Have you ever broken up with someone, then changed your mind and wanted them back?
If so, what was the initial reason for breaking up?
Do you think it can ever work if 2 people get back together after having problems previously? Or is it just a recipe for disaster.
I think with my ex the timing and circumstances weren't in our favour at all, must admit if it'd have been a different time and place it'd probably be very different.
Do you think it can ever work if 2 people get back together after having problems previously? Or is it just a recipe for disaster.
I think with my ex the timing and circumstances weren't in our favour at all, must admit if it'd have been a different time and place it'd probably be very different.
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I have never personally broken up with someone, i've usually been the one who has been dumped, or it was a mutual break up. My boyfriend broke up with me and i was devastated. He still adored me, I think he was going through a stage in his life where he felt he wasn't ready for commitment (I was planning to move cities to be with him). I believe that freaked him out. We still kept in touch over the proceding weeks of the break up, because as you can imagine, being the dumped, I wanted to be in his life either way. Eventually we hook up 5 weeks later after I had made that move anyway, and he regretted splitting with me and knew I was the love of his life after realising what it was like during that time apart. However, it's made me, understandably, nervous and mistrustful in case he dumps me again. It's hard to make that decision to go back to someone who dumped you, but I loved - love him.
It depends on the circumstances. My boyfriend never cheated, as far as i am aware, and I think it is natural to go through stages in a relationship and feel claustrophobic and always wondering whether the grass is greener. I know he probably did sleep around during that break, but we were single people, and that's what i have to accept. If one of the parties cheated, that is an entirely different matter, and i wouldnt get back with someone who cheated on me. If they were abusive, again i wouldnt get back with them. It depends whether you can both overcome the problems what were responsible for the break up in the first place.
What is your situation?
It depends on the circumstances. My boyfriend never cheated, as far as i am aware, and I think it is natural to go through stages in a relationship and feel claustrophobic and always wondering whether the grass is greener. I know he probably did sleep around during that break, but we were single people, and that's what i have to accept. If one of the parties cheated, that is an entirely different matter, and i wouldnt get back with someone who cheated on me. If they were abusive, again i wouldnt get back with them. It depends whether you can both overcome the problems what were responsible for the break up in the first place.
What is your situation?
No, I haven't, because before breaking up I always ensured that it was for serious, meaningful reasons, and not just on a whim.
My boyfriend and I once got to a stage where we agreed to leave it for a few reasons but i couldn't control myself with crying knowing how much i'd miss him and the more he thought about it the less he wanted to leave it. It took a while to get it going normally again but we got there and i think we're stronger for the experience.
Original post by Anonymous
I have never personally broken up with someone, i've usually been the one who has been dumped, or it was a mutual break up. My boyfriend broke up with me and i was devastated. He still adored me, I think he was going through a stage in his life where he felt he wasn't ready for commitment (I was planning to move cities to be with him). I believe that freaked him out. We still kept in touch over the proceding weeks of the break up, because as you can imagine, being the dumped, I wanted to be in his life either way. Eventually we hook up 5 weeks later after I had made that move anyway, and he regretted splitting with me and knew I was the love of his life after realising what it was like during that time apart. However, it's made me, understandably, nervous and mistrustful in case he dumps me again. It's hard to make that decision to go back to someone who dumped you, but I loved - love him.
It depends on the circumstances. My boyfriend never cheated, as far as i am aware, and I think it is natural to go through stages in a relationship and feel claustrophobic and always wondering whether the grass is greener. I know he probably did sleep around during that break, but we were single people, and that's what i have to accept. If one of the parties cheated, that is an entirely different matter, and i wouldnt get back with someone who cheated on me. If they were abusive, again i wouldnt get back with them. It depends whether you can both overcome the problems what were responsible for the break up in the first place.
What is your situation?
It depends on the circumstances. My boyfriend never cheated, as far as i am aware, and I think it is natural to go through stages in a relationship and feel claustrophobic and always wondering whether the grass is greener. I know he probably did sleep around during that break, but we were single people, and that's what i have to accept. If one of the parties cheated, that is an entirely different matter, and i wouldnt get back with someone who cheated on me. If they were abusive, again i wouldnt get back with them. It depends whether you can both overcome the problems what were responsible for the break up in the first place.
What is your situation?
This is EXACTLY what happened to me - even down to the amount of time we spent apart - except he was going to move in with me, not the other way round. We got back together in September 2011 and are still together
in fact we don't even count the split and consider ourselves to have been together for 4 years. It definitely can work!
Original post by snowyowl
This is EXACTLY what happened to me - even down to the amount of time we spent apart - except he was going to move in with me, not the other way round. We got back together in September 2011 and are still together in fact we don't even count the split and consider ourselves to have been together for 4 years.
It definitely can work!
in fact we don't even count the split and consider ourselves to have been together for 4 years. It definitely can work!
I can't begin to tell you how it felt being dumped, and i am sure you can relate. Id never been dumped before, and i was beside myself with grief, i am not joking. I was like a zombie and would be desperate to hear from him. I even wore his favourite hoody so I could smell him a lot of the time. It doesn't make me sad, that's what love can do to you. Im not young by the way, i am in my late twenties, so doesnt matter how old you are, love still hurts the same.
Did you find it hard and apprehensive kind of getting back with him, despite being elated that you were with him again? I've just spoken to him now, and he said hes so excited about the idea of us moving in together next July after his course finishes (how things changed), and how exciting it will be. It's lovely to hear them things of course, but ive heard them before and because i have been dumped by him previously, i try not to get too excited and not bank on potentially false promises.
I'd never been dumped before the way i had i meant, ive been dumped after a a couple of months, but not after nearly 3 years with someone..
Original post by Anonymous
I have never personally broken up with someone, i've usually been the one who has been dumped, or it was a mutual break up. My boyfriend broke up with me and i was devastated. He still adored me, I think he was going through a stage in his life where he felt he wasn't ready for commitment (I was planning to move cities to be with him). I believe that freaked him out. We still kept in touch over the proceding weeks of the break up, because as you can imagine, being the dumped, I wanted to be in his life either way. Eventually we hook up 5 weeks later after I had made that move anyway, and he regretted splitting with me and knew I was the love of his life after realising what it was like during that time apart. However, it's made me, understandably, nervous and mistrustful in case he dumps me again. It's hard to make that decision to go back to someone who dumped you, but I loved - love him.
It depends on the circumstances. My boyfriend never cheated, as far as i am aware, and I think it is natural to go through stages in a relationship and feel claustrophobic and always wondering whether the grass is greener. I know he probably did sleep around during that break, but we were single people, and that's what i have to accept. If one of the parties cheated, that is an entirely different matter, and i wouldnt get back with someone who cheated on me. If they were abusive, again i wouldnt get back with them. It depends whether you can both overcome the problems what were responsible for the break up in the first place.
What is your situation?
It depends on the circumstances. My boyfriend never cheated, as far as i am aware, and I think it is natural to go through stages in a relationship and feel claustrophobic and always wondering whether the grass is greener. I know he probably did sleep around during that break, but we were single people, and that's what i have to accept. If one of the parties cheated, that is an entirely different matter, and i wouldnt get back with someone who cheated on me. If they were abusive, again i wouldnt get back with them. It depends whether you can both overcome the problems what were responsible for the break up in the first place.
What is your situation?
Ahhh I can imagine how that would make you not trust him
that sucks. But I suppose it's relatively common to go through that sort of phase, I hope it all works out for you two 
He had developed depression again, some of which caused my his ex girlfriend cheating on him last year - he said the feelings just returned. It got hugely worsened by the fact that I'm moving away which would put an understandable strain on us. He felt it wasn't fair to be with me when he was ill and not in a good place to carry on a relationship... it just hurts hearing that he loves me and cares about me and whatnot but can't be with me right now. It makes me think maybe it'll happen again although the more reasonable part thinks maybe he just said it to soften the blow. He's away travelling currently, I'm afraid he'll just forget all about me. I want us to rekindle it, but idk if it's just wishful thinking.
Happened to me too - right at the start of my second year exam period (most difficult exams I've ever had to and will have to take for my time as a student anyway.) However, our time apart was 5 days rather than 5 weeks.
OP, I think getting back with someone who dumped you can work... It has worked, as you can see from me and the above. We're stronger because of it and although it hurt so much because, well, you're heart broken, it brings you closer. It may not necessarily be that you're riddled with devastation in your relationship. It may just be doubts and uncertainties due to large changes that have occurred in either one or both of your lives. Sometimes, a break up shows you what you're missing and how much you love the person. It's scary taking someone back, but in a sense I know at least what it'll feel like without him and that I can go on without him if it happens again. And if it does happen again believe me... Moving on will be much easier
Original post by Anonymous
I have never personally broken up with someone, i've usually been the one who has been dumped, or it was a mutual break up. My boyfriend broke up with me and i was devastated. He still adored me, I think he was going through a stage in his life where he felt he wasn't ready for commitment (I was planning to move cities to be with him). I believe that freaked him out. We still kept in touch over the proceding weeks of the break up, because as you can imagine, being the dumped, I wanted to be in his life either way. Eventually we hook up 5 weeks later after I had made that move anyway, and he regretted splitting with me and knew I was the love of his life after realising what it was like during that time apart. However, it's made me, understandably, nervous and mistrustful in case he dumps me again. It's hard to make that decision to go back to someone who dumped you, but I loved - love him.
It depends on the circumstances. My boyfriend never cheated, as far as i am aware, and I think it is natural to go through stages in a relationship and feel claustrophobic and always wondering whether the grass is greener. I know he probably did sleep around during that break, but we were single people, and that's what i have to accept. If one of the parties cheated, that is an entirely different matter, and i wouldnt get back with someone who cheated on me. If they were abusive, again i wouldnt get back with them. It depends whether you can both overcome the problems what were responsible for the break up in the first place.
What is your situation?
It depends on the circumstances. My boyfriend never cheated, as far as i am aware, and I think it is natural to go through stages in a relationship and feel claustrophobic and always wondering whether the grass is greener. I know he probably did sleep around during that break, but we were single people, and that's what i have to accept. If one of the parties cheated, that is an entirely different matter, and i wouldnt get back with someone who cheated on me. If they were abusive, again i wouldnt get back with them. It depends whether you can both overcome the problems what were responsible for the break up in the first place.
What is your situation?
Me and my boyfriend broke up halfway through my year abroad for various reasons, mostly the distance thing (although there's nearly 5 hours between us when I'm at university 
), but when I got back we realised it was a stupid thing to do and we were both stupid and now everything is all good.
), but when I got back we realised it was a stupid thing to do and we were both stupid and now everything is all good.
I believe circumstances are a major factor, if you still like each other go for it! But don't string him along! Why did you break up ? Was your relationship gd before you broke up? You're still friends at least. Not sure if the second anonymous post is u or someone else.
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Original post by Anonymous
Ahhh I can imagine how that would make you not trust him that sucks. But I suppose it's relatively common to go through that sort of phase, I hope it all works out for you two
He had developed depression again, some of which caused my his ex girlfriend cheating on him last year - he said the feelings just returned. It got hugely worsened by the fact that I'm moving away which would put an understandable strain on us. He felt it wasn't fair to be with me when he was ill and not in a good place to carry on a relationship... it just hurts hearing that he loves me and cares about me and whatnot but can't be with me right now. It makes me think maybe it'll happen again although the more reasonable part thinks maybe he just said it to soften the blow. He's away travelling currently, I'm afraid he'll just forget all about me. I want us to rekindle it, but idk if it's just wishful thinking.
that sucks. But I suppose it's relatively common to go through that sort of phase, I hope it all works out for you two He had developed depression again, some of which caused my his ex girlfriend cheating on him last year - he said the feelings just returned. It got hugely worsened by the fact that I'm moving away which would put an understandable strain on us. He felt it wasn't fair to be with me when he was ill and not in a good place to carry on a relationship... it just hurts hearing that he loves me and cares about me and whatnot but can't be with me right now. It makes me think maybe it'll happen again although the more reasonable part thinks maybe he just said it to soften the blow. He's away travelling currently, I'm afraid he'll just forget all about me. I want us to rekindle it, but idk if it's just wishful thinking.
Where is he travelling and how long has he been travelling?
Depression I understand, and it's thoughtful of him to consider the effect it could have on you. You are moving away also? For uni? Changes like this can put a huge amount of pressure on a relationship, I have been there and done that. This is the second time I have done long distance and it puts a massive strain on the both of us, it is HARD. It depends on how deep the love is between you guys. I knew my boyfriend adored me and knew it was a hard decision for him; i was in tears when he told me. But the fact he still kept in touch (not every day mind you), was enough to show that he still did and there was hope. I clung onto that hope like it was the last breath of oxygen on earth. I knew it was a dangerous thing to do, but i dont let go of things so easily before i really know sure its definitely dead in the water.
I am positive he wont forget about you, and he will prove that by keeping in touch, thats the only way you will know.
Original post by Anonymous
I can't begin to tell you how it felt being dumped, and i am sure you can relate. Id never been dumped before, and i was beside myself with grief, i am not joking. I was like a zombie and would be desperate to hear from him. I even wore his favourite hoody so I could smell him a lot of the time. It doesn't make me sad, that's what love can do to you. Im not young by the way, i am in my late twenties, so doesnt matter how old you are, love still hurts the same.
Did you find it hard and apprehensive kind of getting back with him, despite being elated that you were with him again? I've just spoken to him now, and he said hes so excited about the idea of us moving in together next July after his course finishes (how things changed), and how exciting it will be. It's lovely to hear them things of course, but ive heard them before and because i have been dumped by him previously, i try not to get too excited and not bank on potentially false promises.
Did you find it hard and apprehensive kind of getting back with him, despite being elated that you were with him again? I've just spoken to him now, and he said hes so excited about the idea of us moving in together next July after his course finishes (how things changed), and how exciting it will be. It's lovely to hear them things of course, but ive heard them before and because i have been dumped by him previously, i try not to get too excited and not bank on potentially false promises.
I completely relate to the first paragraph. I was 20 at the time, and I'd never had my heart broken before either. It killed me, it truly did.
I found it incredibly difficult to trust him. He started contacting me saying I was "the One" and he "needed me back in his life" and he'd made a "terrible mistake" and for a couple of weeks I pushed him away. I had a ONS and a ****-buddy while we were apart (which I am not proud of) and I convinced myself I could move on, even though deep down I wanted nothing more than to be with him again. In the end I agreed to meet up with him, and... The rest is history
We've lived together for a year and a half now. Our relationship still has ups and downs but I do still feel I made the right choice
Thanks for the replies everybody
I really like him, and he says he still likes me too, but yeah the circumstances are just terrible it was good, and yes, we're still good friends... I keep thinking maybe I should ask him to visit me when he's home and then I'll know from his reaction whether there's a chance or not, but I can still play it cool if he says no and be like, ohh, it was only a friendly invite, haha.
He's in China for another 3 weeks. I'm moving a couple of hours away to university, yeah it was very thoughtful of him and he was very kind about it, I could tell it was hard for him too but I just keep thinking, surely if I was that important he wouldn't be able to do it... ugh, Idk! I think that's what I'm like! I can't let it go until I know there's truly no chance and at the moment it feels like there MIGHT be a chance... We spoke daily until he left for China and he's messaged me a few times since he's been there but usually like every 5 days or so, though I know they're without internet while they're travelling. One thing that gets me though is he kept saying he didn't want to stop talking and didn't want me out of his life but didn't want me to have the wrong idea from talking... so maybe there really is no chance.
Original post by sufferin succotash
I believe circumstances are a major factor, if you still like each other go for it! But don't string him along! Why did you break up ? Was your relationship gd before you broke up? You're still friends at least. Not sure if the second anonymous post is u or someone else.
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I really like him, and he says he still likes me too, but yeah the circumstances are just terrible
it was good, and yes, we're still good friends... I keep thinking maybe I should ask him to visit me when he's home and then I'll know from his reaction whether there's a chance or not, but I can still play it cool if he says no and be like, ohh, it was only a friendly invite, haha. Original post by Anonymous
Where is he travelling and how long has he been travelling?
Depression I understand, and it's thoughtful of him to consider the effect it could have on you. You are moving away also? For uni? Changes like this can put a huge amount of pressure on a relationship, I have been there and done that. This is the second time I have done long distance and it puts a massive strain on the both of us, it is HARD. It depends on how deep the love is between you guys. I knew my boyfriend adored me and knew it was a hard decision for him; i was in tears when he told me. But the fact he still kept in touch (not every day mind you), was enough to show that he still did and there was hope. I clung onto that hope like it was the last breath of oxygen on earth. I knew it was a dangerous thing to do, but i dont let go of things so easily before i really know sure its definitely dead in the water.
I am positive he wont forget about you, and he will prove that by keeping in touch, thats the only way you will know.
Depression I understand, and it's thoughtful of him to consider the effect it could have on you. You are moving away also? For uni? Changes like this can put a huge amount of pressure on a relationship, I have been there and done that. This is the second time I have done long distance and it puts a massive strain on the both of us, it is HARD. It depends on how deep the love is between you guys. I knew my boyfriend adored me and knew it was a hard decision for him; i was in tears when he told me. But the fact he still kept in touch (not every day mind you), was enough to show that he still did and there was hope. I clung onto that hope like it was the last breath of oxygen on earth. I knew it was a dangerous thing to do, but i dont let go of things so easily before i really know sure its definitely dead in the water.
I am positive he wont forget about you, and he will prove that by keeping in touch, thats the only way you will know.
He's in China for another 3 weeks. I'm moving a couple of hours away to university, yeah
it was very thoughtful of him and he was very kind about it, I could tell it was hard for him too but I just keep thinking, surely if I was that important he wouldn't be able to do it... ugh, Idk! I think that's what I'm like! I can't let it go until I know there's truly no chance and at the moment it feels like there MIGHT be a chance... We spoke daily until he left for China and he's messaged me a few times since he's been there but usually like every 5 days or so, though I know they're without internet while they're travelling. One thing that gets me though is he kept saying he didn't want to stop talking and didn't want me out of his life but didn't want me to have the wrong idea from talking... so maybe there really is no chance. Original post by Coke Or Pepsi
Happened to me too - right at the start of my second year exam period (most difficult exams I've ever had to and will have to take for my time as a student anyway.) However, our time apart was 5 days rather than 5 weeks.
OP, I think getting back with someone who dumped you can work... It has worked, as you can see from me and the above. We're stronger because of it and although it hurt so much because, well, you're heart broken, it brings you closer. It may not necessarily be that you're riddled with devastation in your relationship. It may just be doubts and uncertainties due to large changes that have occurred in either one or both of your lives. Sometimes, a break up shows you what you're missing and how much you love the person. It's scary taking someone back, but in a sense I know at least what it'll feel like without him and that I can go on without him if it happens again. And if it does happen again believe me... Moving on will be much easier
Happened to me too - right at the start of my second year exam period (most difficult exams I've ever had to and will have to take for my time as a student anyway.) However, our time apart was 5 days rather than 5 weeks.
OP, I think getting back with someone who dumped you can work... It has worked, as you can see from me and the above. We're stronger because of it and although it hurt so much because, well, you're heart broken, it brings you closer. It may not necessarily be that you're riddled with devastation in your relationship. It may just be doubts and uncertainties due to large changes that have occurred in either one or both of your lives. Sometimes, a break up shows you what you're missing and how much you love the person. It's scary taking someone back, but in a sense I know at least what it'll feel like without him and that I can go on without him if it happens again. And if it does happen again believe me... Moving on will be much easier
God, that happened to me too!! Getting dumped during exam period!! how spooky, ha. He insensitively dumped me a week before my final year (3rd) exams started. I had a 4000 word report to write and 3 exams to sit. I went to visit him where he lived and had to make my way back home a single woman, on a train full of people that were happy and smiley mostly, and face 3 exams and writing a 4000 report. I was beside myself with upset. I did the report (i was going to suspend for a year i was that bad), albeit not to my best ability, but i just HAD to get it out of the way. My report mark counted for 100% of the module and each of my exams were worth over 65%, so would potentially f&*%k up massively my life and classification. I did sit the exams (in one exam, i broke down in tears in the hall because i couldnt concentrate and knew the exam worth 70% would make or break me).
I got 58% overall. I did submit mitigating circumstances before the exams and report hand in, WITH 2 medical notes, but the bas*$%&*ds at uni wouldn't award me a 2:1.
I got 55% for the 4000 report when i always get over 70 in my essays.
So, that split really messed up my classification and people don't understand why i got a 2:2 without me having to explain the reasons. I deserved a 2:1 and i will never deep down forgive him for dumping me a week before the most important exams of my life.
However............. i have moved on from that because ive just got a permanent job, and things are real good and safe between us, but at the time, i was like 'how can you do this to me now?!! (tears and tears).
"Sometimes, a break up shows you what you're missing and how much you love the person." - this is very true. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and you dont realise what you have lost until its gone. I think that 5 week period for him (in which i know he did play around, and he admitted to me that its soul destroying and makes you feel worthless in the end). Took some balls for him to tell me that, but suppose hes right in the sense that having emotionless, souless sex with someone and then waking up feeling bad or crap about yourself isn't what life is about. Anyway.............
Moving on will be easier you say, if it happens again, hmmm maybe not so much easier, id still be devestated, perhaps more tolerable of the pain, in that it's familar because its happened before ...so Id not be as emotionally shocked because im familar with the feelings a break up brings.
People make mistakes, ive done the same, i was no angel when i was in my early twenties (boyfriend is several years younger than me), so i was forgiving because i knew what it was like to be in a serious rship at that age and freak out a bit. I have to be understanding and not expect him to be EXACTLY the way id like him to be. Its warts and all............ Obviously someone cant take the pi$$ out of you, thats different, but i know when its a mistake and when its taking the pi$$.
This is such a touching story. I know exactly how you feel. Luckily for me this happened right at the start of my exam period (week zero, with exams in week 6) so I didn't experience the full knock on effects. I'm so sorry you had to go through this right in the middle of all the stress and drama. It won't make moving on easier but I guess the familiarity of the pain means it's less of a shock. I cried myself to sleep every night and woke up in tears every morning and I think I'd be exactly the same if it happened again. Best of luck to you now
Original post by Anonymous
.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for the replies everybody
I really like him, and he says he still likes me too, but yeah the circumstances are just terrible it was good, and yes, we're still good friends... I keep thinking maybe I should ask him to visit me when he's home and then I'll know from his reaction whether there's a chance or not, but I can still play it cool if he says no and be like, ohh, it was only a friendly invite, haha.
He's in China for another 3 weeks. I'm moving a couple of hours away to university, yeah it was very thoughtful of him and he was very kind about it, I could tell it was hard for him too but I just keep thinking, surely if I was that important he wouldn't be able to do it... ugh, Idk! I think that's what I'm like! I can't let it go until I know there's truly no chance and at the moment it feels like there MIGHT be a chance... We spoke daily until he left for China and he's messaged me a few times since he's been there but usually like every 5 days or so, though I know they're without internet while they're travelling. One thing that gets me though is he kept saying he didn't want to stop talking and didn't want me out of his life but didn't want me to have the wrong idea from talking... so maybe there really is no chance.
I really like him, and he says he still likes me too, but yeah the circumstances are just terrible
it was good, and yes, we're still good friends... I keep thinking maybe I should ask him to visit me when he's home and then I'll know from his reaction whether there's a chance or not, but I can still play it cool if he says no and be like, ohh, it was only a friendly invite, haha. He's in China for another 3 weeks. I'm moving a couple of hours away to university, yeah
it was very thoughtful of him and he was very kind about it, I could tell it was hard for him too but I just keep thinking, surely if I was that important he wouldn't be able to do it... ugh, Idk! I think that's what I'm like! I can't let it go until I know there's truly no chance and at the moment it feels like there MIGHT be a chance... We spoke daily until he left for China and he's messaged me a few times since he's been there but usually like every 5 days or so, though I know they're without internet while they're travelling. One thing that gets me though is he kept saying he didn't want to stop talking and didn't want me out of his life but didn't want me to have the wrong idea from talking... so maybe there really is no chance. I keep thinking maybe I should ask him to visit me when he's home and then I'll know from his reaction whether there's a chance or not, but I can still play it cool if he says no and be like, ohh, it was only a friendly invite, haha.
Yep that is a good way to tell or not if he genuinely still loves or cares for you - him making the effort to come and visit you. THAT will say an awful lot.
Don't do things like playing it cool and suggest it was a friendly invite, playing mind games like that backfires. Just be honest with your feelings. If he says no in going to visit you, then you'll know he doesn't love you enough. Actions speak louder than words.
I can't let it go until I know there's truly no chance and at the moment it feels like there MIGHT be a chance
I was like that, hanging on because i knew there was a chance, or hope as i call it. It's hard to move on when there is a glimmer of hope. It's all good and well acting as though you can move on and should, but when you love someone, its not that easy to simply turn the taps off per se. That's why you need to wait until he is back, and see whether he makes the effort to come and see you or not.
I suppose I worry he's using the depression as an excuse, rather than the actual cause of the break up. He's away in China, having a good time, he KNOWS you're going away to Uni, and is probably thinking logically about whether it will work, and so uses the depression so as to not make it more painful than it is, BUT.............. if that is the case, i dont know why he cant be just honest about it. I hated my boyfriend for dumping me, and saying he doesnt feel ready for a serious relationship/wants to be single during his studies (not have the pressure of having a girlfriend impeding on his ability just to do as he pleases whilst at uni - i get that), but fair play to him he was being honest about it. Honesty hurts but it says a lot about their character.
One thing that gets me though is he kept saying he didn't want to stop talking and didn't want me out of his life but didn't want me to have the wrong idea from talking...
My boyfriend did the same thing. He still WANTED me in his life because he adored me and i was his best friend (he only has a few, quality friends), but at the same time wanted his freedom and not to give me hope. I just didnt get that. I thought it was selfish. How can you be friends with someone you are in love with and love? Of course he'd be benefiting, but i wouldnt! It's whether you are emotionally strong enough to cope with just being his friend. Im glad i had that contact during our break, but it killed me realyl deep down because i just wanted to be with him.
What are his plans when he gets back? How long have you been together? Are you close to his family and vice versa?
"I really like him, and he says he still likes me too" - (OP)
Like? You're meant to say 'love' surely?.... You're not 12! lol
Like? You're meant to say 'love' surely?.... You're not 12! lol
Original post by Coke Or Pepsi
This is such a touching story. I know exactly how you feel. Luckily for me this happened right at the start of my exam period (week zero, with exams in week 6) so I didn't experience the full knock on effects. I'm so sorry you had to go through this right in the middle of all the stress and drama. It won't make moving on easier but I guess the familiarity of the pain means it's less of a shock. I cried myself to sleep every night and woke up in tears every morning and I think I'd be exactly the same if it happened again. Best of luck to you now
Aw thanks
Yeh you were very lucky! When i look back now (only 3 and half months ago), I think 'JEEZZZ how the hell did i get through that?!' i suppose i dont give myself enough credit. Its the hardest thing ive ever gone through in my life!!
"It wont make moving on easier.....[...]" - are you aware that we got back together? lol, sorry i might have misread this particular sentence!! lol. As soon as my last exam was over (3 weeks after the break up), i packed my bags and moved to the city he was living in. He knew this, and he hoped it wasnt because of him. I said no it wasn't (i lied), it was because it was the best place to get a grad job (it was, but my reason was to be closer to him). It was quite irrational i suppose, but thats what love does to you. I dont regret these decisions at all. So i moved down, with 4 travel bags in tow, and found a room to rent with this lady. We kept in touch even when i moved in with this woman, and after two weeks we met up as friends....., then that's when he proceeded to tell me that i was his soulmate and he regretted what he did. I think when he saw me for the first time since the split, he saw someone confident, strong and amicable, yet inside i was dying because i was still in love with him. He then booked a beautiful room in this countryside cottage for us both, and spent the weekend together being madly in love all over again. It felt very surreal at the time.....
I cried myself to sleep every night and woke up in tears every morning and I think I'd be exactly the same if it happened again.
Yes i was the same! The sleeping part i looked forward to because to me, thats when the pain stopped. The worst and most horrendous part was the waking up and the reality hitting me massively - that would usually be around 5am in the morning, every morning............
How long is it now you both have been back together? Are you both at uni? Im so intrigued to hear your story because i relate so much.
Original post by Anonymous
x
I suppose I'll just see how much we talk when he gets home and whether visiting comes up in conversation. I think I'm just clutching at straws though because I want him back so badly. I don't want to embarrass myself making it obvious I still want him if he's moved on
I can't let it go until I know there's truly no chance and at the moment it feels like there MIGHT be a chance
I was like that, hanging on because i knew there was a chance, or hope as i call it. It's hard to move on when there is a glimmer of hope. It's all good and well acting as though you can move on and should, but when you love someone, its not that easy to simply turn the taps off per se. That's why you need to wait until he is back, and see whether he makes the effort to come and see you or not.
You're right it is really hard when it feels like there's hope still. I've had opportunities to move on but I can't bring myself to. I wish it was easier. I know his illness is genuine but perhaps he did use it as an excuse, I don't know
the one thing he said is that he was painfully honest with me about the whole thing and there were things he'd rather have glossed over but didn't because he wanted to be 100% with me. I agree, asking for contact is selfish, I don't understand why he'd want to speak to me and hear from me if he's just broken up with me.
Im glad i had that contact during our break, but it killed me realyl deep down because i just wanted to be with him. exactly how I feel right now. Love/hate relationship with it...
He's just going back to work when he gets back. We've been dating since January!
I feel so stupid right now.
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