Housemate moved boyfriend in in September... what can I do?
Hi, I'm in final year and my housemate is too. We moved in together (had years abroad so was just the two of us, wanted to live in quiet, more upmarket place for final year).
She is depressed, hasn't been doing well this summer and last year too. We study at a city two hours from her home town and her boyfriend (unemployed) came up to visit us in the first week and never left. She asked if he could move in with us at the end of the first week, offering to pay us a third of the rent. My logic in saying yes after a think about it was:
1. I really don't have a choice - either I say no and he is here all the time anyway and I don't get paid for it and he doesn't take any responsibility for looking after the house, or I say yes and get some money for it.
2. Like I said she is depressed, so I would have felt really guilty keeping them apart.
Well I am sure you can imagine how this has panned out, he's been living here since September, they are both very dirty (neither has cleaned the bathroom or kitchen since arriving, their bedroom looks like a bombsite) and I haven't seen a penny.
The worst thing is (apart from the growing resentment about the money - he's using obviously a third of the electricity etc too), that they are a couple and kind of a 'team' whereas I am just on my own and feel pretty ganged up on asking them to tidy up or walking into the lounge when they're cuddling on the sofa.
The girl is depressed so hasn't been doing any uni work at all, he is unemployed so also does nothing all day (they sleep til three/ four most days and stay up really late), and I've been working my arse off, so coming back from the library at 11pm at night, having to walk into the kitchen and interrupt them and see the state of the mess I feel like they don't like me coming home either.
Not long ago my parents came to visit so I cleaned all the lounge/ kitchen. We went away for two days and when they dropped me back off they had the door on the chain (having sex), when they let us in there was dirty pants on the sofa, weed on the table, ash on the window sills and they'd eaten the food my parents had brought me. I didn't say anything but was really upset.
The thing is I want to salvage my relationship with this girl, to avoid confrontation/ arguments as much as possible so that when we move out we can be friends again. But I am just at breaking point with this situation.
I'm going to sit them down tomorrow and talk about it. What can I say to help them see my point of view? I also don't want to sabotage my chance of getting even a few quid out of this so don't want to argue with the guy either.
Please please give me your points of view/ advice on this!
She is depressed, hasn't been doing well this summer and last year too. We study at a city two hours from her home town and her boyfriend (unemployed) came up to visit us in the first week and never left. She asked if he could move in with us at the end of the first week, offering to pay us a third of the rent. My logic in saying yes after a think about it was:
1. I really don't have a choice - either I say no and he is here all the time anyway and I don't get paid for it and he doesn't take any responsibility for looking after the house, or I say yes and get some money for it.
2. Like I said she is depressed, so I would have felt really guilty keeping them apart.
Well I am sure you can imagine how this has panned out, he's been living here since September, they are both very dirty (neither has cleaned the bathroom or kitchen since arriving, their bedroom looks like a bombsite) and I haven't seen a penny.
The worst thing is (apart from the growing resentment about the money - he's using obviously a third of the electricity etc too), that they are a couple and kind of a 'team' whereas I am just on my own and feel pretty ganged up on asking them to tidy up or walking into the lounge when they're cuddling on the sofa.
The girl is depressed so hasn't been doing any uni work at all, he is unemployed so also does nothing all day (they sleep til three/ four most days and stay up really late), and I've been working my arse off, so coming back from the library at 11pm at night, having to walk into the kitchen and interrupt them and see the state of the mess I feel like they don't like me coming home either.
Not long ago my parents came to visit so I cleaned all the lounge/ kitchen. We went away for two days and when they dropped me back off they had the door on the chain (having sex), when they let us in there was dirty pants on the sofa, weed on the table, ash on the window sills and they'd eaten the food my parents had brought me. I didn't say anything but was really upset.
The thing is I want to salvage my relationship with this girl, to avoid confrontation/ arguments as much as possible so that when we move out we can be friends again. But I am just at breaking point with this situation.
I'm going to sit them down tomorrow and talk about it. What can I say to help them see my point of view? I also don't want to sabotage my chance of getting even a few quid out of this so don't want to argue with the guy either.
Please please give me your points of view/ advice on this!
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I think you just need to sit them down, and get everything out. It's really not acceptable the way they're treating you.
Perhaps if they refuse to cooperate, you could threaten to move out? Who'd pay the other half of the rent then, and tidy up?
Perhaps if they refuse to cooperate, you could threaten to move out? Who'd pay the other half of the rent then, and tidy up?
Original post by abbiemac
I think you just need to sit them down, and get everything out. It's really not acceptable the way they're treating you.
Perhaps if they refuse to cooperate, you could threaten to move out? Who'd pay the other half of the rent then, and tidy up?
Perhaps if they refuse to cooperate, you could threaten to move out? Who'd pay the other half of the rent then, and tidy up?
To be honest that's a good idea. I hadn't considered it but wouldn't mind moving into private halls or something. Just not sure about the contract. But I think I will talk to them first and if things don't improve mention this next time after I've had more chance to research it all.
Well as far as I'm concerned you've actually tolerated way more than I would've. I definitely think you need to sit down and talk with them and let them know that you're not happy with the way things are and the way they are not really contributing to the rent and not cleaning around because at the end of the day you also live there too. You can't be scared to confront them, you need to be able to stand up for yourself and on top of that I think your roommate is being very inconsiderate. Fair enough she's depressed but that doesn't give her an excuse not to be considerate that you also live there as well. I personally would've been fed up at the point when I was would've seen the weed in the house and I'm sure your parents were pretty upset if they saw that too. You definitely need to address the issue at hand because if you don't address it is just going to upset you more and it may get worse and that would just put negative energy within the house and probably tarnish your relationship with her.
explain to her that you haven't had a problem with her boyfriend moving in as long as he pays his dues, however he isn't doing so right now... tell her that unless they start to pull their weight (pay 2/3 rent & bills, clean up, don't eat your food or lock you out) you will have to report to the landlord the drug use and the fact someone is living here without being contracted - explain that you don't want this to happen but the situation you are all in is totally unacceptable
Depression is no excuse to be a selfish piece of ****. Ive suffered from depression myself and that doesn't make you act that. I'm sorry but I get the feeling she's using that as an excuse. When I suffered Ifelt I was a burden on others so didnt want to upset them in any way, she clearly doesnt feel that way. There's having no motivation to do anything and then theres pissing on others and being a lazy **** while happily getting along with your boyfriend. That doesn't sund like someone with depression, it sounds like a lazy, grateful tit.
Is there anyway to get in touch with your landlord? If they're not paying then they should be able to remove them or talk to them. They shouldn't be there if they don't contribute?
Is there anyway to get in touch with your landlord? If they're not paying then they should be able to remove them or talk to them. They shouldn't be there if they don't contribute?
(edited 9 years ago)
Tbh, I doubt you can be friends with her. The relationship is probably beyond repair if she is unable to be slightly thoughtful..
Make sure he pays for his 1/3rd or tell the Landlord.
Make sure he pays for his 1/3rd or tell the Landlord.
Original post by doodle_333
explain to her that you haven't had a problem with her boyfriend moving in as long as he pays his dues, however he isn't doing so right now... tell her that unless they start to pull their weight (pay 2/3 rent & bills, clean up, don't eat your food or lock you out) you will have to report to the landlord the drug use and the fact someone is living here without being contracted - explain that you don't want this to happen but the situation you are all in is totally unacceptable
Original post by DorianGrayism
Tbh, I doubt you can be friends with her. The relationship is probably beyond repair if she is unable to be slightly thoughtful..
Make sure he pays for his 1/3rd or tell the Landlord.
Make sure he pays for his 1/3rd or tell the Landlord.
Reporting the drug use to the LL might not be the greatest idea. He might well decide to kick OP out with them. He may not even have the option to keep OP out of it if it's a joint tenancy (most are).
OP, I think that on balance you're probably best cutting your losses and moving out. Does your tenancy agreement have a break clause?
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
To be honest that's a good idea. I hadn't considered it but wouldn't mind moving into private halls or something. Just not sure about the contract. But I think I will talk to them first and if things don't improve mention this next time after I've had more chance to research it all.
Don't worry about the contract. Just tell the landlord there's already a second person living in the house to replace you.
Original post by stargirl63
Don't worry about the contract. Just tell the landlord there's already a second person living in the house to replace you.
This.
Original post by hasaya_77
Is there anyway to get in touch with your landlord? If they're not paying then they should be able to remove them or talk to them. They shouldn't be there if they don't contribute?
It's nothing to do with the landlord.
Original post by DorianGrayism
Make sure he pays for his 1/3rd or tell the Landlord.
Again; Nothing to do with the landlord.
Original post by stargirl63
Don't worry about the contract. Just tell the landlord there's already a second person living in the house to replace you.
Terrible advice. OP would still be legally liable for payment of rent (and potential damages) as it is their name on the tenancy agreement.
Original post by TurboCretin
Reporting the drug use to the LL might not be the greatest idea. He might well decide to kick OP out with them.
As this is a student forum I'm guessing the tenancy ran from September. In which case it has been less than 6 months and so extremely unlikely to be within a break clause period. Landlord cannot then just 'kick' anyone out.
And this is why students shouldn't ask for legal advice from other students. The depth of tenancy and legal knowledge of this area is going to be extremly lacking.
OP - It has nothing to do with your landlord. Your names are on the tenancy, you have the rights to exclusive use of the property in a "tenant like manner". If you wish to have other people living with you, that's your decision. Ignore all advice to speak to the landlord.
You need to sort this out with your housemate. I expect sub-letting will be against your tenancy agreement but its highly unlikely the landlord would 1. seek to evict for this, 2. even find out.
I'd get him to pay 1/3 of the rent and bills and leave it at that.
OP - It has nothing to do with your landlord. Your names are on the tenancy, you have the rights to exclusive use of the property in a "tenant like manner". If you wish to have other people living with you, that's your decision. Ignore all advice to speak to the landlord.
You need to sort this out with your housemate. I expect sub-letting will be against your tenancy agreement but its highly unlikely the landlord would 1. seek to evict for this, 2. even find out.
I'd get him to pay 1/3 of the rent and bills and leave it at that.
Original post by Reue
And this is why students shouldn't ask for legal advice from other students. The depth of tenancy and legal knowledge of this area is going to be extremly lacking.
OP - It has nothing to do with your landlord. Your names are on the tenancy, you have the rights to exclusive use of the property in a "tenant like manner". If you wish to have other people living with you, that's your decision. Ignore all advice to speak to the landlord.
You need to sort this out with your housemate. I expect sub-letting will be against your tenancy agreement but its highly unlikely the landlord would 1. seek to evict for this, 2. even find out.
I'd get him to pay 1/3 of the rent and bills and leave it at that.
OP - It has nothing to do with your landlord. Your names are on the tenancy, you have the rights to exclusive use of the property in a "tenant like manner". If you wish to have other people living with you, that's your decision. Ignore all advice to speak to the landlord.
You need to sort this out with your housemate. I expect sub-letting will be against your tenancy agreement but its highly unlikely the landlord would 1. seek to evict for this, 2. even find out.
I'd get him to pay 1/3 of the rent and bills and leave it at that.
The problem is that OP has no power to get her dues apart from asking very nicely.
Original post by rockrunride
The problem is that OP has no power to get her dues apart from asking very nicely.
Correct
In which case OP needs to suck it up and seek to move when possible.
Original post by Reue
Correct
In which case OP needs to suck it up and seek to move when possible.
In which case OP needs to suck it up and seek to move when possible.
This is pretty much the bottom line.
OP, the best course of action would have been to assess his behaviour before he 'moved in' and decide there and then whether he was suitable/trustworthy.
You need to move out as soon as you can and ditch your 'friend' soon as, as well. Honestly, if someone abuses my trust they know the score. I live in London and if someone was lodging rent-free, smoking weed and nicking my stuff, they would not get away with it, 'friend' or not attached.
(edited 9 years ago)
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