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Over 2 year relationship and things are looking bad. watch

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    Ive been with my girlfriend for 2 years and 3 months and 1 day exactly and i honestly love her, and she says she loves me too. but she also recently came out with that she has lost her spark for me, and we havent been having sex much at all and she is hardly ever in the mood anymore.
    also she has 5 males friends, who are obsessed with her and i have to hear about them all of the time, I cant help but feel jealous and she can't understand that she shouldnt have male best friends when you are in a close relationship.
    she says because she's only 18 she wants to be free and not have affect her decisions, and various other heartbreaking things, that have all come out recently because of exam stress and university pressure.
    I just dont know what to do, for weeks now ive been waiting for her to make up her mind but it's getting me down and i cant take it. this weekend together was great, however she went to a part last night, and didnt want me to come because i dont get on with her friends and she doesnt want it to be awkward and for me to ruin the party. she's wonderful at hurting me these days. That just makes me think she doesnt want me there so she can **** about and do whatever she likes. what else am i meant to think. also one reason im so insecure about it is that early in our relationship she cheated on me, but cried her eyes out over it, and made up for it and earnt my trust again, but i guess not completely.
    i really love her and cant bear it without her, but this it all too much, i feel like she's suddenly become afraid of commitment. should i just end it and stop waiting for her to reach a decision. or maybe threaten it, so she stop ****ing me about. my brother says it's obvious im unhappy and i need to do something. sorry for rambling and not being straight to the point.
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    Talk to her. Sorry to hear that she is saying things like that, but its unfair of her to keep you on edge like that so seriously talk to her and ask her what she wants. If you don't you will just keep feeling this crap and wondering whats going on in her head.

    Hope you feel better soon
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    Ouch, poor you, you don't sound happy at all.

    If she's cheated on you it doesn't sound like you're going to get the trust and happiness back very soon. She doesn't seem to want to be tied down in a relationship atm but you do because you love her. Does she realise what she's doing to you? Let her know because she may not be fully aware of how she's making you feel.

    In my opinion it sounds like it needs to be YOU making your mind up, not her. From what you've told us you've done nothing wrong but she definitely has. Do you really want to carry on getting hurt? It doesn't sound like you feel she's worth it anymore.

    PM if you want to talk
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    aw this sounds bad sometimes the spark does just go. maybe you should break up and not drag it out. and just be grateful for the good times you both had
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    It'll happen I'm afraid, she's moving to/plugging through university (stage ambiguous), she's looking ahead to a new stage of her life and her subconscious has already decided you're not gonna be in it. It's standard not to have sex after a couple of years. I wouldn't say the cheating is remotely relevant, people get in way too much of a tizzy about that. She probably is receiving some sort of non-physical sexual thrill from her male friends by leading them on, which is pretty much fair enough, we all enjoy the chase. I also certainly wouldn't guess she's saying hurtful things deliberately so it's up to you to confront her a bit. I'm sure you can do so like adults. If it was me I'd get it over with sooner rather than later so you two will have recovered a bit by the time she (and you?) go (back) to university.
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    (Original post by Arekkusu)
    It'll happen I'm afraid, she's moving to/plugging through university (stage ambiguous), she's looking ahead to a new stage of her life and her subconscious has already decided you're not gonna be in it. It's standard not to have sex after a couple of years. I wouldn't say the cheating is remotely relevant, people get in way too much of a tizzy about that. She probably is receiving some sort of non-physical sexual thrill from her male friends by leading them on, which is pretty much fair enough, we all enjoy the chase. I also certainly wouldn't guess she's saying hurtful things deliberately so it's up to you to confront her a bit. I'm sure you can do so like adults. If it was me I'd get it over with sooner rather than later so you two will have recovered a bit by the time she (and you?) go (back) to university.
    You've basically explained most of my fears. But yes it's honest.
    We were on the phone two hours ago, and i was getting sick of hearing "i dont know", so i said " i love you hannah, but this hurts, so im going to hang up and im not going to talk to you unless you call back and are clear on what you want." she called back within 15 minutes, saying the same old stuff, so i hung up and texted her explaining why. she still hasnt called. i cant sleep.
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    (Original post by ApplePi)
    Ouch, poor you, you don't sound happy at all.

    If she's cheated on you it doesn't sound like you're going to get the trust and happiness back very soon. She doesn't seem to want to be tied down in a relationship atm but you do because you love her. Does she realise what she's doing to you? Let her know because she may not be fully aware of how she's making you feel.

    In my opinion it sounds like it needs to be YOU making your mind up, not her. From what you've told us you've done nothing wrong but she definitely has. Do you really want to carry on getting hurt? It doesn't sound like you feel she's worth it anymore.

    PM if you want to talk
    I do feel she's worth is, but with all this and University work and worrying that im affecting her work. I just dont want to make her work harder for her. no i dont want to carry on getting hurt, but i cant get through the day without knowing how she is.
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    (Original post by Tali_91)
    Talk to her. Sorry to hear that she is saying things like that, but its unfair of her to keep you on edge like that so seriously talk to her and ask her what she wants. If you don't you will just keep feeling this crap and wondering whats going on in her head.

    Hope you feel better soon
    I do ask he what she wants. she says im the most attentive and caring person she knows, and i always make my best possible effort for her. But she can't explain properly what's wrong or what she wants, It's driving me mad.
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    Just. ****ing. Leave.
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    she's finally contacted me, she said " dont let the bed bugs bite. goodnight, i do lover you . xxx"

    i really hope things work out.
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    (Original post by Shibbldib)
    she has lost her spark for me ... she is hardly ever in the mood anymore ... she's wonderful at hurting me these days ... she cheated on me
    Someone needs to pick their partners a little more carefully.. it sounds like it's too late to man up and take the bull by the horns, by all means try but get ready to dump the ***** because it sounds like that's what it's gonna take for you to begin to be happy again..
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    (Original post by Shibbldib)
    Ive been with my girlfriend for 2 years and 3 months and 1 day exactly and i honestly love her, and she says she loves me too. but she also recently came out with that she has lost her spark for me, and we havent been having sex much at all and she is hardly ever in the mood anymore.
    also she has 5 males friends, who are obsessed with her and i have to hear about them all of the time, I cant help but feel jealous and she can't understand that she shouldnt have male best friends when you are in a close relationship.
    And that's where I lost all sympathy for you.

    She can be best friends with whoever she likes. If you don't think she can have male best friends without there being sexual undertones then you can't be very trusting. Relationships which involve one partner vetting who can and can't be friends with the other partner aren't healthy at all.
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    (Original post by Shibbldib)
    You've basically explained most of my fears. But yes it's honest.
    We were on the phone two hours ago, and i was getting sick of hearing "i dont know", so i said " i love you hannah, but this hurts, so im going to hang up and im not going to talk to you unless you call back and are clear on what you want." she called back within 15 minutes, saying the same old stuff, so i hung up and texted her explaining why. she still hasnt called. i cant sleep.

    Sorry OP, it doesn't sound good for your relationship. Leave her alone until she gives you a definitive answer. :console:
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    her male best friends who have told her they love her while we are together
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    (Original post by Shibbldib)
    Ive been with my girlfriend for 2 years and 3 months and 1 day exactly and i honestly love her, and she says she loves me too. but she also recently came out with that she has lost her spark for me and we havent been having sex much at all and she is hardly ever in the mood anymore.
    This sounds like a common thing that happens in long term relationships. She sounds bored. Usually after a few years sex has become like a task and it seems like the same old (correct me if i'm wrong). Have you tried new toys, new positions, new things (e.g. bdsm)?


    (Original post by Shibbldib)
    she has 5 males friends, who are obsessed with her and i have to hear about them all of the time, I cant help but feel jealous and she can't understand that she shouldnt have male best friends when you are in a close relationship.

    Why can't she? Are you worried that because she cheated on you before that she will cheat on you again with these 5 male friends? I thought you forgave her? You sound like you're controlling her. Have you ever thought that this may make her feel unhappy? In my opinion a good boyfriend would let their partner go to a party full of naked men, trust her not do anything and at the end of the night go home to him. She has 5 male friends and you should respect that.


    (Original post by Shibbldib)
    exam stress and university pressure.
    Sounds like you need to leave her to breathe and get on with her work. She has commitments and you have commitments. Relationships aren't all chocolates and roses. People lead busy lives. If you're absent for a good few days she'd understand.

    (Original post by Shibbldib)
    she went to a part last night, and didnt want me to come because i dont get on with her friends and she doesnt want it to be awkward and for me to ruin the party. she's wonderful at hurting me these days. That just makes me think she doesnt want me there so she can **** about and do whatever she likes.
    Whoah, she needs space!! She needs time to herself sometimes with her friends. While she is chilling with her friends you could have had a party with your friends instead of wanting to tag along with her and make her feel like she has nowhere to go. Myself i'm not the jealous type. My girlfriend could party every night and have fun. I would trust her not to cheat on me.


    (Original post by Shibbldib)
    also one reason im so insecure about it is that early in our relationship she cheated on me, but cried her eyes out over it, and made up for it and earnt my trust again, but i guess not completely.

    You should have finished her if you couldn't have forgiven her. It would have been the best thing to do. Girls are good at crying to get something from a guy. I know it's not very nice watching girls cry but sometimes it's necessary to say no and hurt her.

    (Original post by Shibbldib)
    i really love her and cant bear it without her, but this it all too much, i feel like she's suddenly become afraid of commitment. should i just end it and stop waiting for her to reach a decision. or maybe threaten it, so she stop ****ing me about. my brother says it's obvious im unhappy and i need to do something. sorry for rambling and not being straight to the point.
    It doesn't sound like she's afraid of commitment IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE WANTS TO BREATHE. Your brother is right. It's obvious that you may be happier if you finish this relationship and move on. Let her live and face your demons before you go into another serious relationship.

    If you love her you will do the right thing - open the gate and let her out into the wild.
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    If you wanted to finish her, you should have done it when she cheated. Now you feel obliged to stick around.
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    Thankyou for the advice. jblackmoustache had alot of good points, and yes i'll give her space.
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    Im ending it. today, so that sucks. but it's probably best. thanks everyone.
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    (Original post by Shibbldib)
    Im ending it. today, so that sucks. but it's probably best. thanks everyone.
    This is really sad; i'm sorry I'm actually drawing a lot of similarities to your situation and mine, though yours is more severe of course.. We're here if you need to talk after though hope it goes ok!
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    (Original post by Shibbldib)
    I do ask he what she wants. she says im the most attentive and caring person she knows, and i always make my best possible effort for her. But she can't explain properly what's wrong or what she wants, It's driving me mad.
    I don't envy the situation you're in, but she is being a bit unfair on you. Surely she knows what she's doing to you and how she's hurting you?
 
 
 
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