How is your relationship with your mum?

I've hated my mum ever since she walked in on me masterbating to foot porn

I get on well with pretty much all my family...

Hehe, parents eh? They f**k you up. My mum was so afflicted by neuroses throughout my childhood that she was indeed a negative influence in my life for many years. Her negativity caused me to behave in equally unhelpful ways. It was a complex pattern of destructiveness that we both contributed to, and both blamed eachother for. But she is just a person, and I don't blame her. She was stressed a lot of the time due to work (which she had to do, to keep a roof over me and my sisters heads!); and she of course had relationship problems. Our relationship changed when I became old enough to start thinking properly for myself. However, it took a while to get rid of all the negative behavioural patterns that had been built up in me over the years... Thesedays, we're cool. Whereas before I would hate her for her weakness, and she would react defensively as a result (meaning arguments), now I accept her as she is. She is still marred by depression from time to time, but it doesn't affect me anymore.

Nobody is perfect. You won't be at her age, either. But you can use your experiences as a basis for learning and understanding why people behave in such ways; and use this knowledge to your benefit. When/if you ever have children, the knowledge you have gained from experience will mean you won't fall into the unconscious trap your mum seems to have fell into; and so your relationship with your children will be better.

My mum was the reason for my low self esteem.

She hated me for no reason. I cried every night because i didnt know why I was hated. She never talked to me she talked to my friends and they loved her but ignored me. I still dont know why I was hated so much.
I envied all the girls who could talk to their mum.

We have a good relationship now but it felt like i never had a mum until i was 16.

I sex up with pretty much all my family...

Hehe, parents eh? They f**k you up. My mum was so afflicted by neuroses throughout my childhood that she was indeed a negative influence in my life for many years. Her negativity caused me to behave in equally unhelpful ways. It was a complex pattern of destructiveness that we both contributed to, and both blamed eachother for. But she is just a person, and I don't blame her. She was stressed a lot of the time due to work (which she had to do, to keep a roof over me and my sisters heads!); and she of course had relationship problems. Our relationship changed when I became old enough to start thinking properly for myself. However, it took a while to get rid of all the negative behavioural patterns that had been built up in me over the years... Thesedays, we're cool. Whereas before I would hate her for her weakness, and she would react defensively as a result (meaning arguments), now I accept her as she is. She is still marred by depression from time to time, but it doesn't affect me anymore.

Nobody is perfect. You won't be at her age, either. But you can use your experiences as a basis for learning and understanding why people behave in such ways; and use this knowledge. Be fit. When/if you ever have children, the knowledge you have gained from experience will mean you won't fall into the unconscious trap your mum seems to have fell into; and so your relationship with your children will be better.