Are certain things inappropriate in a relationship? Are boundaries bad? Watch

Anonymous #1
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There are a lot of threads around with the same topic which coincidentally also have the same answers. Is it appropriate for your significant other to be going out clubbing whilst in a relationship? The answers that usually dominate in this discussion almost always relate to trust.

Whilst it is true that you must trust your partner i don't understand why you would trust anyone drunk. Clubs are filled with people surrounded by alcohol and drugs in addition to people (of both genders) looking to 'pull' or get laid etc.
The state of being drunk means your ability to make good decisions is hampered. Nobody can deny the fact that alcohol lowers your inhibitions which is why we don't trust people when they are drunk, we don't let them drive cars but for some reason nothing bad could ever happen in a club so its fine getting drunk and putting blind faith in your partner to not cheat/do something silly?

Humans were not designed to be monogamous creatures, it makes no sense logically to be committed to 1 person - it is not in our nature.
Therefore if you choose to be faithful to one person and one only you do so by controlling your urges - what you would normally do were you not in a relationship/tied down. Being drunk lowers your inhibition meaning the part of your brain that would normally stop you from cheating is suddenly a lot less convincing, Everyone seems to be convinced that when you are drunk there's no possibility of cheating unless you wanted to do so in the first place.

Firstly nobody wants to 'cheat' but men and women are attracted to each other biologically. The only thing stopping people 'cheating' is the conscious brain knowing that this is the wrong thing to do if you want to be faithful; this inhibition is lowered when alcohol is consumed. Secondly you wouldn't trust a drunk person to do an academic and or either a physical test to a good standard neither would you trust them to drive or do anything else for that matter so why do you trust a drunk person not to cheat?

This and the fact that many people in a club are there to pull, are on drugs and or are intoxicated themselves only adds to the probability of something stupid happening on a night out. Obviously you should trust your partner but there are certain things that are out of their control and these must be considered in the relationship as opposed to just flat out blind trusting people to do w/e they want.

Your partner is more likely to cheat going out clubbing be it intentionally or not and this is something people can accept or not. Personally, my gf as of current goes out clubbing and she knows my opinion of it but I don't stop her from going. I don't own her, she can do what she likes but she knows that if something silly were to happen intentional or not that would be it. Likewise with something like making new friends of the opposite sex and spending a lot of 1 on 1 time with them is just disrespectful and inappropriate. It is not 'controlling' to find certain things inappropriate whilst in a relationship, like I said I don't control my gf but if she were to do something which I consider disrespectful or inappropriate, I would just leave or never have gotten with her in the first place. I don't see how that is 'controlling,' it's about having boundaries.
This topic /thread was just for me to talk about a few ideas and hopefully get a discussion going with some different opinions to think about. I personally think boundaries are important in relationships and certain things i.e getting drunk in certain situations (club) are inappropriate in a relationship. I also think that having boundaries in a relationship is not the same as being 'controlling.'

What are peoples thoughts?
It is a decently sized paragraph which is poorly written in terms of grammar and probably spelling as well so i do apologise if you can't read/understand some things I have written.
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silverbolt
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Likewise with something like making new friends of the opposite sex and spending a lot of 1 on 1 time with them is just disrespectful and inappropriate. It is not 'controlling' to find certain things inappropriate whilst in a relationship, like I said I don't control my gf but if she were to do something which I consider disrespectful or inappropriate, I would just leave or never have gotten with her in the first place. I don't see how that is 'controlling,' it's about having boundaries.
My partner is about to do her masters year in a new University in a new city, She is going as a mature student and is very social and outgoing. She IS going to make new friends of all genders - not to mention shes bisexual.

Today she is going to the Pride festival in this new city.

By your idealology I should be considering this inappropriate. Better for her not to have no new friends and spend her whole time alone or with me. That is not boundaries that is you projecting your insecurities onto her. Youre whole post is about that.

Boundaries exist of course - my partner knows exactly what she can and cant do, she doesnt need to reiterate them to her. Oh and in regards to my boundries my best friend is female, i spend a lot of time with her and her children - we also slept togother once, my partner knows this. But my partner knows me and knows id never cross that line, even when/if ive had a drink.

And as for drink - yes inhibitions get lowered but you are still in control, you still know right from wrong. Those boundaries are still present - the same with my partner.
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Ignorant
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(Original post by silverbolt)
My partner is about to do her masters year in a new University in a new city, She is going as a mature student and is very social and outgoing. She IS going to make new friends of all genders - not to mention shes bisexual. Today she is going to the Pride festival in this new city. By your idealology I should be considering this inappropriate. Better for her not to have no new friends and spend her whole time alone or with me. That is not boundaries that is you projecting your insecurities onto her. Youre whole post is about that. Boundaries exist of course - my partner knows exactly what she can and cant do, she doesnt need to reiterate them to her. Oh and in regards to my boundries my best friend is female, i spend a lot of time with her and her children - we also slept togother once, my partner knows this. But my partner knows me and knows id never cross that line, even when/if ive had a drink. And as for drink - yes inhibitions get lowered but you are still in control, you still know right from wrong. Those boundaries are still present - the same with my partner.
**

*Exactly what boundaries do you have? I didn't say making new friends is bad i said making new friends of the opossite sex and spending a lot of time with them alone is inapropriate. I presume your best friend is someone you knew before your girlfriend in which case it's perfectly acceptable. I do not understand however that if you are in a relationship why you would pursue another girl and sleep with her/spend time with her kids and spend time with her 1 on 1. I don't reiterate to my gf, everyones boundaries differ so she wouldn't know what mine were unless i told her. It's not an insecurity its a principle and why is that a bad thing? Your significant other should rank 1st amongst your female friends.. If she doesnt then why are you with her? Makes more sense to just be friends with benefits or have some other kind of arrangement as opposed to saying your committed to one girl.*
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silverbolt
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(Original post by Ignorant)
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*Exactly what boundaries do you have? I didn't say making new friends is bad i said making new friends of the opossite sex and spending a lot of time with them alone is inapropriate. I presume your best friend is someone you knew before your girlfriend in which case it's perfectly acceptable. I do not understand however that if you are in a relationship why you would pursue another girl and sleep with her/spend time with her kids and spend time with her 1 on 1. I don't reiterate to my gf, everyones boundaries differ so she wouldn't know what mine were unless i told her. It's not an insecurity its a principle and why is that a bad thing? Your significant other should rank 1st amongst your female friends.. If she doesnt then why are you with her? Makes more sense to just be friends with benefits or have some other kind of arrangement as opposed to saying your committed to one girl.*

First off - i didnt pursue, it was a ONS that happened when we first met, nothing more came of it and we have only ever been platonic since then.

our boundaries are that I/she doesnt cheat. At the end of the day who her friends are is entirely down to her.;I trust her to always come back to me and if someone does try it on (and it will happen shes very attractive) i trust her to put them in thier place the same as i do when it happens to me.

Why is it acceptable just because i knew them prior? People can make new friends all the time and can sleep with someone they've known six weeks or six years - Though in actuality Ive known my partner and she has been one of my best friends for the last four years. My platonic friend about a year ago. So i met her after i knew my partner but before we got together.

My s/o is my best friend but I'm allowed have other friends including ones i am very close to.

Do not presume that just because two people are alone together they are going to sleep with each other. Both myself and my platonic friend have partners (oh and he is fine with her having a male best friend)

As for you not understanding to be blunt thats your issue not mine. Ive heard such talk about what is and isnt inappropriate before and frankly its a major red flag.

Its not a principle its an insecurity. Its a control issue brought about by lack of confidence in your relationship. You can bandy it up all you like - but ultimately it boils down to YOU trying to tell her who how and where she can and cant see.
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Tiger Rag
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(Original post by Ignorant)
**

*Exactly what boundaries do you have? I didn't say making new friends is bad i said making new friends of the opossite sex and spending a lot of time with them alone is inapropriate. I presume your best friend is someone you knew before your girlfriend in which case it's perfectly acceptable. I do not understand however that if you are in a relationship why you would pursue another girl and sleep with her/spend time with her kids and spend time with her 1 on 1. I don't reiterate to my gf, everyones boundaries differ so she wouldn't know what mine were unless i told her. It's not an insecurity its a principle and why is that a bad thing? Your significant other should rank 1st amongst your female friends.. If she doesnt then why are you with her? Makes more sense to just be friends with benefits or have some other kind of arrangement as opposed to saying your committed to one girl.*
You've got issues if you don't like your partner spending time with someone of the opposite sex alone. Most of my friends are male. And that's really it. And yes, their partners are well that we meet up and what we do and no, they don't care, because they've got no reason not trust each other.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by silverbolt)
First off - i didnt pursue, it was a ONS that happened when we first met, nothing more came of it and we have only ever been platonic since then.

our boundaries are that I/she doesnt cheat. At the end of the day who her friends are is entirely down to her.;I trust her to always come back to me and if someone does try it on (and it will happen shes very attractive) i trust her to put them in thier place the same as i do when it happens to me.

Why is it acceptable just because i knew them prior? People can make new friends all the time and can sleep with someone they've known six weeks or six years - Though in actuality Ive known my partner and she has been one of my best friends for the last four years. My platonic friend about a year ago. So i met her after i knew my partner but before we got together.

My s/o is my best friend but I'm allowed have other friends including ones i am very close to.

Do not presume that just because two people are alone together they are going to sleep with each other. Both myself and my platonic friend have partners (oh and he is fine with her having a male best friend)

As for you not understanding to be blunt thats your issue not mine. Ive heard such talk about what is and isnt inappropriate before and frankly its a major red flag.

Its not a principle its an insecurity. Its a control issue brought about by lack of confidence in your relationship. You can bandy it up all you like - but ultimately it boils down to YOU trying to tell her who how and where she can and cant see.
(Original post by Tiger Rag)
You've got issues if you don't like your partner spending time with someone of the opposite sex alone. Most of my friends are male. And that's really it. And yes, their partners are well that we meet up and what we do and no, they don't care, because they've got no reason not trust each other.


Whilst i understand most peoples viewpoints and yours included i wish to explain myself further to avoid being put in to the insecurity category.
To begin with is the issue of insecurity.
I agree that if i were to say all these things to a girl I would sound controlling however, you need to know that these are things that I practice myself. I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't go out clubbing therefore making it principle not an insecurity. If i was to stop my gf from doing said things without practicing them myself I would agree with you it being an insecurity as opposed to principle.



Everyone's boundaries are 'not to cheat' but like yourself that seems to be the only boundary and anyone who has more is considered 'someone with issues.' Speaking as a man I truly believe that men and women cannot be friends now the reason why it is appropriate for your gf to spend time alone with guys they knew before you is because if she wanted to do anything with them she would have done so - they are simply friends. If you are in a relationship with a girl and she makes new male friends and then starts seeing them alone e.g their house why is that ok? Men only make effort to see girls alone if they want to pursue something more than friendship with them. I must clarify seeing people in groups is completely fine, if your gf spends time with guys in a group of guys/girls thats fine but why alone? 1 on 1 encounters = effort. Girls don't understand that 99% of guys who have 'girl best friends' are just friendzoned and would jump on them if they could.

But that's slightly off topic - my reason for against 1 on 1 alone time is about respect. If your s/o is meeting NEW friends of the opposite sex and then putting in the effort to see them alone just screams disrespect to your partner. In most cases that guy that your gf is seeing totally wants to bang her and your gf knows this but likes the attention she gets from this guy shes totally just friendzoned - it's just not appropriate.

As for your particular case, it's no different you are now 'friends' with a girl that you had a ONS with which means you both are sexually attracted to each other. You now spend time with her alone as 'friends,' you'd be incredibly naive to think that she wouldn't **** you if she had the chance and you wouldn't have a problem with it either if you weren't in a relationship. If i was your gf i wouldn't be able to understand why you give your precious time to a girl you've previously had a sexual experience with.

Guys only befriend appealing girls and only go out of their way to spend time with them alone if they want sex. This is what it seems to be and also seems to be backed up by biology etc.

There is more to a relationship then just 'don't cheat.' By that definition if your gf was to see a guy every day alone but come back to you in the evening you would be perfectly satisfied? Trusting is one thing but not questioning or giving a **** about ANYTHING your s/o does as long as they promise not to cheat just means you don't really care as you're really not that invested it seems.

It's a principle, it's about respect, it's about knowing how guys and girls interact not an insecurity although I admit in a lot of cases it is. I don't go out of my way to pursue new girl friends for 'platonic alone time at their house' neither do I drink or club or put myself in a situation where my gf is not happy.

Have a look at these videos - they are short i promise.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYQmqxQgEBY
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Pinkberry_y
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I think the only boundary in a relationship should be: no cheating
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by silverbolt)
First off - i didnt pursue, it was a ONS that happened when we first met, nothing more came of it and we have only ever been platonic since then.

our boundaries are that I/she doesnt cheat. At the end of the day who her friends are is entirely down to her.;I trust her to always come back to me and if someone does try it on (and it will happen shes very attractive) i trust her to put them in thier place the same as i do when it happens to me.

Why is it acceptable just because i knew them prior? People can make new friends all the time and can sleep with someone they've known six weeks or six years - Though in actuality Ive known my partner and she has been one of my best friends for the last four years. My platonic friend about a year ago. So i met her after i knew my partner but before we got together.

My s/o is my best friend but I'm allowed have other friends including ones i am very close to.

Do not presume that just because two people are alone together they are going to sleep with each other. Both myself and my platonic friend have partners (oh and he is fine with her having a male best friend)

As for you not understanding to be blunt thats your issue not mine. Ive heard such talk about what is and isnt inappropriate before and frankly its a major red flag.

Its not a principle its an insecurity. Its a control issue brought about by lack of confidence in your relationship. You can bandy it up all you like - but ultimately it boils down to YOU trying to tell her who how and where she can and cant see.
(Original post by Tiger Rag)
You've got issues if you don't like your partner spending time with someone of the opposite sex alone. Most of my friends are male. And that's really it. And yes, their partners are well that we meet up and what we do and no, they don't care, because they've got no reason not trust each other.


Whilst i understand most peoples viewpoints and yours included i wish to explain myself further to avoid being put in to the insecurity category.
To begin with is the issue of insecurity.
I agree that if i were to say all these things to a girl I would sound controlling however, you need to know that these are things that I practice myself. I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't go out clubbing therefore making it principle not an insecurity. If i was to stop my gf from doing said things without practicing them myself I would agree with you it being an insecurity as opposed to principle.



Everyone's boundaries are 'not to cheat' but like yourself that seems to be the only boundary and anyone who with more is considered 'someone with issues.' Speaking as a man I truly believe that men and women cannot be friends now the reason why it is appropriate for your gf to spend time alone with guys they knew before you is because if she wanted to do anything with them she would have done so - they are simply friends. If you are in a relationship with a girl and she makes new male friends and then starts seeing them alone e.g their house why is that ok? Men only make effort to see girls alone if they want to pursue something more than friendship with them. I must clarify seeing people in groups is completely fine, if your gf spends time with guys in a group of guys/girls thats fine but why alone? 1 on 1 encounters = effort. Girls don't understand that 99% of guys who have 'girl best friends' are just friendzoned and would jump on them if they could.

But that's slightly off topic - my reason for against 1 on 1 alone time is about respect. If your s/o is meeting NEW friends of the opposite sex and then putting in the effort to see them alone just screams disrespect to your partner. In most cases that guy that your gf is seeing totally wants to bang her and your gf knows this but likes the attention she gets from this guy shes totally just friendzoned - it's just not appropriate.

As for your particular case, it's no different you are now 'friends' with a girl that you had a ONS with which means you both are sexually attracted to each other. You now spend time with her alone as 'friends,' you'd be incredibly naive to think that she wouldn't **** you if she had the chance and you wouldn't have a problem with it either if you weren't in a relationship. If i was your gf i wouldn't be able to understand why you give your precious time to a girl you've previously had a sexual experience with.

Guys only befriend appealing girls and only go out of their way to spend time with them alone if they want sex. This is what it seems to be and also seems to be backed up by biology etc.

There is more to a relationship then just 'don't cheat.' By that definition if your gf was to see a guy every day alone but come back to you in the evening you would be perfectly satisfied? Trusting is one thing but not questioning or giving a **** about ANYTHING your s/o does as long as they promise not to cheat just means you don't really care as you're really not that invested it seems.

It's a principle, it's about respect, it's about knowing how guys and girls interact not an insecurity. I don't go out of my way to pursue new girl friends for 'platonic alone time at their house' neither do I drink or club or put myself in a situation where my gf is not happy.

Have a look at these videos - they are short i promise.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYQmqxQgEBY
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Foo.mp3)
Objectively, of course; subjectively, not if they’re untrustworthy characters

Drinking reduces inhibition but it doesn’t make a cheat of you per sae (excepting girls who lose control of their faculties [yes you could argue this is rape, and I abhor victim blaming, but I’m sorry we all have a personal responsibility not to get ourselves into compromising states/positions])

Girls typically go out with friends who will look after them/cockblock blokes attempting to hit on their friends who are taken

It’s not blind unless you have zero experience of your partner in these environments and no real stable sense for the character you’re dealing with. I’m a bit of an all or nothing kinda guy, so if I’m in a relationship then it is serious by default, and things can only get serious if/when I feel confident the girl is a person of good conscience. Not a matter of blind faith, therefore, but respect that has been hard-earnt

This isn’t strictly true. What is true is that bands of evolved primates historically will have centred around most of the females mating with a small group of dominant males, and maintaining monogamous relations for relatively short periods of time (subject to the alpha male’s physiological/psychological dominance), if at all*

Emotional connection is in our nature, as social animals, but sexual commitment is a bit less clear, aye – excepting a role for ‘love’ hormones like oxytocin

The same can be said of not committing periodic thefts/assaults. It’s a question of how ordered and civilised a society we want to live in. Feminism and other ‘progressive’ forces are eating away at these pillars of civilisation, as my thread on fatherlessness, and the psycho-sociological analysis below, further elucidate:



Because I have a fairly sound understanding of behavioural psychology, chose my partners wisely, and have sufficiently high self-worth (read: narcissism) to pre-suppose no-one in their right mind would ever be foolish enough to cheat on me (never been cheated on yet, to my knowledge, nor have I ever cheated myself)

This is a separate, if related, issue. I trust my partners but I certainly do not trust men in general to be dignified gents – hence I will always have the final word on how a partner presents herself/potentially risky situations she considers placing herself in, even if the government has determined to pave the way to literally outlawing such ‘controlling behaviour’ (again with the socially ruinous feminist agenda)

Perhaps you should be talking to her about these issues, as it's not difficult to imagine that you are unhappy with this situation. Perhaps you've been burnt in the past by a ‘party girl’, I wonder

Depends entirely on the nature of the males e.g. if they’re gay, beta, taken and nice guys, then no problem, whereas if there’s the faintest hint of interest, or boldness, about them then it is indeed both disrespectful and inappropriate (nothing to do with trust for your partner, everything to do with the reality of interpersonal relations with the opposite sex)



Bit of a rude, not to mention unsound, assertion. As above, depends on trust + nature of the males involved. Even if nothing happens, naturally it can be upsetting for people to know that their partner is spending time with someone who lusts after them. Important to try to mitigate distress :hippie:

This is a very good post was nice to read and I agree with most of your points. I would like to hear your opinion on my views in my previous post that is just above.
I would argue however, that drinking lowers your inhibition which includes the inhibition stopping you from making out with that cute guy/girl in the club therefore putting yourself in a situation where cheating is possible.

Respect is important to me and to most people I would imagine. Your girl/guy should only be going out of their way to spend time with you and if there is someone else involved that he/she is routinely seeing alone i.e 'platonic alone time at their house' (lol) that should be questioned. Like I said it's different when your girl/guy makes time/effort for friends that have been there before or spending time with new guy/girl friends in GROUPS or friends of the same sex alone. I understand completely that your s/o should be able to make effort and spend time with other people and I agree in all cases EXCEPT 1 and that is a NEW friend of the opposite sex who they now see regularly for 'platonic alone time at the house or just regular alone time (any place)

What are your thoughts/ your boundaries/opinions Foo? Much of your post was deciphering mine and it was a nice read but perhaps you could talk about more of your own opinions in your next one.
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Juichiro
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(Original post by silverbolt)
my best friend is female, i spend a lot of time with her and her children - we also slept togother once, my partner knows this.
So, you cheated on your girlfriend?
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Gnat
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(Original post by Pinkberry_y)
I think the only boundary in a relationship should be: no cheating
I don't get why there should be any boundaries tbh. I see a couple of people calling OP insecure, but they appear to have monogamous relationships. Aren't people in monogamous relationships out of insecurity too lol? They feel insecure about someone close to them having a bit of sex with others besides themselves. Why the need to control what your partner does?
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Rock Fan
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When I hear people say male and females can't be friends, I just leave the room, it is such a stupid thing to hear.
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Retired_Messiah
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My main question about this sort of thing is seeing as places like nightclubs really are only good for getting smashed and pulling idk why somebody in a relationship would really wanna be there in the first place. That said stopping them from going is dumb.

The males and females can't be friends thing is ridiculous. The obvious implication is that bisexuals aren't allowed friends.
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Damn Foo always goes in with his relationship posts lol. Mad props :top:

Tbh in my opinion you should always talk about boundaries near the start of the relationship. I'd say give it like a week and then talk about likes and dislikes generally, like really get to know them and lay out what you expect and what you dislike.

I always say clear the air at the start, so there are no (less) arguments about problems occurring later :rolleyes:

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shadowdweller
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Sorry but new male friends is a worrying thing for you? That seems a bit ridiculous really. If you trust them with their existing friends, as well you should, then what's the problem with them making new ones? Even if the guy is interested in your girlfriend, so what? You're putting your trust in her, not in him. Being a bit jealous is one thing, actively thinking she shouldn't do that is another.

And in terms of clubbing, I understand from your post that you don't prevent your partner from clubbing, which would cross the line massively, but I'm not sure I quite understand your reservations with it. Realistically, yes, people's inhibitions are lowered with alcohol, but that doesn't mean they're more likely to cheat. Alcohol exaggerates attributes that are there, it won't make someone want to cheat out of nowhere.

Also, drink driving isn't really a good comparison, I don't think. I can see why you'd want to make the point, but driving correlates more towards walking/seeing straight when drunk, it doesn't bear any relation to monogomy.

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username1551801
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The Student Room never fails to amaze me.
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~Tara~
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Drinking cannot _make_ you do something you really don't want to do. It makes you more suggestible and it means that you're more likely to do something you may have thought twice about but you still have a level of control. You base level boundaries are there. If you're happy and in love, you don't forget that because you're drunk. But if there's problems in the relationship these might become exaggerated and the need to feel loved and attractive can lead us to make poor choices - like cheating.
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silverbolt
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't go out clubbing therefore making it principle not an insecurity. If i was to stop my gf from doing said things without practicing them myself I would agree with you it being an insecurity as opposed to principle.
that does not equate to - i will decide who my partner sees. I dont drink (i drive everywhere) my partner does whether she is with me or not. We both go out, whether together or not.


(Original post by Anonymous)
But that's slightly off topic - my reason for against 1 on 1 alone time is about respect. If your s/o is meeting NEW friends of the opposite sex and then putting in the effort to see them alone just screams disrespect to your partner. In most cases that guy that your gf is seeing totally wants to bang her and your gf knows this but likes the attention she gets from this guy shes totally just friendzoned - it's just not appropriate.
what HE wants is irrelevant - if hes like that thats up to him. Just becuase HE mgiht want to, does NOT mean she is going to.

(Original post by Anonymous)
As for your particular case, it's no different you are now 'friends' with a girl that you had a ONS with which means you both are sexually attracted to each other. You now spend time with her alone as 'friends,' you'd be incredibly naive to think that she wouldn't **** you if she had the chance and you wouldn't have a problem with it either if you weren't in a relationship. If i was your gf i wouldn't be able to understand why you give your precious time to a girl you've previously had a sexual experience with.
She wouldnt, because she A wouldnt be so disrespectful to me or my partner and B she has a boyfriend herself.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Guys only befriend appealing girls and only go out of their way to spend time with them alone if they want sex. This is what it seems to be and also seems to be backed up by biology etc.
do not cast your assumptions upon everybody else


(Original post by Juichiro)
So, you cheated on your girlfriend?
Good gods no - this was well before we got together

(Original post by Rock Fan)
When I hear people say male and females can't be friends, I just leave the room, it is such a stupid thing to hear.
Agreed, so many of my friends are female and not one thing has ever happened between them or me.
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Gnat
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(Original post by Foo.mp3)

• Sexual health?

• Emotional infidelity?

• Relationship stability?

• Capacity/incentive to invest in a high quality relationship e.g. particularly one with a future?

• Providing a sound and sustainable inter-relational basis for future matrimony/family?

• Avoiding psychosexual harm associated with high risk/promiscuous behaviour?

• Mitigating other psychological/physiological harm associated with a (vulnerable) girl potentially putting herself in harms way?

• Self-worth and self-respect?

• Expectations of others (e.g. family/friends) and their acceptance/rejection of your partner vs. social reputations?
Well, you're entitled to your opinion, but I don't agree. I think a truly great relationship is based on love. To me, love is letting someone be free, and you don't care if no one understands it (family, friends or whatever). Different people just have different definitions of love, I suppose. Love and sex are separate things to me. There are plenty of people I would have sex with, but only a handful of people I would spend a lot of my time and effort on and would do whatever I possibly could to help were they in a crisis. As for sexual health, condoms exist. And with raising a family, of course a couple would discuss what each person would handle time and money wise, like any other family.
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ChickenMadness
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#20
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#20
(Original post by ~Tara~)
Drinking cannot _make_ you do something you really don't want to do. It makes you more suggestible and it means that you're more likely to do something you may have thought twice about but you still have a level of control. You base level boundaries are there. If you're happy and in love, you don't forget that because you're drunk. But if there's problems in the relationship these might become exaggerated and the need to feel loved and attractive can lead us to make poor choices - like cheating.
Unless you're completely ****ed and don't know whats going on or getting close to that unconscious point.
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