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I HATE my dad!
I've tried to avoid saying this tbh but I literally can't stand him any longer. His mere presence in the house turns the whole atmosphere toxic, he just rants and raves about the tiniest thing and it just depresses me every time I hear him going off on one.
It's not just me either, my mum and sister both despise him and he either does not realise it or just chooses to ignore it and it's just so awkward. I've spoken to my mum about the way he treats her and his foul use of language around my little brother, and although she recognises it, she just seems so reluctant to do anything about this situation. We've confronted him before about this and he just avoids the subject or changes it so nothing's ever resolved.
It's not always a constant thing so i guess it makes it easy to 'forget' when he does make a scene but i'm always waiting for the next time. I just can't stand it and there's no one I can talk to about it (hence this post) and I actually wish my mum would just leave him.
He's shouting his head off as I write this, I just tried to confront him and all I receive is the same abuse my mum gets. I just don't know what to do anymore and I don't like feeling this way towards him, I want a good relationship with him because he's my dad but I really don't see that happening any time soon.
Sorry for the long post, I just had to rant!
It's not just me either, my mum and sister both despise him and he either does not realise it or just chooses to ignore it and it's just so awkward. I've spoken to my mum about the way he treats her and his foul use of language around my little brother, and although she recognises it, she just seems so reluctant to do anything about this situation. We've confronted him before about this and he just avoids the subject or changes it so nothing's ever resolved.
It's not always a constant thing so i guess it makes it easy to 'forget' when he does make a scene but i'm always waiting for the next time. I just can't stand it and there's no one I can talk to about it (hence this post) and I actually wish my mum would just leave him.
He's shouting his head off as I write this, I just tried to confront him and all I receive is the same abuse my mum gets. I just don't know what to do anymore and I don't like feeling this way towards him, I want a good relationship with him because he's my dad but I really don't see that happening any time soon.
Sorry for the long post, I just had to rant!
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If reasoning has failed, it's time for all of you affected to draw up an ultimatum and present it to him.
There is a very thin line between 'ranting and raving' and domestic abuse, if you ever feel in immediate danger do not hesitate in contacting the police.
Have strength and faith.
Josh
There is a very thin line between 'ranting and raving' and domestic abuse, if you ever feel in immediate danger do not hesitate in contacting the police.
Have strength and faith.
Josh
yes, calling the cops may help if you think he's going to be imminently violent...
If they come and are presented with a shouting or angry man (the thing is, psychopaths have the ability to lie with the straightest of faces... everything's fine officer, in which case make it clear that you would not call the police if everything wasn't fine) they'll take him away from you for a while.
If they come and are presented with a shouting or angry man (the thing is, psychopaths have the ability to lie with the straightest of faces... everything's fine officer, in which case make it clear that you would not call the police if everything wasn't fine) they'll take him away from you for a while.
Original post by QwertyG
Just ride it out till you go uni
And what about her mum and her little brother?
Is there anyway that you can all sit down and present it to him exactly how he acts and treats you guys?
It doesn't sound as if he is being particularly fair to any of you if he is a bit Jekyll and Hyde but like stated in the above posts, if you feel you or your mum or any member of your family for that matter is in imminent danger please call the police.
It doesn't sound as if he is being particularly fair to any of you if he is a bit Jekyll and Hyde but like stated in the above posts, if you feel you or your mum or any member of your family for that matter is in imminent danger please call the police.
Original post by wannabeartist89
And what about her mum and her little brother?
just gotta live with I guess..
The topic pretty much sums how my house has been like for the past 17 years (in similar situation)
Trust me I know what you're going though, I wish I could give you some advice but I generally don't know what the best thing to say is. I didn't want to leave without saying anything having read how upset you are. So I'll say this, try and reason with your mother, I was in a similar situation and when I actually got the chance to properly talk with my mum we decided to leave and we are both so much happier for so doing so. He may not be being physical but the way he treats you and your family is still abusive and you deserve better.
Original post by Anonymous
I've tried to avoid saying this tbh but I literally can't stand him any longer. His mere presence in the house turns the whole atmosphere toxic, he just rants and raves about the tiniest thing and it just depresses me every time I hear him going off on one.
It's not just me either, my mum and sister both despise him and he either does not realise it or just chooses to ignore it and it's just so awkward. I've spoken to my mum about the way he treats her and his foul use of language around my little brother, and although she recognises it, she just seems so reluctant to do anything about this situation. We've confronted him before about this and he just avoids the subject or changes it so nothing's ever resolved.
It's not always a constant thing so i guess it makes it easy to 'forget' when he does make a scene but i'm always waiting for the next time. I just can't stand it and there's no one I can talk to about it (hence this post) and I actually wish my mum would just leave him.
He's shouting his head off as I write this, I just tried to confront him and all I receive is the same abuse my mum gets. I just don't know what to do anymore and I don't like feeling this way towards him, I want a good relationship with him because he's my dad but I really don't see that happening any time soon.
Sorry for the long post, I just had to rant!
It's not just me either, my mum and sister both despise him and he either does not realise it or just chooses to ignore it and it's just so awkward. I've spoken to my mum about the way he treats her and his foul use of language around my little brother, and although she recognises it, she just seems so reluctant to do anything about this situation. We've confronted him before about this and he just avoids the subject or changes it so nothing's ever resolved.
It's not always a constant thing so i guess it makes it easy to 'forget' when he does make a scene but i'm always waiting for the next time. I just can't stand it and there's no one I can talk to about it (hence this post) and I actually wish my mum would just leave him.
He's shouting his head off as I write this, I just tried to confront him and all I receive is the same abuse my mum gets. I just don't know what to do anymore and I don't like feeling this way towards him, I want a good relationship with him because he's my dad but I really don't see that happening any time soon.
Sorry for the long post, I just had to rant!
I think we have the same dad! I have just grown to completely ignore mine; to me he is like a lodger in the house. For instance, he just came home and walked into the living room where I was to get something and neither of us even acknowledged each other. I have openly discussed with my mum about the issues and she just thinks i'm overreacting, she seems to also 'forget' what he's like...luckily i'm at uni so I only have to put up with him in the holidays!
Original post by QwertyG
just gotta live with I guess..
The topic pretty much sums how my house has been like for the past 17 years (in similar situation)
The topic pretty much sums how my house has been like for the past 17 years (in similar situation)
Same. Parents haven't slept in the same room for aslong as I can remember, my Mum seems to function on auto pilot which is quite depressing to see.
We've talked about it a lot, divorce, moving out etc - it's not easy because obviously they've built up their lives together, she says 'It's just not worth it now, am I really going to up sticks and start things over at my age?" - it's a morbid outlook but it has some truth in it I suppose.
I rode it out untill university but now I'm back home for a few weeks before starting work and it's much the same.
exact same situation OP I've spoken to my mum about it and she said when she's gone she doesn't think me or my brothers will speak to him. Sad but true, he's chosen to be like this. I can't even leave for uni after next year because my parents want me to stay at home. So frustrating!
I've spoken to my mum about it and she said when she's gone she doesn't think me or my brothers will speak to him. Sad but true, he's chosen to be like this. I can't even leave for uni after next year because my parents want me to stay at home. So frustrating!The Psychopath - though this checklist is for criminal psychos, it still holds validity in everyday life.
Factor 1: Personality "Aggressive narcissism"
Glibness/superficial charm
Grandiose sense of self-worth
Pathological lying
Cunning/manipulative
Lack of remorse or guilt
Shallow affect (genuine emotion is short-lived and egocentric)
Callousness; lack of empathy
Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
Factor 2: Case history "Socially deviant lifestyle".
Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
Parasitic lifestyle
Poor behavioral control
Lack of realistic long-term goals
Impulsivity
Irresponsibility
Juvenile delinquency
Early behavior problems
Revocation of conditional release
Factor 1: Personality "Aggressive narcissism"
Glibness/superficial charm
Grandiose sense of self-worth
Pathological lying
Cunning/manipulative
Lack of remorse or guilt
Shallow affect (genuine emotion is short-lived and egocentric)
Callousness; lack of empathy
Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
Factor 2: Case history "Socially deviant lifestyle".
Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
Parasitic lifestyle
Poor behavioral control
Lack of realistic long-term goals
Impulsivity
Irresponsibility
Juvenile delinquency
Early behavior problems
Revocation of conditional release
This is crazy but you actually sound like your describing my dad.
My dad was an alcoholic since..well since I can remember and every time he was drunk he would start shouting and swearing and even fighting with random people at the bar or on the street. Living at home was always a nightmare I couldn't stand it he said so many horrible things to me and my sisters and punched my sister up and she simply stopped speaking to him and cut all contact with him.
We had to call the police on him as he came home drunk as always and started swearing and making threats at me and my then pregnant sister.
He doesnt drink anymore because he lost his job and "changed" despite this he still has anger issues and swears and rants about every damn thing. To be honest I'm 19 and after all these years I guess I got used to it and just block it.
I know exactly how you feel like you cant stand him in the house and the awkwardness, you just want to get away or run away somewhere far and never come back.
It's hard sometimes to speak to people that are close because they don't really understand. I said to someone I don't love my dad and the person started giving me a lecture about "his family" and all that crap but I honestly think blood only makes you related, If the person doesn't act like family or does not give you reason to have love for them then don't force yourself because they are family
I would advice you to stay strong, particularly for your mother and little brother, she may want to live him but maybe stays with him to keep the family together. You should try joining a recreational activity that will let you get out of the house and blow some steam off. Other than that I would say try your best to ignore him because clearly you cannot reason with him any more.
My dad was an alcoholic since..well since I can remember and every time he was drunk he would start shouting and swearing and even fighting with random people at the bar or on the street. Living at home was always a nightmare I couldn't stand it he said so many horrible things to me and my sisters and punched my sister up and she simply stopped speaking to him and cut all contact with him.
We had to call the police on him as he came home drunk as always and started swearing and making threats at me and my then pregnant sister.
He doesnt drink anymore because he lost his job and "changed" despite this he still has anger issues and swears and rants about every damn thing. To be honest I'm 19 and after all these years I guess I got used to it and just block it.
I know exactly how you feel like you cant stand him in the house and the awkwardness, you just want to get away or run away somewhere far and never come back.
It's hard sometimes to speak to people that are close because they don't really understand. I said to someone I don't love my dad and the person started giving me a lecture about "his family" and all that crap but I honestly think blood only makes you related, If the person doesn't act like family or does not give you reason to have love for them then don't force yourself because they are family
I would advice you to stay strong, particularly for your mother and little brother, she may want to live him but maybe stays with him to keep the family together. You should try joining a recreational activity that will let you get out of the house and blow some steam off. Other than that I would say try your best to ignore him because clearly you cannot reason with him any more.
I know how you feel, every time my Dad enters the room the atmosphere just turns black. Why doesn't your mum rid of him? Mine is finally doing it this year, something which she should have done around 8 years ago.
Original post by EffieFlowers
Why doesn't your mum rid of him? Mine is finally doing it this year, something which she should have done around 8 years ago.
It's just not that simple and there are so many factors to consider. The fact it took your Mum 8 years to do so pays testament to that.
Deep down I imagine the other half (this goes for my Mum as well) hopes that it will one day be the same as it used to be. There's a hell of a lot invested when you have a house, kids etc, it's not just a case of uping and moving.
In a sad way it's comforting that I'm not the only one in this situation. My dad has never been physically abusive (thankfully) so I don't really think it's necessary to bring the police into this. I've spoken to my mum though, and she adamant that the situation will change within the next 6 months so I guess that's comforting I just hope she actually follows through with it as I do worry that now they've been together for nearly 19 years, she sees no point in ending it.
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