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How long did it take you to get over first serious relationship? watch

  • View Poll Results: How long did it take you to get over first gf/bf
    < 1 Month
    21
    17.80%
    1 - 3 Months
    19
    16.10%
    4- 6 Months
    14
    11.86%
    6 - 12 Months
    28
    23.73%
    1 Year +
    23
    19.49%
    2 Year +
    13
    11.02%

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    22 years and counting.... am almost 40 now!!! so you know.

    Met this lass when I was 17, and was really happy, changed the way I lived my life back then, had to move away for a little while, but would head back to spend some time with her every 2 weeks for the long weekend. Was the first lass that I truly loved, and after I turned 18, she was also my first sexual partner!

    At the time I was residing mainly at my mums house,( not cool ), and when it was time for me to move on, I foolishly came north to Aberdeen, mainly to see my dad!

    I did go back down to see her after 3 months, but she had already moved on with a guy I know, ( one of my school mates ). Have not heard from her since, and still think about her all the damned time.

    Have had some relationships since then, but am always comparing then to my "first"!

    Anyhoo, time for me to have a quick relationship with my cooker and get supper on the go. :cool:

    Hugz fae me to you all!
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    A year!
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    (Original post by DeepStar)
    Its one of the reasons why most people that end on bad terms, sometimes regret how it ended because when they think about them, it wasn't all bad. My grandmother is very cheesy when it comes to such things and believe you shouldn't regret anything that makes you happy. You grow because of that experience.

    It is different when the person leaves you but even then, I don't think I'd feel anger but more upset. Then again, whilst some good things come to an end, others don't even start so I should learn to be more appreciative I guess.

    It's human nature to reminisce about the good memories. And its good that you have hope to meet someone who will give you even better memories that you will cherish together. I hope you find her
    Aww cheers for that

    I really do hope I find her too :P

    Im not really angry about the situation now, I was then, but then I just realise that its a learning experience which will hopefully make me a better person in the long run!

    The only reason I was angry was that I looked at the guy who she left me for and I thought that I was honestly better than him. He's been prison, got no education, no career and a criminal record, at the grand age of 17, whereas I have aspirations to go to uni and come out with a great degree soon. I was just questioning her motives for leaving me for him in the first place.

    But hey, I'm past that and I can now find someone who's better (hopefully!).
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    (Original post by wardy333)
    These things can take any amount of time depending on you, how the relationship ended and what calibre of relationship it was. I reckon upwards of 6 months, but finding someone else can really help things, if you're willing to open up your heart again and you're not simply terrified of being hurt again.
    Best of luck getting over her lad.
    I hope it's quick for you
    Regards,
    Samuel.
    Cheers for your words mate, kindly appreciated.

    Its been roughly 8 weeks since she split up with me and we've had arguments within those 8 weeks, but right now, we are still on talking terms.

    And I know that it will take me a long time to say the words 'I love you' to someone else in fear of getting hurt, and I'm one of those people who won't say I love you unless I truly mean it.

    But yeah, university is dawning on me and so its probably the best for us to head down separate roads anyways
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    i was with my ex for 9 months and loved him to bit....things changed we boke up end of feb and im only been over him recently
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    (Original post by AbzWayne)
    22 years and counting.... am almost 40 now!!! so you know.

    Met this lass when I was 17, and was really happy, changed the way I lived my life back then, had to move away for a little while, but would head back to spend some time with her every 2 weeks for the long weekend. Was the first lass that I truly loved, and after I turned 18, she was also my first sexual partner!

    At the time I was residing mainly at my mums house,( not cool ), and when it was time for me to move on, I foolishly came north to Aberdeen, mainly to see my dad!

    I did go back down to see her after 3 months, but she had already moved on with a guy I know, ( one of my school mates ). Have not heard from her since, and still think about her all the damned time.

    Have had some relationships since then, but am always comparing then to my "first"!

    Anyhoo, time for me to have a quick relationship with my cooker and get supper on the go. :cool:

    Hugz fae me to you all!
    Wow, 22 years, thats a really long time!

    But I will probably compare any other future partners to my first, as she did long me unconditionally for much of the relationship but decided that someone else deserved her love more than I did

    I'm still progressing 2 months on from when we broke up, but right now, we are still on talking terms and I've forgiven her for what she's done and wished her all the best. I just don't like holding grudges on anyone :P
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    (Original post by surina_xxx)
    i was with my ex for 9 months and loved him to bit....things changed we boke up end of feb and im only been over him recently
    Shame to hear that

    Hope you can move on quickly and find someone to is right for you!
    • #3
    #3

    my first one took about a year to get over and we went out for a year and a half.

    the last one is still going on. we went out for 3 years and broke up 6 months ago. still no way over it yet. but recently decided to cut contact. probably the best move i ever made, but things still hurt a lot. i really want to speak to him cos i miss him, but i know talking will make things worse - especially when we have to work together in 4 months time. argh.
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    (Original post by Kikaykun)
    Aww cheers for that

    I really do hope I find her too :P

    Im not really angry about the situation now, I was then, but then I just realise that its a learning experience which will hopefully make me a better person in the long run!

    The only reason I was angry was that I looked at the guy who she left me for and I thought that I was honestly better than him. He's been prison, got no education, no career and a criminal record, at the grand age of 17, whereas I have aspirations to go to uni and come out with a great degree soon. I was just questioning her motives for leaving me for him in the first place.

    But hey, I'm past that and I can now find someone who's better (hopefully!).
    Your welcome

    Often how we feel in the heat of the moment or when a big decision is made changes over time and as we reflect on it, we realize that it happened for a reason and that we are stronger because of it. It takes experience to know good decision from bad, good judgement of character also comes with time and experience.

    It happens, people often do things and make decisions that somewhat confuse us but then again, we don't know how far the ripples of the decisions we make go, so all we can do is just move on.

    I'm glad you are past it now, some people never get past it. I have no doubt that one day you'll find someone who cherishes you as you cherish them. Have a bit of faith and of course, hope
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    I voted with hope that it will only be 6-12 months.

    Was with my ex three n half years.... he broke up with me...and he's still messing me about.

    It helps that he's being horrible now and trying it on because it makes me forget that we were so close. However he was my best friend and that's hard to forget.

    It's been nearly 5 months and I'm getting there.... But I think I'll still miss him for a few months yet.

    I think meeting other people helps. I am yet to do that, but fingers crossed! haha
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    Not long, but she used to give the best footjob ever
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    (Original post by moshing-fairy)
    I voted with hope that it will only be 6-12 months.

    Was with my ex three n half years.... he broke up with me...and he's still messing me about.

    It helps that he's being horrible now and trying it on because it makes me forget that we were so close. However he was my best friend and that's hard to forget.

    It's been nearly 5 months and I'm getting there.... But I think I'll still miss him for a few months yet.

    I think meeting other people helps. I am yet to do that, but fingers crossed! haha
    Ahaha, I hope you do get over him in that time period as well!

    I got messed about alot when she got with the other guy. She would say that she still wanted me in her life as we connected on so many levels and that she loved talking to me. So when I continued to talk to her, she would tell me to **** off and that I was talking to her too much and that her new bf didn't like us two talking

    That went on for a while until I decided that enough was enough and that she was just a bad influence on my life, making my moods up and down constantly every single time I think about her. So cutting all contact was the best thing I did and it worked!

    But yeah, meeting other people works wonders as well, and even talking to and opening up to friends you wouldn't normally talk to works as well, as every input or advice is another step to you getting over him!
    • #4
    #4

    My most recent relationship will probably have been the one I was most committed to, for many different. Ended very recently. I voted 6-12 months, may have been over, definitely around a year.
    I think it was more like 10.

    Then a few months after being in that one I was in this one. One year later, I've at least left this one with a bit of self respect. I think it's very easy to get this whole victim complex thing.

    The fact that I'm seething at anger, and the word ***** springs to mind, only goes to show whilst I'm not over it, I've at least got the ability to recognise that she was unintentionally walking all over me. It didn't help her case that she tried to make me split up with her so she didn't split up with me.

    Back on topic though, I think the line is a lot blurrier than the OP, and most people, allow.
    I can be over something, then have it triggered and not be over it any-more. Our psyches are very complicated, more than we give credit to them, binary things like being over or not being over aren't that simple. And just because you're over something at one time, it does not follow you will always be over that something.
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    I'm not sure entirely. I got into another relationship (with my current bf) much too quickly after my first love and I don't think I was fully over him till 18 months later when my current and I were going through rocky patch and I almost lots him. I don't really like to say I'm over him though, there will always be a special place for him in my heart and I will always love him, but he is no longer the man I want to marry and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.
    • #5
    #5

    9 months after 30 months together. And it was only because I found someone else.
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    (Original post by Kikaykun)
    Just wondering how long it took you guys to get over your first relationship/love/gf/bf.

    Just came out of mine, been with her for a year and it took about 2 months to not have any emotions when thinking about her.

    She found someone else and I'm single pringle, but I'm happier that way

    Thoughts?
    You don't really get over a person- you just learn to live with the pain... and even when you find another person, you still continue to carry the memories of that relationship with you
    • #6
    #6

    known each other about 6 years. we were together about 3months (officially)... we broke up, thought i was over him after a month, 6months later i realised i loved him...we got back together january this year (having broken up last april)...so in answer to the question-dont think i could ever be over him :s
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    (Original post by malaikah)
    You don't really get over a person- you just learn to live with the pain... and even when you find another person, you still continue to carry the memories of that relationship with you
    Ahaha, wise words

    But what happens if there is no pain anymore? Before, every time I thought of her and her new bf, I was sick with jealousy and my stomach turned. But now, I talk to her on occasions (don't make too much of a habit doing it though) and when I think about her, I don't have any emotions.

    So technically speaking, I'm not living with the pain as I don't feel any pain :P

    But I've always been a very logical person who doesn't like to mix a lot of emotions in these situations. It's the classic Head vs Heart argument and I'm a firm believer of the Head! The head knows best

    So that may be the reason why I got over her fairly quickly and that she doesn't cause me pain anymore. But everybody is different and this might be the way I cope with things
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    known each other about 6 years. we were together about 3months (officially)... we broke up, thought i was over him after a month, 6months later i realised i loved him...we got back together january this year (having broken up last april)...so in answer to the question-dont think i could ever be over him :s
    Congrats with getting back together!

    Mine was kinda similar. I didn't realise the extent to how much I loved her until she went off with her current boyfriend. It probably was the case of taking her for granted and missing something more when you realise that you don't have it.

    Time to time I would think 'if only I did that, we would of still been together' and if that happened, how our lives would of played out now, but that's just little daydreams I have But after meeting a couple of new people and starting a new friendships, its been a hella lot easier to cope!
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    I can't really answer as simple as this.
    Even though I was the one who broke up, and even though I know it's better that way. The first weeks were pure hell. It was like going through cold turkey because I got addicted to that emotion of love. It caused some sleepless nights. I was going out flirting like crazy and it was very easy to get girls to sleep with. But no girl fascinated me, which was quite frustrating.

    After about two month I didn't think about her often anymore and I felt a lot better, but when I did think of her I got enraged at the thought that she could feel like this to others than me. I had to really control myself when this came up.

    With time it got better and better. After 6 months she didn't affect me at all I only thought of her as a relationship I once had — for better or worse. But then one year later she wanted to meet up, because she will be moving away and wants to be friends etc. It was boring, but when she was kind of flirting with some guy (can't even tell if it really was or not) I got upset and felt very stupid for having invested emotions into this girl who falls for the cheapest of flirts; no way playful or especially appealing. Especially since usually I lose interest very easily in girls that are easy to seduce, whether they are pretty or not.

    So yeah It didn't affect my life after six months. But to get completely over her it took more than a year.
 
 
 
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