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boyfriend has gone all weird at uni...

this has reminded me why i don't like relationships!
blah.. anyway background; boyfriend for 2 years. we get on so well, have so much in common. 1st september we went to spain for a week together, and we were both dreading him going to uni because we knew that we would miss each other a lot and wouldn't be able to see each other too much. the good thing is that he has gone to a uni close to where we live anyway, so i could see him more regularly than if he moved away.
the night before he started uni, i got him a load of stationary and food to take with him and he was so very upset at going, and started being quite emotional and kept telling me how much he needed me and was glad that he had me.
during 'freshers' week, he wanted me to stay with him at the uni, so i did. i stayed over on the first 4 nights because he wanted me to, and took him out when everyone else went drinking and clubbing.
anyway, the one day, totally out of the blue, he says 'oh, i want a break because you are too jealous and have been around too much'. i don't see how he can say i've been around too much when he was the one who wanted me to stay in the first place. the jealousy thing, yeah ok, there are a lot of pretty girls on his corridor so what am i supposed to do? i think i have the right to be a little jealous..
anyway, i didn't want a break. we had to have one before because he wanted to spend time with me and then got sick of me.. he did that to me over christmas and it was the worst christmas ever. so, instead of saying 'ok, we will jsut see each other less' he decides he wants to break up for good.

i don't know whether uni has totally changed him in, what, 3 weeks, but i'm struggling to understand the logic behind this seen as we were so close when he started uni, and now he doesn't want to know me. oh, he does want to be friends though because i'm 'a nice person'.

has anyone got any views or had something similar happen? i love my boyfriend dearly and we swore that we would get through uni because i thought and i'm guessing he thought we were in love.. but this sucks.

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Reply 1

username47781

That is very weird, breaks are never a good idea, i would quiz him and ask him why all of a sudden he wants a break, is he hiding something etc?

But yes University unfortunatly changes some people. I don't know where he got jealous from, sounds like he's using it as an excuse.

Reply 2

Jillie Boe

Yeah, I'd ask him.

Ya know what I've been told that Uni would change me and I've been here 3 weeks and already my friends from home are pissing off with me because "I've changed" I don't think I have and I doubt he thinks he has.

I'd say something. He wanted you to come and then he broke up with you saying that you spent too much time with him? Contradictory much?

Reply 3

pumpkin7

i've explained to him why i am jealous though. i know i am but like, it's because i've never felt worthy of him. i'm insecure like that. it was chance we ended up together anyway but he is perfect to me.

and i've tried talking to him but he just said we are over for now but hope fully our paths will cross in the future... and he has said go and find someone else. when i tell him that i still love him he just shakes his head and says 'no you don't'. he also says that he still cares for me and doesn't want to see me upset, yet tells me that he has already got his eye on someone at uni (which i think his just his way of getting me to go away)

i mean, how can you be with someone for 2 years and then just turn off all your feelings for them at the click onf your fingers? it's just not possible.

even his friend at uni has said he has changed. my bf used to stay with all the quiet people but now goes out with the clubbers... he isn't a clubber; he hates alcohol, loud chavvy music and large groups..

Reply 4

Sam Beckett

He's seen fit girls, he wants fit girls.

Unless you were being really jealous and saying 'I've seen the way you look at her!' etc etc...then its not your fault. But obviously he's not satisfied anymore.

Do I detect the faint aroma of emo in the air? *sniff* *sniff*

Reply 5

pumpkin7

emo? no ****ing way.

i guess i was a little harsh on the jealousy thing. i kept asking him if he liked other girls.

and excuse me, but i don't like the way you are implying that i am not fit. don't make me feel any worse than i already do, thank you.

Reply 6

lukeitfc

See if you can get a refund, and if not, an exchange will have to do.

Reply 7

Anubis

Just ask him what is going on because your confused. We can give advice, but only he knows the answer. :rolleyes:

I think lust might be kicking in and he might not be thinking logically (love is what you need at the end of the day), though thats just my opinion...

Reply 8

Vampyrcorn

pumpkin7

even his friend at uni has said he has changed. my bf used to stay with all the quiet people but now goes out with the clubbers... he isn't a clubber; he hates alcohol, loud chavvy music and large groups..

maybe he's becoming more confident and wants to try and have fun by trying new things. he might just want a change from the life he had before uni and more independance... it's possible.

have you said sorry for acting overly jealous? don't blame it on your 'insecurity', that's not his fault and he shouldn't be punished for it.

All the same, you don't want to be with someone who only wants you when he's worried and stressed about things. just talk to him i guess and tell him how strange you're finding his sudden change of heart .

Reply 9

pumpkin7

it's just i've done so much for him and put so much into this relationship. i know that i didn't see my friends as much and was there for him all the time, which i know he wanted me to sort out, which is what i've done now.
in the past few months i haven't had a job, and he has been at home so we have seen each other a lot. now he is at uni and i have a job, we wouldn't be able to see each other as much anyway, but it's just horrid that he won't even give it a chance.

i don't know whether just leaving him alone for a few months will do much good. i'll either move on, or he will find someone else.
but really, unless you have no regard for other peoples feelings or have a heart of pure stone (which i know he doesn't.. meh) you cannot get over someone in 2 weeks, can you? i mean, i can't explain how we were before, but we were so bloody close, and he was so dreading going to uni because of being away from me. i know he wasn't lying because he always speaks his mind...

Vampyrcorn, i've said sorry so many times i have lost count. i know how i am, and i know it's just because i love him so damn much. i know he doesn't just want me when he is stressed because he's needed me for the past 2 years... and he certainly hasn't been stressed for 2 solid years.

Reply 10

edu

eugh either way you should ask for him to tell you the truth behind it because after two years you deserve everything, and if not that.. at least the truth.

You can get over someone in 2 weeks, if you havent been going out with them for a long time. After 2 years? He probably just thinks hes got over you break up with you and miss you like hell afterwards when hes realised what a prick hes been..

I think your pretty beau, so dunt worry about that side either.

Reply 11

Anubis

Your talking like you've already lost him! All you gotta do is have a chat like this with him - then you'll know. :smile:

I doubt he will break up with you, but as I have said - lust may be kicking in, he may feel the need to fit in (hence going clubbing all of a sudden), etc.

O - and no you can't just forget about someone you've been in love with after a few weeks (no matter how much they say they've got over it).

It often take roughly the same amount of time being in love as it does to fall out of love (so - 2 years in this case for him and you to be likely to be fully over eachother).

Reply 12

pumpkin7

i have chatted with him! he has told me to go find someone else for pete's sake, but doesn't seem to want to answer any questions i have. (so in retrospect, he has broken up with me...)all i can get from him is that i was too clingy (not my fault.. he wanted me to be around) and that i was too immature and jealous. yeah, ok i'm 17. i'm still transitioning from a child (kind of) to an adult. he can't understand that.
i do hope he realises that he has made a mistake. i'm willing to give him the world, and he knows that.

Reply 13

edu

sounds like an arse. Should at least tell you the truth.

Reply 14

pumpkin7

i think the clingy/jealous/immature thing are the reasons but i don't see how i've been clingy (as he text me and asked me to come over any time i did go over.. i didn't just turn up) that i know i'm jealous but i have the right to be, or immature. as i've done everything he has asked of me so i could help him into uni better.

Reply 15

edu

from what I gathered, hes calling you clingy when he invited you over. Gee that makes sense....

Poke me in the eye!
Are you sure?
Yes ****ing poke me in the eye!
Okay! *poke*
MOTHA FAKA wat was that for!?!!!

Reply 16

pumpkin7

i just don't get it. i think i should just leave him alone for a long time and see what happens.

Reply 17

Bubblebee

At the end of the day would you really be happy after this? Or even if he did get back with you... wuldn't you always have this on your mind?

People break up for reasons and nobody can sucessfully retain a relationship which has already gone to pot!

Forget 'bout him is my verdict!