannabis users are charged by police in the U.K. and arrests and cautions have fallen by 50% since 2010.
The biggest issue in the U.K. (as with the U.S.) is the ethnic group of the potential offender is profiled, with black males 500% more likely to be charged with possession.
(edited 6 years ago)
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